So I’m back. And how was my trip back to Washington? Eh… Pretty much just as expected. And yes, it rained the whole time, but hey, it’s Washington. And no lesbians this time around. I suppose the entire trip could be best represented by the happenings on day two:
… That morning my dad and I headed to the PX (which is like a military general store) on Fort Lewis, the army base near were I grew up (I guess you could say that I was a army brat). It was around 10 in the morning, and while looking at some clothes, my dad pointed out a sign; the Seagals where going to be appearing at the store at 11. The Seagals, for those who don’t know, is what the cheerleaders for the Seattle Seahawks call themselves. And as many already know, they recently played (and lost) the Super Bowl, so this was all a part of them reaching out to the fans to drum up support. Now, I’m no sports guy (I didn’t even know the Seahawks were Super Bowl bound till I arrived in Washington, which was VERY big news to the folks around there, needless to say) and have never dug cheerleader types, so I obviously didn’t really care. But then my dad suggested we get their autographs; a part of me wanted to say no due to the inevitable embarrassment factor, but another part wanted to say yes simply to make the old man happy (he always wants to do “father & son” bonding type stuff), plus I figured that at the very least I’d get a good story out of it (you be the judge of that). But also, I knew that my father absolutely hates standing in line, so I figured that it never even get that far, so I agreed.
After paying for our stuff there was some time to kill, so we headed off to the food court. The area is huge, with a very tall ceiling, so big in fact that a bird was trapped inside. We were third in line for some tacos when my dad noticed this tiny little sparrow hanging out by the soda dispenser and he started to freak out. He began yelling to the counter person about the bird (which they already knew about… it been there all week and they couldn’t figure a means to get it to leave…. it seemed pretty harmless, hence no one was too worried about it) and then started complaining about how unsanitary this was (granted, he had a point, but there wasn’t exactly a ton of bird shirt all around either). We got our food and I tried engaging in conversation, but the whole time he had his eye out for this bird, almost ready for danger if it might go down.
When it was almost 11, we went back into the store, and a line had just begun taking shape. So here’s a question: what types of folks do you think would you find waiting in line for a cheerleader’s autograph? If you say just horny guys, then the answer is wrong. There was an appallingly high number of little kids and women to be found as well. The thing is this… if you go to any major city, New York in particular, you are going to find a high number of very good looking people. Why? Because folks in major hubs simply take better care of themselves. Not with just how they dress, but being more body conscious, in terms of choice of foods and engaging in exercise. And when you go to the suburbs, you don’t find it as much, especially in areas where most people literally live off fast food. Plus when you factor in the general demeanor of the average military wife, then it would seem that quite a few folks wanted to meet the cheerleaders because they are seen as role models, someone to be admired and followed. Perhaps I’m over generalizing here, or being a bit too mean, but I’m just calling the scene as I saw it.
So we’re standing in line, and of course, my dad starts talking with everyone in line. It was then when I finally realized I wasn’t in NYC anymore, and it was okay to talk to complete strangers (I suppose). As expected, the main topic of conversation was the Super Bowl. The thing that I never got from my dad was his view on the game, specifically if he wanted the home team to win or not. The fact that he only wanted the autographs to “throw it into the faces” of his Seahawks loving coworkers made things ever more perplexing. After about ten minutes, the line begins to grow long. Then a photographer showed up to take pictures of everyone waiting for the local military newspaper, and that’s when I decided to go to the bathroom. I took a leak, and on the way back I notice that the small arcade has House of the Dead 4, so I figured I’d give it a quick spin. Since its a light gun game, I don’t last very long; it was okay… I was less than impressed by the graphics… the zombies all look too shiny and have a ridiculous looking punk-rock hairstyles. Once back at the store, I notice two women at the table. When I joined up with my dad, he wondered where the hell the Seagals were, and when I informed him that they were present, he hadn’t noticed because they were in normal attire and not in their skimpy uniforms, and was pissed.
Now, I’ve encountered quite a folks that I’ve admired over the years, like at cons and the such, but have never asked for anyone’s autograph (unless its an author or an artist and its a chance for them to sign their work, and never any glossy photo). Otherwise, I just think its weird. So to help manage the situation, I figured I’d ask a question to fill up the dead space, one which allow them to just talk away without myself being involved. Though it certainly didn’t help that the five year old kid in front of me was also named Matt, which made things all the more awkward. But once I finally got up there and was about to say something, my dad blurted out what I was going to ask (which was when they were flying out to Detroit), and it was no big deal, but it took me off guard, so I seemed even more goofy when one of them had to ask for my name. I wasn’t shy or scared or anything, I just found the whole scene so damn strange. Also not helping was the guy taking pictures of me during it all. Anyway, while waiting beforehand, I had noticed that whenever a parent and child had come to the front, the parent would step back and only the child would get an autograph. And when I got mine, I think they figured my dad would be the same, but he made it clear that he wanted one too (in his oh so cheery way). So the women were more than happy to oblige, and that’s when they asked for his name, to which he responded with “Phat Max!” The women definitely got a kick out of that one, especially when they were correct when they asked if it was indeed p-h-a-t and not f-a-t…
But yeah. It was another long, boring, sometimes strange, and very often frustrating visit back home. I forget if I’ve mentioned it before, but when I first arrived in New York, I came up with a ten year plan; I figured that a decade would be just enough time for me to accomplish anything and everything that I would want to do in the Big Apple. As loud and abrasive as I might have always been, to the point that those who knew me back in the day felt that my decision to move to NYC was a “natural fit”, I always figured deep down, that I was ultimately a Washingtonian, and that I would eventually move back home. But its exactly ten years later, and things are different. As stated beforehand, I had no idea I would be where I am today: I’ve done a lot, yet there’s still plenty more to do. New York has been very good to me, and while I certainly don’t love the place at times (actually, I really hate it here sometimes), it’s my home, and more specifically Washington most certainly is not.
I guess its the people when you get down to it. First off, I really don’t have much left around those parts in the way of friends. As I’ve explained previously (when I explained why I passed on attending my high school reunion), I used to love coming back home and getting a warm reception from friends and former acquaintances, and recounting all my New York exploits. But as time passed, it just became depressing to see these same folks just mulling about, not doing much, and often turning to alcohol and drugs, hence why I now try to keep a very low profile. There used to be a small core group of friends I could hang with, but many have either left Washington, or simply gone on their own path in life. Also, I guess I have to face facts that I am officially a New Yorker, in the sense that I was often bothered by people whom I found to be “too nice”. Granted, my chief complaint about New Yorkers is how annoyingly rude they can be, but the exaggerated way that Washingtonians can be friendly and folksy is pretty grating, mainly because it gets them in stupid, or even dangerous, situations. For example, in NYC, if a mother and her young daughter was riding the bus, and some creepy crack-head started talking to the little girl, the mother would tell the guy to mind his own business and basically protect her daughter. Not around my old neighborhood, the woman will actually engage with the guy. I mean, yeah that’s nice and all, but its a crack-head! Basically, folks around Washington can often be too, for a lack of a better term, passive aggressive at times. Then again, on the flip side, I’ve always been viewed as hot-headed and temperamental, and just plain fucking loud. And at least I can blend in more around NYC. But back to the bus…
Lots of things have changed, except for one: there’s still absolutely nothing to do. Of course, it doesn’t help that I don’t drive (yet another reason why I like living in NYC…. you really don’t need a car). So once again, I had to utilize the buses to get around town and to find stuff to do. Went to the mall of course, and got to laugh at the security guards who now roll around in Segways. Also hit a favorite childhood haunt of mine, the B&I, which I mentioned the last time I went home. I checked out the arcade, of course, and I was totally shocked and awed to discover that Virtua Racing was up and running!
It was completely functional too; even the air bladders on the sides of the seat to simulate hard turns. The steering wheel had duck tape all over it, but the thing still handled like a dream. And oddly enough, the Virtua Fighter machine was out of commission.
Aside from video games, the other big draw of the B&I is the cuisine, specifically corndogs (which everyone knows I loves, but most people completely hate… for some bizarre reason). In fact, one of the big things to do back home is to dine on local fast food, but since I’ve been trying to adopt a healthier diet as of late, the stuff I once loved (and loved me back) left a bad effect on me, in the form of massive, grease-induced headaches. But since fast food was all there was to eat, I had to, and now I’ve extra pounds to shed. Though I must admit, it was nice to be able to get hands on tater tots with relative ease.
I’m also avoiding the B&I from this point forward due to the crazy folks it attracts. Its always been ghetto, but now its too much so, even for me. During my visit, while attempting to order food, the guy in front, which was some jackass drug hustler, tried to steal a cinnamon roll from one of the food vendors. When confronted, the hoodie mack gave the cook attitude and simply took out a HUGE wad of bills (as I said, the guy sells drugs), pulled out a dollar, and threw it at the cook’s face while the gangsta’s croonies just laughed at him. And then I had to hear the fry cook grumble about the youth of America as he prepared my food, and even claimed that if the gangsta had pushed another button of his, he would have been forced to pull out his Louisville slugger, which he pulled out from under the counter to show to me. I guess I should also mention that the guy was an old ex-Marine from Texas, who’s accent is so thick that its just like every bad stand-up comic’s impression of George W. Bush times twenty.
Again, there’s plenty of crazies all over my neck of the woods, and I mean genuine ones too. Again, its too be expected with the mental health facility being nearby and all (its less than a mile away from where I lived…. which certain made my childhood interesting at times). Maybe I should be used to them, since there’s plenty of them around here, but in addition to jerking off, peeing all over themselves, and feaking out due to voices in their heads like you’d expect, the ones in Washington are way too talkative. Everytime I tried examining the bus schedule, it was like an open invite for “help me.” Like this one dude, who had this long stream of snot, just hanging there… almost taunting me…
Anyway, aside from dealing the drudgery around my old neighborhood, I did manage to stop by Seattle once again, which is something I always look forward to each year. Though this time it was different. I used to be in love with Seattle; it represents a lot to any kid that grew up in other parts of the state, one who craved culture and excitment. It was actually the place I was going to move to and settle down once my ten years in NYC was over with. It’s quite beautiful, and extremely clean to boot. But as I’ve recently “discovered” the quirks that the people who live there share can be quite annoying at times. First off is the fact that entire city, as reflected by its people, has an inferiority complex of sorts. I attribute it to the fact that its no longer the darling of America (like ten years ago when the city was constantly being cited as the top city to live the US, or when grunge and Starbauck first grabbed the mainstream’s attention). The various scenes are trying hard to recapute that magic (some might say, too hard), and let everyone know that, hey, they’re still relevant! Really. But when coupled with the almost cliched, Washingtonian laid back demeanor (which can be viewed as weiner-ish at times), it can be a real headache inducer. Speaking of, the chronic passive aggressiveness is whole different issue. And in my defense, I will say that the friends that I still have back home agree with me 100% and the reason why they look forward to my visits is to see the reaction I get from the locals (just because I speak loudly). I mean Jesus Christ…. I went to the Westlake Center, which is one of the biggest shopping centers in downtown Seattle on a Sunday afternoon, and it was crazy packed, yet you could hear a fucking pin drop. I swear to God, it was like everyone was on Quaaludes or something. Granted, its always been like this, but it seems to have gotten worse over the years.
Time for more video game talk and yet another stupid story!
… While in town, I stopped by the Gameworks and was totally psyched to see a OutRun 2 SP machine waiting in the wings (I haven’t encountered on here in NYC, and was afraid that I’d never get the chance to play the arcade incarnation before the upcoming home version), so I sat down, inserted my credit, and waited for the excitement to begin. There was a pair of machines set up for 2 player action, and not that I’m not competitive, but in this case, I was hoping to test out the game by myself since it was my first time playing, and I simply wanted to take it easy you could say. Hey, I’m blowing $3 on a single game, so I want to squeeze as much enjoyment as possible. Plus, I generally prefer playing only against friends since most arcade types are generally annoying.
Anyway, some father deposits himself into the second player’s seat, and then placed his young (around 5 years old) son on his lap. He told him in a very fatherly tone, “We’re gonna race today!” and it was all rather warm and fuzzy, a nice little father and son bonding moment in the works. I then looked very forward to a nice race ahread. But instead, the guy spends the whole time trying to rear end me and ram me off the side of the road. And the whole time, he’s cursing up a storm, and shit talking with, such as “Take that!” and “Off the fucking road slowass!” and “Eat dust, asshole!” plus other inane insults.
It might be clear to some, perhaps not others, but one look at this man’s face, or just hearing his voice told the whole story: here is a guy who is basically castrated, more than likely due to a overbearing wife, or perhaps just due to our society, and the only way he can reaffirm his manhood, and to show his child that he’s not some big pussy, is to perform acts of toughness in a video game. Its actually quite common these days, so this just isn’t another reason why Seattle-ites rub me the wrong way, its happening a lot these days, though mostly in major cities: fathers who are obviously quite well to do and yet seem to have no spine to stand with, that either coddle their children, or attempt to exhibit at least some traits of an alpha male, and failing miserably….
Aside from OutRun 2 SP, I gave Lethal Enforcers 3 a try. Most will remember it as that light gun game from the early 90′s from Konami that gave you a magnum to blast away digitized pics of terrorists and other assorted bad guys. Well now it’s the 21st century and the crude, static pictures oh human beings have been replaced with polygonal characters and a sweeping camera. Oh, and the game totally sucks now. Its set up for two-player action like before, but instead of playing cooperatively, there’s competition component that completely breaks the game. If you shoot a hostage or your partner by accident, instead of loosing health, you stop moving (all movement is automatic), so your partner, who was moving side by side, then goes ahead of you. Not only does it offer the chance for him to get all the bad guys for himself, but because he’s in front, he’s perpetually be in the way, which means you really can’t do anything. Another weird aspect is how whenever you accidentally shoot an innocent, you see this weird black and white photo of the victim, like what they would show on the news. Its trying to be moody and guilt to player I think, but it just slows everything down further. Plus everyone is so dark that its impossible to tell what’s what, and the pace is slow as shit. And again, since killing the wrong people doesn’t immediately penalize the player, the game just drags on. Most light guns suffer from ending too quickly, and this is the first time where the opposite applies.
I also was able to play a bit of Ollie King, another arcade skateboarding game from Sega (in which you actually stand on a skateboard to dictate movement). Its just like their Top Skater which was popular a few years back, along with a dose of Jet Set Radio, and its a crime that it never made it home (like all the other awesome Sega arcade games out there, and it too is based on home console hardware). It easily features the most underrated soundtrack that Sega has ever produced (by the man himself, Hideki Naganuma, which I would share, but again, bandwidth costs are killing me). Also found that Pokemon/bug collecting game (Mushumi King or something?) that’s all the rage with the youngsters in Japan. I wanted to give it a try, but since it was clearly in the children’s corner, I figured I’d pass (especially after all the dirty looks I got when I went into Chuck E. Cheese’s by myself last year).
In addition to my attempts at occupying myself by roaming around, I finally got to catch up on some cable television. And it was pretty clear that I haven’t been missing a damn thing. I know I’ve gone on and on about the pitiful state of tv these days, and how mind-blowing it is that networks are too chicken shit to take advantage of the incredible degree of freedom the vast landscape of digital cable can provide, and everyone’s piss poor attempts at appealing to all the idiotic focus groups that out of touch marketing types have demanded be met, so I’ll skip it. After all was said and done, despite having about 300 channels at my fingertips, all I wanted to watch was either Cartoon Network or the Nicktoons Network. Nicktoons in particular had some great stuff, such as Yakety Yak, show about a yak who’s best friend is a pineapple and a girl (who herself has a female robot for a friend). The yak is apparently an entertainer and has a trilobite as an agent (who also happens to represent a masked wrestler who has a puppet show). Seeing Rocco’s Modern Life and Invader Zim again was sweet. Also watched Comedy Central for the first time since forever, mostly South Park. Thank God for cartoons, that’s all I gotta say. Oh, I did watch Game Show Network, mostly for Match Game, which is seriously my most guilty pleasure. Also watched a bit of G4, the video game network, but mostly because they now have Start Trek: The Next Generation. Along with all the car related programming they have, plus reruns of the Man Show, the network has truly become Spike TV 2. Again, their entire take on a video game themed channel has been beyond embarrassing (the best approach would have been to focus on technology in general…. which TechTV did brilliantly, till it got raped by G4), so the fact that their producers have been ignorant to this fact the entire time (some of which I’ve had minor dealing with, in the form of arguments on the GAF), and how they now have to resort to juggies to keep afloat is just fucking hilarious. Hey, at least Cinematech is still rolling around.
And I did manage to catch an episode of Almost Live, the Seattle-centric sketch comedy show, which they are still showing after SNL. Yay! Seriously. Plus since movies are so cheap in Washington ($6!!!), I went out and saw Underworld Evolution. How was it? It was a six dollar movie all right. But it was totally worth it to see Kate Beckinsale’s ass in a tight leather outfit the while time.
I guess I should also mention that I finally got a DS; my dad presented to me the first day I arrived, as a belated Christmas present. Did I bring up to him that I was planning on getting the new DS Lite? Of course not, I was happy to take the original model. I also want to say that Washington proves, without a shadow of a doubt, how fucking incredibly frustrating it is to be a gamer in NYC. In Washington there are tons of titles that are impossible to acquire here, and at super awesome prices. Each year I look forward to taking advantage of some killer deals, and this year I hit the mother-lode.
First up, I got my hands on 18 DS games! And they are…
Super Mario 64 DS
WarioWare Touched
Yoshi Touch & Go
Mario & Luigi: Partners In Time
Metroid Prime Pinball
Kirby Canvas Curse
Advance Wars: Dual Strike
Polarium
Meteos
Trace Memory
Feel The Magic XY/XX
Lost in Blue
Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
Vietiful Joe: Double Trouble
Dig Dug: Digging Strike
Trauma Center: Under the Knife
Zoo Keeper
Space Invaders Revolution
Not bad, huh? Though its mostly thanks to the insanely cheap deals one can find on military bases. Not only did they have plenty of copies of Phoenix Wright and Lost in Blue, which are both impossible to find almost anywhere, and are going for crazy prices on eBay, but each was $10-15! They had a massive sale going on, and everything was massively discounted (even new stuff). Plus for the other systems I got…
Castlevania Curse of Darkness (PS2)
Ace Combat 5
Finny the Fish
Destroy All Humans (Xbox)
KOF 2002 & 2003 (Xbox)
Tron 2.0 Killer App
1080 Avalanche
Mario Tennis Power Tour
Castlevania (NES GBA port)
Some of those were actually free due to a gift certificate I got.
So I guess the trip wasn’t too bad. The best thing about each and every Washington trip is that it generally takes places at a time when I really need to get the hell out of New York, and by the end, all I want to do is come back. Plus I got a shit-ton of games this time around. I just need a license so I can go up to Mount Rainier and hike (and also learn how to ski from MK). Though in the end, I was busy enought that I had to miss Chicken Joe’s performance on Saturday night.
… As you can tell, I really didn’t take that many pictures this time around.
