12/31/2005

Nothing Says Christmas Like A Hamburger Shaped Pillow Or A Pack of Candy With A Masturbating Koala Bear On It

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

So it’s almost to an end. 2005 that is. This was a very big, and for the most part an extremely good year for me. Lots of stuff happened, and on many different fronts: my writing portfolio grew quite a bit, the teaching thing is taking me to all sorts of places, I’m finally getting back into the world of creating comics, I actually found a decent place to live, and I’ve finally gone one whole year in a relationship with a girl that is not only awesome, but perhaps the best thing ever to happen to me. Plus it’s perhaps the first year ever that some major catastrophe didn’t take place. Which is sorta weird, at least for me. But yeah, things are going great, and its just getting started (I’m saving some good stuff for later)…

But real quick, I guess I should mention Christmas. As noted previously, I decided to stick around NYC this holiday season, so I spent Xmas with MK and her family. And boy… was that ever a trip. MK did a pretty good job with a rundown of all the drama that ensued, so I guess I’ll skip the detail and go straight to the semi-blurry pic of our very Charlie Brown-esque Christmas tree…

I think Christmas would be 1000% more tolerable for us all if parents were 1000% less nutso during the holidays. So MK & I did what we could, which was zone out the bullshit out with some festive tv shows and movies, such as the Xmas episodes of Futurama, Father Ted, and Pee Wee’s Playhouse, plus Die Hard (hey, it’s technically a Christmas movie). Also, I think the one thing that really helped me retain my positive, and festive attitude through it all was the ability to play Christmas NiGHTS near the actual day this time around, the first in quite a few years.

Though what would Christmas be without presents? Lame (sorry Jesus). As also stated before, I love Xmas because I love looking for the perfect gift for folks. But I also like getting cool shit in return, and this year there was quite a bit of that.

MK got me some neat-o things, including this stuffed hamburger that I’ve been eyeing in Chinatown for who knows how long (and here it is lying on the Popeye blanket that MK made for me a few weeks back)…

Plus she got a box filled with nothing but army men, plus another chock full of Japanese candy…

Here’s a closer look at the box of animal crackers. Note that each animal has what they are called stamped on them…

Our favorite all-time Japanese candy has to be little chocolate flavored koala crackers. MK passed along a few bags that has a picture on each side to tell a story. For this one, I think the koala is discovering the joys of masturbation..

Though my fave of the bunch, packaging wise has to be this box of chocolate treats featuring a runner on the front…

… and a ferret reading a book on the back. Plus there was a little toy in a separate box included. There’s an image of a possible toy on each side, but none of them makes any sense, nor does the real thing, which in this case is a microwave with a bear’s face?

MK also got me a Knock Man Family toy. Here it is (the small, cymbal dude) along with the rest that I have…

And here’s about the awesomest thing ever courtesy of Dave. It’s hooded sweatshirt featuring snakes on a plane!!!

  • http://www.lokisa.com Ken

    . . . Nice

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