FORT90

Well, the cat is officially out of the bag: I am now the official east coast representative for Attract Mode! What does that mean exactly? Well, the details will come in due time, just know that I’ll be working closely with Adam to help further it’s mission statement, which is to make Attract Mode the definitive source for all your video game culture needs.

As for that “east coast” part, for one thing, Attract Mode and it’s fine assortment of flat-out amazing game related goods will be present at assorted shows and events throughout the year, like the MoCCA Art Fest, SPX, plus others hopefully, with myself behind the table.

But first stop, Boston; both Adam and I will be on-hand for PAX East’s debut next weekend, sharing some space with the wonderful folks at 2 Player Productions. And in addition to AM’s usual selection (which one can indulge in without having to worry about shipping costs), we’ll also be offering some totally hawt threads from Meat Bun! SO much awesomeness in one spot, can you believe it?

Unfortunately, there’s one thing that will not be present, but is still on track for MoCCA in NYC…

… Along with something else, which is a secret for now, so stay tuned. Anyway, here’s a larger sized version for those who want a closer look. And to see it without the big stupid teaser across, you’ll just have to wait (and purchase) the final book!

The cover image btw is courtesy of Mariel Cartwright, aka kinuko from the Mecha Fetus collective. Gorgeous isn’t it? And inside you’ll find even more great stuff, such as writings by both Eric Caoili, from Tiny Cartridge, and Brian Liloia, formerly of Click-Stick, yet another ultra delectable (and totally sexy) pin-up by Hilary Florido, plus a forward by Life Meter’s Dave Roman! Oh, and I write a few things in it as well.

Get ready…

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In this post:
1. Because it’s been way too long, some game reviews!
2. As well as a special announcement…

Not much to talk about, at least regarding this weekend; like everyone else in the northeast, been cooped up at home due to the stormy weather. I normally don’t let rain and wind, not matter how harsh it might be, to affect social obligations, but since it’s also totally screwed up the roads and rails (though what doesn’t these days), plus how no one else wanted to go outside, options were thusly limited. And I still can’t figure out if I have a cold or allergies or not; for the longest time I thought it was the latter, but as of today, I definitely think it’s a cold. At least there’s been plenty to keep me occupied!

Espgaluda 2 finally arrived! And like dmauro predicted, I was completely overwhelmed by the intricacies of the game, hence why I had him cover and teach me what the hell to do. I learned a lot! But still have much practice ahead of me. Another highlight from that Thursday evening (which is right before the weather became ass) was another trip out to Jersey courtesy of the Zip Car and a second visit to the Digital Press Store, this time with Dave in tow. I’m glad Katie convinced me to pick up the second-hand PaRappa the Rapper shirt they had (there’s a whole section for used game tees) for just six bucks. Though I’m most proud of the Duran Duran wax packs I picked up! Will be sure to pass along pictures of all that good stuff once there’s enough sunlight; it’s pretty dark right now, despite it being still daytime (it’s 4pm as of this writing). I also came up with a fairly nifty idea that combines suggestions from both Dave and Katie; a group play session of Final Fantasy XIII and viewing of Precious! Dave even came up with a neat name for the shindig: “Precious Fantasy”! The exact date has yet to be determined, btw.

So yeah, XIII recently arrived in the mail, along with Armored Core For Answer (though the later I actually purchased; hear that Ollie?), but both have been completely untouched by too many other games soaking up my attention. And what exactly might these titles be? Well, since it’s been a while… and since all the GDC reports and pics have yet to be posted… time for some reviews!
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Silent Hill: Shattered Memories (Wii)

As much as I’ve tried, I’ve never been able to get into any of the Silent Hills that everyone gushes over, primarily parts one and two. Even gave three and four a shot each, and the results where the same; atmosphere seemed inviting, but the actual experience of playing them never clicked, and I’d eventually walk away due to frustration or boredom (often the combination of the two), usually very early on. Which makes Shattered Memories all the more noteworthy, at least for myself, though I plenty of others who haven’t understood all the acclaim as well. Not sure how diehard fans of the series feel about this particular entry, but I honestly believe it to be the finest survival horror game ever created (sadly at a time when most could give a rat’s ass about the genre) and also one of the finest games on the Wii, period. It’s a real shame that most players re-soundly ignored the game when it came out late last year; I would have easily considered it one of the best games of 2009 had a gotten the chance to play it in time.

Silent Hill games have always been about atmosphere, but Shatter Memories takes the art of presentation to a whole new level. Perhaps the reasons are obvious, but most game makers these days go the extra mile to create an immersive, cohesive experience on the 360 or PS3. Yet when it comes to the Wii, the interface is just haphazardly thrown out there, cuz the system can’t live up to their expectations, so why bother? Plus the players have diminished expectations already, another reason to not really care. Shattered Memories starts with a brief, looping excerpt from an old VHS tape, and effect is nothing like you’ve seen before. I know it sounds hardly exciting, but I found the almost innocuous opening rather remarkable; there’s no attempt at being creepy here, just a bit of everyday minutia, replayed over and over again. To be more exact, it illustrates very early on a level of confidence in its material, without the need to resort to hackneyed tricks, that’s pretty much nonexistent in the genre (which I believe is the primary reason why it’s so limp at this point; all the stupid gimmicks have officially worn their welcome). Anyhow, immediately afterward, you’re then transported to a psychiatrist’s office, with you as the patient, from a first person’s point of view; the doctor kicks things off officially by asking some questions, ranging from “Do you have difficulty making friends?” to “Have you ever cheated on your significant other?” The responses given having a direct impact on ensuing events. From there we’re transported to the action, which re-introduces Harry Mason, the protagonist from the original Silent Hill, and who must once again track down his missing daughter. But that’s where the similarities end; instead of the fog, the player must navigate through a snowstorm and figure out what the hell is going on, and who can help, it at all.

Folks who can’t deal without highly detailed 1080p graphics will surely not be impressed by the visuals, yet it’s still a textbook example of careful and efficient design and programming; it simply gets the job done, though that’s not to say that they’re not excellent as well. The character animation, despite any technical hurdles, are just phenomenal. Yet there’s no denying that the audio is nothing short of genius; aside from the typically haunting Akira Yamaoka guitar riffs, the real star is the cell phone, which is your biggest asset throughout the journey. It’s GPS/map function helps you stay on track, receives valuable text and voicemails to keep you going, allows you to take pictures to unlock certain puzzles, and even the static interference acts has a warning beacon of sort, with the audio coming from the Wiimote. Man, what’s Konami going to do with the series now that Yamaoka has left for Grasshopper?

It’s supposed to be a complete re-imaging of the first Silent Hill game, but if feels as if the entire series and all its associated concepts have arrived at long last, on a system that can accentuate all its finest qualities. Hence why the music man’s loss is so severe, since who knows what he could have done another game or two in. Yet there is one blemish, and it’s a fairly big one; someone wake up and smell the coffee by getting rid of the one element that has never worked, which is the combat. So instead of awkwardly swinging pipes at knee high hell babies, you just run away. These flee or die sequences are extremely effective since they’re so emotionally jarring and stressful. But there will be instances in which contact is made, i.e. these featureless, skinless, screaming pink people will latch on and try to eat you. To get rid of them, you have to swing the Wiimote and nunchuck in designated directions to throw them off, and unfortunately, it’s a completely crap-shoot; the inputs are totally hit or miss and I can’t tell you how many times I died because no amount of real life swinging around was translated on-screen. To the point that twice I put the game away, supposedly for good, but in the end, the good outweighed the negatives. And I’m glad I did cuz, oh man, the endings are a total trip. If you’re a Wii owner, you simply have to give this game a chance, without question.

Tomena Sanner (WiiWare)

Tomena Sanner is, long story short, the WACKY JAPPY(!!!) version of Canabalt. Sorta. Instead of some random guy in the midst of an alien invasion (or something like that), running across crumbling rooftops as all hell breaks loose, you’re a somewhat more specific, yet still anonymous saleryman running down the street (in the present, past, and future, or something like that). The key difference is how instead of hitting a button to make a jump and avoid certain doom, your button press allows for interactivity with assorted things and people (and robots and dinosaurs). These interactions are entirely dependent on the timing of the press; if the timing is decent, you’re given a “good” rating and something wacky happens, like leapfrogging an oncoming thug, or if you get it just right, you’re awarded a “great” rating plus extra time on the clock, plus something even wackier happens, like salaryguy swiftly roundhouse kicking said delinquent. But if you screw up, like pressing too soon or too late, you get a kick in the face and come to a dead halt while the clock keeps ticking. The key is to keep moving at all costs before time runs out, or to avoid falling out of frame, since the action is constantly moving.

That one button is also good for jumping whenever, which can be used to reach coins up in the air for extra points and power-ups, which usually add time or increase speed (though some will slow you down as well). Double jumping is even possible, but there’s a definite risk/reward since upon landing, since it often drop you right in front of an obstacle with zero warning. The environments are the best part, as well as the aforementioned colorful cast of characters you’ll encounter. Every once in a while, and I still haven’t figured out how and why, but the game will pause for some wacky breakdowns, like doing a line dance with a bunch of schoolgirls. Best part is easily the wonderful animation; there’s an iPhone port of the game, but the small screen doesn’t do the visuals justice, plus the touch screen isn’t nearly as responsive as a button, which is super important for such a timing intensive experience. Also, the WiiWare version offers up to four folks playing at once! Did I mention the super sweet soundtrack? A definite get.

Castlevania ReBirth (WiiWare)

The third (and hopefully not final, but I can’t figure out what other old school franchise could be next) installment of Konami’s “ReBith” series is based upon an old Game Boy adventure, called Castlevania: The Adventure conveniently enough, which I never played, so I can’t tell you how it compares to the original. The only one I played as the one, the only one actually, to star a female Belmont, mostly cuz I dig the idea of an aminu chick being a Vampire Killer. And which was otherwise unremarkable, to the point that she was retconned once Koji Igarashi took over the franchise (Sonia Belmont was originally the very in her family to face Dracula, but that became some other dude in that DMC-wannabe 3D title for the PS2). Though from what I understand, this update has virtually nothing to do with the original. Anyhow, like the other Rebirth games, this new Castlevania sports thoroughly 16-bit sights and sounds; I’d say if feels 40% like a Genesis game, 60% like a SNES one.

For those who have grown sick of the Metroidvania formula (sucks to be you), then rejoice, cuz everything old is new again. The game is pretty much a straightforward platformer, meaning no real exploration to speak of (there are alternative paths in most levels, but it’s nothing too crazy), nor any stat or weapons management. But all the touch as nail rules still apply; if you die and have some lives yet, then you get sent back to the mid-level point, if you’re lucky to get there that is. Run out of lives, and it’s all the way back to the start, unless you turn off the system, then all your progress is wiped out (unless you know the level select trick of course). Jumping is that same, semi-floaty/semi-heavy Castlevania fashion that all old schoolers fondly remember and have possibly mastered (though there’s an option to make it even more so). The visuals are nice, but the soundtrack is the clear-cut star; eery and haunting chipmusic and vampire hunting simply goes together like peanut butter and jelly, screw all the orchestral sounds offered by today’s technology. Though oddly enough, the sound effects are an embarrassing mess. Some are just fine, while others are clearly lifted from some jokey sound effects CD you can pick up at the check out lane at Wal Mart for $3. Again, I’ve never had a problem with Metoridvania, but I certainly didn’t mind the back to basics. Though ultimately, I don’t care what the formula is, so long as its 2D. Castelvania ReBirth is well worth the download.

Mega Man 10 (WiiWare)

Somewhat along the same lines of the previous title is the Blue Bomber’s latest 8-bit adventure. No need to explain anything, everyone knows what Mega Man is all about, so I’ll cut to the chase; what’s the difficulty like? Cuz, like most folks, I found part 9′s insane degree of challenge pretty much intolerable. And once again, for those who claim that part 1 was just as hard need to stop talking out of their asses. Anyhow, yes, it’s just as brutal, but there is thankfully an easy mode that makes things far more manageable. But it works all too well, so you’re left with a game that is excessively difficult or easy. Though the majority of the games feels rather stale and uninspired. I can’t really compare it to part 9′s level and boss designs since, well, I couldn’t get very far. But the whole thing just feels tired; I know the whole point is to stick with what’s worked, and one should expect a whole lot of variation from a stage in which the robot master is fire themed, but still. The only stage that is remotely interesting is Sheep Man’s, who for whatever reason, has a very “inside the computer” theme stage. As for the bosses, again, mostly variations on the bosses we’re all familiar with, though I really liked Nitro Man (dude turns into a bike), Solar Man (dude absorbs your shots to throw back at you), and the aforementioned Sheep Man (hey, its at least different). I also can’t understand why Blade Man was so goddamn difficult to fell, way more so than any of the others (perhaps if I had the right weapon, but was never able to figure out what he was weak to).

The game does redeem itself with the Wily’s Castle bit, in which everything becomes a whole lot interesting all of a sudden. The first part is best due to the fact that (spoiler alert, but then again, pretty much everyone’s talking about it already, perhaps due to the fact that, again, it’s the only highlight of an otherwise dud) you face assorted past bosses. Which the best part being assorted Mega Man 7 and 8 robot master, redone in the 8-bit style! Both games were released in 16-bit and 32-bit flavors respectively. But even then, there’s not a whole lot in terms of variation of background and even enemies. Even the music, which one can always rely upon to be something exciting, is sorta just there. According to Wikipedia, the dude responsible for Mega Man 3′s phenomenal soundtrack (on most days of the week, I still say it’s better than part 2′s) contributed to 10, which I find impossible to believe, since absolutely nothing is catchy. Also, full-disclosure: I’ve yet to play the game with Proto Man, nor have I spent the additional amount of points required for Bass. If the game is all a sudden better (or worse) with either character, when I get to them, I’ll be sure to update this review. Otherwise… it’s okay, I guess?

Tatsunoko Vs. Capcom (Wii)

Well, what else really needs to be said here? For over a year now I’ve covered the game and expounding upon its virtues, like how it’s hands down better than Street Fighter 4 (and the bits and pieces I’ve seen of Super, I stand by that statement). So now that it’s finally here (for a while now actually, sorry about the delay), not really sure what else I need to say. How about what’s different? The new faces are certainly cool; Frank West from Dead Rising is definitely awesome, almost enough for me not to be miffed that he’s not Claire Redfield, who was the zombie killer I was hoping for the most. Zero from Mega Man X is cool, though his GBA incarnation would have been much cooler (at least I still have a copy of SNK Vs. Capcom for that). On the Tatsunoko side, Joe the Condor, Tekkaman Blade, and Yatterman-2 are great and all, but I still wish Speed Racer, Samurai Pizza Cats, and especially Lain (you know, from Serial Experiments Lain) were asked to the dace instead, if only to add variety (though at least for the first two, considerations were at least made, but obviously nothing of it).

Anyhow, the game is still as fast and furious, and most importantly, infinitely accessible and flat out fun as before. The simplified controls are surely to irk hardcore Street Fighter players even more so, since it’s even more basic than Marvel Vs. Capcom’s, but whatever. It’s a game for the rest of us. I still say it looks better than SF4, at least when it comes to the characters themselves. Unfortunately the backgrounds are as boring as ever (they don’t suck, they’re just nothing special) and the music is nowhere as charming as MVC2 (which I was a fan of). Though the only real sore point is the networked play, which is hardly Capcom’s fault in their defense, but that of Nintendo and their abysmal online infrastructure. Once again, it ain’t not XBL, that’s for damn sure. Though when I did manage to connect with somebody, my opponent managed to decimate me in the blink of an eye, due to some cheesy maneuver that I’m both too slow and stupid to fend against. Which is a prime example of SF4′s gameplay outshining TVC for once. Anyhow, it’s pretty much the ultimate fighter available for the Wii, or any console really, aside from Super Smash Bros Brawl of course.

Resident Evil 5: Lost in Nightmares & Desperate Escape (Xbox 360)

Some might recall my review for RE5 proper almost a year ago, in which I wanted to like the game, mostly cuz I’m a rabid fanboy of the series in general, along with the mind-blowing visuals (it’s still one of the most beautiful games to date), but still couldn’t in good conscious recommend it to anyone, primarily due to the broken controls and annoying inventory system. But it obviously sold well enough to warrant DLC (and a re-release with all the downloadable content re-loaded), so for you poor saps out there, there’s certainly worse things you can do with those spare points than picking up the two additional chapters.

The first is an extended flashback, that illustrates Chris Redfield and Jill Valentine’s confrontation of Ozwell E. Spencer, which was simply shows in very brief snippets in the main game. Not only is the original dynamic duo reunited at last, but the terrain they cover, which is Spencer’s mansion, is eerily reminiscent of the first mansion in part 1, way back in the day. The gameplay harkens to that moment in history as well; the emphasis isn’t on action like in the main game, but on exploration, just like in the original. There’s even a mode to make the camera behave the same way as before, with fixed angles from above and the such. The entire episode is fairly brief, but the asking price is still pretty reasonable (it’s like five bucks, which is chump change). The second add-on details Jill’s and Shiva’s best friend Josh Stone’s actions during the latter part of the game, before you meet up with them at the climactic conclusion. Apparently, they didn’t find some quiet corner of the ruins and screw each other?s brains out like so many of had been speculating! No, the action is here is similar to the main game, which means I should naturally hate it, but I don’t. Why? Well, I guess at this point I’ve become accustomed to the sometimes clunky and confusing controls. As for the inventory, since this section is again on the brief side, plus there isn’t as much junk to collect and micro-manage, it didn’t rear its ugly head nearly as much as before! Also, controlling Jill is just plain fun; whereas Chris’s knife attack is slow and clumsy, Jill’s a master of the edged weapon, with extremely swift and spot on strikes. Oh, I should also mention that each new chapter adds new characters to the Mercenary mode, including Rebecca Chambers, whose a hottie and all, but she still can’t compare to Claire Redfield, hence why I didn’t even bother to fire up that mode, not once. Again, it’s just five bucks, plus I believe if you get both at the same time, there’s a discount somewhere. Come on, why the hell not!

Thexder Neo (PSP)

Sometimes when a classic game gets updated, the hope is that the original formula will resonate with contemporary players, but just to be on the safe side, new stuff is often thrown into the mix, to bring it up to today’s standards. And then there’s instances in which the original formula is left completely untouched, perhaps to show the kids of today what their parents were playing back in the day. Now, unless it’s something completely rock solid like Ms Pac Man or Super Mario Bros, most folks will not bite unfortunately. In fact, some of the less than wonderful aspects of totally old school gameplay often become exposed as a consequence; many of the early games that were trailblazers in whatever respects were heinously difficult. Enjoyment at the time might have been due to whatever novelty it put on the table, along with a lack of alternative, and fond memories might be entirely due to nostalgia.

Thus we have Thexder Neo, a remake of an old Japanese PC game from Game Arts. It’s this bizarre hybrid of shmup and platformer; you’re this mech that runs around a maze, blasting enemies away with a homing laser, but at any time you can transform into a spacecraft and fly around, mostly to reach otherwise inaccessible areas (as a robot you can jump, but not very high). The controls are… peculiar; the homing laser sounds super convenient, but it only works for foes that are ahead of you, and considering how fast they are, especially getting behind you, expect to get hit a lot. You’re far more agile as the spacecraft, but since there’s no way to stop and hover, it’s not exactly the best form either. But as awkward as it all sounds, and it is in practice, eventually you’ll find a nice little groove, of flying around to alert a pocket of enemies of your presence, and once they’ve reached an area of your liking, transforming at the right moment for the kill. You also have a shield at your disposal, but it takes energy to use, i.e. your health. But the worst part is how your weapon also drains the battery. Granted, destroyed enemies can both refill your life meter and extend its max capacity, but since it consumes energy in the first place… along with the less than friendly controls, it’s perhaps easy to see why hardly anyone has heard of this game (though it was a hit in its native land). Yet fans of the classic, and it certainly has more than a handful out there, will feel right at home, as well as be pleasantly delight that at long last, their childhood memory has been exhumed. Since I’m somewhat of an old fogie, I’m able to tolerate its rough edges, but for everyone else… just download the demo and see for yourself.

0 Day Attack On Earth (XBLA)

I’m willing to go out on a limb and claim that a good 45% of all the games available on XBLA are simply Robotron, or should I say, Geometry Wars clones. If there’s one good thing about 0 Day… pretty much the only good thing… is how unlike all the other copycats out there, it doesn’t resemble GW whatsoever. Meaning no ultra shiny and colorfully flat-shaded polygons that attempt to evoke the early 80s futuristic esthetic. The premise this time has you commanding an aircraft that must fend off hostile alien life forms attacking various major cities. Much of the environments look quite realistic, due to the fact that much of the terrain is based upon Google Maps satellite images. So the visuals are nice at least.

But everything else flat out blows; you fly around with one stick, aim and shoot with the other (again, just like in Geometry Wars). The first big issue is how your line of fire is super short at first, as well as super weak, so you’ll have to get super closer to your primary target, which takes forever to decimate; clearing a stage requires you to take these gigantic foes that have set-up shop (who again are also tough as nails), and getting in the way are swarms of lesser foes. There’s three wingmen present to lend assistance, or are supposed to, but they mostly do nothing, so if you find yourself surrounded, too bad. Another issue is how slow your ship is; there’s a turbo button, but all it does it smack you right into one of the random placed purple clouds that I guess the enemy has placed, and whose electric field will cost valuable life if contact is made. The camera also sucks; it’s hard to explain, but trying to accurately aim any foe on the bottom portion of the screen is a crapshoot at best. Though the game mostly suffers from wonky difficulty; it’s just way too hard, way too early. And despite the eye-please graphics, it’s mostly a borefest for the senses (the music is this generic Independence Day fare). There’s an online component, but I was not able to find anyone else on Xbox Live to share a level with. I say, don’t even bother with the demo.

Death By Cube (XBLA)

Remember what I just said about the proliferation of Geometry Wars clones out there? Though this one is slightly different. Again, you use one stick to move, the other to shoot. And the graphics is all futuristic and minimalist like so many others. But what sets Death By Cube apart from the rest is how it dips into the past, somewhat, into something that few have these days, and perhaps should. The game has many shades of the arcade classic Smash TV; you’re this little robot that must overcome various challenges, but each involves destroying ominous looking cubes in one fashion or another. Some will shoot lasers at you, others will simply try to smother you. Each enemy box destroyed leaves a splotch of red “oil”, and given the high number of blocks all rushing at you once, things can get pretty messy real quick. Now, the thing that sets this game apart from most others is the controls and added bits of strategy; you have a shield button that not only captures enemy lasers, but also repels them back (though timing is crucial; you wait too long to unleash, your shield blows up and you take damage). There’s also a dash function; when you quickly scoot, it leaves what appears to be a doppelganger, that confuses nearby enemies and stops them in their tracks, which is your chance to go in for the kill for massive bonus points. This latter component is vital to the game; you’ll constantly be skipping ahead paces to confuse and outpace the enemy since, large or small, almost all the enemy cubes are faster than you, though you’ll probably end up smack in the face of another group if you’re not careful. Or even if you are.

Much like 0 Day, Death By Cube suffers from a steep difficulty jump way too early on. Instead of allowing players the chance to learn the semi-complex controls and develop their own strategies over time, it throws everything at you immediately, so all one can do is hit all the buttons and hope for the best. But because the controls make sense and its only the massive number of opponents that come at you, along with the satisfying sea of blood that spills forth, the problems here are not nearly as frustrating as that other game. But they’re still present. I say just check out the demo; if you dig and don’t mind a challenge, it’s certainly worth the additional MS points.

No More Heroes 2 (Wii)

Let me just say this right now (and for the umpteenth time): early contender of the game of the year 2010, without question. And before going any further, how about we talk about… Bayonetta? Which has been the object of intense fascination, adoration, and even pontification, for whatever asinine reasons. Don’t even get me started on the multitude of idiotic essays that try to deconstruct the lead heroine as some feminist video game archetype for the 21st century (again, I am blown away by some folks fall for the dumbest sh*t and the dumb excuses they’ll try to come up with). It took me seriously four attempts to get passed the wretchedly long-winded and simply not all funny opening and actually get into the game. Sure I could have hit the skip button, but I’m the type that has to soak everything in. So yeah, before the fourth attempt, I had no choice but to kill the power in the middle of whatever the hell that annoying Joe Pesci knock -off (seriously, in the year 2010?) was going on about. Which totally blows, since the core game is actually quite good the control and technique involved is fantastic, tons of fun to play. Yet, despite finally getting a decent taste of the action, I’ve yet to come back since. Why?

No More Heroes 2 can be described in many different words, and it’s funny how their polar opposites sum up Bayonetta quite well. For starters, it tries to be all “slick” and “stylish”, yet everything just comes off so pandering, as well as unoriginal to a mind-blowing degree. It’s desperately trying to tap into the Cowboy Bebop level of “cool”, which only worked for the source material and copycats circa 1999. The music is especially grating, and if the use of Fly Me To The Moon doesn’t scream “woefully out of touch” then I don’t know what does. All these stupid tricks are supposed to speak to someone like me, and sorry, but I’m not that easily impressed. The lead character is also a total bore; I’m a total sucker for a virtual piece of ass, everyone knows this, but there’s just something so lifeless and stilted that she unapproachable. And the aforementioned imitation Joe Pesci isn’t the only lame ass side character; everyone else is uninteresting at best, but mostly flat-out annoying. Sorry, but the bar has been raised thanks to NMH, naturally, as well as Metal Gear Solid 4 and Uncharted; trite and nonexistent personalities in a character driven narrative is no longer acceptable, even if it is just a video game. The story is also a total mess; never-mind how completely uninteresting the narrative is (which I thought was about a battle between heaven and hell, but now it turns out to be some story about diamonds being smuggled), it’s how everything is told that truly gets under my skin. You’ve got like three different visual storytelling styles all going at once, with none of them meshing well at all, plus it takes forever to get to the damn point. Mostly due to the fact that the game’s makers are clearly in love with themselves and trying so hard to show everyone how intricate and expensive and shiny their toy is, which you clearly have to be a fool for not recognizing such brilliance. Or perhaps one is not hip enough? I honestly cannot recall such a self-absorbed piece of software, and even though everyone says I should keep playing, cuz the action gets better and better, it’s almost a matter or principle that’s preventing me from pushing forward (even though I’m dying to know what this “Space Harrier” section of the game is all about).

Meanwhile, and I’ve seriously thought long and hard, but I simply cannot come up with another game that I can comfortably call “cool” other than No More Heroes, either one or two. Video games have also tried to be “funny” since day one, with a few decent attempts here and there, yet none has ever made me laugh out loud like NMH2. One of the keys to the game’s success is obviously the lead, Travis Touchdown. Aside from being a (legitimately) super stylish assassin, he’s no different from you and I; awkward and even a little retarded. Ultimately Travis has a heart of gold, and also deep down is a rabid wrestling nerd/otaku (which I related too at least), and is completely likable, plan and simple, to the point that you’d want to hang with the guy. Hey, Ryu and Sold Snake appear to be swell dudes as well, but really think about this; if you had the chance to hang out with them, would the hell would you guys do after the first four hours? Yet another reason why Travis works so well is how he’s devoid of any complicated back-story (actually there is, but it’s ultimately irrelevant), and is just a dude on a mission, one of revenge; his best friend has been killed and now Travis is forced to get into the professional assassin’s game once again, because at the very top of the rankings is the killer.

For the most part, the first game’s winning formula has been left completely intact, and if anything, made all the stronger. As noted once already in the past, NHM2 as it relates to NMH1 is comparable to Persona 3 & 4, in the sense that the first No More Heroes almost feels like a proof of concept more than anything else. Granted, some of the charm from before is absent, but that’s to be forgiven considering what a wild child the original was (and it was always meant to be just a one time deal as well). If anything, it’s nothing short of a miracle that the sequel not only carries over much of the enjoyment and mystique, but also manages to carve an identity for itself (though one can simply thank shrewd and brave careful decision making skills). Most of this is achieved by axing the dead weight and incorporating new elements/developing minor concepts from before and thrusting them into the spotlight. I’m mostly referring to the loss of the open world aspect in lieu of 8-bit minigames, further building upon a previously established sensibility. Additionally, each is fairly solid and could have easily been released as stand-alone NES games back in the day. The overall structure of mowing down one colorful and wacky ranked assassin, remains the same, as does the combat, thankfully; not once will you get tired of killing, despite doing it a lot. Plus there’s two additional characters to play as, adding just the right amount of variety to the mechanics when its needed (though not nearly enough in most people’s opinions, mostly Katie’s).

The graphics are simply the best on the system, easily on par with Super Mario Galaxy (though the style and execution is obviously different). The original had top-notch visuals, but the sequel simply blows it away in terms of detail and pure scale. There’s one ranking battle, against the insane Russian astronaut, which takes place in a wheat field as dawn is about to brake, that is not only genuinely awe-inspiring and beautiful, but puts many of the high definition vistas produced on the Xbox 360 and PS3 to shame. Though the audio plays a vital role and the music throughout is equally genius. It’s a toss up between part one and two as to which has the best soundtrack; Masafumi Takada was the man behind the soundscape, and to this day it remains his strongest body of work. Unfortunately he’s didn’t stick around for part two for some reason (I’m guessing that he simply couldn’t fit it into his schedule), but in Takada’s place is his long-time assistant/collaborator, Jun Fukuda, who only does an amazing job of filling his friend’s shoes but brought a bunch of friends with him to the party, like Akira Yamaoka! The script, as also previously noted, is razor sharp, delivered by some of the finest voice acting ever in a video game, and the overall experience both super tight and focused, yet has enough extra trimmings for those needing a distraction. Like trying to help your fat cat lose weight, along with all extra stuff littered around levels to help decorate your apartment, to make it the ultimate geek’s bachelor pad. Plus you’ve got the shump based upon Travis’s favorite animu, which can hardly go toe to toe with Radiant Silvergun or DoDonPachi, but is neat nonetheless (the fact that it feels so much like a Dreamcast game is a real bonus). The list goes on and on… did I mention the immensely fascinating cast of characters?

More than anything else, the mood and ambiance is absolutely intoxicating; it honestly feels like the video game equivalent of an art house movie, with shades of Wim Wenders, Jim Jarmusch, and Takashi Miike (who oddly enough is listed in the credits as having a special appearance of some sort). It sounds incredibly cheesy, but the game has a soul, a stark contrast to the vapid nonsense that Bayonetta personifies. It’s like indie director that knows what is up and Hollywood’s lame ass attempt at doing the same thing, but failing miserably. I’ll take the lower budget, rough edges and all, plus something completely genuine, as opposed to a big budget, arrogance, and worst of all, insincerity any day.

All is not totally perfect, of course, but what is? If anything, one simply wants more in the end, which is to be expected of something so incredible. Plus its been revealed that the game was wider in scope, but had to be scaled back due to budgetary and time constraints. Still, and I know one of the best parts about Travis was how so plain and simple, but one aspect that was only lightly touched upon, which is how he was the only assassin in a game that’s all about playing till the bitter end that managed to walk away, and how others hold him in reverence because of this fact. Would have been cool to see that area explored a bit more. And as much as I liked controlling everyone’s favorite Shinobu, here platforming element was just a pain in the ass. Other complaints are purely personal, like how I miss Travis’s super attacks from before, like Blueberry Cheesecake Brownie, or how the selection of shirts this time aren’t as interesting, but that’s just all the small stuff. My last beef is with it’s publisher here in America, Ubi Soft, and how they could so woefully under support one of the most amazing games in years. Which makes the five or so divisions, and all it’s employees presence in the credits so completely befuddling. Anyhow, I’ve rambled on enough; No More Heroes 2 is just one of the best games out there, end of story.
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… And I guess that’s it for now. Been meaning to do reviews for some time now, and have mostly been waiting to finish off Bayonetta, but I guess I’ve said everything I needed to, plus as also mentioned, will probably never beat the game anyway. Then there’s Dante’s Inferno, which I actually do enjoy and want to beat; I still prefer it over God of War (played the demo for part 3, found the visuals as much as a turn off as before). Though along with Sky Crawlers: Innocent Aces, The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom, & Max and the Magic Marker (which just won a prize at the GDC if I’m not mistaken), it’s just been a matter of time, or lack thereof. Still, expect review for all of those (with the exception of Bayonetta of course) eventually!

But in the end, there might never be one for Fret Nice, despite being one of its most vocal cheerleaders; long story short, I decided to buy the 360 version and immediately regretted it due to how annoying the experience was with the guitar. So using a controller ends up being the better way, but I kinda hate dealing with all four of the shoulder buttons on the 360 pad, since they’re not as nice and even on the PS3′s, and you’re constantly going between the four (whereas the bumpers and triggers are two clearly different things on the 360). Then you have KORG DS-10 Plus, which I promised a review of, but simply cannot do, due to the fact that (like the first edition), it’s not a game but a fully functional music creation tool, and I alas have zero music making skills.

Still, I’m definitely going to be listing my impressions of the Blur multiplayer demo, which I’ve also been playing a lot as of late, though over at Heavy.com (truth be told, most of the games featured here was originally meant for over there, but because of a number of factors, such as their timeliness, along with a few others, decided to just pass them along here). Finally, I’m working on one for Ranger X… yes, that old mecha game for the Genesis almost twenty years ago… for Mecha Damashii!

Oh, one last thing, and it has nothing to do with video games, but the gf; guess who just got a book deal!

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