January 2005

01/25/2005

Just When Things Couldn’t Get Worse…

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

My morning commute, which was already enough of a headache, has just gotten worse. As New Yorkers already know, there was a subway fire sometime Sunday (started by homeless folks) which destroyed a relay room, which is what controls traffic for the subway lines. Because of the fire, there is no C train and the A train has been severely crippled.

The best part? The MTA says it will take… get this… 3-5 years to get everything back the normal. Seriously. The commute which normally takes 30 minutes (I live in Manhattan, the Upper West Side) took almost an hour thanks to the massive influx of folks who would normally be taking the blue trains. If this overcrowding (and the trains were already packed as they were) and slowdown is going to continue for the next few years, then I may as well get the fuck out of Manhattan now since the whole point of living here (and putting up with deplorable living conditions, i.e. my filthy roommates) is speedy transportation.

Back to the 3-5 years estimate, sounds ridiculous right? Yes it does, but according to at least one engineer that I’ve heard from, it’s actually reasonable when one considers that the system, despite upgrades over the past few years, is still mostly archaic. So my attitude is, if it’s going to take that long to fix it back to way it was, why not spend the little extra time to finally modernize it? Because that would make sense, and the MTA doesn’t work that way.

Then there’s the issue of how a homeless person got to such a sensitive spot in the first place. I really can’t blame him or her for starting a fire; it’s been dangerous cold this past few days and was just trying to stay alive. Plus everyone knows that beneath the city are countless homeless folks and they utilize the subway space to form virtual communities. And it’s been said that given the scope of the system, it’s impossible to monitor everything. Yeah well, didn’t this city just go through a massive shakedown due to the fear of even more terrorist attacks?

Can’t wait for the Olympics to come into town! Nevermind that city can’t seem to pay teachers a decent wage yet there’s no qualms about wasting eight billion dollars on some idiotic stadium to shot eight football games a year. If the west side is this overcrowded and fucked up now, imagine how it’ll be then. That there’s another reason to get the hell out of dodge.

In lighter news, the trailer to Crispin Glover’s new flick is finally online. It’s chock full of bugs, screaming, boobies, and retards. Don’t watch this one at work (obviously).

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01/24/2005

The Soft, Cooling Snow

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

So everyone knows it snowed like crazy in New York, New Jersey, and surrounding parts over the weekend. Facing the possibility of freezing to death in my apartment (landlord finally turned on the heat, but only a tiny bit, fucking cheap-ass), I went out to Jersey to stay warm and alive at MK’s house.

I arrived just as it was really coming down Saturday night. So much so that the governor declared a state of emergency and ordered that no one could be on the roads unless it was an emergency. Translation: no Wawa’s that night. Instead, we just ate at home and shoveled the driveway. And played in the snow of course; it was a total blast imitating Street Fighter/Mortal Kombat moves to hapless snow-covered bushes at the grade school next to her house. Once both of us had raging rivers of snot running down from our noses, we called it a night, made some hot coco and watched perhaps the first funniest SNL in years. Gee, I wonder if it had anything to do with the brilliant and funny Paul Giamatti as guest host. Hmm?

Plus MK showed me Rock Fighter, an improvised film by a friend of hers in Syracuse. A while back, MK showed me Basil Warriors, an improvised infomercial starring two guys who would develop the characters and have them star in a whole series of films (four in total), all borne of total boredom and spices that were lying around. MK starred in two, as Princess Paprika or something. Anyway, one of the two did another movie, Rock Fighter, which is basically about some guy who goes around killing imps on the behalf of a hotel manager who really likes carrots. Hilarity ensues when the titular character questions the need to kill a baby with cancer, as well as complaining about the lack of selection of the hotel’s In Demand channel (that one movie? Leprechaun in the Hood).

The next day we slept in till 2 (it was MK’s fault) and did some more shoveling till MK’s friends Morgan and Andy showed up. We all went to a golf course where MK & I sledded till dark (Andy & Morgan weren’t dressed for the occasion, but Andy did have fun pushing MK & I down the hill). As much fun playing GameCube and surfing message boards is, nothing beats rushing down a hill, wind and snow hitting in your face (and going up your nose), flying high in the air on a plastic disc designed for kids, and landing on your ass hard.

Once it got dark and far too cold, we all had dinner with Morgan’s family who all wanted to see met me (only natural considering MK is practically a member of the family, hence their interest in her choice man). Everyone enjoyed the insane amount of chicken pit pie that was prepared. Some pool was played and then MK drove me back to my, as expected, freezing apartment. Though Adult Swim helped dull the pain.

Speaking off, and I forgot to mention this before, but there was apparently a Q&A on the Adult Swim forums on Thursday. Here’s some of the stuff that was revealed…

- New anime is hitting the air in 2005: Samurai Champloo and Paranoia Agent.

I got the chance to see both at a recent anime fest here in NYC and really dug both, especially Paranoia Agent. Champloo is certain to be a smash hit, plus I feel Agent stands a good chance of become a cult sensation. I wonder how it did in Japan? If the reception has been similar to Satoshi Kon’s other works (the man was also behind Perfect Blue and Millennium Actress), then probably awful. With shit like Naruto being the biggest thing over there right now, I have to assume so. So maybe, like his movies, he’ll find some appreciation here in American. BTW, he also did Tokyo Godfathers, but I have no idea if it did well there.

- Venture Brother has not been cancelled, but the fate of a second season hinges on the ratings for the next 3 weekends (one of which has already passed). So you hear that folks? If you’re a Nelson ratings person, PLEASE WATCH IT FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS. Thank you.

I’d like to say that I’m perplexed why the normally keen Adult Swim audience didn’t embrace the show the instant it premiered (Lord knows there’s not a single bad episode in the batch), but then I remind myself that Home Movies also fell through the cracks, so this one probably will as well. Also going against it’s chances of renewal is the simple fact that unlike the other AS shows, it actually costs money to produce, so I’m just praying for a DVD release of what’s out there.

- Sealab has (finally) been cancelled. And thank God for that.

- American Dad, the new show from Seth McFarlane, creator of Family Guy, debuts on Sunday, Feb 13. And like Family Guy, I won’t make any effort to catch it, but if it’s on, I guess I watch. Not surprisingly, I’ve head that American Dad is a carbon copy of Family Guy to a fault. Apparently, just replace the talking dog with a talking fish or something.

- There’s a pilot in development called Lucy: Daughter of the Dead. Sounds like a hit already!

- Tom Goes To The Mayor will have new episodes in April. Till then, I guess they’ll be showing the same four episodes over and over and over and…

I have to admit, when the show first premiered, I absolutely hated it. I thought it was just another unfunny, self-indulgent exercise in overly “stylized” animation. Even Bob Odenkirk’s name didn’t do anything for me. But as time went on, the show grew on me, and now I can’t wait for new episodes. I think it was the Xmas one that did it for me (and I sorta want a Rats Off To Ya! shirt as well).

Given some time, it will find it legs. And hell, I thought Aqua Teen was stupid as fuck at first, and it got pretty damn good. All that’s needed is that one brilliant episode to get things going. For anyone interested, check out some other stuff by the show’s creators, Time and Eric.

- In other anime news, they just acquired the entire run of Inuyasha (ugh), Case Closed will return soon, as will Trigun and maybe Blue Gender (double ugh).

- They spoke about how to pitch shows to them. What do they want? Something that’s 15 minutes long, cheap, innovative, and cheap as hell to produce.

- Oh, and Squidbillies is still in development.

One last thing… Johnny Carson died yesterday. Know how I’m always saying how I started watching Letterman when I was in the first grade? Well you should also include Carson’s show as well. Plus, back in the day, I never missed Carson Comedy Classics, which was a syndicated half hour show that compiled the best of his skits ran regularly as well. Never.

By now, most have seen the numerous retrospectives on television by now, all the clips and interviews with folks know knew and loved him, and everything they’ve said regarding his showmanship, his humility, his sincerity, the profound effect he’s had on television and comedy as a whole is all 1000% true.

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01/21/2005

The Size Of Forgiveness

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

Earlier today was an EA press event where they were showing off games for the PSP. This marked the first chance ever to handle the thing. And all I can say is: wow. I mean seriously, wow.

Believe the hype, the thing is indeed magnificent. First off, the unit just feels wonderful in one’s hands. You simply have to handle one to truly appreciate it’s aesthetics. Not only does it look good just sitting there, but the games (even today’s standard EA fare) look incredible; definitely PS2 caliber graphics. Granted first generation PS2 graphics, but given it was a first gen title, my mind boggles at the thought of playing something Snake Eater quality later down the road (or Gran Turisom 4, though that’s actually coming along far sooner I believe… and hope). The screen is fucking intense, I’ve never seen anything better.

The sound is great and the controls are damn near perfect. I must admit that I wasn’t totally comfortable with the analogue stick (or is it button?), but it’s something once can get used to, and all things considered, I’d like to think it was the best execution possible.

I didn’t get a chance to do anything else besides play games, which meant no opportunity to check out the OS or anything, but one of the games featured a music video (this is EA afterall) and the image was super crips, clear, and DVD quality. The clip was mostly dark, with plenty of grays and blacks, and the camera was shaking quite a bit, but never was there any blurring or pixilation. Extremely impressive.

As for the unit’s body and construction, it was very solid, and didn’t feel at all fragile or chintzy. Though… and here comes the negatives…. the face is one whole piece, with no separate screen, meaning no real way to replace the screen if it gets scratched up (and it will, every portable screen gets scratched up, even the GBA SP’s). Also, the reports weren’t lying; the thing gets dirty real quick. When I first picked one up, about fifty distinct greasy fingerprints were quite visible. Then there’s the whole battery life issue. Six hours “at best” is still not so hot.

I know I sound like a total Sony tool for saying this, but after finally handling a PSP, I feel a bit more forgiving all of sudden. The notion of carrying one around as a multimedia gadget… for not just playing games but to watch movies (again, the image quality was insane), or mp3s… just seems totally plausible, and thus far I’ve generally looked down up such “do everything” gadgets. Guess that’s due to being constantly let down by other attempts at convergence devices, like with cell phones or mp3 players.

One of the first things to cross my mind, was “Holy shit, Nintendo is really fucked” Finally, a serious contender to the big N’s untouched handheld crown. It’s not a situation of “who will win?” since it’s clear this early that Sony will take it. The PSP is that amazing.

I don’t mean to diss the DS. I still think its great, but the bottom line is that virtually nothing out there really takes advantage of the second screen, including most titles on the horizon. As predicted, its just the same old games with a separate map screen. As happy as I am to get a new Castlevania (especially since its a direct sequel to the outstanding Aria of Sorrow, which featured a story that really deserves a follow-up), and as nice it will be to not have to pause every three seconds to refer to a castle map, it still feels like a cop-out. I don’t want to play GBA games that also feature touch sensitive features, I want something totally new and different, found no where else. You know, what Nintendo was promising, but isn’t delivering.

Course, the real reason why Nintendo is going to find themselves in dire straits we be entirely due to people’s reaction the Game Boy Next is introduced, which can’t be too hard behind now (I’m assuming that it has to be clear to everyone that DS was simply a testbed of ideas for the next true Game Boy). No matter what it may end up being able to do… it will surely feature a touch-screen as well, though there’ll probably only be one screen… and as I’ve been saying forever know (and others are now also predicting), it will probably play GameCube games… people will not even come near the thing. The idea of purchasing a third handheld from Nintendo (four if you count the original GBA and the SP separately, which is valid since many “had” to buy it the second time around) in just five years time (assuming it comes out next year, to time with Revolution’s release) is fucking insane, and liable to make people completely write off Nintendo in disgust.

Am I completely sold on the PSP? More or less. Though I’ll wait a few good months before getting mine, after the first initial batch of faulty units is out of the way. Hey, it’s a Sony!

My only fear is the types of games that will be available. Almost every title in Japan that has my eye, with the exception of Ridge Racers, will find a rough time coming to the states. Hell, up until today, there was fear that Lumines may not even make it here, despite all the buzz it’s attracted; the lack of any announcement at this point has been worrying to say the least, plus the fact it ended up bombing in Japan (which is quite the shock considering all the hype and it was a launch title) really hurts. But now there’s speculation that Ubi Soft is going to pick it up, though now there’s concern that the soundtrack might be tampered with. And if that happens, I pray to God that the PSP is region free.

Speaking of games, like I said, the ones EA were showing off were just handheld iterations of franchise titles, like Need for Speed Underground (which handled quite nicely I must admit), FIFA, MLB, NBA Street, and NFL Street. The guy who was demoing them for us was pretty cool and had a good sense of humor when dealing with all my questions. After asking such things like…

me: “Given the wireless two player connectivity, is there a chance for more people playing at once, like four? Maybe more?”
EA guy: “It’s not supported now, but we’re looking into that for the next wave of titles.”

me: “Since the PSP can go online via USB, and the system just got its first firmware update in Japan (sorta), is there a chance for downloadable components, like updates, new characters, new levels, and the such?”
EA guy: “Again, we are looking into such things like you mentioned, plus playing online via the same means.”

me: “With EA utilizing the hard drive in Xbox titles to allow custom soundtracks, will the same be possible with the system’s use of memory sticks?”
EA guy: “Again, we are working on it.”

After a bunch more questions such as those (which no one ever expects from a writer from Nickelodeon Magazine of all places), he asked, “Another good question… you know, you should be a game designer!” And with that, my editor Carmen replied with “Well it’s funny you say that, because…”

Yeah the guy was much cooler that the person demoing Sims 2 University from yesterday (EA was in town for two days, and the day before was a preview of their console releases). I asked the guy if new Simlish was once again created for the game and proceeded to do a lame interpretation of the Sims’ native tongue very briefly, which immediately infuriated the guy. “Sim-lish is not just garbled nonsense, it’s a unique language that allows for expression of a wide range of emotional responses.” Christ…

Also, and I’m extremely embarrassed to admit this, but I had just one glass of wine during the event (all these things take place at ritzy hotels, with plenty of catered food and fine wines) and totally messed me up. And I had a huge lunch that day to boot! I admit that I’m a lightweight (hey, I’m Asian) but at least there was enough sense enough left in me to keep quiet and not make a spectacle. Though I forget roughly 90% of my conversation with the producer of NBA Street Vol. 3.
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Well after three weeks of sporadic digging around the usual places, I think I’m finally “caught up” in the world of gaming. Much of the big news has been, not surprisingly, more EA hijinks (them buying a controlling stake of Ubi Soft, their 15 year deal with ESPN, the interactive Sims TV show). Maybe now’s a good time to post random stuff from under the radar that caught my eye (hey, it’s late Friday night and I’m home doing nothing else really, except avoiding work… which happens to be playing video games and making comics)…

- I mentioned Lumines, so let’s talk about Mizuguchi’s other new game Meteos, which is apparently inspired by, among many other things, the show 24. Well the guy is a major 24 nut. If I’m not mistaken, shortly after quitting/getting fired from UGA/Sonic Team, all he did the first few weeks was just sit around at home watching reruns of the show.

And here’s the opening movie to the game. Mizuguchi’s collaborator on the project, Masahiro Sakurai, is easily felt. Those who are familiar with Super Smash Bros (he created that, and Kirby) will know what I mean.

- Here’s another game intro, this one for Gran Turismo 4. I’ve always been a super fan of the GT series’ openings and this one doesn’t disappoint. Though as much as I like Moon Over the Castle, the official GT theme, I do love the one used for GT4 Prologue. At any rate, I hope Sony sticks with it for the American release and don’t replace it with Lenny Kravtiz again, or something equally lame (though their choices for replacements for parts 1 and 2 were actually pretty good, so there is hope).

- Regarding the aforementioned PSP firmware update, the story behind it is a bit of the mess. As far as I can tell, a firmware update was made available on an official PlayStation site (I think) last weekend which gives the PSP, aside from bug fixes, a web browsers, an email client, text messaging, voice messaging, a calculator, and a word processor/spread sheet program. And as quickly as it appeared, it disappeared.

A few thought it was bogus, but others counter that a keyboard was shown at this past E3. More curious has been Sony’s staunch “no comment.” The theory is that it’s an updater that got leaked well ahead of schedule. More than likely, it will be an updater for the Japanese market to get their units “up to speed” with the US ones; American PSPs will probably come with all the extra stuff pre-installed, sorta like how American PS2s already had their DVD drivers right out of the box.

And as is often the case with things like these, it’s been strongly advised that if downloaded, it should not be applied.

- I know everyone must have seen it by now, but what the hell… here’s a video of some Japanese kids destroying a PSP.

- Actually, here’s a much better vid, from the disastrous French PS2 launch. It’s both hilarious and scary.

- It’s really long, and unless you know Japanese you won’t know what the hell is going on, but watch the GameCube, N64, Saturn, and Dreamcast all fight along side each other, RPG style, in Sega Fantasy V. In addition to fighting the Xbox and PS2 together, with the aide of the Jaguar and the Lynx, the original Konami logo even gets some action. And watch just to find out that the 3DO isn’t so bad after all.

Christ, I really wish I could find out what everyone is saying.

- Sticking with old school consoles, anyone who was lucky to have a Neo Geo console can attest to how godly the controllers were. Well, its back, courtesy of Sega, and for the PS2. It’s part of SNK’s 10th anniversary of King of Fighters. I like this much better than KOF: Re-Bout, that’s for sure.

- Remember that Pac Man lottery ticket I got while back in Washington? Well, here’s one involving Tetris.

- The World Hobby Fair took place in Japan recently, and here’s some pics from DDR featuring Mario:

I still have a very hard time believing it’s real.

- Plus here’s a pic of the Katamari booth:

- And here’s a Katamari hat that was handmade and sold on eBay for $130.00. When I first heard of it, I immediately envisioned something like what the prince has on his head. Not quite the same, but still sorta neat.

But am I wrong, or does she look like Gum from Jet Set Radio Future?


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One final non game related note: yesterday was the Presidential Inauguration. At this point, and for a variety of reasons, I just don’t have the interest, or energy, to bitch about Bush… I’d much rather others do the talking.

A fine example would be Judy Bachrach, a contributor to Vanity Fair, who’s summed everything up quite perfectly on a recent appearance on Fox News.

EDIT – 1/24/05: Damn… should have known that the video from France would be popular, it’s been downloaded like crazy over the weekend (well, thanks to the blizzard, many people were stuck at home and perhaps starved for entertainment). So much so that I’ve exceeded my bandwidth, meaning I will have to yank the vid until another place to host it is found (if anyone can spare the space, please drop me a line).

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