February 2005

- I really haven’t talked about it much, but according to the folks at insert credit, Doukutsu Monogatari a.k.a. Cave Story, a freeware action/adventure/puzzle title from Japan, is being heralded as “the next Katamari Damacy”. I really can’t verify or refute that since it’s a PC title and I’m on a Mac pretty much exclusively, but it does look awfully neat, so I’m gonna finally try and get it running on of the PC’s at work tomorrow. So if anyone else is interested, you can download the game here and an English patch here.

- Also via IC, here’s a site that is, quite simply, my new favorite site of all time: a place that has translated a ton of material related Radiant Silvergun. Aside from from enjoying the breathtaking visuals and sounds, mastering the most imaginative bosses ever seen in a shooter, perfecting combos, and finding hidden dogs, part of the appeal of RS was its bizarre narrative, like the numerous “warnings” one would receive before each boss battle. It’s nice to finally have one place that lists all the “BE ATTITUDE FOR GAINS…”

- Again, via IC, here’s the Axe*Synth, part sythn-guitar, part theremin. The heart of it is a chip that was originally created for the old Speak N’ Spell, but was used in arcade machines, like Asteroids. I’m a pretty big fan of using old game technology as musical devices, but this is so far from anything I’ve ever seen. Be sure to listen to the sample mp3 and the video.

- Speaking of music, anyone who’s played Bare Knuckles/Street of Rage knows how rocking those old Genesis tunes were. So here’s a 42-minute medley of Yuzo Koshiro’s greatest work.

- Remember the Resident Evil 4 chainsaw controller? Well it’s finally out, and it’s far smaller than many people expected.

Yikes. Now that it really does fit in the palms of a child’s hands, Nintendo is gonna get ever more flack for this.

- And remember that Total Immersion video from before? Well here’s a few more.

I find it funny how almost everyone has made sort of connection between it and the new Nintendo console. Guess that’s what happens when you code name your system “Revolution”; anything sort of being such is going to really disappoint a ton of folks.

- Back to the IC, the ever-awesome Chaz, along with a buddy of his, has ripped the soundtrack from a TV MahJong game, and it’s quite nice. Do yourself a favor and just take a listen.

If you want more info, go here. I swear, if Track #6 doesn’t make you a chiptunes fan, nothing will.

- Finally, if you got to Newgrounds, you’re going to find a mountain of really shitty Flash cartoons that center on gaming, with most of them relating to Final Fantasy and role playing games in some fashion. Some are rather crude, while other are slickly produced, but they’re pretty much all exactly alike: there’s plenty of jokes that “poke fun” at the types of people who obsess over video game, in particular Square titles (though it’s never honest enough if you ask me), as well as jokes that no one is going to get unless they’re familiar with role playing conventions (and all thrown at your face at the rate of twenty every ten seconds), “leveling up” sight gags, far too liberal use of internet jargon (guess what? LOL is already lame, so I don’t need to see it used outside of an AOL chat window), some dweeb yelling “Hadoken!”, a strained attempt at being cutesy via the “Chibi” style, plenty of Chocobos (those are the big yellow chickens you see in every FF game), the word bitch is used ad nauseam, and that damn FF victory chime played over and over and over again (usually lifted from FF6 or 7).

Well here’s one that pretty much fits the bill from top to bottom, and does it so well that, somehow, is actually sorta good! Though I want to make it clear: it’s not good good, but…. just check it for yourself. Though please, If you think it sucks, fine, I just please don’t second guess my taste from now on because of this one thing.

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- On Friday MK finally got her car back (her mom’s has been in the shop for months, so the whole time she’s been “borrowing” MK’s), so we were finally able to hit the road with nothing standing in our way. First stop? Tower Records: I needed to pick up the latest issue of Super 7, hands down the best magazine out there, this side of Giant Robot. Next stop: some fine Jersey pizza. Afterwards we went to Morgan’s, but the drive there was both annoying and sorta creepy; some folks were tailing us, and flashing their brights, the whole time. It was late at night and the roads in those parts are not lit at all, so the whole scene was rather tense, which mean I didn’t hum the theme to Inspector Gadget like I normally do on the road.

At Morgan’s we were joined by her boyfriend Andy and her brother Lee and we all watched a tape of cable access I had recorded a couple months back. Thankfully, they all enjoyed watching two hours of boobs, explosions, stuffed animals rocking to old records, bits and pieces of a foot fetish flick, horrible sketch comedy, and Groover heading banging to Rammstein’s “Du Hast” as much I do. And Morgan finally understood why I tolerate all the crap I bitch about when comes to living in NYC. Though I had to pop Andy’s dream of coming to the city just to do a show of him just standing there, swinging his penis around. There’s already a show like that.

The next day, MK and I went to Party City for some gift bags and balloons for Robin; he was celebrating his birthday that night in the city. Choosing the right balloon was difficult due to the awesome selection; I was torn on between Care Bears and one that featured five really creepy, child molester-ish guys who sing kids songs, but eventually went with a “Pirate Party!” balloon which had a boss skull and cross-bones. MK got one with dinosaurs on them since Robin loves dinos, but the again, who doesn’t? BTW, has anyone else every noticed that whenever you see a drawing of dinosaurs, whether it be on a trapper keeper or wrapping paper, along with a t-rex and a brontosaurus and whatever else, there’s always a huge mosquito hanging around as well?

Went back to MK’s place, I installed some ram in MK’s iMac (now its at 256, which is “okay” for OS X), we both drew funny pictures on the gift bags (I drew Vanilla Ice on the set of the 2nd ninja turtles moves and a sweaty robot, while MK drew a dinosaur and a cup of coffee) and caught the train to Manhattan. Dinner was at some dim-sum place in Chinatown and interestingly enough, that’s where MK & I got most of his presents earlier in the week (MK got him a “peeing guy” mug and a shirt from the underground Elizabeth Street mall, I got a few Hong Kong DVDs). Plus being in Chinatown gave me the chance to pick up a new copy of Rage Racer for just $8 at some random electronic store that I spotted by didn’t pick up prior.

Afterwards when Morgan and Andy arrived, we went uptown to the Donut Pub for some donuts and coffee, then to Zen Palette so Morgan and Andy could have a proper meal. The whole time, I entertained everyone with stories about my crazy ex-girlfriend, which literally made everyone’s jaw drop at multiple spots. Ask anyone who really knows me well, and they can verify; when people say they have the girlfriend from hell, it’s nothing compared to some of the crap I’ve had to deal with. And finally, well all went to a favorite bar of mine in Union Square for some drinks were Robin got drunk real quick-like, which is cool cuz he was, after all. the birthday boy.

- Regarding Robin’s gifts, I got him two Honk Kong films: Heroes in Love, a somewhat obscure art house flick, and Bio-Zombie, which I also got for myself.

Now let me tell you about Bio-Zombie: it fucking rocks. It’s basically Mallrats mixed with Dawn of the Dead. The story runs like this: two hoodlums, Invisible Woody and Crazy Bee (aren’t those the coolest fucking names or what?) who run a bootleg movie and video game store at a mall accidentally run over a government runner who’s carrying a chemical weapon with their boss’s car. The two guys think the chemical is a soft drink and forces the poor dying guy to drink it, then once he bites it, they stuff him in the truck to avoid getting in trouble and return to the mall to swoon two hot chicks. The dead guy in truck turns into a zombie (of course), escapes, and then the fun really begins. Besides being disgustingly hilarious, it has perhaps the best ending to any zombie flick I’ve ever seen, and I’m willing to wager that it also has the best use of a Game Boy Camera in a movie of all time.

- So that’s what I watched yesterday since the Super Bowl was on, and I’m not really a football guy. Plus I also watched the Chengwin DVD I picked up at Zakka, also earlier in the week. All I can say is Kaiju is dead, long live Chengwin.

I was a big fan of Kaiju back in the day, and actually helped spread the word about it amongst all my friends when it was still a relatively small thing (back when it still felt like a bunch of drunk college students from Boston running into each other). I even went to their first NYC shows, including the very first one which was a total disaster (there was some battle of egos backstage and the DJ who was supposed to just open the show decided to add an extra three hours to his set, pushing the main event back till 2 in the morning, plus the fog machine was out of control giving everyone headache’s and scared off all my asthmatic friends, and I have quite a few of those). But as Kaiju grew in popularity, it sorta lost some of it’s original charm (the awkward stylings of drunk college guys are just more fun to watch than some indie wrestlers who actually know how to move around), so I stopped following them.

Anyway, Chengwin takes wacky costume fighting back to its basics, back to the streets. Literally. There are no rings, no emo bands playing (thank fucking God), just folks in poorly constructed outfits ramming into each other (and it the middle of traffic!). Yeah, evils cans of soup and sandwiches that swing clubs are cool and all, but a part chicken/part penguin is simply genius.

- I may have missed the big game, but I did catch the Simpsons, and I think I’m just as shocked as everyone else by how decent it was. I don’t care if I sound like a total gamer-dweed; both the Mario and Pac Man jokes were hilarious. And I also saw the premiere of American Dad. And of course it was horrible.

Not a surprise of course since Family Guy is also wretchedly bad. I didn’t like that show the first time around (and friend thought I was just as nuts back then), and even though I’m happy to see the power of DVD sales resurrect a show, why the hell does it have to be Family Guy? The jokes aren’t funny and the show just tries way too hard. The only reason it’s throwing a hundred jokes a minute at you is the show already knows that none of them are good, so it’s just hoping you won’t have time to realize this (and no, it’s not a style, its a way of covering up one’s lack of substance). It’s like watching a stand comic who’s whole shtick is that he’s angry and he thinks he’s really smart and HE HAS TO TALK VERY LOUD AND VERY FAST BECAUSE, OH MY GOD, HE CAN’T CONTROL HIMSELF! in an animated form. Because of this, I can’t understand why Family Guy fans are so disappointed with American Dad for being a carbon copy. Maybe it just exposed to them how lame the original show is. Oh boy, another talking animal, but this one is smart-alecky, sexist, and talks with a European accent, just like the baby on that other show! Zzzzz…..

And for those who want to defend the creator by saying he had no idea that Family Guy was going to be resurrected once American Dad was going to be in production… that’s not much of an excuse.

- Since I was out on Saturday night, I missed SNL, and from what I can tell, it was the worst episode in years, and that’s saying a lot. Paris Hilton was the guest host, right? I don’t really follow popular entertainment anymore these days, mainly because of folks like her. Though I do know that she’s basically a whore and I’m pretty disgusted how she manages to get herself in the spotlight time and time again, so in that sense, SNL really did deserve to have a show given their pathetic choice of a host. Though in SNL’s defense, given how cruel they’ve been towards her in the past, maybe it wasn’t their choice to have her, and it was a decision on NBC’s part. Who knows? All I know is that I really wish I saw that one sketch were apparently not a single person in the audience laughed the whole time.

Though I’m also sick of seeing Robert Riggle being sadly underused week after week. I know it takes some time for certain performers to find their spotlight, but the way it’s going, and with what he’s doing right now, he’s on his road to being labeled a Chris Farley part 2. So for those who don’t know how funny he can be when he’s left to his own devices, check out some vintage Kung Fu grip (and that’s not even his best stuff).

- Christ, I really hate television these days, and not just network tv either. Actually, the very state of television… cable television… came up during Robin’s birthday dinner, and somewhat addresses my question of “why the hell don’t I watch much tv these days?” which I pondered (well, rambled on about) back when I went home. And again, as someone grew up with cable tv, I really hate sounding like some annoying older guy who’s bitching how “things were better back then”, but, goddamnit, things really were better back then!

I forgot how the topic came up (I believe it spun from Space Ghost Coast to Coast), but I think it had to do with all the great shows that networks like MTV, Nickelodeon, and Comedy Central used to show, back when ratings wasn’t such a all important factor, back when cable tv was still relatively young (almost like a rebellious teen) and network television meant so much more. There was just this massive need to put whatever on the air, to fill up airtime, so networks were far more riskier in their programming choice. The programing back then was simply far more raw, and more exciting, more experimental. Everything now is slickly produced, its a bit of a turn off…. I suppose that it’s only a natural part of evolution. And I suppose this is why I’ve embraced the internet so much, since you still get that same sense of rawness and unpredictability.

Okay, I’m rambling again…

- Alright, here’s something awesome: a pair of music videos, one from Bjork, and one from Fatboy Slim. Both feature cats. Yay kitties!

- Also, I’m especially happy that Jason was able to track down the name of song that Job (from the brilliant Arrested Development) uses for his magic acts. It’s called The Final Countdown from the band Europe.

Now Arrested Development… that’s an amazing show right there. One which sadly wasn’t on last night, due to the game. Now I know why I’m so pissed off at tv right now!

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