05/05/2008

IRON MAN CURED MY GIRLFRIEND’S STYE!!! or GTA IV HAS TEH BLUE SKIES, ZOMG!!!

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

Saw Iron Man this past weekend. The verdict? Awesome. Simply AWESOME.

I really don’t know what to say, other than it’s pretty much, IMHO, the perfect superhero flick, and absolutely up there with Spider-Man 2, the first Tim Burton Batman, and the very first Superman (each movie is equally excellent, but for different reasons, mostly because each hero from each flick has such differing qualities, obviously). Though for me, Iron Man edges by them all, simply because I’m such a HUGE fan of the character…even more than Spider-Man, who was just a tiny notch below Iron Man as my fave super hero character of all time growing up. So while I do realize that perhaps Spider-Man 2 is technically the superior movie, because the character is so relatable to us all…poor schlub who tries to do what’s right but sometimes falls flat on his face, plus usually never gets the recognition he deserves, and when he does, it’s somewhat bittersweet.. and the film does a great job illustrating all those point, for me, the idea of a wealthy, jet-setting drunk that bangs tons of hot chicks, but also saves the world by donning a super-sweet robotic suit, is just a lot more appealing. Hence why even Dave Mauro, who swears up and down that Spider-Man 2 is the best movie ever made in his mind, also agrees that the Iron Man flick is perhaps “the coolest super hero movie ever made.”

But yeah…the story is pretty neat; the classic origin tale has been appropriately contemporized, and quite nicely to boot, with a few elements borrowed from the comic later down the road, lightly sprinkled about. The pacing is excellent; the whole thing never drags, which is my main beef with almost every other super hero flick I can think off. The action is fucking fantastic; a few have criticized the movie for not being an over-the-top, a cut every two milliseconds, spectacular that most action movies tend to be these days, and it’s not to say that the action in Iron Man is pedestrian either…the action sequences are absolutely perfect, and does an amazing job of capturing the overall grandeur of the character, without overwhelming the senses. Speaking of, the special effects? Phenomenal; for years I’ve dreamt of seeing Iron Man on the big screen, and the real thing easily eclipses anything I could have imagined. The suit just looks so totally BOSS. Though the real highlight would have to be the cast, most obviously Robert Downey Jr. As it’s been noted by pretty much everyone else, it’s like he was born to play the role, and also like everyone else, I can’t wait to see him to take a stab at drunken Iron Man when the time comes. Anyhow, it lived up to expectations, and then some.

Another amazing thing about Iron Man? About two days before it came out, on Wednesday, Katie developed a small, yet very unpleasant, stye right on her eyelid. And no matter what she did, including keeping it properly clean and attended to, it wouldn’t go away. And the instant after we left the theater, bam, not only did it stop bothering her, but it began to go away. So yeah, IRON MAN CURED MY GIRLFRIEND’S STYE.

As for the other big highlight from this past weekend, I finally got the chance to sit down with the biggest game at the moment, Grand Theft Auto IV. And anyone who even casually knows my gaming tastes is well aware of my disdain for the series in general (and Rockstar, when you get down to it). So how does the latest, and supposedly the greatest in the series, which helped to cement video games as something that was no longer just kids’ stuff fare? Eh…

To be completely honest, nothing would make me happier than just to say “it’s complete shit” and be done with it. The bottom line is, GTA IV is actually pretty neat. I’d dare go as far as to say “kinda awesome” regarding certain aspects of it. But that being said, there’s absolutely no way I could ever love the game, thanks to various things which almost completely ruins the entire experience for me…some of which are well documented, and some folks will probably agree with, and other aspects that I seem to be in the minority about.

Because I’m so not a fan of GTA, I was more or less immune to all the excitement that its impending release was generating, to the point that I was somewhat surprised by some of the folks who did ended up getting the game, since they too were not necessarily fond of GTA 3/Vice City/San Andreas either. And while I always intended on giving this latest installment a spin, I was in no real rush. That was until this past Friday night, when after seeing Iron Man, Dave suggested I swing by his place sometime soon to check it out. I had seen a bit of what he had to say via the forum thread, and how he generally really dug it, but I only became seriously interested when Dave noted that evening, “Yeah, you can even kill MTA employees.” All of a sudden, a light bulb went on, and only then did I realize that perhaps they had finally did it… and created the ultimate “don’t you ever wish in New York City, you could…” dream simulator that the series had long promised to be, but had been unable to deliver for whatever reasons.

So first the good: As annoyed as I am that it’s still Liberty City, and not just New York City proper, though I can certainly understand the name change, especially after finally playing IV for a bit, you are nevertheless in the Big Apple, and my God, it is ever awesome. I honestly believe that one has to be a resident of NYC to truly appreciate the world that’s been painted; I can’t tell you how many games have tried to recreate Manhattan in video game form, but have never come close (cough*cough*Crazy Taxi 2*cough). Yet Rockstar TOTALLY nailed it, as well as a very damn good virtual recreations of Brooklyn and the Bronx… I’m afraid I didn’t spend too much time in that game’s idea of Queens. It sucks that everything’s a bit smaller, but it would have been impossible to recreate each borough to scale. Still, what we get is absolutely brilliant… again, one might have to be a resident to appreciate some of the choices that were made when it came to combining or relocating certain places and things (especially Brooklyn… it’s one thing to nail down Times Square, but Fort Hamilton Parkway?). Half the fun, as was the case for folks living in the parts of California that San Andreas represented I have heard, is just driving around and recognizing things. But more so than the landmarks, its simply the feel of things, down to the minute nitty-gritty, that makes one go, “Holy shit, this feels JUST like X Street and Y Avenue!” Use of color is particularly impressive; whereas GTA 3 was all dark and dreary, even during daylight hours, cuz, you know, that’s how the city is, at least Rockstar has the means and the skills to illustrate that you can still have urban decay, but with a wonderful blue sky above you! Additionally, if there’s one thing the game has an abundance of, it’s charm. Hell, myself, Dave, and Joe, spent a solid half hour watching all the fake television that Liberty City has to offer. Some of it tried a bit too hard to be funny, but at least the effort was there (as well as Bas Rutten!), though such attention to detail made some of the major annoyances of the games all the more perplexing and frustrating, but I’ll touch upon that in just a sec.

It?s too bad that, when you get down to it, everything is somewhat rather inaccessible. Cuz… once again, IMHO… the control still sucks, as always. In fact, I might go far as to say that it’s in some ways actually WORSE than before. The problem is, and why no one else is having as many issues, is that IV somewhat controls like a PC game; I keep hearing that certain aspects are very Gears of War-like, and while GoW is actually a console game, its roots are in the PC, and I can’t play PC games, period. And while dealing with a keyboard and mouse gives me a headache, using a control pad to emulate them is a whole different world of hurt. I actually preferred there being just one button for melee attacks like before instead of four, since we’re not talking about Virtua Fighter here. As for weapons, I’m screwed since I don’t play FPSs, because I can’t aim for shit. Well, there is the auto-aim, but that’s only good for shooting cops and not innocent bystanders, which to be honest, are the most fun to kill. But yeah, it’s all better than before, but I guess to me, having precision is not the point, just performing the act as quickly and easily as possible should be paramount, as to move on to the next thing, since there’s so much to do, if that makes any sense. And I know it’s been a while since I played GTA 3, but I don’t recall the camera being as retarded, especially when trying to go reverse in a vehicle. Speaking of…

But handling vehicles is where the game completely drops the ball; just as in the past, everything is far too light and slippery. And here I thought that the wonky physics from before was the result of the game trying to do too many things at the same time on hardware not up to the task, and would naturally be corrected when the series went next-gen. I mean, if they’re gonna emphasize realism, such as the aforementioned hand-to-hand combat, why not behind the wheel, which has always been a vital component of the game? I mean, holy shit, you’re telling me that they had all this time to create all these wacky and wonderful fake television programming, but no one thought once to throw in a speedometer? Give me a break. Yet Joe Salina tells me that when Mike gave GTA IV a shot at his place the other day, he had zero problems dealing with any vehicle. Again, PC gamer.

Though I did the best I could, and it’s not to say that the physics are total rubbish. It was still a LOT of fun just driving around and running people over, mostly to see where the blood would splat, or to see bodies flying in the air. My fave moment of yesterday would have to be jumping out of a moving car, only to get hit head on by an oncoming ambulance, or running over some hipster twerp on a Vespa, and not only seeing his limp carcass, but also his glasses in the air, and actually hit the game’s camera! Much of the game was just me struggling with the controls and being completely out of control, which is something both Dave and Joe got a huge kick out of. That and witnessing the glee I had while on foot and filling innocent people with bullets. Unfortunately, I could not find any MTA employee, even when venturing down into the subway stations, but it was still a lot of fun running around shooting pretty college girls in the face. You know what they say about the blood of the innocent, and how it still must flow.

I’m pretty sure the single player game is just like before: something that’s meant to be mature and sophisticated, but is basically the plot for some C-grade generic cops and robbers tale that one catches at 1 in the morning on Showtime, which eventually becomes a distraction to the real fun, that being wanton random violence. But then there’s the all-new online component: When I arrived at Dave’s place, and watched him part of a two-man team against other duos in a death-match setting, I was instantly floored. Especially the part where Dave was trying to shoot down two dudes in helicopters that were gunning him down, but to no avail with only a puny handgun, forcing him to jack a vehicle… which immediately got rammed into by one of the aforementioned choppers that was apparently taken down by someone else. Though later on, when I went online to race, upon the insistence of Dave and Joe, who both knew I could barely stay on the road, but also wanted to see me bounce around like an idiot, yet alongside real players… and never mind that’s exactly what happened due to the once again shitty vehicles handling…. I found myself having to exit the room when the next person in charge decided to all of a sudden change the entire mode, and then re-enter online mode. WTF. I don’t expect every game to have an online infrastructure set-up similar to Halo 3, but its pretty baffling as to why in the hell Rockstar could ever decide upon such nonsense (which is something I’m not in the minority in when it comes to bitching).

So yeah, as much as I want to hate GTA IV, despite its numerous stupid problems, I can’t. And it?s easily the best in the series. Though I have to wonder if I’ll care about GTA in Vegas, which I’m assuming is the next one, since it won’t be in NYC, and that’s half of the fun of IV for me. And I wish I could say it was totally awesome instead of just kinda.

  • Sonictail

    Well I never thought of GTAIV like that… You’ve highlighted the same problem I have with the game, it’s too damn squirrly on the controls. That makes it hell hard to play and christ, i’m a pc and console gamer. But what i’m the most amused by is that it’s new york homage, created by a pile of scots!

    Any particular areas you’ve picked up on being incredibly similar to RL?

  • http://www.vitaminsteve.com Steve!

    Meh, I could take or leave the who “GTA” thing, with it’s ridiculous open gameplay. I got Mario Kart Wii instead, it’s awesome.

    -Steve!

  • https://www.fort90.com Matt

    So you actually have Mario Kart Wii? Wow… you’re like the only person I know who does. And it’s actually good? For most folks, the re-appearance of blue shells has meant no buys.

  • tiesto

    Wow, you echo my thoughts on GTA IV perfectly… never been a fan of the series, and had no intention of giving it a try, but my brother rented it last week and I figured “what the hell?”… Totally agree with you on its depiction of NYC, it was even funny trying to see what areas in Liberty City correspond to what areas of NYC (Cerveza… Corona, etc), and seeing all those landmarks as when I go to NYC I frequently do it by car. And the Electrochoc station is pretty good…

    But yeah, the controls are my biggest complaint, along with the graphics being far too blurry in the distance. I can’t get over either them enough to enjoy the game, unfortunately.

  • http://www.dmauro.com dmauro

    STYES STUCK! IRON MAN RULES!
    I saw it again last night. Great movie. It doesn’t hold up to a second viewing as well as Spider-Man 2 of course, but it was still a lot of fun. There wasn’t a large audience cheering and laughing as we had opening night, and I realized how much that added to the enjoyment of the film.

    Matt, I realized that maybe you would prefer the camera control y axis to be inverted which I believe you can change in the options. When you were struggling with the camera facing backwards when you back up (makes some sense but I can see why you wouldn’t want it to) it looked like maybe you wanted the the camera controls inverted. And yeah, the controls are a problem for people that don’t play a lot of games, but for the rest of us, it’s just not an issue. Whenever I fail missions or otherwise get killed it’s because I didn’t properly plan out an attack or forgot to eat a hot dog between missions.

    Oh and the MTA employees are not actually MTA employees I discovered. They are construction/electrical workers that have the orange jacket things on that the MTA employees down in the tunnels wear (so they aren’t the obnoxious booth employees anyways).

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