07/27/2008

Enter… JOSIE!!!

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

Time for some personal notes…

New Cat GET!

So the much awaited moment for both Katie and I finally took place: our bundle of joy arrived earlier today. No, Katie wasn’t preggers; not too long ago, I believe I mentioned previously how we were looking into getting a cat. Well most of this past week was spent towards getting the apartment, which meant numerous trips to various pet stores, getting food and toys and the such. Though the highlight would have to be the seminar Katie and I had to attend, organized by the pet adoption agency that we’re going through, which was led by some wacky cay lady/undercover federal agent, along with the discovery that the feline that we would be bringing into our home is somewhat of a celebrity in certain circles. Hence why Katie and I have decided to stick with her original name, Josie, instead of going with what we had originally planned, which was Kimchee

Anyhow, we learned a lot, such as how the allergens that a cat releases is directly related to it’s diet, and that if kitty gets what a kitty should for nourishment, then I might have to worry too much about living with scratchy eyes and sneezing all that much. Plus much more, like how to read the labels on cat food cans, and how pretty much all dried food is basically “McDonalds’ for cats” meaning that its really bad for them, as well as how litter that turns into clumping clay is actually dangerous for them as well. Along with tons of other useful things that helped to confirm what a horrible pet owner my previous roommate was (gotta admit that I do love seeing people’s reactions, especially animal experts, when I mention how she used to feed cat food to her dog… and while it might seem like I’m acting like a passive aggressive dick for talking shit about her, all I can say is that over nine months later and I still haven’t gotten all of my security deposit from her, so whatever).

When she first arrived, Josie hid herself under our couch and simply stayed there (not too much of a surprise, sine we were told that she was shy). Katie did manage to draw her out a few times for isolated bits of playtime, though that was pretty much it. As silly as it sounds, for a while there I was kinda afraid that she might not like me, mostly cuz in my last residence I had to share the roof with a scrawny little rat dog that hated me with a passion, which was fucking hell on earth (honestly, my ex-roomie should give me the full amount just for fighting off the temptation of snapping that little fucker’s neck), but after Katie went to bed, I managed to endear myself to her, and now we’re best buds. Enough to pose for some pics!

Now all I have to worry about is her fucking up my games and collection of little plastic figurines! That and my allergies, which hopefully won’t act up; Katie and I have Josie for a month trial basis, so if they do, she sadly might have to go…

Finally, Something For Us White People!

Also really looking forward to tomorrow; there’s a new diner opening in my neck of the woods, here in Washington Heights. Actually, there’s already tons of diners in the immediate area, so maybe I should clarify; there’s a new “white” diner opening up. The block I live on is literally the border separating the Puerto Ricans and the Dominicans (who have a bevy if diners and all sorts of eateries) and all the whites (there are lots of Columbia University folks around here) plus Jews (Yeshiva University is also just down the street). Everyone gets along well enough (like most places in Manhattan, it used to be kinda hairy, or so I’ve heard, but those days are mostly long gone), though the businesses clearly reflect their clientele.

The diner has been under construction for some time now, and everyone has been quietly frothing with anticipation. Today they put up a sign stating that tomorrow is the grand opening, and also had the menu available for public viewing. All throughout the day there’s been a small crowd surrounding it, with everyone looking inside intensely (What’s inside? The entire staff, getting ready). Man, it’s gonna be a mad house; wonder if we’ll run into Nullsleep and his gf there? Probably. I just hope they do cheeseburgers good.

Definitely Good, But Better Than Batman ’89? Let’s Don’t Be Too Crazy Now!

Oh, and Katie and I finally saw The Dark Knight yesterday. It was actually really good! Even more so than expected, though I will admit that expectations were never all that high to begin with; I was one of those few folks that didn’t get swept up by the hype leading up to it (unlike Iron Man, where I was literally counting down the minutes and actually caught it on opening night), and somewhat found all the praise after its release a tad bit mind-boggling, even annoying. Granted, it’s certainly not the greatest movie of all time, like some people have wanted me to believe, let alone the greatest super hero movie of all time, but it was pretty god damn great, and easily the most successful attempt at a “realistic” super hero flick I’ve ever seen. I actually found myself far more interested in Batman when he was in his civilian digs, which is normally not the case in these types of movies. I couldn’t get enough of Bruce Wayne, the billionaire dick with a hard-on for his ex.

Also loved the pacing and the pure density of the script. I again can’t recall any previous super hero flick where you had so much shit going on. Despite a few nagging plot holes and lapses in realism, for the most part, everything simply flowed together logically and rather elegantly. The build-up and the tension throughout the latter half was particularly effective, or at least I thought. Things went from grim to grimmer to holy shit, things are really fucked up! And Heath Ledge was indeed fantastic as the Joker, though all those people saying he should get an Oscar nod are, I’m sorry, crazy. But then again, the Oscars are a joke anyway (I’m still annoyed that fucking Lord of the Rings got a best picture that one year… I mean, its neat and all, but come on), so I guess it wouldn’t be that out of the question. Back on topic: I’m also amazed how the movie was able to so perfectly accommodate the multiple bad guys thing, which no other comic book movie has really been able to do all that well (I guess the closest might have to be Batman Returns).

That’s not to say the movie doesn’t have its issues. More or less, everyone did a fantastic job, like Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, and especially Aaron Eckhart, but Maggie Gyllenhaal just didn’t do it for me. I actually missed Katie Holmes, perhaps because I find Gyllenhaal so insanely overrated as an actress (plus she’s not as easy on the eyes). I also found Bale’s voice as the Batman to be ridiculous to the point of practically being a distraction. Plus, and this isn’t a complaint but a comment: I found the ending to be… “interesting.” I guess I shouldn’t say anything since that would be spoiling things, yet I guess I kinda already did so by revealing that there’s two villans (well Katie for one had no idea who Harvey Dent was), but at this point, who hasn’t it? Also, some people are saying it’s the best Batman movie of all time, and making direct comparisons between it and the first Tim Burton one, and while I guess The Dark Knight is on paper the superior motion picture, Batman 89 is my sentimental favorite and still damn fine today. Both are totally different really, so its practically like comparing apples and oranges: 89 is like a comic book but for the big screen while TDK as already noted is a comic book that’s been made “real.”

Now, speaking of realism and comic books, I also caught the trailer for Watchmen beforehand (actually, saw it online before it even hit the big screen) and all I can say is… I guess it’s about as good as can be expected. There’s a bunch of little things that annoy the piss out of me already, though I’m just going to sit back and hold tight, while hoping for the best. Yet I’m already certain that the “prequel” video game is gonna fucking BLOW.

Oh, and even though its all shaky and hard to make out, this Tron 2 concept footage is just plain fucking awesome.

More Asian Than Ever

In not so great news, I’ve also come to realize this past week that I’m becoming ever-increasingly Asian: I am now lactose intolerant (a problem that many Asians seem to have). I had come to suspect this in recent times, but finally realized the simply truth during my two day stint at Chopping Block. Did some on-site consultation for them, which was actually pretty awesome and loads of fun… except for the fact that on the morning of the second day, I had two bowls of cereal, and for the rest of the afternoon I had to keep holding back burps and farts. So I guess that means no milkshakes for me at that diner tomorrow. Maybe.

7 comments

07/23/2008

“When we realized the phallic and rumbling possibilities of the Wiimote controller, we felt oddly compelled to finish the game.”

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

Let’s get right to it. Time to talk about video games, starting with…

E3 Follow-Up (Yes, There Was Some Decent Stuff, I Guess)

So the jury is in: E3 2008 sucked the big one! I definitely don’t feel bad at all for about not going. MS by default was the heavy hitter winner of the show, who at least had a bunch of stuff to talk about, and some of it was actually quite neat! Again, please refer to my E3 in NYC report for my take on Galaga Legions (XBLA game of the year? probably) and some other good stuff.

Sony had an okay showing I guess, at least according to their faithful; I personally couldn’t care less about God of War 3, but that’s just me, whereas I was looking forward to some word on the next title from Team Ico… but alas, nothing. And I’m still just as confused as everyone else with the never-ending stream of brand new hardware configurations. This just in: there’s apparently a brand new version of the PSP on the way? Among other things, this one might have cell phone support! So this would make it the long-rumored PSPhone I guess.

Then you had Nintendo, who…. had very little to talk about, and what they did have to say rubbed everyone off the wrong way. To the point that Nintendo’s prez, Iwata, has basically apologized for the clusterfuck. They were so light on stuff that I almost have to wonder if they were planning on showing more, but decided to hold back at the last minute. Remember, pretty much EVERYONE was expecting the unveiling of a DS “Slim”, a thinner unit sans the GBA slot. I wonder if the surprise success of Guitar Hero DS, which utilizes the second slot, has changed plans?

Anyhow, nothing truly mind-blowing from anyone else either. Just a few wacky surprises, like Final Fantasy for the 360, GTA for the DS, and Dead Rising for the Wii. BTW, some details have been revealed: it’s going to be easier overall, with real-time missions being axed in favor for an easier to digest sub-missions that don’t get in the way of things, as well as RE4-like over the shoulder camera, which sounds hot, though taking pictures had to be cut to make it all work for whatever reason. Plus as expected, the graphics do take a hit, with less zombies on-screen at a time.

Yet there’s still a few odds and ends that’s worth going over. Such as…

- One title that I’m dismayed with over the lack of coverage is the Korg DS-10, which is based on the Korg MS-10, an analogue synthesizer from Japan. The DS version isn’t actually a game at all, but a full-blown music creation software suite, one that’s far and away more advanced than M-06/Jam Sessions. In fact, I would easily put it on par with something like Little Sound DJ or Nanoloop in terms of complexity and versatility. I actually got a sneak peak at it a few weeks ago and was completely blown away by by what I saw (well, heard).

It’s more or less emulates a real-deal synth, offering all the options a real-deal electronic musician could ever want to play around with. The demo person that walked me through it thankfully knew a thing or two about music (the guy claimed to have a masters in music theory and it showed) and in no time at all had laid out a fairly intricate beat by recording several loops, then manipulating them via the virtual dials, and messing around with the virtual patch interface, by actually drawing the wires themselves, plus using the kaoss pad (which the DS touch screen mimics flawlessly, not surprisingly) for further enhancement. I immediately thought about the possibilities if someone from the chiptunes community were to get their hands on one of these…

Again, it’s not a game, so the plan I was told is to forgo traditional retail outlets like Target or Best Buy and offer the title at places like Guitar Center or Sam Ash. Plus, given how much it’s packing, it might be a tad bit more than a traditional DS game… perhaps doubly so, though I personally think it’s a steal, even at $100. I’m so eager to get my hands on it, even though I probably won’t be able to do anything really substantial with it, I had thought about importing the title, but given that it’s supposed to come with quite the level of documentation, it might be best to just sit tight and wait.

- Speaking of music, yet another title that got zero attention was We Cheer, at least positive attention. Most that have seen the trailer have immediately called it a piece of crap, but I also got to check this one out a whiles back, and all I can say is, it’s surprisingly awesome!

As one might imagine from seeing the video, you move two Wii-motes around, following the stars on screen, to perform motions similar to what a cheerleader would do. And aside from the visuals and the track-list, which are certainly not my cup of tea, as well as most folks reading this I’m pretty sure (though it does have a track from the Go Team), I actually found the gameplay itself hella fun. Seriously! Can’t wait to get my hands on this one. Again, I shit you not.

Though at the time, I has to wonder how it would compare to the new Rodney Greenblat/Masaya Matsuura title Major Minor’s Majestic March, but after seeing the E3 trailer, there seems to be very few similarities. Can’t wait for that one too btw!

- Another notable no-show from the Sony side of thing was Wipeout HD, though word is, it needs to be worked on cuz it causes seizures?

- There was also zero word on the mysterious ghost hunting RPG for the Wii, Fragile…

- Then you had Spore, or the lack thereof. I was really expecting one last big push from EA, since this so called alpha and omega of video gaming is finally just around the corner, but I guess they had other things on their plate, such as their recent partnership with id Software. Though when EA came to town a few weeks back, I was also rather shocked how somewhat low-key they were about it, where Spore was actually kinda lost in the shuffle with the 700 other games on-hand.

As already mentioned in the podcast, that?s where I got my first hand look at the full game, and… I just don’t get it. The hype I mean. It’s just a bunch of sim games, all rolled up into one. Which is neat I guess, but hardly groundbreaking. Granted, it’s neat that you get to create some goofy looking creature and guide it from its humble, pre-civilized beginnings, where you just run around the woods, looking for stuff to eat and mates to bang, to some galaxy conquering force to be reckoned with, with each stage of development getting its own simulator, but I personally found the flow between each less than elegant. You just move from one phase to another, then another. I was actually once again shocked and rather dismayed to find out that there?s no grand circle; one you hit the apex of evolution and civilization, that?s it. There?s nothing that brings you back to square one, no huge circle of life.

And to be completely honest, the recently released Spore Creature Creator is easily the best part of the whole thing, and it?s available right this second and for just ten bucks (actually for free if one chooses to just stick with the stripped down version found on the web). I know the full game will offer more (when it comes to just making stuff, there?s supposed to be eight other editors found throughout, and you?ll not only be crafting creatures but vehicles also), and it?ll be a pretty neat package, with lots of interesting things to see and do when all is said and done. But again, I simply do not see this as some grand re-invention of gaming that it?s been touted to be by EA and the faithful. Maybe that’s precisely why no one is saying anything, since the hype train had gotten so ridiculously out of control. Yet, the damage might be already done; most people I?ve spoken to are actually sick and tired of hearing about it, and ready to pounce on the final product if its anything less than perfection. And they might find themselves validated come this September… though I should perhaps not say anything more, otherwise I?ll be on their shit list once again! So anyway!

- That neat looking PSN game that I mentioned last week, called Fat Princess? It’s already ruffling feathers. All I can say is… heh, women.

- Via NeoGAF: word is, the highlight of the indie games booth at the show was Dark Room Sex Game. From the developer’s homepage:

Dark Room Sex Game is a multiplayer, erotic rhythm game without any visuals, played only by audio and haptic cues. The game can be played with Nintendo Wiimote controllers or a keyboard.

Dark Room Sex Game began its sordid life as a project for the 2008 Nordic Game Jam.

The Nordic Game Jam is an annual event held at the IT University of Copenhagen that brings students and professionals together to prototype experimental games over the course of only one weekend. This year, the theme was ?Taboo?.

In Dark Room Sex Game, the player works with his or her partner to find a mutual rhythm, then speeds up gradually until climax. In four-player ?orgy? mode, players swap partners randomly and compete to reach orgasm the fastest.

When we realized the phallic and rumbling possibilities of the Wiimote controller, we felt oddly compelled to finish the game.

Our idea was that a sex game would in fact be even more erotic if one stripped away all visuals and forced players to use their imaginations. Our hope was to use a combination of humor and embarrassment to make players uncomfortable, yet strangely satisfied. One could view the game as a commentary on the dull fixation on visuals in the spheres of sex and also videogames. Or, you can just view it as a cool party game.

Be sure to check out the trailer (NSFW language btw).

- Back to Capcom, they were on-hand at the show with, among various other things, Mega Man 9, which again I’m really looking forward to. Though Konami surprised everyone with Gradius ReBirth, which is apparently a re-done version of Gradius 1!

On a side note, some homebrewers in Japan recently took the 16-bit Mega Man 7 and made it all 8-bit! Which is fantastic news for me, since I was never a fan of the SNES Mega Man aesthetic. INHO, I think Mega Man looks far better in 16-bit on the Genesis.

… Guess that’s a wrap? Can’t wait for E3 09. Or not. Actually, can’t wait for the Tokyo Game Show later this year. Now that’s a fucking video game show. Anyway, elsewhere in news…

- Jeff Minter, the guy that brought you Tempest 2000, which everyone loves, and Space Giraffe, which everyone hates, but I dig it, as does Katie and Dave Mauro, comes some screenshots of his latest game, Gridrunner+++, which is a XBLA port of Gridrunner++ (which I was actually messing around with last night, with my newly XP enabled iMac)…

- Gamasutra recently published an interview with one of creative geniuses over at Q Entertainment (someone other than Tetsuya Mizuguchi); his name is Reo Yonaga, and it’s worth a read, if only to hear that Miz once tried making a game with… John Woo?

- Been a long time coming, and it’s at last official: the New York State video game bill has officially been signed by the governor. Oh boy.’

- For the two people out there who might be possibly interested, and that don’t know yet… an old Sega CD game is being resurrected, for the iPhone?

- And finally, I got word from Mike McWhertor a while back that his super cool outfit Beat Bun had a new shirt in the works that would coincide with the release of the new 1942 XBLA title, but I had no idea that Street Fighter’s Cammy would also be featured!

Well it’s finally on sale, so grab yours today!

… Was gonna next direct everyone towards the forums to take a gander at the notable threads from the past couple of months, since it’s been a while, but it’s already really late, and I have to get up early tomorrow morning for a freelance job that’s on-site. So instead, I will simply pass along one, that’s buried in the Chamber of Secrets, which commemorates the recent passing of a friend to us all. And I can’t think of a better tribute to honor a Golden Girl than some good old fashioned erotic fan-fiction. Till next time!

1 comment

07/22/2008

600

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

Hey, my 600th post! Kinda. Technically it’s #575, since the first twenty five were simply test entries Jason made while integrating WordPress into the rest of the site. But who really cares, right? Anyway, even thought it’s not like #500 (ah, Japan) or anything like that, I still wanted to do something to mark the occasion, and the original plan was to finally have a podcast for public consumption.

Last Thursday I went over to Mike’s for our third recording session and unfortunately, though somewhat par for the course at this point, there were some technical issues. Something wrong with my mic I believe. But in the end, I didn’t mind too much, since I personally didn’t think it turned out all that hot; it just felt, I dunno, forced? Over thinking will kill anything, especially when it’s as insignificant and stupid as a podcast, but after so many false starts, I just began to feel like it would never happen and therefore became some kind of monkey on my back. I believe it clearly shows that I just wanted to get it done and over with, hence why I was almost relieved to hear the technical issues, since it would justify yet another do-over, despite being annoyed with all the previous aborted attempts. But in the end, Mike was actually able to repair the audio file, so for anyone who is indeed curious can simply head on over to the forums.

I guess me being too lazy to link to it directly is indicative of the quality of the recording, or my opinion of it. Also not helping is how the general topic, E3, was pretty boring to begin with and didn’t leave much room for exciting discussion. Though I will say it does get pretty good near the end, when Mike goes off on Heath Ledger. Anyhow, with one finally done and over with, I’m confident the next one will be much better, and not just because I’m going to actually make a concerted effort to avoid rookie mistakes, like going “ummm” every five seconds. Hey, it’s been a while since I was on the air… granted, it was only college radio, but it still counts!

Anyhow, back on topic: I’ve also been thinking of possible changes to bring forth, including one that I used to be quite resistant towards, but have recently had a change of heart about it. The previously mentioned shortening of posts, which in turn would lead to more frequent updates. Why now? This blog was originally conceived as a place to bring forth information and discussion centering on all the stuff I liked for all my friends (as well as complete strangers eventually), primarily those who don’t have the time nor the wherewithal to find “the good stuff” themselves. But often or not, in my effort to deliver something for everybody, valuable bits and pieces often get lost in the shuffle; sometimes a film fanatic might miss something important because of all the video game chit-chat that comes before it, for example, and the addition of sub-headers hasn’t helped all that much. Plus, in this day and age where there’s a billion other blogs online new sources to check out, even I don’t have time for my own 30,000 soliloquies, so I must adjust accordingly. I’m hoping that separating things according to subject matter might help, along with the addition of tags, which is now supported with the latest version of WordPress that’s just been installed. I’m also wondering if I should go back to doing weekly news round ups, which used to be sorta popular, though I have since let the forums take that role. Yet I’m also still trying figure out what role the fort90forums will play in the grand scheme of things. I guess at this point, I figure what is the point, since I’m not IGN and one can find all the breaking stuff elsewhere, but as I’ve discovered time and time again, most recently via my game reviews (which is yet another new thing I’m going to try and do regularly) that folks sometimes just want to know what your two cents, no matter how “old” the subject matter is.

… Okay, does anyone even care about anything I’ve had to say thus far? At the very least, I am asked on a very regular basis by those who want to get into “the biz” all sorts of questions about “the process”, so maybe this is relevant to them. Or perhaps I’m just filling space because I ultimately have not much to talk about this time around?
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Been kinda slow since my last update; this past weekend was fairly low-key, yet rather eventful, and not because of the Siren Music Fest in Coney Island on Saturday. The day before, Katie and I was supposed to check out some French restaurant for lunch, but it was just too damn hot inside, certainly not much different from the outside, which as everyone in NYC can tell you was beyond oppressive (I guess it was the first day of our current heat wave). Ended up at some Houston Street eatery that had decent food at somewhat ridiculous prices, along with shitty service…. just like most Houston Street resturants! Then we did a little bit of shopping, at least as much as the heat would allow, though I personally was not that bothered by it because I knew there were two ACs at home, keeping the fort cool for our arrival (Katie has noted how much more pleasant I’ve become since the homestead as become completely air conditioned). I forget if we had plans later that evening…. if we did, they were totally tossed aside once we came home, which was nice and chilly and offered little incentive to go back outside. Besides, and I know this sounds incredibly gay, but Friday night has become my fave night to stay in and watch television, because of the stupendous combo of pro wrestling and cable access!

If there’s one thing I absolutely live for when it comes to pro wrestling, it’s weddings. Because they almost always take place in the ring itself, you’re guaranteed a bunch of goofy fights leading up to the ceremony, often taking place in the middle of the wedding isle, which is actually the ramp that leads into the ring, and usually between the bridesmaids. But the real drama is between the groom and bride to be; either it’s a couple madly in love or some bad guy marrying some good guy’s girlfriend against her will because her man lost a match beforehand. So when the priest goes ?If anyone has any objection as to why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony, please speak now or forever hold your peace?, you just know there’s gonna be a fight, either to set things right or fuck things up, and if you’re lucky, someone gets tossed right into the big, super expensive looking wedding cake. Yet this time around, on WWE Smackdown, the ceremony took place before the show started, so the actual program was the wedding reception, which is quite the change in form! Both the new husband and wife were the two main bad people of the program, so for two hours they had the people they hate the most get beat-up in assorted matches. Things ended with the brand new husband’s PPV opponent showing a video the night before the wedding of him fucking the wedding planner. It was awesome.

Afterwards was this one nervous, nerdy dude that has a call-in show that talks about comic books and new age junk. I managed to get on the air and asked him what he thought Batman would do if there were a shock jock radio personality in Gotham similar to Michael Savage and if he said the same things about children with autism. That didn’t get much of an answer, so I then asked, if there was an All-Star game in Gotham, similar to what we just had in NYC, which Batman villain would try to do something, and what would he or she do. And later one was the angry, black psychic dude, but I didn’t even bother to try calling him; he’s just way too popular.

Saturday was once again the Siren Fest, which I’ve been going to since it first started, I think eight years ago? And each year I catch less and less of the event (because each year it’s less and less interesting), though this time I managed to COMPLETELY avoid the whole thing. Instead. I simply hung out with Joe Simko, June, and Joe’s buddy from back home John on the beach, where we tossed the frisbee around. Most exciting part? When some asshole tried to jack our shit (we were some ways away from out spot and the crowds, since we didn’t want anyone to get hit by an errand flying disc). Dude dropped his towel or something onto our stuff, to give him an excuse to bend over and check out what we hand to nick, but thankfully June spotted him in time for Joe to scare away.

Because last year was supposedly the last one for Coney Island, before all the long proposed development finally went underway, I was expecting the place to be all torn up and completely different, but that wasn’t exactly the case. In fact, it was for the most part, exactly how it always is… in fact, there was a couple of extra rides, which is neat. Though overall, the place was just as grimy as usual, perhaps more so. The bathrooms in particular let out a nasty combined smell of marijuana and piss. And the boardwalk food was just as shitty as always; because the line at Nathan’s was so long, I had to deal with two lukewarm hot dogs and six soggy little fries for $9 from some shit shack, and was even more pissed when I came across some guidos selling fucking awesome dogs, two for just $3, across the street from the freakshow. Don’t even get me started with how overpriced the corndogs were. Which in the end, made not reaching 100,000 in Ms Pac Man not such a bad thing overall. Oh, I guess the other highlight was the dude who you could dunk into a tank if you could hit the target with the ball. Had to pass that like ten times, and each time he kept calling out for me: “HEY FOUR EYES! WITH THE YELLOW SHIRT! YEAH, YOU!!!” During our final pass, Joe and I both pointed and screaming at him, like at the end of Invasion of the Body Snatcher (which I’m especially adept at… just ask Katie), which the dunk tank guy and his handlers got a real kick out of. But yeah, because it was so hot, even for Coney Island, we had to jet around 6, way earlier than usual.

The original plan afterwards was to have Katie join up with us (who didn’t go to Coney Island in favor of working on comics, and staying cool) and catch a movie, but because the subways were so goddamn fucked that day, it just couldn’t come together. Instead, we would stop by Joe and June’s and then head over to the Columbia University area for some dinner…. that was until their cat began to act very strange. At one point it began to meow very loudly, began to breathe heavily, and collapsed. It was a scene of utter panic, as Joe and June desperately tried to figure out how to attend to their poor kitty. Not helping was how it was Saturday evening and all the pet care numbers they had were not in service. On my end, I called the few folks that I knew that were experts when it came to helping animals, specifically Mike, whose sister is a vet, and Hilary, who has taken care of sick animals quite a bit in her time. In the end, the cat was okay… simply a victim of a heat stroke. But since leaving her alone was such an ordeal was simply not an option, we instead ordered Japanese and watched the Warriors on DVD, which John had never seen, plus a rather appropriate choice, given the day. And best of all, it was the non-director’s cut, without all those retarded comic book segues.

Can’t say much went down on Sunday. Again, because of the heat, Katie and I decided to stay indoors exclusively. We had plans to see Dark Knight… I was almost shocked to discover in the afternoon that some showings later in the evening were not sold out at that point… but passed. We’ll probably see it sometime this week; I hear it’s good, but for whatever reason, I’ve never been super excited to see it, and the current Bat-mania hasn’t really increased my interest level to be honest (I’m still more interested in catching Hellboy 2). I’m sure DK will be awesome, though when people say that Heath Ledger’s performance is Oscar worthy, I can’t help but roll my eyes. I guess I’ll have to see it for myself.

Instead, I decided to give the old Xbox 360 a spin, primarily the demo for Too Human, a game which I was only interested in checking out due to its creator, Denis Dyack’s clashes with NeoGAF. So how is it?

REVIEW: Too Human DEMO (Xbox 360)

It sucks. Not totally, but mostly. It’s basically a combination dungeon crawler and beat-em up that takes place in the future. In the demo you land on some hostile planet and attempt to explore and secure some ruins, but come face to face with a bunch of bad guy robots/creatures/somethings. There’s a few good things about the game, like how the dominant religion for your character’s world is the Norse mythology and not Christianity; given that it’s just a demo, there’s not too much backstory to judge, but there’s some definite potential there. And the bad things look really cool. But that’s where the highlights end.

First off, combat sucks. It’s a combination of melee attacks via a sword-type weapon, and long-range attacks via guns. Shooting is done with the shoulder buttons, which is just fine, but you swing the right stick to swing the blade, which always sounds great on paper but is rarely enjoyable in execution. Though what hurts things the most is the super awkward animations of everything. Too Human also suffers from too much shit going on; you are awarded experience points based on stuff you do, and can use them to strengthen various attributes, but I personally had no clue how to use them, nor what anything did. The menu system is a total mess, and its also annoying how one has to pause the game quite a bit to check stuff, but the whole process is SLOW. Graphics are okay I guess…. again, there’s the wonky animation, and the environments looks kinda okay, but also kinda incomplete. As noted, bad guys look cool, but there’s not enough variety (though I’ll let it pass since its only a demo). Though I can’t let the absolutely retarded enemy AI slide; for the most part, they just stand there like total idiots. Controls are strange; there’s a point where you click the right stick and the camera immediately zooms in and rotates around your character’s face. Okay…. Speaking of the camera, there was a point where I initiated some sequence where I jumped on some huge bad guy’s back and had ZERO idea what to do. It felt like some shitty attempt at doing a God of War moment, but instead of getting instructions on what buttons to press to fell a beat, you just stand there, on its shoulders, like an idiot. Even the audio is annoying; there’s all this annoying gibberish between your team, which is supposed to be immersive, but all it does is drive home how retarded your men are, who constantly bicker at each other or just “OH SHIT!” over and over again. Speaking of your retarded crew, and back to the shitty AI, they are of little help. Oh, and there’s a move called the groin ripper. And the all the female models in the game makes one wonder if anyone at Silicon Knights, the team behind the game, has ever encountered a woman in real life. Everyone looks like a prostitute, with WAY too much make-up applied.

… Since Katie noted that she had heard that AI in Dead Rising was pretty decent, and a whole lot cooler sounding that the one featured in Too Human, I decided to pop that one in, since it’s been a while. And all I can say is awesome game! Too bad I can’t tell what the fuck is going on due to it totally not giving a shit about standard definition gamers. Which is why I’m actually looking forward to the Wii version! But I’ll save the rest of the video game speak for my next post (kinda reneged on my keeping topics separate mantra already… oops).

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