04/04/2005

We Are The Pixel Pirates

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

- It took 13 straight hours of uninterrupted sleep, but I’ve finally recovered from the RetroRedux 24 hour game jam, which turned out to be a 23 hour event due to daylight saving, but when you add in the additional 2 hours of tutorials…

All that’s left is the awards ceremony later this afternoon to hear which game got the top prize (which is an old 2600 joystick affixed on a wooden base).

Does the game produced by Team SVA, aka the “Pixel Pirates”, have a shot at the win? I suppose…. it would certainly be nice and not entirely unreasonable.

I’m in the process of writing about the event and the game that it helped to produce, with all the highs and lows that came about, in a story for a Gamasutra which will be appearing very soon, which I’ll pass along as soon as its live.

There were some definite highlights, but the ones that weren’t directly related to the game making process were either playing Lumines for the first time, thanks to the PSP the guy from Game Informer brought along, or chatting with one of the Parson DT lab assistants because I saw her surfing YayHooray, and her discovering that I was the guy who’s post she just responded to; I did have some downtime for some light surfing, so I chose YayLite. The PeeBook, after some extensive cleaning during work on Friday, came in handy after all.

- On the Friday night before, MK and I saw Sin City, and all I have to say is that it’s tied with Ghost World in my book as the best comic book movie ever. It’s simply a fine example of how a comic’s form, pacing, and aesthetics can be translated and made to work in another form, yet stay 100% true.

The whole film was visually stunning and had numerous stellar performances. Its one of the few times where some big Hollywood talent has been able to breathe life, and depth, into a comic book character instead of being a patronizing distraction.

Funny thing is, I’m not even a fan of the source material.

- Earlier in the day, I went to Tekserve to return an iPod case, one that they recommended. I had it for just two days, but that was enough time for the piece of crap to scratch up my very new iPod and make it look as if its been carried about (unprotected) for months.

I’ve always tried to hold my tongue when it comes to Tekserve since I know of two cool people who work there, but no longer. I’m officially sick of the store’s bullshit and I now feel it is my duty to warn as many people as possible of their idiotic and irresponsible practices. They are a complete and total fucking rip off, and the people they have working there fixing people’s Macs are totally unqualified for the job. I personally know of 11 different friends and coworkers who’ve gone there over the years for a minor fix or upgrade, and besides being WAY overcharged, their Mac came back with a host of brand new problems, many of which I’ve had to personally fix.

Almost every experience just walking in that store has been pure hell thanks to their uber-hipster sales people who are beyond obnoxious, slow, dumb, rude, and above all, too cool for anyone, but especially, < .em>you.

Case in point: I went in that morning, and three trendster employees were at the ticket counter fucking around and therefore totally didn’t notice me (you have to get a ticket for any kind of help around there). So I went straight to the sales area, where about five people are behind the counter, also totally oblivious to my presence. Finally I get one’s attention by going “Hey, can I get some help?” and the dude flat out refused to talk to me unless I had a goddamn ticket. It was fucking dead, no one else was there, why fucking bother with tickets?! So I go back and manage to get the attention of the wannabe Suicide Girl back at the ticket counter and then return, only to be told to go to a totally different counter!

The guy who actually processed the return was nice and all, but when I went back with my iPod (I didn’t bring it in that day since I had no means of protection) and spoke to someone about perhaps getting compensated (after all, it was those fuckers that recommended me that I get some no name case even though I was clearly interested in one of the more popular cases, which I would have to assume is cheaper), this guy was a complete and utter dick who gave me a patronizing “you go get the address and bitch at the manufacturer yourself” response. When I suggested that they take down that brand since it’ll more than likely damage other people’s iPods, he just scoffed at me.

Again, fuck Tekserve, I’m never going to them ever again. Hell, they’re worse than the Apple Store!

Speaking of, I still have a problem with my iPod, and was going to go the Apple Store that day during lunch, but was saved the trip when a student told me that they have so many people going there for problems with iPods that you now have to get a number online (he was actually going to go there later in the day since he had an early afternoon “number). But he also mentioned that the number system is often bullshit cuz if you’re a celeb, they automatically let them cut in line. Apparently, last time he was in there, Courtney Love showed up and held him up for an additional hour.

And considering how I had to qualms yelling at Salma Hayek at the Film Forum for cutting, do you think I’m going to be any nicer? At least Hayek is a decent actress (plus pleasing to the eye), and not a complete piece of human garbage like Love.

- More bad news on Friday: the legendary Japanese noise band, the Boredoms, are playing at the Bowery Ballroom (its their first performance in NYC in… what, ten years?), and its already sold out (tickets went on sale just a couple days prior.

First, I miss Peelander-Z earlier in the week, now the Boredoms. Fuck!

- I also need to get hooked up to cable really soon; apparently, there was an episode of Robot Chicken that featured the Peanuts characters that was said to be hilarious, but it really pissed off the Schultz estate, so now it’s been pulled.

I hate it when stuff like this happens. I haven’t seen it, though I must assume that it can’t be that bad, and even if it was, its just parody for Christ’s sake. What’s worse is that I love Peanuts, so its always worst when the folks behind something you enjoy gets involved in bullshit legal crap. I’d like to think that, if he was still alive today, Charles would not have given a rat’s ass.

- Friday was also April Fools, and there were a ton of “jokes”, especially on the video game front, Perhaps the best was IGN’s announcement of NES lightgun games for the NES. That Zapper stylus is HOT

It even beats my previous favorite bit of April Fools related Nintendo fakery…

Though I have to admit, Gamespot’s John Woo to direct Katamari Damacy movie was pretty funny as well.

- Gamespot also passed along some info from Japan relating to Xbox 2/360 and the folks who’ll be making games for it over there. Its interesting to hear so many people, like Mizuguchi, state that their vision of next-gen gaming match’s Microsoft.

And here’s a really interesting comment from Sakaguchi, the father of Final Fantasy…

” One thing that gamers shouldn’t expect from Sakaguchi are games that play like watching a movie, which is exactly what he criticized about recent console offerings. Sakaguchi commented that modern games let bystanders get as excited as the player. But considering they’re interactive, Sakaguchi believes that games are really supposed to be something that only the person who’s playing should be able to completely understand and enjoy, which is what he expects his games on the next-gen Xbox to be like.”

- From the files of the “I know its old news to some, but maybe not others”, here’s some animations done via Pictochat.

Though on the other end of the handheld battlefield, the PSP now has a IRC client. Only a matter of time before there’s an AIM client as well.

- As much as I completely loathes G4TV, here’s a funny vid with a super huge NES controller.

- Speaking of huge stuff, here’s an Xbox built into a chair. Obviously retarded, but a tiny bit brilliant.

- Since I’m going to working on a web based fighting game soon based on Catfight later down the road, I’ve already been scoping the web for stuff that’s already out there. And guess what I found… Brief Karate Foolish.

This looks like the best fighter game ever. And I’m dead serious. Too bad its only for the PC, but there is a link to a demo on the page, so I’m going to try and install it on one of the lab computers here at SVA.

- And in honor fo the kick ass film, here is Frank Miller’s Sim City.

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03/31/2005

My iBook Smells Like Ass!

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

- April is finally here, which means an extremely busy month. First up this weekend is Retro Redux, the 24 hour game design jam. As I said before, I’ll be on hand as a “mentor” to assist the SVA team as they whip their game together.

Earlier this week we hand a meeting to assess everyone’s roles, the toolset, and other basics. We didn’t brainstorm game ideas since there’s going to be a design parameter revealed at the event itself, so we spent some time guessing what that might be. One point of interest was the rumor of a second SVA team headed by… a former acquaintance of mine from the past. There is no second team after-all, but I will see this person again, which will make things very interesting….

I also tried to emphasize the need to stick to a schedule. Considering the rudimentary and downright crude assets that everyone has to work with, 24 hours a drop in the bucket when compared to the many months it took coders to make games for the 2600 originally, though thankfully the tools provided are apparently quite easy. But making the game is one thing, making it fun is a whole lot of something else…

I’ll also be there to observe everyone since I’m doing a piece on the event for Gamasutra. Plus it’ll be a good chance to catch up with a few folks, like Raina (Lee), who’s there covering the event for Wired, Wade from Large Animal, and Jonah Warren.

- And the weekend after is I-Con. I forget to pass this along before; here’s my tentative schedule…

FRIDAY:
7 pm – The Agony of Vaporware

SATURDAY:
2 pm – Ratings & Censorship
3 pm – East vs West: Cultural Differences Between the Games and Gamers (not a regular panel, just my own one hour chat once again)
4 pm – Girl Gamers
5 pm – YesterGames
8 pm – The Perception of Gamers in the Media
10pm – Internet Addiction

SUNDAY:
noon – The Franchise Effect
3 pm – Art of Video Games
4 pm – Video Game Music

- Back to this weekend, the night before the game jam, I’ll be seeing Sin City with MK. This will be the first time I’ve seen a major motion picture on opening night in literally years.

To be honest, its not a good night for going out since I’ll be up for 24+ hours the next day at Parsons, but MK flat out refuses to wait, and neither can I actually. I’ll see any comic book fan film when you get down to it, but this movie looks fucking amazing, plus I’m a huge fan of Robert Rodriguez, and as much as I hate seeing Hollywood suck its own dick (a la Ocean’s Twelve), but this one definitely has that cool “old Hollywood” vibe, which no one seems to be able to replicate (see its a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World for an excellent example).

I know there’s going to be headaches involved, hence why I always used to see any big release film two weeks later on a Tuesday afternoon. But when you work at an art school (or anyplace that has “media savvy” folks), you almost have to see whatever on opening day unless you want to avoid every conversation the day after (I learned my lesson from SVA already with Kill Bill v.1).

- Even though Spready Bear is far from finished, I already have another game lined up: Catfight, based on MK’s comic (you can now read #1 on her groovily revamped site right here).

Actually, MK’s had an idea for a game for sometime now, and after looking at her preliminary plans, its quite obvious that she’s a real gamer. And I’ve wanted to do a fighting game for some time now, but one with RPG elements in it, and funny enough, her concept is on the same wavelength.

Plus, this will second attempt at making a game based on friend’s comic, the first being a very brief stab at creating a Quicken Forbidden game which never happen. At least I got further along directing the QF movie, which sadly was also not finished.

- Meanwhile in general gaming news, the PSP continues to make headlines.

One of them is about the less than expected sales its had. Of course the system did sell out at specialty game stores like EB and Gamestop, but they can still found at easily regular stores like Target and Walmart. And of course, you can’t find one here in NYC, but that’s cuz its NYC…. its impossible to get anything easily around here sometimes.

I really can’t understand why people are at all surprised. First off, its expensive. Secondly, its coming out at a piss poor time; many people are heavily involved in school finals, while others are dealing with taxes. Plus, if you’re like me, you’re still paying off the shit you bought at Xmas.

Plus, other than Lumines and Ridge Racers, there really aren’t any good games out there, and those two titles certainly is not popular with the masses.

- It’s been interesting reading up on people’s response to the system now that they finally have it. First off, it’s becoming quite clear to everyone that it is not the multimedia mega-machine that everyone was expecting; you can thank outlets like Newsweek and the NY Times a good deal of everyone’s false hopes. That and the retard employee at Circuit City who tells people that you can play your PS2 games and DVDs on the unit. Getting your movies on that system is not at exactly quick and easy, plus you’ll have to fork over some good cash for a decent sized memory stick.

I love how studios are going to release movies on UMD for $30 a pop. Okay… I can get Kill Bill to watch on my small PSP screen, with no extras and for thirty dollars, or get for one so I can watch it on my TV with tons of, at this point, expected extras, and for half the price. Ummm…

- Back to the sales, Nintendo took advantage of Sony’s less than thrilling news (you just know that they were hoping for news stories of people bashing each other’s brains in to get a PSP) by revealing that the DS was close to the 6 million mark. 6 million sold or 6 million shipped, which are two totally different things? Who knows, really. But there are millions of DS’s in people’s hands, and with such a huge number, Nintendo had better start delivering on those promises…

Also, they’ve just unveiled a new “totally insane, cutting edge” ad campaign(!). As Steve said it best when I showed it to him “But where are the game?”

- I know this is old news, but for those who still don’t know, there’s now a web browser available for the PSP which was hacked from Wipeout Pure (okay, make that three games out there that I really want to play).

- Oh, and now it seems you can get your PSP replaced if there’s dead pixels. But only if its “determined to be defective”. Great.

I don’t know if this is common knowledge, but Sony’s customer support has some of the most upright assholes anywhere. I remember when I called to get my defective copy of Gran Turismo 2 replaced, and I had to spend twenty minutes on the phone to “prove” that it was defective by going through a long, drawn out Q&A, much of which didn’t make sense, which I failed and therefore couldn’t get a replacement copy!

- There not much info on this thus far, but there might be a game, a la RPG Maker, that allows people to create games via the PC and that can be downloaded to the PSP via the internet, meaning anyone could play the game. The program/game is being designed by FromSoftware, which mostly makes Armored Core, the really hardcore mech simulations. This has the potential to be really awesome.

- Since I don’t have cable, let alone any television at my new place yet, I didn’t see it, but last night’s episode of South Park was about Kenny getting a PSP. At one point, the line “The Sony PSP was built by God” was uttered, which got a great response from gaming forum geeks everywhere. This sorta reminds me about the episode that sorta centered on Dreamcast.

I do hear that it was a really funny episode overall, but other than South Park and a few other shows, I really haven’t missed television all that much, and to be honest, I don’t think I’ve been in such a long stretch without TV in my entire life (it’ll be two weeks tomorrow). I know last night episode also centered on that vegetative woman, and the current events is something which I’m also really behind the times on. Besides no televised news, I haven’t read the paper in weeks, and I just haven’t the interest to pursue current events via the web. But when I recently asked folks what I’ve been missing out, its quite clear that its absolutely nothing. I’m sorry, but I have much better things to do and talk about than dwell on people and their misfortunes.

But I’ll have to get back to television soon… the second season of Venture Brothers was finally officially confirmed, plus there’s a slew of other awesome shows set to premiere on Adult Swim. And of course, there’s Robot Chicken that I’m already missing.

- Anyway…. back to games, remember Sega Fantasy V? Well here’s Sega Fantasy VI. God I wish I knew what they were saying.

- And tomorrow is April 1, which in in the world of video games is the biggest day for false hopes and outright bullshit. Hell, it’s already struck; last night, a student talked about the upcoming bonus disc that’s supposed to come out with the next Zelda, which redoes Wind Waker in the new game’s engine… which was this year’s EGM April Fool’s Joke.

But here’s something different… instead of dumb 12 year olds making up news about video games, a game maker is doing it themselves. Behold, the EXIDNA!

There are several variants of the hardware to suit different kinds of gamers’ tastes, such as the O-MARU for “casual” gamers…

… Or the STICK for elderly gamers…

The system has some truly awesome peripherals, including a “body pillow controller”, and the games are even awesomer! There’s one that has a cute looking deer interacting with trucks, Super Epic Innovative RPG (the title’s tentative), R-Type Final 2 (see, the last one really wasn’t the absolute final chapter after-all!), and my personal fave, Space-Time Firefighters Sakurazaka, which not only looks to combine the Power Rangers with Burning Rangers with Back to the Future with Dance Dance Revolution…

All I can say is that Irem is fucking amazing. And they apparently do something like this every April 1rst! You can find more info at this GAF post.

- So my boss Kate is lending me an old SVA iBook to take along to the Atari event. You might recall that my original iBook from work was sadly destroyed on the eve of my trip back home late last year. Anyway, it’ll be nice to have another portable Mac to work on, or so I thought. For some reason, the iBook fucking stinks. Literally! It fucking reeks of some foul order. It seriously smells like ass!

The iBook has been passed around for a bit, stuck in a bag for a while. Some have tried using it, but once the bag was opened, it was immediately closed. Since its been through several hands, no one has a solid idea why it reeks. Either that or someone is possibly embarrassed about it.

One thing I tried emphasizing at that aforementioned meeting was the need to not lose track of time. Organization, communication, and the setting up of milestones, as well as meeting them, is the key to success. But I also mentioned that everyone needs to keep hygiene a top priority as well; a bunch of computer nerds are all going to be working together in one room for 24 hours, which means that its gonna start smelling real bad after a while. So I’ve instructed them to bring plenty of gum and deodorant.

And now I’m gonna be the jack-off who stinks up the place with a fucking stinky iBook! Jesus fucking Christ…

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03/30/2005

I Love Technology, But Technology Hates Me

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

As much as I love computers, gadgets, and technology in general, they sure as hell fucking hate me. That and they just don’t make them like they used to.

I recently got an iPod… the just discontinued 40 gig model at really sweet price through SVA… and after playing with it for just 5 minutes, I came across a problem: the damn thing will pause out of the blue.

Actually, it doesn’t happen at random; the iPod is designed to pause automatically when the headphones are pulled out, but that’s not the case here. But all I have to do is just touch it a hair and it pauses. What the hell? What’s the fucking point of having a portable device if I can’t move it?!

I did some research and discovered that my problem is not at all unique. One theory is that with such a high demand for the iPod, Apple has become careless with its design and production.

A possible solution has been offered, dubbed “the iCondom”, in which you’re supposed to cover the metal part of the headphone jack with plastic, like from a shopping bag, but I’m sorry, that’s so fucking ghetto that I flat-out refuse to try it.

I love having problems related to Apple products and asking for advice online since the answers are always so super useful, especially on Apple-centric sites. My fave place has to be ResExcellence, which used to be an awesome resource for Mac info and help, but has really gone down the shitter in recent months. Everyone is such an Apple zombie that they simple refuse to acknowledge that a problem could even exist on an Apple product, and therefore downplay everything. One retard even suggest that I should just try to “get used it.” Again, I paid $300+ for a portable music player that won’t play when it’s moved. There’s no getting used to anything here.

So what are my options? I guess I could waste valuable time at the Apple Store and get in the inevitable shouting match with one of the so called “Apple Geniuses” like usual. I know they hate it when I correct them 90% of the time, but that’s because they are always wrong 90% of the time. I just tried calling Apple directly and the phone support person was of no use (besides the regular coverage, I paid an extra $60 for the input of Apple Care-certified idiots). I’ve done computer troubleshooting on the phone before, and I know first hand that you have to be extremely clear and concise, period. And if there’s something that either person does not understand, you absolutely have to make it clear, you just can’t move on. The woman could even explain how to properly reset the damn thing.

Ughhh… I’m so pissed right now. And the best part is that I already know I’m going to have to deal with the same exact crap when I get a PSP. As I’ve said before, one fear of waiting too long to get one is that Sony might get cheap and sloppy with later versions, as is the case with iPods apparently.

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