Those Magnificent Japanese Gangsters And Their Gravity-Defying Hair

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

Well the Game Developers Conference is finally upon us, and I’m certain that a steady stream of awesome and intriguing headlines are just waiting in the wings. Along with perhaps a few cringe-worthy ones as well…. I’m talking about Bob’s Game here specifically.

I’m still not sure if I’ll post and comment on stuff as they pop up, or simply wait till the end of each day, or perhaps this week. But due to my usually tight schedule, more than likely the latter (though with most of my editors in the thick of things, I’m sorta taking it easy this entire week, which will be most wasted on surfing various news sites and message boards, looking for said headlines). But since things have just gotten underway, here’s just t a few notes from the weekend, plus some odds & ends…

- Nintendo was kind enough to invite me to their big North American launch festivities for Pok?mon Platinum this past Saturday, so that morning was spent at their flagship store in Rockefeller Center, among the many Pok?-diehards that hard braved the cold, some of whom had been waiting in line as long as 8pm the night prior!

Speaking of, almost didn’t even make it in the first place thanks the night before. Went out dancing with Katie and Mooney at some bar that once a month spins 60s records, mostly stuff from France (which meant is was damn awesome). And then it was a super late night dinner at some diner on Houston that I believe is where Meow Mix used to stand (which was this lesbo bar that used to be a staple of the area a few years back, the one I got kicked out and banned due to a karaoke mishap… I’m certain I’ve shared the story here before). We all came to the conclusion that the WUW would be heading in a far better direction, at least creatively speaking, if it was under the guidance of myself and Mooney. Man, the storylines we could come up with! And no more generic dudes, everyone would HAVE to have a wacky gimmick or character, period. I forgot to mention in my previous report that one of the dudes at the battle royale had this gigantic and stupid looking Batman logo tattoo clear across his chest. He went by his normal name, Bob whatever. Guess what? In the new WUW, he’s f’n Batman, period.

- Back to Saturday, those of you who are absolute hardcore into Pok?mon might already be aware of the controversy that went down at the Nintendo World Store, which was reported by PKM Database, and later on by GoNintendo. Basically, a person dressed up as a member of Team Rocket was supposedly caught and ejected from the event for distributing a “mystery gift” to people in their games, via WiFi, using a hacked Pok?mon cart. I actually ran into the guy myself in question and took a picture…

… I even tried to ask him a few questions about his get-up (hey, I always like to chit-chat with cosplayers), but was not talkative at all. In fact, I kinda got a creepy vibe. He asked me who I was, so I explained that I was a freelance journalist, then gave me a weird smile, followed by “I am too”. And then he just walked away. Not pictured is the tattered looking Duane Reade bag he was holding, with the a big 2 liter bottle of Diet Coke he must had been using as fuel while waiting in line all night. And perhaps a DS with the hacked Pok?mon game in question as well?

Though if you check the comments section of the PKM report, you’ll learn that it was actually some other person that was caught and kicked out, who was also dressed as a Team Rocket personality! As the for the guy above, he’s just some super fan that always shows up to such things; it’s been a while since I checked out a Nintendo launch thing, hence the main motivation for checking particular one out. Going further down, one can find further information behind the hack, and why it was not such a nice thing, though there’s also this video. UPDATE: Well that was fast; it’s been removed. Heh. For details, simply head down to the comments section.

Otherwise, the event went along nice and smooth. Plenty of kids there, some in costumes as well, engaging in all sorts of fun activities, like dance off’s and trivia contests. Even though it wasn’t implicitly stated, you could tell that most of it was for the tykes. Which was why it was both sad and hilarious when you had 17 year olds desperately trying to get in on the action. Also, I tried taking pics of said children, but it was tough, considering how I wasn?t given anything to indicate that I was a member of the press, so I just afraid of looking like some perv (and the aforementioned wacky cosplayer unintentionally made things worse).

I ended up chatting it up with some fellow who writes for Gay Gamer, who ended up asking the same question that pretty much everyone, especially our age, asks: how in the hell has Pok?mon lasted this long in popularity? To be honest, I really can’t say. But as evidenced by that morning, plus hearing of the latest release’s insane success in Japan, that cash cow is still going strong for the big N. Anyhow, Nintendo ended up giving me a copy of the game, which I only just started playing, and thus far, it’s fun! The last one that I really spent any real time with was Pok?mon Yellow; been meaning to dive back in, but I was always waiting for the ultimate version, and while I’m certain that the successor is well under the way, I’m confident that now is a decent enough time to see what I’ve missed.

- Been super busy with the DS as of late. In addition to Pok?mon Platinum, EA also passed along Henry Hatsworth In The Puzzling Adventure!

I forget if I’ve mentioned it before, but its both an action platformer and Tetris Attack-style puzzler. How it works is like this: you defeat bad guys on the top screen, they fall down to the bottom, where they turn into blocks, that must also be eliminated, otherwise they come back to bite you in the ass, literally. Thus far, the game is flat-out superb, and it’s more than a little obvious that the whole thing’s a real labor of love; Henry Hatsworth was basically a side project by the people at Tiburon, the folks behind all those Madden games. I’m guessing this was what they worked on to blow some steam and not worry about football for a little while. I only have one gripe, though it’s a pretty big one: there’s hardly ANY music in the entire game, at least thus far. Not sure if the game was behind the schedule and something had to be scarified or something. Anyhow, it really detracts from the experience I’m afraid.

There?s also Avalon Code from XSEED, which also just arrived, along with Rune Factory Frontier, but I’ve only managed to crack open the DS title thus far. Can’t say much other than it’s simply gorgeous. Can?t forget about Suikoden Tierkreis, which I don’t even know when I’m even going to be even power up, due to all the other RPGs I already have on my plate. Yet I might just have to forget about Star Ocean 4, which I’ve yet to return after being frustrated by the tutorial. Anyhow, I’ll try to do my best to whip reviews for at least a few of the things I’ve just mentioned.

- Sunday, yesterday, was when myself and Katie, along with Hilary, were all going to head on out to Mitsuwa, our fave Japanese super market in Jersey. That was, until the cat shit the couch…

Yesterday I woke up to discover a gross looking stain on one end of the couch, and while pointing it out, Katie alerted me to the far nastier sight on the other end. The theory is that our dumb cat Josie accidentally ingested some candy that was left out, over night; after doing real well on her final, Katie decided to treat herself to some celebratory candy at the fancy sweet shop nearby the French Institute, some of which was not packed away afterwards. We’re guessing that Josie had a bad reaction and crap immediately flew out of her anus. Or something like that. So instead, Katie and I had to head out to Jersey for an emergence trip to Ikea instead, to replace the couch cover. Just as well, Hilary was too busy anyway, plus I’ve had a hankering for those Swedish meatballs for some time now. So yeah, that’s basically the highlight from yesterday, so moving on….

Oh wait, almost forgot: yesterday was also when Katie won a particularly noteworthy eBay auction: for a legit copy (one that was given out to Emmy voters) of the movie Riding The Bus With My Sister! Yes, that made for TV movie where Rosie O’Donnell plays a retard. Now we have just enough to throw a party, which will more than like called “A Very Special Evening” in which nothing but movies and documentaries featuring mentally challenged people. At the moment, we’re trying to find other stuff to fill the night with… I also forgot to mention how on Saturday night, while I was messing around with the DS, Katie watched some movie on Netflix starring Juliette Lewis, also as a retard. Both it and Riding The Bus are astounding, simply because of how they get basic facts about such people wrong. Anyone that’s actually familiar with actual mentally challenged individuals will know that, among other things. A) they are not complete imbeciles, they actually know a lot, B) they don’t run head first into everything, and how most know how to actually walk, and C) most do not always wear nothing but primary colored outfits. Yet it is true that fashion sensibilities between a retarded person and your average hipster is fine line indeed. The only real difference I suppose is how that Alf shirt a handicapped person is wearing is perhaps one that has been worn for ages and is a true sign of being a fan, whereas the one the hipster is wearing was just recently acquired at some trendy second-hand boutique on St Mark’s and is supposed to be ironic or some other b.s.

- Time to wrap things up, but here’s something that I’ve neglected and kept forgetting to do for some time now, and that’s dip into the two very popular spots in the fort90forum! First up, some of the very best the awesome random pictures thread has had to offer…

- Next stop, the awesome random videos thread! Including…

F*CK YOU starring Al Padecheznous and Robert de Negro.

Life is life.

Even more proof why I heart pro-wrestling.

Those magnificent Japanese gangsters and their gravity-defying hair.

Meanwhile, people in Osaka apparently love to pretend to be shot.

… You know, the “Handy Goddess” actually provides some useful information, though I have to wonder about how she’s delivering it.

Oh to dream the impossible dream.

Pretty much the craziest dance party ever, if that’s what you want to call it. I just love how athletic everyone is!

… Every God fearing teacher’s worst nightmare: Susie Smartypants.

Easily the best pro/anti drug advertisement ever.

… Despite not being able to stomach nerd rock or rap, this is pretty awesome.

How to smoke smarties. So is this a new popular thing with little kids?

Here we have Charlie Schmidt’s “cool cat.” Which I discovered from the tail end of this video.

… And finally, The URL pretty much says it all!

  • http://chudbabies.livejournal.com/ CHUD

    Pokemon video’s already been taken down. The suspense is killing me!

  • https://www.fort90.com/journal/?fbconnect_action=myhome&userid=1 Matt

    To be honest, I really couldn’t tell. I believe the Pokeman in question had his moveset and bio reworded to be racist against blacks, but the dude holding the DS screen up to the camera did a really bad job, plus the dude doing the explaining also didn’t bother to properly explain anything.

    I really wish I had arrived nice and early as originally planned, because I totally missed all the excitement. Oh well.

  • http://poop-mouth.deviantart.whatever p-mouth

    HA HA! Oh man, that’s Kojirojames. He’s a darling of the cosplay community to be sure.
    A friend and I took pictures with him in the line and he asked us for kisses. What a guy.

  • Jason

    “Water on Mars” is brilliant.

  • Pingback: Creepy Dude Put His Hand On My Shoulder And Whispered Into My Ear: “Welcome to the dark-side”: The NY Anime Fest 2009 Part 2 | FORT90.com

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