05/09/2006

$600?!?!?

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

Since I was busy with the SVA Computer Art senior exhibition (and after party) all last night, I totally missed out on all the pre-E3 press conferences from Sony and Nintendo. So I’m currently trying to wade through all the news, but it in less than 10 minutes I’ve come to discover that…

- The PlayStation 3 is going to be $500 or $600, depending on the configuration (and $500 version is even worse than the neutered Xbox 360). Once again, $600. And the man behind the machine even has the gall to say that it’s too cheap. Serious, fuck that shit.
- Also the controller is a total rip-off of the Wii-mote, which now has gyroscoptic innards. How lame. And outright embarrassing. Plus they got rid of the rumble. That’s gonna be just great for Metal Gear Solid 4…
- Speaking of, here’s the latest MGS4 trailer. Looks amazing, though that’s to be expected. And unfortunately, perhaps the only PS3 game right now that’s worth bothering, because…
- Tekken 6 looks like absolute crap.
- Meanwhile the Wii is confirmed at $250. Now that’s something I can deal with.
- The prices for downloadable games haven’t been confirmed (yet), but NES games should be just a few bucks, SNES games only $5, and N64 titles $10.
- And the Wii is getting a new Sonic game, and it will be totally devoid of annoying sidekicks. And thank God for that.
- This isn’t new info, but I may as well mention that the PS3 Sonic game will feature Sonic defeating enemies by breakdancing (like Space Channel 5 I’m guessing).
- There are 12 Final Fantasy games in the works.
- And a Worlds of Warcraft movie. Oh God.

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05/08/2006

And The Party Hasn’t Even Started

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

So E3 hasn’t even started, but in less than five minutes of poking around the usual places I’ve come to find out that…

- Twilight Princess will use the Wii-mote to sword fight, shoot arrows, and go fishing.
- It appears that there’s definitely going to be a Star Wars lightsaber game for the Wii after-all.
- The new Wii Tony Hawk game is officially the first “Oh God, are all Wii games going to look this under-powered?” train.
- Yuji Naka has left the building (that being Sega HQ) to form his own company. Which is being funded by Sega anyway…
- Virtua Fighter 5 will be for the PS3 only.
- Lumines might be coming to Xbox Live.
- Ouendan is coming to the US with a different name, different art, and different music (so it’ll practically be a new game).
- So is Magical Vacation 2 (yes!).
- As well as BaitoHell Master (and its going to be called WTF).
- And I have no clue how I could have possible missed this wonderful piece of PR magic courtesy of my old bosses at Ubi Soft. As they would say, it’s “tres super cool!!!”

Plus here’s an example of that annoying pre-E3 bitching I talked about before which is nothing more than a transparent vehicle by game journalists to show everyone how awesome they are. Specifically…

Look, I’ve been with IGN for a freaking decade. During E3 week, I don’t EVER see my family. I wake up before they wake up. I return after they’ve been asleep for ours. My head constantly aches. I pop pills. I never get stuck in traffic because at 4:00 am, there is no traffic. That’s E3. It’s the dumbest freaking idea anyone could ever have. Show one gazillion games at the same time.

Who is it for? Who is E3 catering to at this point? Retailers, media buyers… the press? Gamers?

Nope, it’s a damn pissing match is all it is. Three guys get together in the loo and cross streams. Then the doors open and a hundred more come in and piss in the sink. Since there’s not enough room, they piss all over each other. That’s E3.

E3 will not be the death of you. It will be hard. It will make you even more nervous than you usually are. Things will break. Connections will go down. Websites will crash (for example, my prediction is that GA Forums will be down within three minutes of the first Wii footage being shown).

We’ll all be working really hard. You’ll have new-found respect for people you thought you hated. You’ll hate people you thought you had respect for. When the dust settles and you’ve published 9 billion gazillion videos, readers will say “YOUR COVERAGE SUCKED! I DIDN’T SEE A CLIP OF MONKEY UNITED SOCCER DESTRUCTION LEAGUE!!!1!” You will be sad. We all will be sad. Then we look at our traffic reports and we go “holy crap, look at all those people.” Then we look at our E3 indexes and we’ll go “who the hell is ever going to read/watch/view all that stuff?”

Then it hits you. It’s not about giving the readers what they want. It’s all a test. Some being up in space — floating naked in protoplasm — is testing you. Can you survive this exercise in futility without going insane? Can you get through it without killing someone? Will you have respect left for the people that built your publishing tools? Or the people that read your site?

Then you look back at what you did during “E3 week.” And you will be proud. And you’ll sleep. And the next E3 will be 362 days away.

… Again, I can’t stand game journalists who act as if they have the hardest and most important jobs in the world, the same ones who think they are the news. Sorry, but I’m still suffering from allergies, hence the bitching.

But hey, check out the trailer for Pac Man: The Movie.. Though this has yet to be topped.

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05/07/2006

Another Exciting Weekend!

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

So Friday night I went through with my “plan”. It was definitely not one of my most shining moments; nothing is more sad and pathetic than drinking alone on a Friday night with the only intent being to pass out. But hey, it got the job done, and that was to get some rest. Thanks to numerous shots of bourbon and bacardi, I slept like a baby for a good 12 hours; by the end of that afternoon, I had a massive headache, the kind brought upon by sleep deprivation, and aside from looking like shit, I was extremely moody and acting like a total cunt to be perfectly honest. Hence why I needed to be knocked out.

But the booze wasn’t a cure but simply a band-aide, and I still felt like crap the whole weekend. Once again, I have a sinus infection that is being made a hundred times worse (and at this point seemingly impossible to cure) due to all the pollen outside. Hence why I was forced to hole myself up in my bedroom this entire time. I would try to go outside, but about an hour later I’d learn to regret it. And any attempts to be productive went absolutely nowhere, primarily because my stuffed up head and allergy soaked eyes completely shot my concentration, plus I’ve been sweating my ass off; I have to keep the windows closed, once again due to all the pollen, and the AC hasn’t been installed yet (I just don’t have the strength to lug it upstairs). Another major annoyance, though unrelated to my sinuses is how almost everything I’ve eaten this weekend has given me an upset stomach.

At least when my eyes were cooperative, I managed to catch up on some games, including OutRun 2006 (I’ve even beaten all the SP courses in the arcade mode), Viewtiful Joe, P.N. 03, and King of Fighters NeoWave, among others. I’ve been trying to tend to my Nintendog but just today the game crashed on me twice. Plus MK’s mentioned some quirks while playing Lost In Blue, and I was under the impression that the battery life for the DS is ten hours, but mine only lasts about half that time. Hmmm…. Also watched a bunch of DVDs including Cromartie High School volume 1, Chapelle Show season 2, the season 1 set of Millennium (just the extras, since I’m catching most of the episodes at movie night), and the Evangelion Movie (which I both admire and despise more and more each time I see it, if that makes any sense). Sadly, I didn’t get any major comic reading done at allthis weekend. Speaking of, because I was stuck at home, I totally missed out on Free Comic Day on Saturday, though according to several friends, it turned out to be a bust.

Again, since I couldn’t spend much time in front of my Mac, there hasn’t been much of a chance to catch up on all the gaming news that’s been missed over the past week or so. I guess I’m going to have to approach E3 this upcoming Tuesday totally naked. BTW, what are my predictions for the show? Well, I think Nintendo’s Wii will deliver with its promises and offer something truly new and different (and it’s detractors will have a field day with their “But they’re not really games! LOL” response). Some will be sheer genius, while others will be obviously stupid. Most will be fun to play, but graphically won’t look at good as Sony’s (and Microsoft’s) titles, and will be regarded as “gimmicky” no matter what. Sony will have some super impressive looking titles for their PS3, but there will be some clunkers as well. The entire selection will look “inconsistent.” As for MS, it won’t be nearly as bad a showing as many have predicted. They aren’t going to just let Sony steal the show and will have a few somewhat decent titles, plus Live Arcade will be pushed, and pushed hard. But ultimately, everyone will have a “that’s it?” attitude towards their games.

But I was able to catch wind of this: the story of how Warwick Davis Return of the Ewok. Maybe it’s old news to Star Wars fans, but none of my friends have ever mentioned it to me…

BTW, that’s Yoda handing Wicket his “galactic passport and ticket.” And hey, it’s on YouTube! Of course…

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