04/17/2007

Approaching Level 30

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

Well tomorrow (actually, since I’m writing this past midnight, its technically tomorrow already, and furthermore, since most people are reading this the very next morning, make that today) is my very last day as a twenty-something. And holy shit…

Gotta say, the idea of being a thirty-something is just plain weird. It?s hard to explain; maybe there’s really nothing to fuss over, yet I find myself feeling somewhat confused, even conflicted. It’s not so much that I suddenly feel as if I should “act my age” and stop obsessing over childish pursuits like Transformers, Iron Man, the Electric Company, and finally beating Super Mario 2, from beginning to end, without warping, and with only Luigi. Its how I don’t feel that way at all, despite somewhat expecting to, and how maybe I should (never mind that at least one of the things mentioned is tied into my “career”). Furthermore how everyone else is also still into the same crap that they were into as a 12 year old. Maybe its because nerdom is “hip” these days (and I won’t even go down that road and come off as some huge douchebag by going on about how I was into such-and-such before it was rediscovered by the masses… even though its true!). Or maybe its because that’s just the way its going to be? Will I be just as into Tron when I’m 40? 50? Who am I kidding… by that time, I will be, just like everyone else, enslaved by aliens, mining for spice on a slaver ship, and wearing nothing but a body suit made entirely out of their mucus. And my prediction will be that the only form of entertainment will be the comedy stylings of the one human that the aliens have chosen to entertain us all, that being Jay Leno. But I digress…

Anyway, I guess what I’m also trying to say is that, for whatever reason, turning 30 is this huge, momentous occasion in any person’s life, and on the cusp of that very moment, I’m just not feeling it. Instead of being on the brink of profound clarity, I just find myself wondering when the fuck am I going to get my PlayStation 2 chipped so I can finally play King of Fighters XI and Dodonpachi dai Ou Jou? Though I kid… I’m actually quite happy at the moment, especially since I was so seriously bummed out as the big day approached, at least a few weeks back, after having just been fired from a new job that held much promise but turned out to be a totally nightmare, plus being unemployed as a result. But after a rocky few weeks, I managed to score some good freelance gigs, and now I’m actually in the midst of entertaining a new full-time opportunity that also holds much potential. So expect an announcement sometime very soon!

So I normally use each birthday of mine as an excuse to have some get-together or party, but not this year, though not because I’m melancholy or anything, I’ve just been too busy to plan anything out (plus it seems like everyone else is too busy around this time as well). Hence why I was totally taken aback by the surprise little shindig that MK and Dave whipped together for me this past Saturday night. What I originally thought was going to be just the three of us hanging out to play Def Jam Icon was actually the six of us… Mike, his wife Liz, and Joe were all on-hand. Dave even baked a cake to mark the occasion, with LEVEL 30 in white on blue frosting, to match this site’s design! What a guy.

Along with food, folks, and beers, we played some games, such as the aforementioned Def Jam game for the Xbox 360. I recall a recent thread over at Gaming Age in which folks complained about its broken fight system, unbalanced characters, and blah, blah, blah. They clearly don’t get it. It?s all about Little Jon fighting Ludacris! And, as previously mentioned, the insanely, drop-dead gorgeous graphics (with “blue, blue, skies” that would put Sega racing games to shame), and the outrageous graphics are simply phenomenal…. never-mind the vaguely racist underpinnings of it all. Too bad the soundtrack was devoid of both MK’s and my favorite song at the moment (which we were singing all night long the night prior), but that’s what the 360′s hard drive is for. Unfortunately, the one wireless remote flaked out on us, so we had to switched gears, and have an impromptu Fight Weapon Battle Of The Pale Face tournament with Tech Romancer, which then became Mike’s new favorite game. The animu is good and strong in that one. And then we played Melty Blood for a bit, if only to show the rest of the crowd Wolf Cock, then Dave popped in Gears of War for Mike. At one point, Dave played online with a bunch of Select Button folks, while I tried chatting with them on the headset. It wasn’t long before a few got really annoyed with my drunken attempts at conversation, but whatevas. The night concluded with a MST3K film, Teenagers From Mars to be exact. Actually, it ended with me accidentally grabbing GoW instead of Teenagers From Mars before heading out, and last I heard, Dave’s Xbox is acting all funky and I’m afraid I might have broken it somehow, though I can’t understand how. Those things are so friggin’ sensitive…

Wow, its almost two in the morning, so perhaps I should wrap it up, but I will mention that the third annual i am 8-bit art show is coming up later this day, and like before, I should hopefully have some pics from the event, so stay tuned. Plus there’s a couple of game related thing happening in the Big Apple as well, which I will be covering myself, for GameSetWatch.

Also, two quick links. First, a YouTube clip featuring 50 cosplayers, all gathered on a Japanese street, and dancing in unison, till they get run off by the cops.

And second, meet Oliver Laric, my new fave artist at the moment. He’s got a bunch of neat videos on this site including a bunch of clipart and a bunch of dropkicks.

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Its well past two, and I have an important business meeting in the morning, but I just can’t sleep. So, I may as well…

- This past weekend, after MK & I saw Grindhouse, I stated that if it wasn?t the number one movie in the country, then America would be officially stupid. And then after the weekend, I found out it was like number four or something. Oh well, at least our hopes for more will at last be appeased. Though what I really want is Thanksgiving…

- Yesterday I hung out with, and had dinner with Dave (Roman) & Raina, and John & Marion, and… a nice guy named Mike (not O’Connor) & his wife who’s name escapes me. Sorry! But anyhow, I’ve kinda known Mike for a little while now despite the fact that it was our first meeting. He’s actually a GAFfer, one who pinged me with “Marion & John says hi!” message out of the blue when they were over his place on vacation a whiles back and noticed my name at Gaming Age which he was surfing at the time. So once again, the internet sure is wacky!

And when I arrived home, I checked out GSW and noticed that Simon once again referred to me as the Harvey Pekar of video game journalism, which again, is pretty much the nicest compliment ever!

- I guess onto games: I know this has been going around, and for good reason… its pretty cute, funny even, at least if you’re a gamer dork: its 52 gaming similes to describe a relationship. ShaperMC plans on featuring this list in The Gamer’s Quarter, which means some of them will be illustrated. I hope to God he goes with the Kirby one.

- New zombie game alert! Its called Left 4 Dead and is a self-described cooperative survival horror shooter. Sounds like Resident Evil Outbreak, doesn’t it? Well I’m still interested… hopefully it won’t turn out to be a clunker like Stubbs the Zombie.

- On a side note, earlier this week I tried having a late evening conversation with Katie but was cut short because she had been playing Resident Evil 4 beforehand and was so freaked out that she just wanted to hide under the covers. Which then reminded me that I hadn’t touched that game in while, and I had been meaning to turn to it for a while. Though insteand, I’m just gonna wait for the recently announced Wii version (I’d pass along a link for more, official info, but its late and feeling lazy at the moment, plus, as I’ve said before, I’m not IGN).

- So I understand that Namco is publishing their 8,472nd classic compilation, this time for the DS, with all the stuff you’ve played before many, MANY times before, such as Galaga and Dig Dug and the rest. But what will make it actually worth checking out is how Pac Man Vs will also be included! This is the four-player Pac Man game that Miyamoto and crew created after hours for fun and which was later used by Nintendo as a failed early attempt at pushing “connectivity” (which is actually working out for them quite well funny enough). It was also the reason why I ended up buying that lousy Ridge Racer based Gran Turismo wannabe that I’m sure Namco wants everyone to forget about. Anyhow, it was a fantastic experience that I’m glad is coming back, and hopefully on the DS, it’ll be better implemented. I recall playing it Dave’s place one Thanksgiving, but no one else really got the rules, so we were all playing it wrong technically. I just didn’t want to say anything since it was hard to explain, and everyone was basically enjoying themselves. And when folks are having fun, the last thing you want to do is say “you’re doing it wrong!!!”

- I also understand that Wiis are still impossible to come by, and that shortage is expected to last for some time now. Yikes. I’m glad to be one of the lucky ones… I don’t even want to imagine how crazy demand will be when Super Mario Galaxy finally hits. Meanwhile, Sony recently discontinued the 20 gig PS3 model, and since its so soon after the system’s launch, I too like everyone else is wondering why they bothered to have one in the first place. Though I will admit that I’m kinda disappointed by this news since I really like the look for the 20 gigger since it was all black, with the 60 gig model having a silver finish across the disc slot. Kinda like how the core Xbox 360 doesn’t have a silver tray door and actually looks cooler. What the hell.

Plus Sony lowered the price of the PSP the other day and sales increases something crazy like 300 percent in just two days, and now I’m hearing that even UMD movie sales has new life in it. And I will admit… I kinda want a copy of Tron. Just because.

- Never got around to passing this along before: that the original voice of Megatron will be in the upcoming Transformers the live action movie game! Unfortunately, the game looks to be a total eyesore, though entirely due to the heinous new robot designed…

- And just because I’m looking at them, here’s a thread that highlights a bunch of new DS games coming in Japan, including Ouendan 2 and some other crazy looking game called “Power of Observation Training” (there’s so many crazy/awesome looking games coming out for the system, especially in Japan, that its literally impossible to keep track), another wacky DS game topic, this one featuring a pair of rubber-clad dudes that I have toys of but have no idea what they’re about, other than they work in an office (it even features a picture of salary-man Ultraman, which I also have a figure of… I guess businessmen is the new fad in Japan), and one featuring some dude who modified the PSone LCD screen to work on a Saturn (I think its safe to say that there are more PSone LCD screens attached to other gaming systems than they were originally intended for by this point).

- Speaking of, besides NiGHTS 2, and revamping Sonic, what’s new with Sega these days? Making baby chickens it would seem…

- Back to GSW, when I got to Japan next month, I’m going to get some stuff. And aside from a copious amount of loli, what will I be stocking on? Video games? Maybe. How about a Japanese drama on DVD… about video games? Obviously. Hey, if they can make a show about dorks that post on the internet compelling, then I’m sure this can’t be too bad.

- So prostitution is as old as time as itself, and therefore hardly new. But how about selling one’s body for virtual gold? Perhaps you’ve heard about the one woman who offered her body for a large degree of World of Warcraft dinero so she could get super super awesome vehicle bird or whatever. The Craigslist post, in which she basically tells the whole world “Laugh all you want, but I not only have an awesome (virtual) ride, but I also got laid!”, that was later used for a YTMND can be seen here. So… that WoW is something else. ain’t it?

For extra shits and giggles, here’s the YTMND, which was recently hacked, but its pretty funny (NSFW btw).

- Check this out: a vid of one of the most insanely hard Super Mario mod I have ever seen.

- Also, earlier tonight I finally found out the name to an old PS2 game that I’ve been dying to find out more about, but have never proper spelling of. The game in question… Super Galdelic Hour. I will be in possession of this game quite soon… and it will be my new favorite thing, I am sure of it. After all, girls in stupid, skimpy animal outfits that throw pies at each other… what’s not to like?
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.. And since we’re onto YouTube, a bunch of stuff that’s come across my way recently, including…

- Good news, Satan is dead!

- At least whenever I loose my cool at the post office, I’m not as bad as this guy… at least I hope I’m not. At the very least, I’m pretty sure I’m a bit manlier. But I kinda sympathize with him; any post office in Brooklyn is the epitome of hell on earth.

- Unions do lots of things.

- Germans take LARPing VERY seriously.

- I know that no one besides myself digs stuff like this, but I just have a real thing for cheesy 80′s video art.

- Speaking off, where’s the pickle? That’s the surprise.

- Kids do the darndest things! And they need to be punished.

- If it has Mr. T in it, there’s a good chance the entire world has already seen it, but this one is news to me.

- The Hulkster, shilling air conditioners, with a baby, and a pair of cartoon special guests.

- Its the Fresh Prince… of Metal. Here’s a fun fact: I used to be a MAJOR death metal head in high school. Even had a band death metal band in high school. We were called Dysentery. You know, that disease where you shit yourself to death, i.e. the greatest name for a band ever. And that was pretty much the only good thing about the band. And did it get any of us girls? Of course not.

- The same basic idea, but with the Ninja Turtles. Another fun fact: as a kid, I had to pester my parents to order Pizza Hut, which we normally didn’t have, to take advantage of the free TMNT Coming Out Of Their Shells audio cassette that was included with every large pizza ordered. For a solid month afterwards, all I did was walk around with a walkman with that tape on repeat. I still recall the Splinter and April O’Neal love ballad… That was also the second time I bothered them to do this, with the first being many years back to get some Care Bear glasses. The one I really wanted had the bear on it with a rainbow on his stomach. Hey, I was only five at the time, but regardless, along with that and the ninja turtle rock tape, no wonder my dad thought I was gay.

- Okay, we’ve all seen retard kung fu. So, how about retard rap?

Want more? You’s all got more.

- Grapes are dangerous, as proven by this vid that pretty much everyone and their moms has seen by now. But here’s another one that offers even more evidence.

- Time to update your Netflix queues everyone.

- Finally, an oldie, but a goodie: the climactic conclusion to Turkish Star Wars. And it still makes ten times more sense that Episodes 1, 2, and 3!

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04/10/2007

On Center Stage

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

Last night, along with my friend Job, I went to see The Protomen, a Mega Man tribute band from the south. They basically have this quasi-rock opera based upon the Mega Man mythos, and for those of you who aren’t diehard Mega Man fans, the story in a nut-shell goes like this: two scientists create a bunch of robots to help people, then one of the doctors goes nuts and kidnaps most of the bots to help him rule the world, so the other doctor takes the last remaining robot, soups him up, and Mega Man is born, who then takes down the evil robots along with the evil doctor. Later on, in part 3, you find out there was another robot who came before all the others, Proto Man, who hates Mega Man, his “brother” and you think he’s on the bad guy’s side, but he’s not. He hates evil just as much… perhaps…. but is just a loner with his own agenda.

So the Protomen conveys this whole story, or at least the underlining themes, I think, via various songs, while also somewhat focusing on the human element. While the rest of the bad plays rock music, all decked out in black and red southern threads, as well as some silver face-paint, the leader singer switches between Mega Man and Proto Man when addressing the audience, like some sort of pep rally. And at the end, it culminates with a confrontation between the brothers.

It was… okay I guess. I hesitate on using the word “cute”, since it was a rock show, but thats how it was to me. If anything the show made me feel OLD. And not just because a lot of the folks in the audience were half my age (I’m turning 30 in a just a little over a week btw, and man, am I ever feeling it these days), but because the music was just too plain fucking loud. I went in really wanting to like the Protomen, since I dig Mega Man, as well as creative uses for video game music. They scored major points in my book for using original songs to tell the tale; only once did I hear a familiar tune, the ending theme from part 2, or which I like to call the “love song”, and it was incorporated quite brilliantly. And the entire tale that was being told seemed quite intriguing; it?s just that I couldn’t understand a fucking word! It was by far the worst sounding live performance I have ever heard… the levels were all out of wack, and I can’t blame the venue since almost everything I have heard at the Knitting Factory has sounded great (the place just has more than decent acoustics, though maybe Joe can argue differently since he plays there so often). Also adding to the annoyance was how it took them over an hour to hit the stage, seemingly for no reason, and not once did I see any sort of sound check (I guess it could have happened beforehand, but by the sounds of things, I seriously doubt it).

Back to the word “cute”, while the idea of a rock show built upon the story of Mega Man is novel and all, but sometimes you just can’t go by concept alone. Call me old or jaded, but I guess it take a little more than Mega Man and Proto Man helmets to impress me. Though what was perhaps the biggest downer for me was that the concept did feel as if was utilized to the fullest. The whole story wrapped up before the end of their set! Then they played some covers. And the strangest part is how, performance-wise, the cover songs was so much stronger than the source material! Primarily the lead singer, who I guess couldn’t rock out as Mega Man and had to be all stoic? Kinda lame.

Job picked up their CD and has promised to pass along mp3s, so I can actually hear the lyrics, which is why I’m going to withhold final judgment for the time being. Hey, at least it was different, and again, good use of established material. I for one enjoy video game covers as much as the next game music aficionado, but I’m well past the point of annoyance due to numerous lame Willamsburg house parties where some douchebag who simply plays three cords of the theme to Castlevania and Contra and gets the crowd all in roar, and dick sucked by the end of the night. Though as disappointed and confused as I was last night, it doesn’t even begin to compare the two kids I saw in the audience, neither of whom looked over the age of seven, no doubt huge Mega Man fans, enough to drag their parents to some loud rock show. The look of shock on their faces was something else… maybe rock and roll, or maybe something else….

Anyway, in other news, Steve’s story on my top ten worst games of all time list is finally up at MTV News!

I think it turned out really great… I’m glad he concentrated on me basically acting the role of a classic heel wrestling manager. Though I was bummed out a link to this site was not included in the piece. The reason? I curse too much on this site, at least too much for MTV’s standards and practices. HA! Then again, I did say fuck twice in this entry, and mentioning dick sucking probably doesn’t help either.

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