05/18/2006

The Very Dirty World Of Video Game Journalism (part 3): Gamer “Grrrlllsss”, Possible Retards, Bloggers, Internet Superstardom, Viral Marketing, Trash Talking, and Crappy Art School Photography

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

So who likes conspiracies and mud flinging?

Okay, as I’ve mentioned before, I haven’t been able to pay too close attention to all the E3 related news and shenanigans over the past week or so due to a variety of factors, and in less than a five minutes of trying to catch-up, I’ve come across a big brew ha-ha which at the very least exemplifies why video game journalism, which I am proudly associated with, is so fucked up these days. But those who might not care should read on since it involves possible retards and maybe a underhanded scheme by a cute gamer chick to grab game and fortune at said retards expense.

Let’s start from the very beginning and talk about GameLife. Well what is it? GameLife is a video game review show on the internet that debut a few months ago and made an immediate and massive splash. Not because it was necessarily good or anything, but because it was a verifiable horror show.

The first episode was created and hosted by two kids, Andrew and Alex, who for all intents and purposes, appeared to be the biggest gamer dorks on the planet. So much so that Andrew seemed vaguely mentally disabled (and Alex just comes off as a awkward teen). It’s basically 45 mintues of them reviewing assorted games (mostly Nintendo titles) in a magazine format, but in an extremely forced and awkward manner, to great comedic effect. It was so bad it was good, plus there was a certain charm that was, regardless of one’s opinion of the show (or trainwreck, again depending on one’s opinion), difficult to deny. So right off the bat, the two kids became the butt of jokes on video game message boards. But again, they really seemed retarded, so many took offense that folks who taking cheap-shots at a pair of kids who were simply enjoying themselves and video games.

I myself first caught wind of GameLife when it was first making its initial rounds on the internet. Like many, I simply couldn’t sit through the whole thing, because like I said, it which weighs in at almost an hour. Plus the two kids just seem so… sad, that I just didn’t want to be perceived as poking fun online at two retarded kids.

So the first episode was a smash success and Andrew and Alex find themselves stars. As many folks have ridiculed them, they also develop a rabid fan-base that loves the two and eagerly awaits the next episode, which comes out not too long after. This second episode is more of the same: Andrew and Alex stumbling and mumbling through each game review (causing many to wonder why they didn’t do multiple takes and inspiring others to create wacky Photoshops and animated GIFs at gaming forums everywhere). But this time there are two new onscreen personalities thrown into the mix. First is Dave who also comes off as being possibly mentally handicapped (even more so than Andrew). Then there’s Geoff, who’s basically a scrawny kid with perhaps ADD this time around who talks in gangsta talk. Clearly the loose cannon, wacky-type.

Again, the show’s a big hit among game bloggers and those who dwell on message boards, and Andrew, who at this point has become the face of GameLife is being interviewed by various bloggers and podcasters. Not too long ago I caught an interview with Andrew and Alex and discovered that both kids are not 13 but in college (and all of a sudden, those who were mercilessly mocking them have more leeway with the insults).

Naturally, everyone waits with baited breath for episode three. And that’s where the story starts to get interesting (I apologize for such a long, drawn out intro, but the details are totally necessarily me thinks)….

GameLife episode three again has Andrew, Alex, Dave, and Geoff, in a very bizarre segment that seems to venture off in its own little world, but now there’s two additional reviewers, the first being “Zeolahn”, who dresses up as the black spider suited Spider Man for a review of Ultimate Spider Man. But the true highlight is final new face, which happens to be female.

Her name is Melissa and it’s not clear as to what a conventionally “hot gamer chick” is doing on such a show. How does she know these dorks? Where did she come from? Well it’s at least a mystery to me…. perhaps the details are out there, and I guess I should also apologize for any factual errors, but the truth is, I’ve hardly paid attention to GameLife since episode one, till the current controversy popped up. Anyway, her demeanor is not at all like the other guys; first off she comes off very clear and coherent… almost like a real on-camera personality. But again, she’s a attractive young woman, so why is she hanging with such a crew?

Needless to say, Melissa becomes the new star attraction of the show among gaming nerds on message boards, who often go ballistic over any remotely attractive looking girl that admits to playing video games. Instantly, a fan site pops up in her honor. Further investigation uncovers her MySpace page. One quick look at her pics page reveals an image of her with an guy, an older gentleman with grey hair who at the time to most came off as a mystery. Many assumed it was her boyfriend. This is sorta relevant later.

Anyway, as E3 approaches, many wonder if the GameLife crew will attend, and they do. Many folks are eager to meet them, including the fine people at 1UP.com, Ziff-Davis’ online presence. Some might recall that I used to write for ZD back when they published GMR. And some might also recall me ruffling some feathers when I called attention upon ZD’s practice at one point of promoting 1UP in the pages of their print magazines, such as EGM or Official PlayStation Magazine, by printing the faces of their young female bloggers without any real compensation. 1UP has its own internet show, or video podcast, called interestingly enough, The 1UP Show, which features assorted writers and editor from both the print and web side of ZD.

The 1UP Show is a fairly popular and is perhaps the most professionally and slickly produced thing of its kind out there today. It certainly has a great pedigree when it comes to the folks in-front of the camera, which includes James “Milkman” Mielke, who’s the guy that first noticed me at the GAF and who hooked me up with the GMR gig (I don’t profess to be friends with the guy, but in my interactions with the guy, he was always a straigh shooter, plus I’ll always be grateful for the opportunity he provided) and Jane Pinckard (a.k.a. Game Girl Advance), who’s one of the top female journalist in the field of games, and behind. Many people absolutely loved the 1UP Show at first, but critics are starting to pop up everywhere. I have no strong personal opinions regarding the show (I’d like to think that I’ve at least pointed out that I can have a problem with the site but not with those who work for it), so I’m just stating what I’ve heard, and that many feel that game journalists and bloggers often attempt too hard to transcend from reporting the news to becoming the news, and that the ultra clean and hip looking 1UP Show crew is an example of this. And while I can certainly see such a point of view, there’s a lot of jealousy in the world of game journalism, with many secretly thinking “Hey, I can do that! Why aren’t I? Well, because of that, they must suck!!!” Though another thing that didn’t help ZD’s rep was a whiles back when one of its editors called for everyone else in the profession to act more responsible without naming names and the fact that ZD doesn’t exactly have a clean history, leading many to speculate that it was a desperate attempt at attention grabbing.

Anyway, one of the 1UP guys (Patrick, whom I’ve actually spoken with on occasion due to his association with the Gaming Age Forums… very nice fellow) interviewed the GameLife crew, which everyone can check out here (I would link to the whole thing, on GameVideos.com, but it, much like 1UP.com is serious piece of crap on a Mac and is guaranteed to crash Safari). And this is where trouble starts to brew: many seem to have taken offense to Patrick’s handling of the interview. Some feel that he’s just being exuberant and was trying to get and keep the interview rolling. Others, such as Consolevania deemed that Patrick was being condescending and mean spirited, and that it was all just a set up to make the GameLife people look bad, even implicated other members of the 1UP crew. Again, I don’t profess to be best friends with Pat, but I do believe he meant no harm. But I can still see why people can be so upset by the piece.

But today is where things got really crazy, when UK Resistance pointed towards this: an arty-fart photography site that feature Melissa, as well as others, including the older gray haired guy from before, impaled on a fence and shot in the head.

And on NeoGAF, in this thread where the news first hit the fan, and where I’ve gotten most of my information and leads for this “story”, people have finally begun to ask about the connection between Melissa and the rest of the GameLife guys and all the little details, such as the timeframe in which she entered the picture. Many have begun to suspect that she may have seen an opportunity to latch onto an up and coming internet fad and sought to squeez herself into the picture, to perhaps further her career, which in this case is her’s or her possible boyfriend’s sub-art school grade photography(?!?!?!). I for one agree with this scenario. And if true, I’d be extremely upset since it would be yet another female that has to use (and abuse) the “Look at me! I’m a HOT CHICK that plays VIDEO GAMES!!!”shtick. It’s women like here that gives real girls that enjoy video games another reason to groan and keep their interests in the closet. And the fact that dumb, lonely, horny guys are all too eager to empower them. Granted, dumbass girls who flaunt their feminine charms to get what they want from nerds is nothing new, but when viral marketing, game journalism, and hackneyed art school grade pictures is involved (oh boy, a picture featuring a doll, and ALL FUCKED UP!!!), I can’t helped but be annoyed.

Meanwhile, others feel that the GameLife/1UP episode/incident is all part of some massive viral marketing campaign to generate buzz (I’ve seen MTV’s name being thrown about a few times… do they have a deal in the works?). Then the mystery gray-haired man, who was reportedly seen hanging around the GameLife crew, has his MySpace page uncovered, and the pics paged revealed a photo of him with Melissa and himself dressed in drag. Also mentioned was another interview with the GL kids, this one with a seemingly high Geoff, accusation that Melissa dabbles heavily in pirated DS software, the idea that the older guy might be her father, and accusations that Geoff is a furry. Wow, huh? EDIT: And now snuff porn has been added to the pile of stuff. Sweet.

So who knows where this is going to go next, provided if it goes anywhere. I apologize if this all just screams childish bullshit to you, but I happen to find all this bullcrap fascinating.

Gee, there went my Thursday evening…

EDIT #2: I’ve made some grammatical fixes, and other touch ups here and there because, as embarrassing it is to admit, I’ve only now noticed them after re-reading my post which was quoted in its entirely in a recent GAF thread. I guess I’ll leave my full defense and response in my next post…

  • http://drunkensamurai1.livejournal.com/ TDS

    that drag pic almost made me kill myself

  • http://www.entdepot.com/ thatbox

    Check your IC PMs.

  • http://whatwhen.livejournal.com Wilkes

    Damn.

  • http://www.ngsam.com/ joe

    this is fascinating

  • Luana

    Good god… I leave the internet alone for five minutes (or months — details, schmeatails) and this sort of thing explodes? Makes me kinda happy I turned off the computer.

  • Pulitzer

    This is possibly the most misinformed, poorly-written “piece” I have ever read. I counted 8 errors in the first two paragraphs.

    “video game journalism, which I am proudly associated with, is so fucked up these days” HA HA HA HA HA HA yeah it is. Nice fact checking, dildo.

  • https://www.fort90.com Matt

    First off, thanks for stopping by!

    Second, I sincerely appreciate anyone who tries to help by pointing our grammatical errors. As I’ve always said, I’m definitely a writer who needs a editor. Plus it was late, I was tired, blah, blah, blah.

    Thirdly, do I know you from the GAF? I bet we’ve aruged before. Right?

    Anyway, please stick around!

  • Pulitzer

    I have no interest in sticking around here and I don’t kick it on that sissy forum of yours. I came back to let you know the “Fuck You” Melissa made about you guys had me in tears: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sd1eLLksnxs

  • https://www.fort90.com Matt

    Oh boy, SHE REALLY SHOWED US!!!

    Hey whatever I guess. Some women lick PSPs to get their jobs, I guess this one is buddying up with two kids with mild autism.

    You know, I was going to give her the benefit of the doubt, as being yet another unfortunate victim of angry hordes on message boards, but both that vid and that recent thread of hers on NeoGAF hardly makes her seem sympathetic or well intentioned.

    As one of the female voices at Insert Credit has said (who’s you know… a real girl that plays games and doesn’t have to grab her breasts to “prove” it):

    I can’t imagine someone being so desperate to be a Suicide Girl.

    “Please, take me! I’m depraved!”

    But regardless, this is also another example of not so much a single person that’s oh so irritating, but their fans, i.e. anyone who’s willing to go bonkers in agreeance and adoration due someone being of the fairer sex, and willing to be taken for sucker.

  • http://www.vectortea.com Clay

    Uh, I just watch because of the retarded kids. Melissa seems normal, though. I mean, more normal than the retarded kids.

  • Balzac

    Glad to see someone else is as facinated with this trainwreck as I am. IT really does combine all the worst aspects of the gaming community into a neat little package.

    One minor correction though, Melissa first appeared in episode 2.

    I wouldn’t be all that surprised if Ziff Davis picked her up 6-12 months from now. Lets not forget that Jane Pinkard, who in spite of being excellent on the 1up show and one of the few females to mostly eschew the GMR GRLLL stereotype, originally got people’s attention by rubbing a PS2 accessory up against her twat and taking pictures.

  • J

    LOL, INTERNET WAR!!!!

    (just chiming in to be a part of FORT 90 HISTORY!)

  • Quick Shot II Turbo

    Oh dear.

    ( Thanks for the write-up, Fort. )

  • No fucking way

    Do you guys realize that Geoff’s MySpace is obviously a joke?
    http://www.myspace.com/geoffmendicino

  • Who me?

    Who gives a Fuck if she wanted to pose in a couple pictures! If anything this will help Gamelife garner attention. Let woman pose naked for Christ sake! Atleast for all the straight men! (Not that Melissa has, atleast to my knowledge)

  • fish

    hey matt.
    my name is phil.
    im the random guy who got to cohost the day 3 e3 special of the 1up show with jane.

    i saw the now infamous interview take place right before my eyes.

    im getting a bit sick of everybody calling the gamelife kids “retards”.
    i would call them “gigantic nerds” and “extremely socialy akward” but not retard.

    and if i did beleive there was some mild autism in there, i certainly wouldnt use the word retard.

    before and after the interview, andrew, gamelife head honcho seemed like a normal nerd. like any nerd i saw (or even hung out with) in high school. the kind who plays magic and really enjoys babylon 5. but not a retard.

    i think he just happens to be incredibly uncomfortable in front of a camera. which makes his choice to host a podcast all the more puzzling.

    and something else…im NOT sure, but i beleive the grey haired man is gamelife’s cameraman. i THINK i saw him film them at e3. and i also think we see him for a second or 2 just before the 1up interview. asking them not to film while he’s filming. seriously guys. his words.

    anyways, just wanted to throw in my 2 cents.

  • http://dhex.org/htbr dhex

    “This is possibly the most misinformed, poorly-written ?piece? I have ever read. ”

    you must be kidding. haven’t you ever read american spectator? you can also sign up for peak oil newsletters. they’re pretty bad.

    i’m glad the kids in question are not actually disabled in any way; it reframes the question away somewhat from that whole “what sort of woman is evil enough to cocktease handicapped jailbait?” thing. which, as i’m sure we can all agree, is a moral miasma both deep and murky.

  • https://www.fort90.com Matt

    Balzac: Thanks for the correction, which others have noted as well. But what did she review exactly?

    Also, congrats for speaking up about one of the most don’t-anyone-dare-say-a-word things in the world of game journalism today.

    No fucking way: Ummm…. Isn’t MySpace as a whole an obvious joke?

    fish: Thanks for the info. Much of it seems to fall into line of what I’ve heard thus far. Hey, I’m certain that Andrew and his company are nice guys… I obviously harbor no ill will. When people call them “retards” is is fucked up? Yeah, but nothing to get seriously upset by. After-all, name calling and the internet goes hand in hand. Plus, when you put yourself out there for the public, one has to expect knuckle-headed digs.

  • Balzac

    An import copy of Super Princess Peach.

  • Lou

    It’s pretty obvious what happened. The guys started the show, and attracted the attention of Melissa, who likes DS games. Her and her creepy cameraman boyfriend film and send Gamelife a review, and they put it on the next show. At E3, Melissa admitted never meeting those guys prior to E3. And guess what? Her creepy boyfriend was along for the ride. None of Melissa’s reviews are filmed anywhere near the Gamelife production. She sends them in, and they’re filmed by her boyfriend. It’s obvious she’s trying to latch on to the show and try to further her career as a games journalist/reviewer, or her bf’s “art.” She must be what, 20 some? That creepy dude is 33. Just nasty. Women are very stupid.

  • https://www.fort90.com Matt

    So she never met the GL guys prior to E3? If true… very interesting. It’s starting to look as if all this talk of ulterior-motives is indeed true afterall. Some out there are vehemently denying anyting of the sort, and many of these same folks are very vocal fans of the girl, for some unknown reason.

    And I understand that Melissa is apparently 29.

    Also, while I will conceed that SOME women are indeed very stupid, not all of them are (just like how not every guy’s an asshole). You see it all the time, and Melissa is just another woman that gives others a bad name. And over the past few days, I’ve certainly heard from numerous frustrated female gamers that would give anything to meet her face to face.

  • al davis

    hey look, it’s a paranoid rant without any real foundation

  • Typh

    So she “gives women a bad name” how, exactly? Posing in photos the Internet version of de Tocqueville’s majority American opinion finds distasteful?

    I do not see any sort of logical connection between:
    1) Woman who co-hosts a video game podcast,
    2) Who also poses in photography faking death in various ways,
    and
    3) Said woman somehow making it shameful to play video games for other women.

    The above sequence, which is essentially your argument, is absolutely incoherent, and is contingent upon your own discomfort with the human body and human sexuality. Which, I shouldn’t need to say, is a completely arbitrary moral value judgment on your part, but the difference is you’re trying to pass it off as objective fact (as with your unfounded claims about the lack of artistic quality of said photographs).

    So what’s your point? Are you a sanctimonious, reactionary moron like so many other game “journalists” have become in the face of Jack Thompson’s ridiculous crusade, ranting and raving at anyone who dares to depict violence or sexuality outside the “moral majority’s” standards? Do you simply accept that posing in staged “death” photographs is grounds for complete ostracization from all media? Or is it that she shouldn’t be involved in the show because she doesn’t fit the Asperger’s stereotype of the others involved?

    Another question, related: Have you ever heard of the concept of a “straight man” in comedic teams?

    Jesus Christ.

  • https://www.fort90.com Matt

    So being annoyed at some woman who is getting tons of attention from the world of video game fandom, and is perhaps on her way to some high profile job with MTV or some other game related news outlet, not because of any particular skill-set or hard work, but by bearing her tits in some low-rent art school nonsense, acting like a attention whore on message boards, and jumping on the coattails of some autistic kids is now considered “gay”? Umm, okay…

  • https://www.fort90.com Matt

    And round and round we go…

    Nice seeing you around these parts James btw.

  • jas

    Does anyone know if these kids are really mentally handicapped?
    I went to their site & forums to find out and everyone there seems to
    Be way too nice to them. I thought the show was a joke, but now it is being posted at 1up regularly. Is it pity?
    ed?

  • https://www.fort90.com Matt

    As I believe I’ve mentioned around here, or in another post, they apparently have mild autism.

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