As for the weekend, MK & I mostly did just one thing: watch lots of television. Though it was mostly two things: cable access and Xmas specials.
With all the bitching that I do regarding my abysmal living space (and it’s well deserved), many people ask why the fuck do I say there. Well besides the pretty decent price I’m paying to stay in Manhattan, the real reason is the ability to watch Manhattan cable access. I shit you not.
I used to be totally entrenched into the world of cable access. Back in the day, Joe and I used to stay up till four in the morning every single night switching back and forth to catch all the goodness (and with four channels, there was always something on). To this day, I still don’t know how we managed day jobs with so little sleep. It really was the golden days, with such great programming like…
Madame Chaos – Take clips from assorted action flicks, zombie flicks, slasher flicks, kung fu flicks, porn flicks, kung fu/porn flicks, instructional videos, the Simpsons, test patterns, Faces of Death, Thunderbirds, plus more, and inter-cut every together so each scene lasts only one fiftieth of a second. Don’t forget to only use sixth generation copied VHS tapes and apply cheesy video toaster effects liberally. You can check out just a fraction right here. So imagine a solid thirty minutes of this and you can see why epileptics need not apply. This was the show that Joe and I used to just sit back and veg. I shudder to think what it would be like to watch while even on pot.
Turn of the Century – A show hosted by cartoonist Dame Darcy, who’s gothy antics I found somewhat eye roll enduing, but yet still charming (hey, I still find goth chicks hot). Actually it wasn’t so much Dame Darcy that I found sorta laughable, it was her large contingency of friends who seem to worship her and did whatever on camera. It was just her doing stuff, little music videos that she did (which again, bordered on retarded and cute), and clips from old silent flicks. The show really went downhill quick when she left the show and a replacement hosted that she picked, some biker named Mad Dog, took over.
Zenbock – The “Must See” component of our cable access viewing schedule, Zenbock is some lawyer or something from Long Island who goes around to assorted comic cons, interviews D level sci-fi celebs, and plays in a blues band dressed as a Vulcan. He has a child, Tibock, who also goes around dressed like a Vulcan and does stuff for the show. The really weird thing is how the Zenbock mythos is interwoven with the guy’s real life (such as the death of his wife, raising an only child). It’s actually sorta creepy on a certain level, but I guess we all cope with things differently. I always see the guy at I-Con and even bought a shirt from him once. It was a quiet thrill to say the least.
Zex Talk – Basically the host, Damon Zex, is some guy who likes to sit around and talk about engaging in deviant tendencies, like eating babies, doing cocaine, and having bloody sex with his girlfriend/co-host, all while wearing goofy white face paint. Oh, and really hating Sally Jesse Raphael.
Media Shower – Another one of those showcase shows that has weird and wacky clips, which would be awesome if not for the fact that the host is some annoying west village twerp who gives unfunny commentary and gives himself way too much camera time instead of what people really want to see in the first place. Though it was where I saw my first glimpse of the Star Wars holiday special, but plenty of other genuinely awesome things, so that counts for something.
Grube Tube – Just one guy, sitting at a table, by a phone, in front of a blue backdrop, and with a fern. People would call in and talk about anything. And that’s it. Sounds like every other cable access show, and it does, but the guy, Steven Gruber started it all. He’s been doing it over 30 years, and still does it today.
Though nowadays, way too many regulars call, so instead of random drunks calling, there’s conversations about stuff I don’t know or care about. I miss the “I stick potatoes up my ass!” guy.
Midnight Blue – Hosted by (now former) sleaze king Al Goldstien, I didn’t watch it for the interview with porn stars, I watched to see Al give some poor local restaurant owner a hard time by giving out the guy’s home phone number all because he didn’t get a free ninth helping of pasta the night prior.
assorted wrestling/video game shows – There use to be a plethora of poor black kids from Harlem who did shows in their bedrooms where they just played clips from old and current episodes of WWF and of them playing video games, usually some import wrestling game.
assorted backyard wrestling shows – Again, more poor black kids from Harlem, this time wrestling each other in the hallways and playgrounds of their projects. They went the whole ten yards with belts, storylines, and dangerous moves (hey, who says kids actually imitate what they see on TV?). The best part was to see some match in a hallyway and catching a bit of an angry neighbor telling them to shut the fuck up.
The Brody & Teinne Show – Joe and I only caught this import from my hometown once. In fact, it only aired once, and we only saw the last fifteen minutes, but it was pure utter brilliance. There’s nothing funnier than watching some guy get pepper sprayed in his eyes while Metallica’s “Enter Sandman” plays in the background, or watching another yell at some craggy old guy on the streets of Seattle’s U District.
… Plus there was much more. Granted, most were just footage from some perv’s camcorder who filmed women’s asses on the street, but it was still awesome. Joe and I were so into things that, in addition to taping our favorite shows, we had talked about doing our own cable show. Even Farel approached me with the idea (and still does actually).
So when I finally moved back into Manhattan, I had hoped to rekindle the past. But unfortunately, the landscape has changed and it’s almost all crap now. Nowadays most shows have some sort of political agenda to push (a nasty side affect of all the anger towards the Bush regime… hey, you can hate the guy without being an annoying pussy).
But there are a few good things out there, which I’ve been watching with MK as of late. So after her friend Morgan, hearing about some of it, asked for a tape of such shows, I’ve been paying attention to the scene much more now. Some of stuff that’s either already been recorded or will be soon…
Concrete TV – Actually, this is another classic that’s been on the air for years, but only recently have I sit down and really appreciated it. It just a bunch of clips pulled from tons of action flicks and porn, with material from Olsen Twins videos, Sweatin’ to the Oldies, and the like, sprinkled here and there. It’s sorta like Madame Choas, but a lot more focused (just blocks of car crashes or motorcycle accidents or gay men grinding each other) and at a more easy to digest pace (each clip last more than 0.0005 seconds).
The Weather Report – Okay, here’s a weird show. For the most part, its just some guy in his posh apartment, always wearing sunglasses, always wearing a turtleneck (I think the guy’s gay and lives in Chealsea) who talks about past weather occurrences (I mean, who the hell gives a shit about some flash flood in Georgia in 1998?) or club music. The best part is his ultra monotone and dramatic voice. The production is beyond atrocious, so much so that it’s positively hypnotizing. But sometimes he’ll show episodes from another show he did in the past that’s like a fourteenth generation copy and is of him and some cohorts all yelling at screaming at what I think are porn stars. Plus there’s random clips of them fucking around in the park and old Rick Flair wrestling matches.
The Mark Birnbaum Show – Basically, an egotistical redheaded ragtime piano player that’s also a Satanist. Seriously.
Wild Record Collection – Some guy plays old records with stuff animals hopping to the music. I saw this show years ago and instantly wrote it off as “boring”. What a fool I was. I had to really sit down and watch for a good twenty minutes to realize the genius behind it all. Plus, the selection of stuff animals are simply out of sight.
How Sign is High? – Nothing more than the face of some scary looking bald guy stuck onto a television screen that’s playing nothing but static, while some guy stouts of gibberish, mostly about someone name “Moustaphal”. You sorta have to see it for yourself.
Alternative Lifestyles – A show that’s shows nothing but clips for foot fetish tapes. Ultra boring as you might imagine, but the real highlight is the host, who’s creepy as fuck, and is obsessed with former WWF wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin. I wonder why wrestling and cable access goes hand and hand?
I’m inclined to include Captain Zodiak’s Voyage to the Stars, which is basically some guy who seems like a retired roadies for AC/DC who gives psychic advice since I know it was rather popular in Jersey City where it first popped up, but I find it a bit boring myself. Though I’m certain Morgan will find Unitygain, a music variety show, a total bore, because it is, but they once featured chiptune music, so the show is still a little rad in my book.
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In addition to cable access, MK & I watched a good deal of Xmas specials at Dave’s place. As I said before, I’m a total sucker for Christmas. Even though I’m an adult now, which means it’s supposed to suck, and on certain levels I guess it does, it’s still my favorite time of the year. And since I was raised by television, it’s only natural that adore Xmas specials, hence why the chance to just sit back and watching nothing buy was something I was more than up for. There was a wide selection to choose from, but not too much time, though we did see the following…
The Pee Wee’s Christmas Special – As a kids I worshipped Pee Wee Herman (the first movie is an all-time fave for me, as was the show, and both were major influences for me) so I guess it’s no surprise that the Xmas special is something which I’m very fond off. I hadn’t seen this one since MTV started playing it after he became an anti-hero, after his arrest and subsequent fall from grace from getting caught jerking off in a porno palace. Its featured everything a person could want in a holiday special: songs, corny jokes, robots, puppets, stop motion animation, dated celebrity appearances, royalty free cartoons, an obligatory Jewish component, and the Marines. Oh, and the true meaning of Christmas as illustrated by exposing the vile desire to want as much shit as possible, but still looking like a rose in the end.
The Muppets Family Christmas – Since I already went over it here, there’s no real need to repeat myself, other than stating that after seeing it that time, I still wasn’t sure if I had seen the cut or uncut version. It was stated in the program that because someone (Sony) holds the rights to a song (actually two) and wouldn’t give it up, it had to eventually be edited, though nothing explicitly said which version was being shown. Plus, the way it was described by folks I know didn’t match up with what I saw, to further add to the confusion. So after seeing the DVD release, I can say with all certainly that the one from the Henson event was indeed the original uncut version, and that Sony truly sucks for forcing the changes. It really did make the show confusing at a certain point. Plus, I though it was just one song, but it was two, and they had to cut the entire fucking Muppet Babbies sequence! But it was [b]SO[/b] cute!!!
Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas – I had heard of this classic Henson special ages ago, but never seen the whole thing, just clips from assorted Henson retrospectives and the such. It was pretty good, of course, with some especially excellent set work. Plus the story and songs were nice and cute.
The Invader Zim Christmas Episode – Like many, I really dug the show, but never got a chance to watch the show when it was on, which always makes me feel partly responsible when said show gets cancelled. I had never seen this one (like many Zims unfortunately) and I believe according to Dave, it was one of the last to air. And it’s pretty hilarious; I had forgotten precisely how good the show was, both story, pacing, and animation-wise. I know it’s easy to write off Invader Zim since there’s so many imitators out there, and they’re all pretty wretched. But if anything, just watch it for Mini-Moose.
The Star Wars Holiday Special – Other than seeing assorted clips on cable access, I had always wanted to see the thing, and in its entirety, despite everyone saying that it’s the biggest piece of shit on earth. It truly was one of those things were you say “Okay, it can’t be that bad” and it turns out much worse. Those who’ve seen it, know what it’s all about: perhaps the worst example of cashing on something’s popularity, ever. And early proof that George Lucas was both very lucky and clueless. Seeing a bunch of wookies yell at each other for close to two hours, with Art Carney and Bea Arthur thrown into the mix is not good for anyone. I actually felt sorry for Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher for having to parade around like contractually obligated idiots (though Fisher was obviously so high, I’m assuming she has no recollection of the whole thing). Though the real reason why I wanted to see the special so bad was for the animated sequence, which everyone knows is the first appearance of Boba Fett (who I know is no longer cool cuz we’ve all seen him as a kid, but I digress), and it was actually sorta cool. Very 70′s looking, and European to boot. I was expecting the big blue hand from Sgt. Pepper to show up at any given point to squash everyone.
Olive, The Other Reindeer – Another “modern” classic, its based on the super rad book by J. Otto Seibold, and is again…. super awesome. The animation is particularly impressive, and does an impeccable job of fleshing out the style of the book in animated form. Plus Drew Barrymore actually does a real good job as the voice of Olive.
… And that pretty much wrapped things up. Even though I really wanted to see the Snowman, plus the Citizen Kane of Xmas specials, A Charlie Brown Christmas, it was getting late so we called it a night. Also, it’s a shame that we didn’t have the Mickey Christmas Carol. Now that is one kick ass Xmas cartoon (and where my love for Scrooge McDuck really began).
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Here’s some other random bits since the weekend…
- Also at Dave’s was “Viatmin” Steve, who upon greeting me said that I was “being ripped off by Entertainment Weekly”. Confused (and feeling flattered), I asked for elaboration, so he pulled out the latest issue and pointed to the top sheet where Steve pointed out two items that I recently spoke off. Though to be honest, listing Katamari Damacy isn’t anything special at this point (though still awesome nonetheless, that game deserves all the exposure it can get, though EW is a bit late with the program) and McRorie, has been making the rounds ever since I stumbled across it a whiles back.
Honestly, the idea of Entertainment Weekly reading my blog and “ripping me off” is actually pretty cool! So EW, if you’re reading this, I’m available for freelance work!
… and I meant to say this before the recent events at GMR…
- Also at Dave’s, I played Christmas NiGHTS for the first time this year, which has actually become a yearly tradition for me. Plus, it’s always fun showing the game of to others. At this point, the game has reached near mythic proportions, and deservedly so…. it’s still one of the best games of all time, IMHO.
- I also caught with Robin this weekend and passing along a copy of Vib Ribbon for him. In exchange (which resembled a drug transaction in MK’s words), I got a copy of Wizard of Speed and Time. That guy is the best! I simply can’t wait to see it, thought when that might be is up in the air since I still have so much crap to do (and doing this journal ain’t helping things get done faster).
Next on the list is Slap Happy Rhythm Busters, another game that no one’s every played, let alone heard of. It’s basically a cel-shaded fighter with elements of DDR mixed in.
… By the way, before I get any shit about openly making, and passing along, copies of games, I can only say this: fuck off. I mean it. Stop buying into the mumbo-jumbo propaganda that the record companies and movie studios are sending out. They’re only concerned for their own sorry asses, and I just wish those who actually defend their mantra realize how much a tool they sound.
Look. First off, I’ve been in the industry, so I think I have a little insight on how things work. Piracy, for the most part (and I’ll get to that in just a second) hurts mostly the big guys, who to be honest, make a fortune as it is, and can more than easily recoup from any losses right up front via the normal channels (such as retail).
Does piracy hurt the little guys? Why of course. Hence why I choose, like many folks, to “pirate” responsibly. If there’s a small independent film that I happen to download and really dig, I’ll show my appreciation by going out and either seeing it in the theaters or buying the DVD, via a retail outlet. That point is very important.
But sometimes, especially when it comes to rare and obscure video games, the process is not that simple. For the most part, the print cycle of games is very short, so there’s a very tiny window of opportunity to get it. And once it’s gone, it’s gone. But many of these games deserve to live on, to be played as many people as possible, In that sense, piracy can actually benefit a game’s creator. Hell I’m one, and nothing makes me more happy than to know that people remember, and possibly still enjoy, a game I was responsible for.
And trying out all those weird titles out there has really helped me on numerous levels, such as professionally. Yeah, if I really wanted to, I guess I could go out and buy a copy of Slap Happy Rhythm Busters, but where? I can’t buy it stores. So what’s my only other option? Ebay, where the game was already purchased, so whatever profit that was due has been given to the creator. Meanwhile, whatever additional profits goes in the pockets of some guy somewhere who’s just wanted to make a fast buck of people’s hobbies. Now there’s nothing wrong with that, but when was the last time you tried buying some hard to get game off Ebay? Exactly.
Besides, I also follow the strict rule of never selling my copies. It’s better to trade; it’s more fun that way! Anyway…
So now that I’ll be passing along some titles to Robin, I’ve been going back and re-playing some real gems (while Paper Mario still sits in a corner, still in its shrink-wrap). Though I was discouraged to find out that my copy of King of Fighers 98 is M.I.A.
- One last thing real quick, MK recently turned me onto Achewood, which I believe is her favorite online comic strip, and I have to admit is quickly getting up their on my list as well. A whiles back she showed me a strip about Mickey Mouse pancakes which was fucking hilarious, though I can’t seem to find it…. Though today, on IC forums of all places, someone had a link to this one, which was also pretty funny.
- Well the Spike TV Video Game Awards starts in less than fifteen minutes. Even though it’ll be pure torture, I’m a masochist at heart, so I’ll be watching. Gotta clear the room of stuff I might accidentally throw at the TV…
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