03/06/2008

Christmas 1981

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

So… what’s been going on since I got back from the GDC? Well a lot, as usual. Though something truly big went down exactly one week ago today, though I’ll save the best for last. But before that, some few odds & ends from the past week and a half, including stuff I forgot to mention in my massive GDC write-up (don’t worry, this’ll be brief)…

- Once again, going back home sucked. Didn’t do jack shit. Though I did manage to get at least one thing accomplished: there’s an old picture of me that I used to be embarrassed about, but when thinking about it years later, I realized what a perfect picture it would make if I ever get a book published (perhaps the complete UNLUCKY collection?) and needed an author pic.

So after years of entertaining the thought, I finally nabbed the picture and here it is… me circa Christmas 1981 I believe. And I was actually going to wait till later this year to show it off, perhaps make it into a Christmas card, but I figured what the hey. Besides, Katie really wants to use it as her forum avatar:

I’ll admit that I was a bit disappointed when I finally laid eyes on it; I thought there would be more of a look of abject horror in my face, because for whatever reason, I was screaming in terror non-stop (I know I was only four at the time, but it’s the kinda shit that you just don’t forget). But now that I think about it, I recall my parents and photographer, as well as the guy playing Santa, jus waiting and waiting for me to shut the fuck up and calm down a little before finally taking the shot (I still recall the look of confusion in my parents face at the department store where it was taken… well the look of confusion in my mom’s face, whereas my dad had the “God, what a pussy” look that I would become accustomed to for years to come).

- BTW, still no word on that picture of the midget pouring booze down my throat from that crazy cyber/S+M themed party, unfortunately. I’m afraid that I might have scared off the folks from NeoGAF that night, with my loud/drunken antics, primarily my very NYC sense of humor…

- Speaking of the GDC, as much as I enjoyed by time in San Fran, the timing could not have been worst. I believe I already mentioned a fave game company of mine coming to NYC to show off something super hawt, which I had to miss, but I’m pretty certain that I never said anything about missing the latest Rumbo in Dumbo.

Well once again, I spent my Saturday night in Cali, hangin’ and bangin’ with Slonie, when I noticed that I had missed a call. A voicemail was left, and it was of Mooney, at the Rumbo in Dumbo; I had asked him to give me a report from the scene. And the message he left is as follows:

So I’m watching a match and someone from behind starts yelling, “You ain’t shit till you’ve beaten Brooklyn Jeff [my favorite World of Unpredictable Wrestling superstar, btw]! Come on, wrestle Brooklyn Jeff! Please.” And we turn around and it was Brooklyn Jeff. Also, the Horse Pack is back [a new wrestling stable that made its debut last time... you know, think the 4 Horsemen and the Wolf Pack, but combined... and AWESOME] and there was a zombie.

God I love wrestling.

- Work has been fine, mostly due to my brand new MacBook! They finally got me one after repeated bitching and moaning about my shitty PC laptop (which was a Dell, lulz). Too bad it didn’t arrive before my trip, otherwise I would have been able to post about the GDC in real time (though I really wonder how much work I could have gotten done, considering how much partying, I mean investigative reporting I did). So that also means I’ve finally been able to get my feet wet with Leopard, and thus far, its been going okay. There’s some truly awesome thing about it, and there’s some really annoying stupid shit too, like every major OS revision.

Though last week I almost had an “incident” shortly after work, on my way home. Long story short: I have the bladder of a four year old girl (or squirrel as Hilary puts it), meaning repeated trips to the bathroom. But I’m pretty good at making sure that I relieve myself before a long trip or movie. Though that day, I don’t know what happened, and I found myself having to really go badly while on the PATH train. I was on the Newark to WTC line like normal when the urge hit me, and I knew that I could wait till home, so I transfered to the 33rd Street bound train at Journal Square in NJ, with the plan being to get off at 23rd Street, since a Barnes & Noble is nearby. But then the train just stayed there in the station, not moving, and that urge became even stronger, to the degree that I began to slowly panic. I used to live in Journal Square, but that was years ago, and couldn’t remember if there was a bathroom in the station, so I asked the conductor:

me: Excuse me, but is there a bathroom at this station?

conductor: I’m sorry, but I don’t think so, no. Why?

me: Well, I really have to go to the bathroom?

conductor: Why? Number one or number two?

me: Ummm…. number one.

conductor: Well, just pee on the tracks.

me: What?

conductor: It’s okay. Just go to the front and pee on the tracks. It’s alright. I said so.

me: Okay….

And that’s just what I did; I went to the other side of the platform, up near the very front, and began urinating off the side of it. Just in time too. I was halfway through when I at last realized how ridiculous I must have looked (this was during rush hour, so yes, there were plenty of others on the platform too). And then the train from which I was on began to move, and also only then realized that everyone could see me pee, so as it passed by I waved goodbye to everyone onboard (mostly to say thanks to the conductor). I then tried finishing up as quickly as possible since, knowing my luck, some NJ Transit official, or worse a cop, would show up at any second to give me a ticket, and you know damn well he wouldn’t buy my bullshit story.

- Once more, been real busy since getting back, too busy to play much games unfortunately (and I’ve been dying to get back to No More Heroes, since it was starting to get really good before I had to fly out west). Though I did set aside some time to check out NiGHTS for the PS2.

For those who don’t know, it’s a port of the Saturn game with enhanced graphics. And for those who haven’t seen what it looks like, the first pic in the following pairs is what the original looks like, followed by the PS2 redux…

… I know exactly what you’re going to ask, so I’ll just say it right now: yes, it’s MUCH better than the Wii version. Well, the original was a league in its own, and the redux manages to add to it and not fuck things up, like most updates tend to be. To the point that I’m not just impressed but actually a tiny bit blown away.

Now, Dave Mauro didn’t find the updated visuals all that hot. As he put it, rather appropriately might I add, that there’s a certain naivet? to the visuals, a child-like quality that works well with the music and theme. So the somewhat “immature” nature of the graphics, meaning the jagged edges and low-poly models, actually adds to the experience. Though I personally dug the graphical face-lift. Granted, it doesn’t always work, like with certain types of ground texture, such as rock (at least to me it looks rather bland and wonky). But for the most part it does, and the added touches are nice. I guess it works for me simply due to the fact that they didn’t go crazy and simply stuck with what works… which is something pretty rare with Sega. Remember Daytona USA 2001?

I also really enjoyed added effects in the final stage’s background, though the simpler star field from before still works very well. So for me, it?s basically Super Mario Bros 1; I like the look and feel of the original, but I appreciate the update in Super Mario All-Stars. Both are nice in their own regards. Also, the boss battles seem to have gotten the most benefit; I used to have a real bitch of a time with the Soft Museum boss, but now I can see exactly everything that is going on and got through on my very first attempt. Oh, and the sound also appears to be richer, which is nice. I don’t have a proper 5.1 system, so I can’t tell if its been properly enhanced.

Though it is weird to see the kids’ character models in such razor sharpness though. On the Saturn, they appeared to be much younger. And the change in resolution makes their idle animation really weird, or at least noticeably now. Plus, I have to say, I’ve never found the PS2 sticks to be “stiff” till now, at least in comparison to the Saturn’s analogue pad. And as mentioned, you can play it how it looked originally on the Saturn. And it looks… “off.” Or rather, definitely emulated. Its pretty damn close, but feels a bit chunkier. At least it moves at a great pace, with zero slowdown, at least far as I could tell.

If Sega would release Burning Rangers, Panzer Saga, and Radiant Silvergun for the PS2, I could get rid of my Saturn… But overall, NiGHTS for the PS2 only proves how much the sequel for the Wii so missed the point of the original.

- In not so great video game news, at least on the personal front, my Wii is fucked up. Another long story short: I hadn’t played my Wii in over a week, so even though it was really late the other night, I decided to have a quick game of Geometry Wars before going to bed (plus I wanted to check my messages and get rid of the flashing blue light, which had been on for days). I thought I noticed something strange, but was really tired and therefore not thinking straight, so I just went on ahead with a quick round, which as anyone familiar with the game already knows, is filled with multicolored shit exploding all over the place.

So the next morning, Katie wanted to play Super Mario Galaxy before heading to work (mainly because she had some time to kill and not only was my internet was down, but so was the cable…. fuck you very much Time Warner), and because she’s not use to my set-up, I turned it on for her. And there they were again; against the white Wii menu backdrop were the same black dots from before, but because I was alert and awake this time, I finally took notice. I then popped in Super Mario Galaxy and they were still there. Fuck! I next felt the system, with a vague idea of what the problem might be, and as suspected, it was really warm. One thing I forgot to mention from the night prior; upon turning on the system, it sounded unusually loud, but again, because I did not have ally senses, I didn’t really think about it. A while ago, Dave Mauro told me that the video card in his Wii had overheated, and wondered if it was the same thing… BTW, my system is more than properly ventilated, and again, I hadn’t touched the thing in a week, so I have no idea how it could have gotten fried (unless that blue light fucks your shit up if left unattended). So I unplugged the AC cord and went to work for the day…

Upon returning home, the system was cool, so I put the chord back in and hit power. The same as before. It’s kind hard to explain, but anyone familiar with Gran Turismo on the PSone might know what I’m talking about; remember how you could see where all the polygons are connected and almost see through the tiny spots where they didn’t touch? Kinda the same thing. Anyway, I called Nintendo’s customer service earlier today and found out that I will indeed have to send my system in like Dave had to do, but I more than likely will have to pay a $80 repair fee. Oh well. Hey, I got the thing free from Nintendo, as a thank you gift, so I can’t complain too much. Also, the people at Nintendo’s customer service are REALLY friendly, and that was nice; the dude was spoke the simple truth when explaining why their turn-arounds for repairs are so blazing fast: “Hey, we want you to have your system has soon as possible, because we want you to play video games… which means you buying games, which means more money for us in the end.” Though speaking off, the only thing that really sucks about this is how Smash Bros comes out this weekend!

- Anyway, on to better news, actually the big news I hinted at before, though its also hardly news by this point, at least to various friends: Katie is now living with me! She moved in last week, and its been loads of fun ever since. This is the first time I’ve ever lived with a girlfriend, and already my quality of life has increased quite a bit; I’m no longer on a steady diet of bachelor chow for one, but the best part is I’m finally getting a couch! Hell, those fuckers are expensive, especially when you have no real money in the bank and have shit credit. But we were both able to go halfway with a nice one from Ikea (yes, an Ikea couch… most are uncomfortable, I know, but this one is at least the most comfy one they sell, for less than a grand). And for a while I was thinking of asking (well, begging) friends for donations. I had even entertained the idea of soliciting funds via this site, till it was pointed out how stupid and low-class such a move would be (unless you’re dying of some disease, and I’m talking about a legitimate life-threatening ailment here).

But yeah… a new chapter begins! And with actual shit to sit on as things move forward.

  • http://www.dmauro.com dmauro

    Well I certainly don’t dislike the new graphics for the PS2 Nights, but instead was surprised to find that I was maybe enjoying the original graphics more. I just got my copy in from Play-Asia, and unfortunately I have to report that the box art completely sucks. The spine is an ugly yellow and the cover is boring and informs us that Nights into Dreams is a “dream paradox.” :?

    You will get your Wii back very quickly so don’t sweat it. Too bad you’ve got to pay the fee though.

  • Sheep Herder

    I was very surprised and pleased with the response time of getting the packaging materials to getting my Wii back in less than two weeks. And yeah, like you said, the customer rep. was very easy to deal with.

    A much, much better experience than MS’s dealings.

  • Joe

    That scary puppet doll on santa’s lap needs to be in a horror movie. You still own those shoes, don’t you?

  • https://www.fort90.com Matt

    BTW Joe, thanks again for alerting me of the existence of Wiccan Chicken. It made a fine addition to the shitty comics thread.

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