I honestly can’t tell you why I get so excited for ICON each year. I’ve been going for, I think five, maybe six, years now, and it’s never gotten old for me. Its not like its the fanciest, polished, most star studded convention out there. It just has the charm of a small, quaint sci-fi/fantasy con, but on a much bigger scale. And I simply enjoy rubbing shoulders with good old-fashioned nerds, not the “cool” variant that you see in films and TV shows today; the ones that still get goofed on for liking Star Wars a little “too much” or simply opt to stay holed up somewhere (most likely in a basement apartment with no windows), away from potential ridicule. Its their own time out of year to be proud of their obsession, to dress like their favorite anime character or a member of some D&D race if they want, and to meet others, face to face, who are in the same boat.
- This time around, Jason and I decided to begin our trip extra early. For some reason, it took about 8 hours to get to the con last year, but this time around there was relatively no problems and took far less time. Make no mistake, we did get lost on the way; no matter how many times you’ve gone to the same place, and no matter how “prepared” you might be with maps and directions, you will get lost, it’s guaranteed. The roads are quite simply, a total fucking horror show.
So we got to the hotel early and had some time to kill, and there was a Dave & Busters near by, so we went there. We all know how disappointing the arcade scene is these days, but thankfully there was a few decent Sega games to be found. Plus much to my surprise, the D&B card that Dave’s cousin Lisa gave me from my trip to San Diego from three years ago still worked, and it had like $30 worth of credit on them!
Jason had never played Ferrari F355 Challenge, so we gave that for a spin. Virtua Cop 3 was present, and it was my first encounter with the game; for some reason, I had a real hard time using both the foot pedal and shooting off screen to reload (I kept thinking it had Time Crisis’ foot petal for reloading and ducking mechanics). There was also Maze of the King, another light gun shooter which I had previously seen back home at Chuckie Cheese’s. Its like House of the Dead but with an Egyptian motif with randomized level segments. And there was a eight player linked Daytona USA which, of course, is a required play for me.
Plus there was a non Sega game called Tokyo Super Cop which Carmen, my editor at Nick Mag, had mentioned playing a while ago that I finally got to try out. Its like a 3D version of APB with a slight futuristic anime tinge. The game sported a sweet moving seat, and the game’s handling and physics was simply fantastic, but the game was just too fucking hard! After multiple attempts, neither Jason or I could even touch our target’s vehicle, and we were on the easiest setting. That stuff might work at home, but certainly not in the arcade.
Anyway, we got something to eat afterwards and went to the con. Even on a Friday evening, which is traditionally the slowest, the place was packed. I had one panel that night, which went okay. Met up with Dave afterwards, and we all headed back to the hotel for dinner, which was Applebee’s, an ICON tradition.
- The next day was the bulk of my panels, and for the most part, they all went well except for one: Girl Gamers. I still can’t believe that I was given shit for wanting more and better games for women.
My argument was that games today not only fail to appeal to the female quotient, but many titles insult their intelligence and scare them away from the very idea that video games might possibly offer something for them. There are numerous studies out there that show that more women would be into gaming if what was out there wasn’t so overtly misogynistic. On the panel with me were two women, who quite frankly were just there to offer a female voice (both admitted to only playing a few games), which is fine and all, but neither had much opinion on the subject.
But like I said, I got flack for my beliefs, primarily from two people: one guy tried acting smart by going: “I find it so ironic that you’re a guy who thinks there should be better games for girls, yet those two are girls and they don’t care.” Well, I couldn’t help it if the two girls aren’t into gaming enough to think about such things (though the very reason that they aren’t more into gaming could be due to the “boy’s only” stigma). And I didn’t want to come off as a dick by going into a “Well, I’m a working professional” spiel, but I am, and I happen to care about the direction of video games, and want to see as many people enjoy them as possible without any perceived associations of sex getting in the way. Anyone who’s passionate about anything tends to be concerned over such kind of “tivial” matters. But then he made the fatal error of saying “Hey, it’s obviously a guy’s market. If it’s selling, it’s working”, which is such bullshit, since it basically says that if it something is popular, it must be good. That’s like saying every top ten movie, record, or TV show is good. But my notion that if there were better games for girls might create a larger contingency of female gamers was lost on some folks it seemed (though not everyone, thank God).
Then there was this other girl who gave me grief for pointing out how annoying it is that being a nerd is now socially “acceptable”, thanks to blessing of retail America (well, I guess I should expect my singling out of Hot Topic… and how the kind of people who wear those video game themed t shirts today were the same types of folks to laugh at actual gamers back in the day… would not go well with a teenage audience). This girl was, what you would call, the typical vocal gamer chick, the one’s that are constantly barking “Yeah, I’m a girl, and I’m fucking hot, and I fucking play video games, and all the guys wanna fuck me, but I’m so good that I kick all their asses!!!” There’s one every year, and I finally had to deal with one head on. And of course, all she wanted to really do is hog the spotlight by talking about herself and get into arguments with everyone else; at one point she literally said to one guy “I just PWNED you!” and I totally wanted to just punch her in the face.
- My later panels relating to internet behavior was, as expected, quite lively. For the flamewars and trolls topic, I referred to some recent highlights on the GAF, including how one member sold naked pics of his girlfriend for money towards a PSP. And speaking of the GAF, I finally met another member in real life, which was a pleasant surprise, and thankfully it was another person who was already a cool person in my head, just by going what he said on the board. Plus another GAF colleague made an appearance, someone I’ve know for some time; this person took my class and I never even realized that he was from the board till afterwards! Both instances simply reinforced my mantra of never getting involved in flamewars if at all possible since there’s a good chance that you will meet those online personas in real life eventually.
Though I did mention in the panel that even real life encounters haven’t stopped me from giving a certain quotient a hard time: furries. I have nothing against what they do, but as I’ve said countless times before, if you’re a grown man who chooses to dress like a sexy raccoon, and wants the whole world to know, expect some fucking flack. And thank God, the whole audience seemed to feel the same exact way: they’re just as fucking annoyed by their goddamn antics, which is rather holier than though and elitist (word has it that all of the furry events required folks to know some secret password that was circulated on furry forums beforehand). There’s actually a strong contingency of furries online who seriously hate my guts for the things I’ve said, so it was nice to be with like minded people. One of the folks, which was actually one of my fellow panelists in the Girl Gamers topic, is in the same boat. She’s a mod at the Something Awful forums, who also have a war with them.
- Another strange moment: in the internet addiction topic, I mentioned how its a combination of a very good and a very bad. Its immediacy and ease of use is easily one of its greatest assets, but its permanence can be quite damaging. Say a friend told me I was an asshole. it would hurt, but I could just brush it off. But if a friend emailed me that I was an asshole, it would hurt ten times as much since it was in writing. And as time went, I would be prone to dwell on the words written, and would even go so far as to imagine what the words would sound like being said, in various different tones. And I’d like to think others would feel the same way.
Not some of my fellow panelists. One just looked at me and said, in a combination of disgust and pity, “My God, now that’s internet addiction.”
- But by far the most popular panel was one called “How To Pick Up Chicks”. It was sort of a pseudo-sequel to “Gamer Sex” which Dave and I still talk about; it was a panel from years back that was conducted by some girls who gave out advice to other girls on how to get their boyfriends to stop playing D&D and to have sex with them. One suggestion was to have the game board tattooed on their back, so the bf can play the game while doing doggie style.
It was supposed to be tongue-in-check, but it was somewhat unclear if the audience was in on the joke. Its like every nerd from every high school, the ones who lie about having a girl friend in Canada, all agreeing in unison that having “a babe” when your a dungeon master, is not indeed not all that’s cracked up to be. Yeah, the true highlight was the audience, and so long as I live, I will never get the image of that creepy fat guy with the oafish smile, who was so fat that he could barely fit into the college style, half-desk chairs. In between the bottom of his belly and his genitalia was a towel, which I saw him remove and put behind his head to act as pillow as he leaned against the wall. The towel, even from a distance, looked damp. Another thing I’ll never forget: the smell.
Anyway, what was presented this year was simply a straightforward hour of actual advice on how to approach women. The girl behind it was someone whom I shared a panel with last year, one on magic and technology, which was also with “Lockane”, some crazy goth pirate who went on a tirade for the most part, which included a proclamation that he could shoot fireballs from his mind and even fly, but everyone’s “close-mindedness” was what was stopping him. Like I said, real advice was given this time around, and while folks still found the whole topic funny, you could tell that everyone was doing their best to take note of every single little thing said.
The advice itself, while being rather obvious in most cases, was quite revelatory to almost everyone in the audience (especially when it came to the personal hygiene component, which they desperate need help with), and extremely sound. Everything was covered, from personal grooming, to approaching women, and even how to deal with the dreaded “friend zone” which every guy has had to deal with. And the way she laid things out was still extremely enlightening, and even I learned a thing or two. Guess it helps that she’s bi, so playing on both sides of the team would offer extra insight I suppose.
- No trip to ICON is complete without a visit to the dealer’s room, where you can find all the stuff one would expect at a con: toys, comics, DVDs, art books, autographed pics of character from Star Wars that you don’t recognize but other sure as hell do, hentai, swords. Back in the day, I would spend hours checking out all the cool stuff, and would blow a ton of money on just a fraction of it. But not these days. Blame in on the internet, which has made nothing new, and everything a whole lot cheaper in some cases.
This marks the very first year where I did not buy a single video game soundtrack. The only I did get for myself is an Akira artbook that I’ve wanted for literally years. It’s slightly banged up, but hey its old and rare, so the $60 seemed fair to me. Course, I get home and fine the same thing on eBay for $25, mint….
Plus I got a small Steel Battalion toy, one of those that’s sealed in a box but you don’t know what you’re getting (which I believe was a concept that those Transformers PVC introduced and made popular) which I can’t stand. At least all the possible mechs looks cool. Speaking of, there were about a dozen different variants of the same thing with Transformers, but I’d have to spend about $150 to get the three figures I’d really want, so I passed.
The one oddball item which I always debate on getting on this year was a universal remote that resembles an old Famicom controller, but I have a tough time programming those in English, so I knew the Japanese instructions would be a real hassle.
I actually started getting a bit pissed when I couldn’t find something for MK. There were a few shirts, but all they had were XXL (well, folks had to stock up on the sizes that most people would want). One guy had a really cute stuffed toy, but it had obviously been handled quite a bit and was dirty, so I asked if he had another, fresh one. He was instantly annoyed and went digging, eventually pulling out another, equally dirty plush. When I then changed my mind, he got all pissed by stating “Well, you handled it.” What a fucktard, but those type of sellers at ICON (or any con really) are not exactly uncommon. I’m just glad the worst offender, who was this dude that sold 9th generation VHS tapes of Japanese only episodes of Tranformers and Sailor Moon is long out of business (for obvious reasons).
- Another tradition that is not be missed is a stroll through the art show, which is where fans, inspired by what they love, create art to show their devotion and display it for the world to enjoy. It sounds like a really mean thing to do, but Dave and I just love going around and checking out (and laughing at) all the cheesily drawn colored pencil drawings of Captain Picard or whatever else sci-fi icon as a buxom furry. A personal fave has to be one that depicts a huge assortments of science fiction and fantasy figureheads all together for the first time, those that are in the B range: a guy from Babylon 5, the evil salt and shaker looking robots from Dr Who, the chick Star Trek captain I think, Angel, etc. Though my new personal fave has to be a rendition of that classic scene in Gremlins where the one flashes Phoebe Cates.
- This year I finally got to see the Bloody Ape, a Super 8 flick that was the center piece of a topic on independent film making that I checked out many years ago. I distinctly recall my question to the creators of the film, which was something along the lines of “What do you guys think of snuff films” Getting a strong “We really don’t deal with such things. We feel that it is not art.” This from a guy who made a movie about some ape that goes around raping and killing women.
So yeah, I finally saw the movie, and its awesome! The titular character doesn’t kill just women, but men too, plus he just doesn’t strangle them and eat the victim’s guts, he can even drive and run over people. And like good exploitation flicks, it plenty racists, with plenty of demeaning depictions of blacks and jews. Two thumbs up!
- Id be lying if I didn’t admit to ogling cute girls in cosplay as another definite highlight. Naruto seemed to be the popular thing this year (no surprise there). I have an affinity of for chicks who dress up as Claire Redfield (from Resident Evil 2/Code Veronica), and there was one or two, but the most popular RE character was Mila Jovovich’s Alice from the movies. Lame.
- The last ICON introduced me to Mugen, the open source fighting game which allows for every single fighting character from every game (and then some) to face off against each other, and I was dying to see more this year. And again, the game room proved to be the most frustrating aspect of the con. First off, why the hell weren’t everyone in the room going ape shit over this thing?! Am I that out of the loop that its such “old news”? Personally speaking, seeing Super Mario vs Sonic, Mega Man vs Sub Zero, or Ms. Pac Man vs the block from Pong will never get old. But everyone there just cares about the same old, same old fighting games. Yeah, Super Smash Bros and Marvel vs. Capcom 2 is great and all, but why can’t fighting aficionados at least something new a chance, and possible risk losing a round or two just for the fun of it? It also doesn’t help that whoever’s playing it never wants to try the 1,000+ wacky characters available, but just still to the four same Street Fighter Alpha characters. Super lame.
Plus there was a DDR machine, and its always fun to see people who really know how to play (plus those who really shouldn’t even try). And the game room easily took the title for smelliest room, by a long shot (and that’s say a lot).
- As much fun it was talk about games, it got really tiring by the end. Plus, as much as I enjoy public speaking, I’m really not that sharp when it comes to dealing with some of the folks that ICON brings together. It requires a great deal of patience, and during the Art of Gaming panel, the last one after a grueling speaking schedule, I was too tired to be skillfully deal with this one kid who is, to put it bluntly, was totally brain-dead. For example, when talking about the thinking that went into designing Sonic the Hedgehog, which was meant to be a counterpoint to Mario, he let us all know that “I really like Halo” or when discussing the problem with game technology becoming too advanced for designers, he chimed in with “I have a Nintendo SP.” And his proclamation that “Graphics is the most important thing in a game.” really went over well with the rest of the audience as one might imagine.
- By the end of Sunday, there was that feeling in the air. All the cute cosplay chicks and World of Warcraft elves get a little quieter and start thinking about getting back to the real world. Plus when that nerd B.O. smell starts permeating all over the place (hey, have you guess by now that nerds have a tendency to smell bad?), you just know that its time to go. But it was a real blast, and the first time that I got to see and check out pretty much everything. Hell, at one point, Jason and I were so bored that we saw some hentai with messed up audio, which resulted in a Mystery Science Theater 3000 kind of reaction from the audience. Was it funny? Of course not. About the only thing I missed was seeing some poor guy dressed as the Crow getting yelled at my some drunk groomsmen from a wedding party at the same hotel, 1 in the morning, but oh well.
Can’t wait for next year!
