FORT90

Saw Iron Man this past weekend. The verdict? Awesome. Simply AWESOME.

I really don’t know what to say, other than it’s pretty much, IMHO, the perfect superhero flick, and absolutely up there with Spider-Man 2, the first Tim Burton Batman, and the very first Superman (each movie is equally excellent, but for different reasons, mostly because each hero from each flick has such differing qualities, obviously). Though for me, Iron Man edges by them all, simply because I’m such a HUGE fan of the character…even more than Spider-Man, who was just a tiny notch below Iron Man as my fave super hero character of all time growing up. So while I do realize that perhaps Spider-Man 2 is technically the superior movie, because the character is so relatable to us all…poor schlub who tries to do what’s right but sometimes falls flat on his face, plus usually never gets the recognition he deserves, and when he does, it’s somewhat bittersweet.. and the film does a great job illustrating all those point, for me, the idea of a wealthy, jet-setting drunk that bangs tons of hot chicks, but also saves the world by donning a super-sweet robotic suit, is just a lot more appealing. Hence why even Dave Mauro, who swears up and down that Spider-Man 2 is the best movie ever made in his mind, also agrees that the Iron Man flick is perhaps “the coolest super hero movie ever made.”

But yeah…the story is pretty neat; the classic origin tale has been appropriately contemporized, and quite nicely to boot, with a few elements borrowed from the comic later down the road, lightly sprinkled about. The pacing is excellent; the whole thing never drags, which is my main beef with almost every other super hero flick I can think off. The action is fucking fantastic; a few have criticized the movie for not being an over-the-top, a cut every two milliseconds, spectacular that most action movies tend to be these days, and it’s not to say that the action in Iron Man is pedestrian either…the action sequences are absolutely perfect, and does an amazing job of capturing the overall grandeur of the character, without overwhelming the senses. Speaking of, the special effects? Phenomenal; for years I’ve dreamt of seeing Iron Man on the big screen, and the real thing easily eclipses anything I could have imagined. The suit just looks so totally BOSS. Though the real highlight would have to be the cast, most obviously Robert Downey Jr. As it’s been noted by pretty much everyone else, it’s like he was born to play the role, and also like everyone else, I can’t wait to see him to take a stab at drunken Iron Man when the time comes. Anyhow, it lived up to expectations, and then some.

Another amazing thing about Iron Man? About two days before it came out, on Wednesday, Katie developed a small, yet very unpleasant, stye right on her eyelid. And no matter what she did, including keeping it properly clean and attended to, it wouldn’t go away. And the instant after we left the theater, bam, not only did it stop bothering her, but it began to go away. So yeah, IRON MAN CURED MY GIRLFRIEND’S STYE.

As for the other big highlight from this past weekend, I finally got the chance to sit down with the biggest game at the moment, Grand Theft Auto IV. And anyone who even casually knows my gaming tastes is well aware of my disdain for the series in general (and Rockstar, when you get down to it). So how does the latest, and supposedly the greatest in the series, which helped to cement video games as something that was no longer just kids’ stuff fare? Eh…

To be completely honest, nothing would make me happier than just to say “it’s complete shit” and be done with it. The bottom line is, GTA IV is actually pretty neat. I’d dare go as far as to say “kinda awesome” regarding certain aspects of it. But that being said, there’s absolutely no way I could ever love the game, thanks to various things which almost completely ruins the entire experience for me…some of which are well documented, and some folks will probably agree with, and other aspects that I seem to be in the minority about.

Because I’m so not a fan of GTA, I was more or less immune to all the excitement that its impending release was generating, to the point that I was somewhat surprised by some of the folks who did ended up getting the game, since they too were not necessarily fond of GTA 3/Vice City/San Andreas either. And while I always intended on giving this latest installment a spin, I was in no real rush. That was until this past Friday night, when after seeing Iron Man, Dave suggested I swing by his place sometime soon to check it out. I had seen a bit of what he had to say via the forum thread, and how he generally really dug it, but I only became seriously interested when Dave noted that evening, “Yeah, you can even kill MTA employees.” All of a sudden, a light bulb went on, and only then did I realize that perhaps they had finally did it… and created the ultimate “don’t you ever wish in New York City, you could…” dream simulator that the series had long promised to be, but had been unable to deliver for whatever reasons.

So first the good: As annoyed as I am that it’s still Liberty City, and not just New York City proper, though I can certainly understand the name change, especially after finally playing IV for a bit, you are nevertheless in the Big Apple, and my God, it is ever awesome. I honestly believe that one has to be a resident of NYC to truly appreciate the world that’s been painted; I can’t tell you how many games have tried to recreate Manhattan in video game form, but have never come close (cough*cough*Crazy Taxi 2*cough). Yet Rockstar TOTALLY nailed it, as well as a very damn good virtual recreations of Brooklyn and the Bronx… I’m afraid I didn’t spend too much time in that game’s idea of Queens. It sucks that everything’s a bit smaller, but it would have been impossible to recreate each borough to scale. Still, what we get is absolutely brilliant… again, one might have to be a resident to appreciate some of the choices that were made when it came to combining or relocating certain places and things (especially Brooklyn… it’s one thing to nail down Times Square, but Fort Hamilton Parkway?). Half the fun, as was the case for folks living in the parts of California that San Andreas represented I have heard, is just driving around and recognizing things. But more so than the landmarks, its simply the feel of things, down to the minute nitty-gritty, that makes one go, “Holy shit, this feels JUST like X Street and Y Avenue!” Use of color is particularly impressive; whereas GTA 3 was all dark and dreary, even during daylight hours, cuz, you know, that’s how the city is, at least Rockstar has the means and the skills to illustrate that you can still have urban decay, but with a wonderful blue sky above you! Additionally, if there’s one thing the game has an abundance of, it’s charm. Hell, myself, Dave, and Joe, spent a solid half hour watching all the fake television that Liberty City has to offer. Some of it tried a bit too hard to be funny, but at least the effort was there (as well as Bas Rutten!), though such attention to detail made some of the major annoyances of the games all the more perplexing and frustrating, but I’ll touch upon that in just a sec.

It?s too bad that, when you get down to it, everything is somewhat rather inaccessible. Cuz… once again, IMHO… the control still sucks, as always. In fact, I might go far as to say that it’s in some ways actually WORSE than before. The problem is, and why no one else is having as many issues, is that IV somewhat controls like a PC game; I keep hearing that certain aspects are very Gears of War-like, and while GoW is actually a console game, its roots are in the PC, and I can’t play PC games, period. And while dealing with a keyboard and mouse gives me a headache, using a control pad to emulate them is a whole different world of hurt. I actually preferred there being just one button for melee attacks like before instead of four, since we’re not talking about Virtua Fighter here. As for weapons, I’m screwed since I don’t play FPSs, because I can’t aim for shit. Well, there is the auto-aim, but that’s only good for shooting cops and not innocent bystanders, which to be honest, are the most fun to kill. But yeah, it’s all better than before, but I guess to me, having precision is not the point, just performing the act as quickly and easily as possible should be paramount, as to move on to the next thing, since there’s so much to do, if that makes any sense. And I know it’s been a while since I played GTA 3, but I don’t recall the camera being as retarded, especially when trying to go reverse in a vehicle. Speaking of…

But handling vehicles is where the game completely drops the ball; just as in the past, everything is far too light and slippery. And here I thought that the wonky physics from before was the result of the game trying to do too many things at the same time on hardware not up to the task, and would naturally be corrected when the series went next-gen. I mean, if they’re gonna emphasize realism, such as the aforementioned hand-to-hand combat, why not behind the wheel, which has always been a vital component of the game? I mean, holy shit, you’re telling me that they had all this time to create all these wacky and wonderful fake television programming, but no one thought once to throw in a speedometer? Give me a break. Yet Joe Salina tells me that when Mike gave GTA IV a shot at his place the other day, he had zero problems dealing with any vehicle. Again, PC gamer.

Though I did the best I could, and it’s not to say that the physics are total rubbish. It was still a LOT of fun just driving around and running people over, mostly to see where the blood would splat, or to see bodies flying in the air. My fave moment of yesterday would have to be jumping out of a moving car, only to get hit head on by an oncoming ambulance, or running over some hipster twerp on a Vespa, and not only seeing his limp carcass, but also his glasses in the air, and actually hit the game’s camera! Much of the game was just me struggling with the controls and being completely out of control, which is something both Dave and Joe got a huge kick out of. That and witnessing the glee I had while on foot and filling innocent people with bullets. Unfortunately, I could not find any MTA employee, even when venturing down into the subway stations, but it was still a lot of fun running around shooting pretty college girls in the face. You know what they say about the blood of the innocent, and how it still must flow.

I’m pretty sure the single player game is just like before: something that’s meant to be mature and sophisticated, but is basically the plot for some C-grade generic cops and robbers tale that one catches at 1 in the morning on Showtime, which eventually becomes a distraction to the real fun, that being wanton random violence. But then there’s the all-new online component: When I arrived at Dave’s place, and watched him part of a two-man team against other duos in a death-match setting, I was instantly floored. Especially the part where Dave was trying to shoot down two dudes in helicopters that were gunning him down, but to no avail with only a puny handgun, forcing him to jack a vehicle… which immediately got rammed into by one of the aforementioned choppers that was apparently taken down by someone else. Though later on, when I went online to race, upon the insistence of Dave and Joe, who both knew I could barely stay on the road, but also wanted to see me bounce around like an idiot, yet alongside real players… and never mind that’s exactly what happened due to the once again shitty vehicles handling…. I found myself having to exit the room when the next person in charge decided to all of a sudden change the entire mode, and then re-enter online mode. WTF. I don’t expect every game to have an online infrastructure set-up similar to Halo 3, but its pretty baffling as to why in the hell Rockstar could ever decide upon such nonsense (which is something I’m not in the minority in when it comes to bitching).

So yeah, as much as I want to hate GTA IV, despite its numerous stupid problems, I can’t. And it?s easily the best in the series. Though I have to wonder if I’ll care about GTA in Vegas, which I’m assuming is the next one, since it won’t be in NYC, and that’s half of the fun of IV for me. And I wish I could say it was totally awesome instead of just kinda.

5 comments

So no podcast this week, as somewhat originally planned; Mike’s still microphone shopping. But at least I was able to resume my boxing lessons with him this past Tuesday night, this time on the roof of my apartment, which makes for a great place to spar, in additional to people watching and getting drunk (and those who like to smoke, like Katie, like to do it up there as well). I’d love to maybe get a small grill for a possible rooftop party later down the road.

But anyhow, as expected, both my arms had the strength as well as the consistency of overcooked spaghetti all day yesterday. On top of them becoming all puffy, thanks to a visit to the allergist. Last week, my allergies came back with a vengeance after being completely absent all last year (which I thought was maybe due to the my trip to Japan, which also managed to clear my skin and basically flush all the toxins out of my body, but as I’ve recently learned, last year was simply an extremely mild year for allergies). Which is also why I hadn’t seen my doctor in about two years, so I wondered if he would remember me… especially since I would imagine any NYC-based doctor must see like two hundred people a day, everyday. Well I got my answer the very second I walked in his office…

“Hey, I remember you! You’re that guy that’s allergic to EVERYTHING!”

As I might have mentioned at the time, when I first saw the guy and went through his battery of tests, I came up positive for basically every single thing under the sun (with the only exception being egg whites I believe), enough to make me the worst case he had ever seen in his ten plus years of practicing. Anyhow, I made a return trip to get some more meds, but mostly because yesterday was the day my health insurance ran out (along with the pink slip, my now former employer was kind enough to give me an extra month of coverage… which means today marks an entire month since I got shit-canned… yay). Plus, I had to ask a question on the behalf of Katie; when I asked if I needed to undergo retesting, the doc was pretty confident that I was more than likely just as bad as before. But when I asked if I was also allergic to cats, for some reason, that area was left blank from my previous test, so mini test was then commenced. And, I am indeed allergic to cats (Katie wanted to know because she really wants a kitten…). Not by a crazy degree, but just enough to make living with one very uncomfortable. Also found out that I’m apparently very allergic to almonds, but like some of the other things that got huge red flags, I never knew or noticed. Anyhow, new meds were prescribed, including some super power eye drops, after he checked my tear ducks out and immediately went “Oh my God.” Plus once again, it was recommended that I pick up an EpiPen, which is this huge needle that you inject yourself with if something lethal enters the system. In my case it’s shellfish, and like last time, the doctor and his nurses could no fathom how I could walk around freely without on in my bag, just in case. But those things are fucking expensive as hell (and totally Robocop-ish).

Almost immediately afterwards was yet another doctor’s visit! As stated, yesterday was my last day to take care of long-standing medical issues, such as… and perhaps this is too personal, but fuck it: some time ago, I had a little accident while having sex. Without getting into too many details, I was in the middle of the act of making love when my partner at the time slipped and bent my penis. Which hurt like hell, naturally. Yet I decided to work through the pain and get right back on that saddle. And then, BAM, it happened a second time. Once more, I tried to forget about it and go back to work… but this time, it just wasn’t happening. I then pulled out and looked down to notice blood in my condom. I wasn’t bleeding heavily, but anytime blood comes out of your wiener, it fucking sucks. And then I kinda went into shock for a bit… though afterwards I was mostly really sore, though spending the entire rest of the day with an ice pack in my crotch did alleviate the pain. Friends of mine all advised that I go and see a professional ASAP, but I was jobless and without insurance at the time, and therefore couldn’t really do anything. So I just took it easy, didn’t have sex for a while, and hoped that whatever was wrong inside wang would just work itself out. Which it basically did… or so I thought. Despite those same friends stating that if there is a problem and it goes unchecked, I could have serious sexual problems later down the road, such as impotency, the thought of which did scare the shit out of me, I still never bothered to see a doctor once I did get a full-time job that offered medical benefits simply because the pain was out of mind, out of sight.

Then all of a sudden, much like my allergies, my junk began to feel a little funny. For you dudes out there, imagine if you had a something really small, like a sesame seed, lodged inside your member. It’s not big enough to cause any serious blockage… but it is noticeable, and obviously not supposed to be there. Truth be told, it actually feels kinda good, since it makes that special part of a man’s body extra sensitive, and therefore any pleasurable sensation is somewhat heightened. But fears that this might be a precursor to something serious definitely ran past my mind, hence the visit. And the doctor said… everything was fine. Or at least appeared to be; nothing seemed weird from his examination. It might be just something that I’ll have to live with, unless I’m in any sort of pain, in which case I would have to see a urologist, but the doctor noted that deeper poking and prodding might actually make things worse, so that’s a last resort. So the only noteworthy thing here is, naturally, the doctor had some trainee with him to sit and observe as he went about his business. Before asking to examine my private parts, he did say that if I wanted, I could ask the young girl to leave, but I was “Nah… She’s gotta learn, right?” Which is true, but now that I think about it, I’m afraid my lack of embarrassment/almost over eagerness to expose myself to a complete strange might be interpreted as somewhat creepy.

As for today, my one month anniversary of being without a full time job, I’m just going to do the same thing I’ve been doing for the past couple of weeks: continue working on some freelance, look for more freelance, plus keep looking for another full time gig (though since I’m now without health insurance, I’m guess I?ll have to be a bit more serious about the latter). Plus get some more UNLUCKYs printed up (for those waiting for your copies, thanks for being patient!), as well as play some more Persona 3: FES, which I’ve really gotten into, especially as of yesterday, after some really neat stuff went down. So yes… instead of exploring the streets of Liberty City, and stealing cars and shooting cops like everyone else is, with the biggest game of this generation (thus far), I’m simply content with going to high school and fighting demons, with perhaps the best JPRG I’ve played on yesterday’s hardware (though not of all time… that still goes to Panzer Dragoon Saga, hand’s down). That’s not to say that I’ve completely blown off GTA IV, despite my less than stellar initial impressions (as detailed here), but all I’m gonna say is that I’ll get to it eventually.

I’ve got more important things on my mind, such as how… TOMORROW IS THE DAY IRON MAN FINALLY OPENS!!! You cannot believe how super psyched I am for this. I’m actually more excited now than I was the first Spider-Man flick, which was a lot. Mainly because I never really thought an Iron Man movie would get made, let alone be legitimately good. And last night I got an email from Steve Flack that simply read: “Iron Man… FUCKING RULED“ which has gotten me even more pumped!

And it would seem that I’m not the only one who’s going all ga-ga for Ol’ Shell Head. Recently, Project Rooftop had a contest asking its uber talented friends to redesign Iron Man, and the results, as usual, are quite nice…

Meanwhile, Joel, whose super-hero revamps I dig the most, has been reviving the Marvel Masterpieces concept all by himself over at his LiveJournal, and recently did a whole slow of concept cards feature all the different armors of Tony Stark…

Speaking of movies, one that’s been getting a LOT of play among my circle of friends is The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift. Almost everyone I know, slowly by surely, one by one, has been checking out this most brilliant piece of clueless cinema. Just this past weekend was Mike, along with a gigantic bottle of booze, and before that was Hilary, who dug it so much that she decided to create this totally awesome comic adaptation…

No comments yet