05/20/2008

Pray For God To Bless Me With This Amount Of Money: $_____

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

The past couple of days have been pretty busy ones.

“You damned fools… dis’ is not a bodega!”

Everyone knows that I’m obsessed with and am completely on love with New York City cable access, right? First off, some might recall me mentioning how I was supposed to be on some chess-related call-in show, called Chess Live, hosted by a dude that’s somewhat known in various NYC indie comics and ska circles. Unfortunately, I totally forgot about it; my scheduled appearance actually fell on the day I did my test run of the podcast. So if you’re reading this, sorry Phil! Maybe next time? Though I know the show airs once every two weeks on a Thursday, and I was hoping to do another recording this upcoming one…

… Speaking of, a select few have managed to get their hands on the recording. Actually, just one: Katie. According to her, I apparently mention my taste in girls like eight or nine times throughout the hour, regardless of the topic at hand. Though what she found most “interesting” was when I went down my list of likes. Which is, not so much sexy but cute, nerdy-looking (so clich?d, I know), Caucasian (pale actually)… and scared looking. Yeah, you folks figure that one out. Or, simply wait for the my mega-epic, sci-fi sexual fantasy spectacular, in comic book form, coming soon I hope, which will be chock full of terrified girls, all naked and covered in goo….

But anyhow, this past Friday night I finally made it on the air of Flaccid Ego, another live call-in show, this one hosted by an ornery television psychic who gives readings to callers (or doles out insults to ones that give him shit, which is like 98% of the time). For those unfamiliar with this crown jewel of the NYC cable access world, and yet another reason why staying home on a Friday night in Manhattan is not such a bad idea, you basically call in, give him your first name, and then he takes care of the rest. But step out of line in the slightest, and watch out. I myself, thrilled to actually get through and finally talk to the dude, treated him with the utmost of respect, which he really appreciated. Enough to be told that I would be getting a raise at my job! Thing is, I am self-employed… though I just did a letter from the IRS stating that I would be getting the $600 for my stimulus check, so I guess maybe that counts? Now if I had been rude, I would have been told to expect a venereal disease or something. Katie then got on and gave him the class “FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!!!” I then tried calling back, to scream “MAD DOG SUCKS, MAD CAT RULES! SUCK IT, SUCK IT, SUCK IT” but by that point, the phones were really jammed.

Anyway, those not living in Manhattan can stick check him out on YouTube; there’s numerous videos to be found, though this one sums it all up the best, me thinks.

These next 24 important hours are crucial to you.

Saturday was especially packed. Aside from having lunch with Hilary, then going clothes shopping with Katie, Joe Salina, and Mooney… got something pretty wacky in the mail. A question to all you New Yorkers out there, though I guess it goes out to everyone: did anyone else get a letter from Saint Matthew’s Churches this past Saturday?

Churches sending out junk mail, claiming to do miracles and offering free junk is nothing new, but the stuff I got from Saint Matthew’s is positively mind-blowing. I should really get scans since no description will do it any justice; the centerpiece of the package is the Faith Church Prayer Rug, which one is supposed to pray to God while kneeling on it. And pray for what? Well, along with the rug were a bunch of testimonies from various folks, mostly old women, touting the miracle-making powers of this blessed cloth. And in all their cases, it was for more money, which they all got! Though best of all was the accompanying letter, which not only explained who they were (it was constantly mentioned how they were an old, established church… one that is 57 years old), but gave extremely detailed instructions on how to properly use the cloth…

“When you use this Faith Church Prayer Rug, go into a room where you can be alone (just God and you). Turn off the television and radio and try to be by yourself when you kneel on this Holy Ghost, Bible Prayer Rug, or spread it over your knees. [How convenient!] We want this Church Ministry, Prayer Rug [I love how they constant change the descriptive terms for the thing] to be touching both of your knees as you pray for the needs you are facing right now. It is going to be like you are kneeling before God All Mighty at the altar inside a great church of blessings. If you need more joy, peace, health, money, a new car, a new house, healing in family communication, or whatever, we, as a very old (57 years) church, want to know about it. Check your prayer needs on page two of this letter. [I'll get to that in just a moment]…

These next 24 important hours are crucial to you. Timing is important to God. After you kneel on this Church Prayer Rug, or place it over your knees, place it in a Bible, on Philippians 4:19. (If you don’t have a Bible, its okay – just slide it under your side of your bed, for tonight, you can. If you can’t do this, it is okay.) Leave It There No Longer Than Tonight Only! God sees. Then, in the morning it is a must that you get this unusual blessing Church Prayer Rug out of this house and back to us, here at the church’s chapel, prayer room, in faith. [God I love the overuse of bolds] We must also have this letter back, with whatever you need prayer for, printed on page two. You must get this Bible Prayer Rug back to the church so we can rush it onto another family that’s in need of a blessing. Do this without fail. Please, do not break this flow of power between us….

And on the back, you can check off all the stuff that you want the church to pray for. Including…

- my soul
- a closer walk with Jesus
- my health
- my children
- confusion in my home
- to stop a bad habit
- a better job
- a home to call my own
- a new car
- a money blessing
- I want to be saved
- pray for God to bless me with this amount of money: $_____

… Christ. Pretty ballsy to have people not only ask God for money, but to specify the amount?

As for the rug itself, the face of Jesus is on it, with his eyes closed. Further instructions are on the rug itself; you’re supposed to stare at it till his eyes open. Then go to a quiet room, yada, yada, yada. Oh, did I mention that this rug is actually a piece of paper? That once again, after its use, you’re supposed to return ASAP. There was even a stamped addressed envelope enclosed! I love how it says “The church will pay this postage. Drop in any mailbox” with also the words “THIS IS THE NEXT MORNING” for whatever reason blazed across.

In the late afternoon, Katie began developing a fierce headache, so she applied the rug, not on her knees as instructed, but on her face, to get even more feeling power from it. But no dice. Thanks for nothing Jesus, lol. Anyhow, due to headache, she wasn’t able to make it out to…

How To Buy Drugs In Morningside Park

That Saturday night was the long-awaited wedding party of June and Joe Simko. Both got hitched late last year, but were so busy with renovating their new home that having a party at the time was simply not an option. There was a ceremony for their families at the time, but that was down south, so now it was finally time for the New York peeps to celebrate!

BTW, Joe popped the big question to June while on the beautiful beaches of Okinawa a little less than a year ago, where I was also present. Speaking of, a bunch of folks were at the party, including Keith and Anney, which marked the very first time the five of us have been together since our epic Japanese adventure. Which reminds me, I’ve recently resumed the arduous task of adding titles to all the photots from that trip over at Flickr; I know I already posted like 800 pictures from my initial report last year… well, here’s the rest of them, 1,750 to be exact!

Oh, so aside from catching up, and posing for assorted wacky pics, like this one…

… As well as watching June do some routine to Seven Brides For Seven Brothers, I got to learn a how drug dealers operate these days. So basically, where Joe and June now live is in Morningside Heights. They actually live right next to Morningside Park, which is pretty nice during the day, but at night… it gets mad sketchy. I noticed during the party that there was a dude sitting on one of the benches with seven or so dogs, also just sitting there, in the dead of night, and wondered what the deal was. Apparently, underneath each dog’s collar is some drugs; folks go up to a dog to act as if they’re petting them, but in reality, they just reach for what’s underneath the collar. Kinda fucked up. And of course, everyone in the neighborhood knows what the deal is, except for the cops.

30 Frames Per Second Is Still Okay In My Book

Anyway, I guess the really big news is that I am finally the owner of an Xbox 360. About damn time, I know. Those of you who go to the forums have probably already seen what my initial feeling have been, but for those who haven’t been keeping track…

- I guess it goes without saying that I was elated that the damn thing worked when I first powered it up. I was honestly expecting a red ring of death, right of the gate (like Joe Salina experienced when he first got his… actually, five systems in a row, before finally getting one that simply worked). I actually borrowed a debug unit once, and got the insta-red rings there, and naturally, panicked immediately ensued.

- Speaking of, when I finally got the thing up and running (the debug unit), I was shocked to discover how loud it was, and simply assumed the retail unit would be quieter. I was wrong.

- The best part has been downloading demos for all the games I’ve been curious about. Actually, its a complete Godsend, and has already saved me a ton of time and energy (oh, and money too). The best part is how… and I hate to admit this, but… at this point, I simply do not play more than just a level or two of most of the games I own, so just having a level or two is almost good enough.

- Still, I’m not completely sold on Xbox Live Gold. I just can’t justify paying $50 a year for online functionality when I know damn well that most of the games I will be regularly playing with will not feature online modes. I’m also not completely sold on online gaming in general, which is playing with complete strangers. I guess that’s why I don’t mind how Brawl on the Wii is set-up; I’d rather just play with Dave anyway. Though I will be spending some time with GTA IV online soon (I am currently on a free month long trial subscription), so perhaps my mind will be changed.

- Also, I had always heard that the Marketplace was a wasteland, but only now can I say with certainly that it is absolute fact. And I am even now even angrier that DoDonPachi Dai Ou Jou Black Label X and Ketsui were rejected for Live Arcade, while complete piles of horse-shit like Cloning Clyde and Heavy Weapon got the okay. Oh well. At least Fez and Braid are on the way. And like so many other Treasure fanboys, here’s hoping the rumors of Radiant Silvergun are true (and that Dai Ou Jou & Ketsui get released on a disc, as rumored… also then again, Ketsui was also supposed to come out for the DS, and that never happened either). So until till then, PSN > XBLA, especially after what I saw last night. But more on that in a moment.

… But yeah, thanks to the ability to sample games, I’ve gotten a chance to play a LOT of 360 games. Albeit in tiny bite-sized morsels. But enough to at least form tiny bite-sized opinions. So with that in mind, here are my very tiny two cents on assorted games….

Ridge Rager 6 – The game is nice and shiny, though I find the colors to be rather muted and as a result, everything looks kinda bland. At the very least, it has none of the vibrancy of R4. Also, it being a Ridge Racer game, I can’t fucking deal with the controls. Again, something I was able to cope with in part 4, for whatever reason. Maybe because it was indeed the perfect Ridge Racer game?

Beautiful Katamari – Everything I think of this game, I remember folks going “it’s so soulless”. LOL. But seriously, its the same game as before, but much sharper, and a much faster frame-rate. But I certainly don’t mind a sequel, especially since that just means more of that awesome Katamari music. Plus it’s actually playable this time around, whereas the PSP version was not, though I will say that not having both control sticks right next to each other is a little weird. Also, the faster frame-rate makes the game feel a lot faster, which again is strange, and also adding to the disorientation is how it slows somewhat erratic as well. Plus, it seems a tad bit more difficult (otherwise, my Katamari rolling skills are pretty dusty). Though in the end, as I’ve said before, I’d rather they copycat a good game instead of a shit one, hence why this game is not making want to rage against the machine.

Dead Rising – Man, folks weren’t kidding about how unreadable the text is on a standard definition set. I’ve been told the game is a waste of time, since the deck is so stacked against the player, but I already know that it?s a game where I’m just going to want to play for just two to three minutes at a time, just killing zombies with whatever I can find, till I get bored.

Senko No Ronde – One of the very first games to make me seriously interested in getting an Xbox 360. It’s pretty awesome, but again, I kinda wished it had appeared on the Dreamcast, where I believe it truly belongs. Also suffers from hard to read text. Damnit.

Earth Defense Force 2017 – As a pretty big fan of the PS2 original, I eagerly awaited the chance to play the next-gen iteration. And… other than some shinier graphics, it?s more or less the same exact game. Oh well. Still not bad by any means.

Burnout Paradise – I have no idea why I gave this game another shot, given how much I hated it the first time I played it. Cuz I’m just a hopeless Burnout fanboy at heart? Anyway, it still fucking sucks. I just hate how you just can’t fucking race with the simple touch of a button, but you have to drive around to find one… God, talk about making things unnecessarily complicated. And the DJ keeps getting worse, and worse, and worse. But holy shit is the game pretty.

Dynasty Warriors: Gundam – Mixing DW gameplay with giant robots and animu? How could I resist. Though I downloaded it mostly for Katie, who was a MAJOR Gundam Wing fan, back in the day. I found the game to be… just like what I played, oh so many years ago. Still, it?s very pretty.

Need For Speed: Carbon – I guess the only reason why I wanted to try this one out was because I’m in such a Tokyo Drift state of mind. And its certainly fun, but again, not sure if I would ever invest that much time into the full version.

Iron Man – As a diehard fan of Ol’ Shell Head, all I can say… what a piece of shit.

Pac Man: Championship Edition – I was actually somewhat blown away by this one; Namco has managed to do the impossible, or at least something they’ve been trying to do, what, almost 30 years now? And that’s to add life to the classic game.

Ikaruga – Hey, I’m just glad it got released in the first place, though once again, I would MUCH rather have Radiant SIlvergun.

Trigger Heart Exelica – I actually really dug this game before, so I’m glad its getting a proper release on these shores. Hopefully more stuff, like Border Down. Under Defeat, and hell, maybe even Karous will make it over.

Space Giraffe – I gotta say; I fucking LOVE this game. I think most of the hate stems from the fact that people were expecting, and wanting, another Tempest, and this game most certainly is not (despite it even saying “THIS IS NOT TEMPEST!” right up front). Not to say I’m any good at it… I’m actually quite bad, and am seriously stuck on stage 10. But then again, its as hardcore as they come, and its supposed to overwhelm and confuse the senses, as Jonathan Blow already explained at the GDC. Definitely one I’ll be playing for a while.

Sonic Redux – I don’t know why I gave this one another shot. The Sonic level that was presented was not horrible per say, but I already know the rest of the game sucks, primarily the Silver levels. I also can’t help but think back and laugh at the time myself and the rest of the Nick Mag crew checked it out originally, and was told of the super secret story-line revolving around this new character, and how we guessed it in like two seconds, and the look we all got immediately afterwards. Good stuff.

Sonic 1 – The Genesis original. And almost 20 years later, and how many more bits later, no one can still emulate the Genny’s sound chip.

TMNT Arcade – It’s nice to play the original…. man, I can’t tell you how many hours and coins were wasted, back in the day…. but not only is that border surrounding the game annoying, but seeing maybe 3% of it, because its not properly fitted for a standard definition set is even worse. Thanks Ubi Soft.

Project Gotham Racing 3 & 4 – I’m counting both since both game are pretty identical. In the sense that each offers an awesome arcade racing experience, with spot on controls, and AMAZING visuals. It also helped to dispel any linger thoughts in my mind, planted by Ridge Racer 6, that high-def graphics will naturally look dark and muted on my television. I want to get one, but can’t decide. It all comes down which one does NYC better; part 4 has the slightly superior graphics, which makes sense, but from what I’ve seen, part 3 has more of a blue, blue skies vibe, if you catch my drift.

Dirt – OMG, the front-end is MIND-BLOWING. Seriously, best interface ever for a racing game, and one of the best for any game created. I could seriously masturbate to this. And the actual game is not that bad either.

Sega Rally Revo – It’s a dramatic improvement over the PS2′s 2006 edition. The graphics are nice, as is the controls… pretty lose, almost sloppy compared to Dirt, but that’s how Sega Rally has always been. Yet, it retains none of the personality of the first two games. Pass.

Grid – The latest game from the creators of Dirt looks to be all that, and more, except instead of rally racing, its pounding the pavement (I would imagine that the death of Colin McRae had something to do with the change in focus). Can’t wait!

Rez HD – Well, what else needs to be said? Everyone knows how I gay am for this, and it is indeed the definite version. I guess the most important thing that needs to be stated is how, yes, it still looks good on my SD set (and better than the PS2 version… though everything is a little bit smaller, since its letter-boxed and all).

… There were also a number of Arcade titles, mostly junk from PopCap and the like, all of which are not even worth mentioning, though I do know that Omega Five is awesome, I just haven’t had a chance to give it a shot. Though I did download N+, and honestly don’t see what the fuss is about, but am going to give it another shot later on. I’ve also downloaded a bunch more demos, like Devil May Cry, and that RPG where you play Chopin, plus practically just fired up Blue Dragon, so more to come.

Though I do want to say one more thing, about all the racing titles I just mentioned. Even though I am an video game racing fanatic, though of the arcade variety, perhaps its sacrilegious for me to say this… but then again, perhaps it has to do with my tastes. I personally don’t mind those games being 30 frames per second, whereas some won’t touch anything that’s less than 60. Every one of the titles offered ultra silky smooth visuals, which is what counts the most, and I’m sorry, but you have to be a fucking ace driver to really need 60 frames instead of 30. I will agree that perhaps for a diehard simulation its necessary, though everything I’ve listed are for the most part arcade racers (though Grid seemed rather realistic). Then again, Virtua Racing’s 30 fps was good enough for me, so I guess I’m used to such “lower standards.”

REVIEW: We Ski

Despite the Xbox 360 getting some heavy use in its first weekend, the Wii has seen some action as well. Last week Bandai Namco was in town to show off… various games that I’m not supposed to write about, due to an embargo I signed (though I have seen several folks break it, here and there… not going say who and rat anyone out… or I could be completely in the wrong, so I guess I’d better check and see if its okay to go on ahead). Though there was one title that I was given the green-light, because it actually came out in store that day. That being We Ski.

I had seen We Ski at the GDC as the one lone third party game to utilize the Wii Fit board. Needless to say, I was shocked to hear that the game had come out before its peripheral, till I discovered that it can be played without one. Anyhow, I’ve been playing it all weekend with Katie, and…

It’s a lot of fun! Seriously. Okay, let’s get the negatives out of the way, the stuff that most of the reviewers, not surprisingly, have gotten on its case about, or used as the basis of dismissal. First off, it ain’t the prettiest game in the word, and I didn’t need an entire weekend’s worth of drop-dead gorgeous Xbox 360 games to tell me this. Its not horrible per say, and actually has a quite of bit of charm. Nor is it the longest. There are nine courses in the game, all of which are connected and instantly accessible. So you can literally see all the major sights in the first 20 minutes. But that’s not the point really. It’s to offer a fun, relaxing ski simulator, which We Ski does hands down. This is achieved via the following…

First the controls. It’s super simple and super accessible, but that’s not to say that it’s flat-out easy; there is some technique, and while anyone can instantly hit the slopes, to properly maser all the terrain, you have to practice. There is “Ski School” in the game to help grasp all things one can do, and several challenges to flex those skills. All throughout the slope are folks who ask you to participate in challenges, or just folks who just want to say hello. I personally have never been skiing, but Katie has, who played We Ski alongside with me every step of the way, and she noted how somewhat realistic the game is to a certain degree. Aside from the handling being fairly true to life, another is how there are constantly other folks on the slope, who sometimes smack into you at the most inopportune of times. Those wondering how it controls, basically, the Wii-more and nunchuck handle steering and speed. Balance is done automatically, unless you have the Wii Fit board, and thrown into the mix, the game is all the more fun (and challenging).

The graphics, while nothing spectacular, not only dues the job, but has a real charm to it. You can use your Mii naturally, and half the fun is not only dressing up yourself in various snow attire (as you play and do well, you opening up more outfits and skis), but taking pictures of yourselves, either speeding down the slopes, or just posing for fun (again, locales and the such are also unlocked). Again, its all rather whimsical and totally charming, with excellent sound effects and pleasant music to help complete the package; all throughout, the resort blasts assorted Namco tunes, such as stuff from Katamari, Ridge Racer, and even Pac Man, plus others I probably don’t recognize (like Taiko Drum Master I would have to assume).

I know Wii Fit has its own skiing mini-game (and no, I don’t have mine yet), so I can’t say if it’s inferior or superior to the game at hand, which I would assume has a little more meat onto it. All I can say for certain is that it’s by far one of the most enjoyable casual games for the system, bar none. Once again, this is by no means a hardcore skiing simulator; sitting down to dominate the game is just not the right mindset. It’s just a nice, casual, relaxing affair, perhaps best taken a little bit at a time. Nor is it exactly a party game, in the sense that Wii Sports or Wario Ware is, meaning it’s all going at some crazy break-neck pace (though I bet it is extra fun to play while drunk). As I said, Katie has been skiing for real, plus she’s also put in some time with the game solo, and has this to say: “I just realized something… I’ve skied for over ten years, and I’ve had far more fun than this game. Real skiing often times sucks!” So yeah, be sure to give this game a shot.

… I just wish I could pass along the pics of Katie and I, in-game, but there seems to be no real way to export shots taken, with the exception of simply passing them along to friends via the Wii message board. Unlike in Brawl, where on can save shots to an SD card. And speaking of, Dave’s long awaited Brawl review is coming up very soon!

The World Is Yours

And last night I got a chance to spend some hands-on time with LittleBigPlanet, the very eagerly awaited puzzle-platformer for the PS3.

Like I said, I got a Xbox 360 instead of a PS3. Why? Well, it all came down to the games; I composed a list of all the games I wanted for the 360, and one for the PS3, to figure out what I wanted, and while I had close to a dozen or so for Microsoft’s machine, I had, what, maybe three or four for Sony’s? And pretty much everything was either already available as a PSP downloadable, or simply has not come out yet (nor even announced, at least in the case of whatever Team ICO is working on). I had heard about LittleBigPlanet, but didn’t know too much going in, such as why I should be excited. But afterwards, I can certainly understand why some folks are.

I only played a small section of the game, what you see above. Much of LBP is still a mystery; Sony wouldn’t explain to me what the general plot was, plus there were other sections available, but they wouldn’t show me (nor anyone else). I can only speak about what I know firsthand: you control these little dolls, which are ultra customizable. Not only can you choose its color, and various accessories, but you can even slap a picture of yourself or whatever via the PS3 camera. You can even choose its mood; you can make it happy, sad, angry, or scared looking, and to varying degrees. They run back and forth, and also jump around, plus hanging on to stuff. The first thing one will notice, aside from the absolutely beautiful graphics, is the amazing physics engine. Everything just moves, flies and falls very nicely.

The core gameplay is that it?s a platformer meshed with a puzzle elements strewn all about, with a heavy slant towards multiplayer action. Players must both compete and work together, to not only get to the goal, but also collect as much stuff along the way. Again, much of the action is based upon all the stuff that happens with the physics engine, and half the fun is grabbing a buddy to either help or screw them. It’s too hard to explain how things are set-up, plus I naturally have yet to see everything, but from what I’ve witnessed, there is an excellent balance of being able to be greedy, but having consequence to pay, and conversely, not getting too screwed in the end.

The other major selling point, aside from the physics, is the creation aspect. When I was first told that it creates a new genre called creative gameplay, I simply had to roll my eyes, since games have allowed players to make their own stuff for years now. But never to this degree. With the game is a very robust level creation editor, the same one the developers are using themselves. After some platforming action, I got to engage in a simple, yet fun, jump rope mini-game, which was completely designed via said editor. In addition to creating the look and feel of the environment (for example, one can lay down solid blocks, or ice blocks, or fire blocks, and they even interact with other… put fire next to ice, and steam is created…. though the ice block does not melt away, so its not that through), but the physics as well. This is about as far removed from Super Smash Bros Brawl’s rather simplistic, even without comparison, level editor as you can get, and is practically a game upon itself. The possibilities, simply put, defy comprehension. And the best part is, folks will be able to share their creations online with each other… this will be BIG.

Though it’s not perfect. I can’t criticize too much since its still in development (plus if I’m too harsh, Sony will get pissed at me… again), but I found the controls of the characters to be lacking. I know they want to emphasize the wacky physics, which means things should move fast and slippery, but the constant falling off the edge all over the place got pretty old, and would be pretty frustrating in heated, head-to-head play I would imagine. As for the level editor, as awesome it promises to be, it’s also not for the faint of heart. There is a tremendous learning curve, which even the folks from Sony admitted there to being. For example, to sculpt the level is to place a block, and then to place a part of the cursor inside of it, which actually cuts away at the block, like in Illustrator. Not knocking it, just stating that, once more, Brawl it ain’t.

Oh, and afterwards, I got to check out the PixelJunk Eden, which looked, in a word, astounding. Again, I’ll gladly take the very stylistic, envelope pushing titles found on the PSN over the mostly shovelware-grade PC crap that’s found littered throughout Xbox Live Arcade any day. Though perhaps the most interesting thing I heard was something that made me even less interested in getting a PS3; apparently, Everyday Shooter is coming to the PSP! When I asked if this was major news, I was given a curious response of “Kinda…” Whatever that means. But yeah, finally!

Takeru Kobayashi: The Game

And also finally, earlier today I checked out Major League Eating: The Game. Some might recall me getting very excited about a game starring that God amongst men, Takeru Kobayashi, in a video game. Well the folks behind the game decided to promote it at the Nintendo World Store earlier today, by having a real life showdown between two pro-eater, Tim ?Eater X? Janus and Crazy Legs Conti. The food they decided to wage battle over with? Watermelon.

Unfortunately, I totally forgot my camera, but managed to get some shots with my Nokia N81, though I think the videos I nabbed were more interesting, so I might load this up later. But since I want to wrap up my originally scheduled Monday night, weekend wrap up post before it officially hits Wednesday night, I will mention that Tim ?Eater X? Janus sported face paint, making him look like the Ultimate Warriors cousin, the one who doesn’t wrestle, isn’t roided out, and probably works at a Target. He’s apparently the newly crowned Sushi eating champion of the world. Crazy Legs Conti. Conti on the other hand is known as the ?Evil Knievel of the Alimentary Canal.? Anyhow, it was fun to watch, since both dudes reminded me of wrestling, with all the theatrics and all. Oh, there was another pro-eater, some big fat black dude whose name I don’t recall. He did a little rapping for the crowd before the big showdown.

But since it wasn’t watermelon, the chance for some big disgusting scene was not that high. Not unlike, say, hot dogs; if one person had lost it over dogs, it would have been a real scene, but watermelon? I guess just a big pile of red goo, which I guess is gross nonetheless. In the end, Conti won out by literally just a bit. Afterwards, they both went head to head as their virtual selves in the game. Speaking of, it looks… okay I guess. Definitely a downloadable title. You use the Wii-mote to emulate whatever food you’re eating. You also have to be mindful that you don’t eat too much, otherwise you’ll puke for an instant lose, which is what happened to Conti, who tripped up at the very last second. Oh, and you can do farts to overpower the other player, and sometime initiate a game of hot potato, which is what one would imagine it being… with literally a hot, explosive potato.

Though the big surprise of the day was getting a chance to check out Moon, an FPS adventure game that Mastiff, the publisher of MLE, is also developing. It was super early in development, but what I saw was extremely impressive. But again, I had better wrap things up…. a reminder, next time, Dave’s Brawl review! And after that, I finally review Perrsona 3 FES and Arcana Heart! Yes, it’s review week! I guess.

  • http://dhex.wordpress.com dhex

    “When I was first told that it creates a new genre called creative gameplay, I simply had to roll my eyes, since games have allowed players to make their own stuff for years now. But never to this degree – on a console.”

    fixed!

    (pc games ship with dev style level editors all the time)

  • TDS

    shouldve got on her knees

    : /

  • http://www.dmauro.com dmauro

    Games that need to be 60fps: fighting games, racing games.

    Hurry up and pick up a copy of GTA IV so we can play online!

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