Last night was the big premiere of Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith at the Ziegfeld. You know, where those Star Wars nerds have been in line for weeks in New York City, and the place where Triumph the Insult Comic Dog paid a visit during Episode 2. That pregnant girl with the Death Star painted on her belly that he goofs on? I’m friends with her actually; it’s John’s sister in-law, who as I’ve already mentioned before is they guy who hooked myself, plus Dave and Raina, up with tickets.
And as I also mentioned before, I knew going in the film was going to more than likely suck, but just wanted to be part of the spectacle of it all, to bare witness firsthand to the last big hurrah of Star Wars. So in that regards, I got my money’s worth; waiting in line in the thick of all the Star Wars nerds was decent fun, though it wasn’t nearly the circus I was expecting. I was hoping that Triumph would make a return, but he didn’t; John explained what Robert Smigel has said, about it being impossible to top themselves, and I can understand such a point of view.
So what do you do when you’re in line for Star Wars for five hours? Talk about Star Wars of course. Other than going over all the inconsistencies and fuck ups regarding 1 & 2, I was able to talk about my fave B-character in the original series, Porkins. You know, the fat guy who blew up during the final space battle at the end of New Hope? Personally, I think Lucas should have added a part when redoing the original trilogy where they showed him in the middle of the death star attack debriefing not paying attention due to a huge delicious hoagie and getting shit for it, which would have added meaning to his fiery death. But yeah, I could talk about Porkings all day.
Anyway, some shwag got passed around, including a mini lightsaber cereal spoon that lit up; I was the only one that had green while everyone else’s was red. Plus we got the chance to draw in some sketchbook that was being handed around as one of the prizes for those recognized for raising a great sum of money for charity (I tried drawing R2-D2 stuck on a subway station, but I didn’t have much time, and I have to admit that my drawing skills are a bit rusty). And thanks to John and the NYLine, we all got to head inside the theater (there was literally a red carpet for us!) and have choice seats before the rest of the audience.
We all occupied a whole row, with just one lone seat next to me, and thank God it wasn’t filled by some fat smelly dude dressed like Boba Fett. His name was James, I think, and he was a pretty cool guy who happened to share same exact views on the first two films as I did, which was summed up in a rather awesomely brilliant manner: he called himself a Star Wars Jew, in the sense that he believes in “the old testament”, but views the new testament as “blasphemy” (I also pretend that the prequels don’t exist).
As for Episode 3 itself… oh boy, where to begin. Though I promised at least one person no spoilers, so I’ll hold of the lengthy dissection for another time. Was it a good movie? I guess so. But was it a good Star Wars movie? Eh…. sorry, but the answer is no.
Yes, it is indeed better than the first two, but it still suffers from a ton of the problems that’s been around since Phantom Menace, and things only grew worse in Attack of the Clones. But first, I’ll start with the positives: I was able to keep track of what the hell was going on, which was a severe problem with Episode 2, where I simply couldn’t follow along the poorly constructed mystery, let alone any of the motivations and relevancies behind characters and incidents.
There was plenty of action this time around, and while I still strongly disapprove of the Crouching Tiger-style of lightsaber duels, they were still super exciting to watch. Plus, I have to give Lucas credit for clearing up two inconsistencies from Episode 1, though one major new one was created.
But all the problems from before were there again, and in some ways worse becausethere was some real potential this time around, including: horrible acting yet again from Hayden Christensen (what a way to totally ruin one of the best characters in science fiction), actual competent actors that just stand there looking lost, an over reliance on digital sets (there was just one part that was filmed on a actual set, and the lighting was seriously 1000% better than the rest of the movie), some really good special effects in certain scenes yet extremely iffy one in others, ridiculous liberties with established characters (especially with R2), others that went completely un-utilized, and quite a few more specifics ones that I can’t get into due to possibly spilling key details.
Though I do feel that I must mention that the one thing we have all been waiting for, the birth of Darth Vader, was an inexcusable clusterfuck. In the end, they all just point to Lucas’ serious lack of attention to the previous films yet again, but I’m also beginning that maybe he just doesn’t “get” them as well.
So did I totally hate the film? No. If it was justs some random, action adventure, sci fi flick, all the inconsistencies and half-baked ideas would be excusable. But it wasn’t, it’s a Star Wars movie, and the biggest problem perhaps is that it sometimes felt as if it forgot this (and yet there were times where it didn’t, hence why as a former hardcore Star Wars fanboy, certain elements really did resonate with me, but in a rather bittersweet sort of way). Its almost unfortunate that its burdened with the task of being part of the legacy… It could be said that the movie should be viewed on its on terms, seperately, and normally I share this point of view. But Lucas has rammed home the notion that this part of the Star Wars canon so hard that I can’t do that (I don’t know what’s worse: his idea that they be viewed in order via episdoe, or the fact that people are following suit). And that has been his biggest mistake. Well, his first mistake was doing prequels in the first place. But after that, he failed to capitalize on the subject matter, via poor casting, poor writing. misuse of special effects, and so on.
Hey, at least it?s all over. Till the TV show. And those 3D versions of the originals.
