July 2008

Back again!

E3 Day One

Once again, the biggest video game event of the year, at least here in America (whereas the Tokyo Game Show has more or less stolen the title of the biggest show in the world), began earlier today. It’s time for E3! And once again… I am not there. Oh well. That’s just how it is. Again, it simply makes no sense for an editor of mine to fly my ass out there and fork the bill for accommodations when there’s tons of writers locally at the event. Then again, its not the grand spectacle that it once was, hence why I’m not too bummed out that I can’t be present, while I still kick myself for not going in the past, and even turning down the opportunity, and still give shit to fellow journalists that bitch and moan about having to attend it in the past. To the point that I’m pretty sure everyone has heard heard my “I’m sure that guy working triple shifts at McDonald’s is happy that he’s at least not at some boring as Square-Enix press conference!” example at least three times by now, so perhaps it’s about time I retire it?

Anyway, pretty much all the highlights of day one are Microsoft related, such as Final Fantasy XIII coming out for the Xbox 360. And while at this point, I’m somewhat annoyed by all the attention that NeoGAF generates, it once again proves itself as the #1 source for comedy gold during times like these…

“Thanks for selling out your fanbase S-E. I poured probably thousands of dollars into your lap with your offerings on Sony platforms. Your support of the PS3 was instrumental in my purchasing one. Now you’re murdering your flagship series for a quick cash grab. Why? Because you have no faith in your fans. Konami turned out all right with Metal Gear, what makes you think we’d be any different for motherfucking Final Fantasy? I and millions of others have rushed out to buy your major releases precisely at release time and time again. I’m certain many of us were still poised to do so, and still are.

I’m not happy that you drank the kool-aid. You had no reason to get into bed with Microsoft and take it this far.”

… For even more wackiness, simply check out the source, this thread, which as of this writing is up to 59 pages. Christ.

Other things of interest, at least to me, mostly on the XBLA front…

- Geometry Wars 2 is on the way! Thus far is looks a lot like the original, which to be honest, ain’t such a bad thing.

- Also coming soon is Portal: Still Alive, which includes the original game plus a bunch of brand new levels. And I was just about to pick up Orange Box, just for Portal, too! Yes, I’ve also heard about that game called Half Life 2 and how its worth checking out too.

- Then there’s the Galaga Legions, which is supposed to be a sequel in the vein of Pac Man Championship Edition. And if its as good as CE, then consider it sold on day one.

EDIT: At least it already looks like CE!

- The much talked about (at least on message boards) Live overhaul has been officially unveiled, including a completely different interface and fully realized avatars that are basically Xbox Miis.

Cue the “200 ms points for yellow hair!” wisecrack from NeoGAF. But yeah, they look like Miis all right, but without the charm. Though there seems to be a far better level of interaction online in this instance, such as the virtual game shows one can take part in.

- Two additional neat looking features is the ability directly download movies from Netflix onto the 360 hard drive (though everyone’s assuming its only the stuff that’s available for streaming via a PC, and not the entire library… so no The Best of Midnight Blue I’m afraid). Apparently, if you already have a Netflix account (and at this point, who doesn’t), one can easily jump in and immediately take part. It’s also said content can be shared between friends…. I have no idea what that means. Can I watch what my friends are watching at that very moment? That would be neat.

- The second is the ability to rip games and play them directly from the HD, though one will have to have the original game in the disc tray, for obvious security reasons (watch that get cracked REAL quick). This will allow for zero load times, and not having to hear that loud as fuck laser in the box. I guess I might have to finally spend money of the way too expensive 120 gigger!

- Not Microsoft related purely, but coming out for the 360 (and the PS) early next year is Resident Evil 5, and here’s the latest trailer! Two words: zombie bikers.

… Guess I’ll be back for more tomorrow. By then, we should all know what the Wii Motion Plus is actually all about (I wonder if it’s the real reason why we haven’t gotten a real-deal light saber game thus far?) as well see if the DS even Liter is indeed a reality (which I thought was a sure bet, until Guitar Hero On Tour came out, which also needs the GBA slot).
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Anyhow, as mentioned several times in previous updates, I’ve been playing a LOT of things as of late, and one of things I’ve been meaning to do are game reviews (which is odd, considering this is a mostly game-centric blog, and all I seem to review, at least these days, are movies). I’ve already had “guest reviews” courtesy of Katie and Dave, so I guess it’s about damn time that I starting doing some myself, especially after promising them for so many folks… specifically game publishers that have passed along their wares for coverage. Unfortunately, things have been crazy, and I’ve let the pile of titles to talk about just pile on up… Then again, as I’ve seen at assorted places that shall remain nameless, it would seem that folks are still interested in hearing what certain folks have to say, no matter how long the game in question might be. But right off the back, I’m not gonna talk about Link To The Past or Symphony Of The Night. Sorry!

Well, because I’m determined to keep things as short and sweet as possible, I’m now going to do said reviews, quick and dirty style. Given my penchant to just ramble on and on, it’s perhaps better this way. So with no further adieu…

REVIEW: Persona 3 FES (PS2)

So if you wish you could enjoy Japanese role playing games because of the super cool aesthetics, but simply can’t due to all the clich?s the genre is plagued with, as well as all the mindless grinding that appears to be par for the course, and if you also can’t fathom how anyone could play a rouge-like title, let alone actually enjoy it… Persona 3 FES is exactly the game for you, despite being both of those things! Not since Panzer Dragoon Saga have I been so enthralled by a JRPG, though that’s not to say that Persona 3 completely re-invents the genre or anything like that. Instead it simply follows the conventions, but just does everything just so well, and with so much charm to boot!

Actually, it’s a tiny bit original, at least for a JRPG; instead of being in some far away kingdom in outer space, trying to reunite the land or win the princess’s heart, you play the role of a high school student that has the ability to enter another realm and do battle with beasts that threaten everyday folk in the regular world. You immediately become acquainted with several other teenagers with the same ability as yours and a team is then formed. You and your gang do all the monster fighting at night… whereas during daytime hours, you attend high school and do all the stuff normal teenagers guys engage in (or are supposed to), like studying, hanging out with friends, going to the mall, dating girls, etc. So the game is part dungeon crawler, part teen simulator, and it’s quite enthralling. Seriously! In order to defeat monsters, which fill randomly generated dungeons, you wage battle via Personas, these beings that dwells in one’s mind. There’s quite a few of them to be discovered and utilized, and can even be combined to form altogether new ones.

Personas can be made stronger by leveling them up in battle, but the real key is to strengthen the lead character’s various skill-sets, which in turn has an impact on Persona creation, which all goes down during the day. Every little action has an affect: studying increases intelligence for example, though most attributes are tied into various folks that represent them and whom you socialize with. Get in good with the head of the student council and your justice level will increase, leading to stronger possible Justice Personas, as another example. So as important as it is to vanquish evil, it’s equally vital that you do stuff and have an active social life. The game is ultimately a real balancing act, especially when you find several girls coming onto you, again, each representing various attributes that that you’ll want in your arsenal, nice and strong. There’s also plenty of dumb little things to do that seemingly wastes time and money (two things that teenagers do all too much) that still pays off in the end, like hanging out at a coffee shop, which makes you “cool” and increases your charm, which in turn gets the ladies to like you more, and so on. Getting rest is also equally important; not only being tired make battles difficult, but cause problems when hitting the books. At first it’s all a bit overwhelming. If you have OCD like me, you will struggle during the first couple of hours, doing things one way, and then another way, to then compare the net gains. There was a point where I had like six save files going, each with a slightly different scenario playing out. Till I said fuck it and threw caution in the wind. Which is like real life! You just can’t spread yourself thing and be cautious all the time, one must choose a direction and stick with it.

Additionally, the story is nothing mind-blowing, but again, it’s all in the details. So on that note, the script is rather enjoyable, and even the America voice is decent. Graphics are excellent, and the music is for the most part pretty neat, though some folks might cringe at the Engrish nature of certain tunes (but they grew on me after time). The first edition came out late last year, followed by the FES edition, which is what I played, and it’s basically the original game with a bunch of extras, like additional Personas, weapons, story elements, and costumes. Meaning you can dress the girls on your team in all sorts of ridiculous, and scantily clad outfits, which still constitutes body protecting “armor” like I did! Oh, and there’s an epilogue/follow up chapter as well. The original was hailed as the best RPG for the PS2 bar none last year, and the RPG out of all the systems as well for many, and for good reason. Persona FES is absolutely outstanding, and shows that even stuff that’s you’ve seen and heard about before are still worth doing if it’s all done so well.

REVIEW: R-Type Command (PSP)

Wheras I could go on and on about Persona 3, in the case of this game, there’s really not much to say… Image R-Type, the classic shump series, if it was remade as a strategy game, a la Advance Wars. That’s R-Type Command in a nutshell. Too bad it has far more strategizing than shooting, and the strategy parts is not nearly as good as one would hope or expect in this day and age.

It’s hard to know where to begin; despite a promising premise (as a shump fan, I’m one of those people that actually pays attention to and cares about the backstory, so the chance to actually explore R-Type’s is an enticing one), the game simply fails to deliver with an extremely chunky interface that is never properly explained. I literally had to refer to the tutorial in Advance Wars to know what the hell was going on and what move to do next in R-Type Command, since the PSP game has no tutorial whatsoever. The game also runs at a total snail’s pace, with battle taking forever to play them out. What’s worse is the wacky difficulty level: things going along well, to the point that things are a cakewalk, and then WHAM, all of a sudden you’re screwed, with not many options at your disposal. Actually, there might be, but again, since nothing is properly explained.

Basically the game is really not for fans of the original series, despite trying hard to dig into it’s rich history, nor shumps in general, unless they also happen to be fans of the hardcore strategy titles, and while there is some overlap, I can’t imagine it being all that much. To be honest, I found myself rather bored to the point that I actually didn’t finish it, even knowing that there’s supposed to be some wacky twist near the end that will make all R-Type diehards go bonkers. It was just THAT boring for me. But I guess for a traditional strategy aficionado, this game will be more than serviceable. Otherwise, R-Type enthusiasts will be disappointed, and perhaps become frustrated as I was, that they’re not playing a real deal shooter instead. The last one was R-Type Final, which as the name implies, was supposed to be the last game in the series, so let’s just hope that Irem didn’t decide to change their minds for just this one bizarre experiment.

REVIEW: Rock Band (Wii)

Before getting into the game itself, may as well address what everyone’s been wondering: months after folks have been rocking out to Rock Band on the 360 and the PS3 (and the PS2) comes the Wii version. So how does it compare? Well, it’s basically the PS2 version, in the sense that several “next-gen” (I hate to say it) features were cut, like character creation. Instead, each of the song comes with pre-rendered videos of band members that do their own thing, independent to how you’re faring. To be honest, it’s not that big a deal really…. After all, when you’re playing, one hardly has any time to see what’s going on behind the notes coming down the line, right? Though when one does get the chance to take a look, and noticed how artifact-ridden the footage is, its a real turn-off. But the world tour mode has also been significantly scaled back as well, and that’s a real bummer.

Though the biggest issue is the lack of downloadable content. Again, “next-gen” players have a wide selection of tracks to choose from the virtual market-place, with new songs being rolled out on a very regular basis. Whereas the Wii version gets all the songs that came out originally for everything else, plus a measly five extra songs. Well, at least they include (Don’t Fear) The Reaper by Blue ?yster Cult, Enter Sandman by Metallica, Suffragette City by David Bowie, Won’t Get Fooled Again by The Who, and Wanted Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi, the last of which is easily my fave song of the entire catalogue.

As for the core gameplay experience, it’s still awesome on its own terms, despite not being quite awesome as the other versions before it. In fact, as a result, the stuff that separates it from Guitar Hero is actually lost, bringing it closer to the competition; with the world tour out the door, what is left is a set-up similar to Guitar Hero 1 & 2. Though speaking as someone who spent all of his previous virtual guitaring with those two titles, it was simply an automatic thrill to hear and interact with the songs with their original vocals and instrumentation. And when also comparing controllers, the Rock Band axes win hands down, without a doubt; they just look and feel nice and real, and not at all like the kids toys that those Guitar Hero controllers end up feeling like immediately afterwards. There is simply no going back, and in a sense, Rock Band truly represent how far the genre has come in so short a time, as well as a real insight into what Harmonix truly had in mind (which is what the developer has been saying all along: MTV and EA asked them what they wanted to do after bringing them on-board, thus their grand vision all along). Though maybe its just me, but I had some isolated instances in which it felt like communication between my guitar and the game was lost for a brief instant, resulting in mistakes and lost points. Plus, RB’s own version of star power would sometimes just activate by itself, which further messes up one’s game-plan. Then again, I’ve heard plenty of people grumbling about the controllers as well. Regarding the drums, I actually had a ton of fun with them in the beginning, but as time went on, something failed to click. I guess as I began to learn how the real things work (and I wonder if everyone, as they get into the groove of things with virtual musical instruments, begin to find out more about their real life counterparts like I did) that it?s just kinda awkward to have cymbals represented by drum pads. I know its a video game, but still… At least the white, Wii edition of the drum kit looks really nice, and apparently is built better than the other versions. As for the singing, I must also admit to not having much of a stab at it, but from my limited experience it’s kinda like karaoke, in the sense that it’s more fun when you’re drunk.

So yeah, if you have a Wii… and ONLY have a Wii… then its version of Rock Band is a good fun for you and three buds. But if you have a 360 or PS3, then it’s far better to invest in kits for those systems, if only for the downloadable content that’s available.
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… Okay, it?s now past four, and I’m clearly not going to get through all the games I wanted to at this point. I guess the plan now is to simply pass along a few reviews, here and there, when I get the chance, like at the end of each post. That works for everyone, right?

5 comments

Okay, there’s a LOT to talk about, video game-wise; in addition to reviewing a bunch of titles, like I keep saying I’m going to, today is day one of E3! But since I’m serious about not wanting to do super long and dense posts any longer, since that seems to be tiring everyone out at this point (especially myself), how about I first go over what’s been going on, like this past weekend?

Here We Go Again!

So instead of E3, let’s talk about… DigitalLife? This past Thursday night was the summer press preview show. As is usually the case with these “DigitalLife Lite” events as I often refer to them, it was yet another an awkward collection of smaller companies with their own takes on Apple software for the PC, stuff that’s trying to be iTunes or iPhoto like, along with stuff that makes one’s non-Apple phone more iPhone-ish. Which to be honest, is just like the show proper, but at least that one gets a few big names like Microsoft and the such.

Anyhow, nothing spectacular, especially anything related to games… though along with the Apple rip-offs, one also needs to add Guitar Hero rip-offs to the list of stuff one will invariably comes across. There was only one game publisher present, and it was Real… you know, the makers of that one video format that everyone hates? Anyhow, they’re actually publishing games for the Wii and DS, given how they’re all about the casual gaming, and both systems are enjoyed by that market. Though their DS game is simply a Diner Dash rip-off, but with hair, and their Wii title is some Mystery Cast File-like title, meaning it’s one of those hidden object games. And given my history with such genre of gaming…. I worked on a MCF wannabe last year and instantly grew to hate that whole space.

… Seriously, I know most games make zero sense, but I can’t believe people actually enjoy playing the part of a detective that is told “Okay, here’s the scene of the murder, and it’s a real mess, we know, so we need you to find: a baseball glove, butterfly, a hot dog, etc.” Not only is it once again completely nonsense, but it’s also BORING AS FUCK…

Yet there was at least one really cool little thing at the event: a Knight Rider GPS unit! The company behind it, Mio, actually hired the dude that did the voice of the talking car, so as you drive around, KITT is actually giving you instructions on where to go next! Plus the thing has red LEDs, so when GPS KITT talks, it corresponds as it did on the show!

They actually had the guy (you know, William Daniels, aka Mr. Feeny from Boy Meets World) record 300 different common names, so he doesn’t just address you as Michael (though Katie sez that if she were to get one, she’d only set it to that). And the Mio rep said they’d love to get Daniels back in the studio to record some more names. Anyhow, it comes out this September, and if I had a car, I’d TOTALLY get one. But if you do, here’s the official site for more info.

The other major thing of note, and back to games, was the announcement of the NY Games Conference.

Hey, remember when DigitalLife was originally some big gaming event called Game On, or something along those lines? Seems like Ziff Davis is once again trying to host some huge gaming event or New York City, and since doing a E3-wannabe bombed, how about something along the lines of the GDC instead? Granted, there’s more game companies here in NYC than ever, but it’s still not that much, especially when you discount those VC funded entities that are just about making cell phone games, most of whom won’t be around in eighteen months time (if that) anyway. Needless to say, I’ll be keeping a close eye on NY Games Conference, so more as it develops.

The Wall Of BZBZBZBZB

Next I went down to Webster Hall to catch Boris, this experimental noise metal group from Japan. They were awesome. But since I’m pretty bad when it comes to describing music, I’ll just link to Mike’s report instead.

There were a lot of familiar faces in the crowd. Hey, did you know that Frank Lantz is a fan of Boris? Well now you know!

Afterwards, because Carlos was once again in town, myself, Joe Salina, and Mooney took him down to Kenka, a bit head of schedule for the rest of us (since we were all there less than seven days ago). There was a Jews for Jesus guy outside, and since I’m a big fan of their pamphlets, I decided to grab one, and the following interaction took place:

“Hey, can I get one?”

“Sure! Here you go!”

… Can I ask you: do you believe in the existence of Jesus Christ?”

“Yeah, sure!”

“Do you believe that he’s the son of God?”

“Sure, why not?!”

“Are you a Christian?”

“I’m half Korean!”

“…..”

“That means I was raised Catholic.”

The dude was a cheery British chap. Once again, to put it all in perspective: a British Jew praising Jesus Christ in front of a Japanese restaurant in New York city, on a Thursday night. Afterwards, I got home around 4 in the morning and woke Katie up to ask her the question of the night. This time it was “what’s cuter: bunnies or baby foxes?” And she answered baby foxes, simply because they’re a lot less common, which is true.

“Lion King, eat my cunt.”

Friday night Katie and myself went over to Joe Simko’s for an evening of drinking and watching cable access. Flaccid Ego, that psychic call-in show was on, but alas, I wasn’t able to get on. Damn. Sandy Kane was also on, and for anyone who doesn’t live in NYC, she’s a “comedic stripper” that’s been a staple of cable access for God knows how long. Just imagine your 60 year old aunt who lives in Long Island who still thinks she’s 20, and singing “saucy” song parodies. Simply head on over to her MySpace page to see what I’m talking about… might I recommend “My Boyfriend’s Black”? Anyhow, she was apparently in Time Square the day before according to Mooney and I was hoping for some footage of her trying to steal the Naked Cowboy’s thunder, which is what I heard she was trying to do, but alas nothing.

Speaking of cable access, I forgot to mention how Mooney came up with a rather novel idea for a segment for my coming soon cable access program: wrestling with inanimate objects. Basically me versus cardboard boxes, toys, groceries, and anything else under the soon. If you anyone has any ideas, please pass them along!

Rumbo in Dumbo X

As for Saturday, it was the World of Unpredictable Wrestling’s Rumbo in Dumbo 10! Went in with a great deal of anticipation, mostly because it would be Katie’s first time, but also a bit of trepidation, since there was a talent raid not too long ago, meaning new faces as well as the loss of some old, favorites. But all fears were put to a rest when I saw a dude dressed like a rodeo clown walking around before bell time. As well as a ninja.

I brought along a camera, but most of my pictures did not come out so hot, but here’s a nice one of the aforementioned ninja, along with another one…

… Also with them was a fucking cute as hell girl in business attire, carrying around a clipboard (sadly, couldn’t get a good, close-up pic of her). These guys showed up in the ring just as a match between a new dude, Mikey Firezone, who has no real gimmick other than having a name that makes one thinks he sells tires, and Tristian Spade, a big dude who is basically a pimp-type character, was about to get underway. The ninjas just stood there and looked confused, as did everyone else, with the exception of the ho’s that Spade brought in, who simply stood there, trying their best to look all hot. Check out the one in the purple, with the comically huge breasts…

“TAKE THOSE TRANSVESTITES TO THE WEST SIDE”

… There was this dude from last time, who sat behind Mooney and myself, barking one-liners at the wrestler the entire time, and he was thankfully back. Such as “NICE DOCKERS” re: Spade’s very nice, white dress pants. And as Spade left the ring after his defeat (the dude is a solid, powerhouse wrestler, but always looses his matches, though because he’s so awesome as the cocky asshole that’s also just an incredibly sore loser, I guess that’s just the way it is), he proclaimed that at least he was going home with a bunch of fine ladies, which got “THAT’S YOUR PROBLEM, NOT OURS” in response.

Here’s a couple of pics of the match directly before that one, which opened up the show, between Pete Simmons, your average big dude sporting tons of tattoos (which elicited a “Whoa!” from Katie, as the first dude to step into the ring) and El Shoes, another pimp-type character, but a far more light-hearted one, meaning he had a huge, puffy jacket for comedic effect…

And here we have a not so great one of perhaps my favorite wrestler in all of WUW, Brooklyn Jeff…

… If that simply looks like a pic of an old dude about to land on a younger one, well, I guess it technically is. “BROOKLYN JEFF YOU’RE A DINOSAUR” was what wiseguy had to say about him, but make no mistake… despite not being the youngest guy in the ring, he was most definitely the toughest (also, I think the dude is actually friends with Brooklyn Jeff in real life, and it was simply a friendly rib). Here’s a better shot…

I am not ashamed to admit that I was as giddy as a schoolgirl when he noticed me in the audience (which I guess wasn’t so hard, since I was clearly the loudest guy cheering for him) and gave me a thumbs up. Brooklyn Jeff acknowledged ME!!!

Another fave of mine, and Mooney’s, is of course the Musketeer, who I’ve also written about previously…

This time he had two helpers on-hand, Squire, the mini-Musketeer from before, and the very first one, and Montague, the first, extremely gay Squire ver 1.0 that I first saw at the end of last year.

All I can say is, if you can’t understand the appeal of a large, muscularly man that grapples with other dudes, acting like an arrogant aristocrat, with the phrase “Touch?!” emblazoned on his ass, to help complete the effect of him thrusting his waist at his just fallen opponent…

… Then well, it sucks to be you is all I can say.

Another highlight was sitting behind the Musketeer’s five year old son, who I guess is clearly bored to death of this father’s antics, despite how unique it might be compared to other dads. The whole time he was just playing with his stuffed cat… actually, mostly strangling it. And making high-pitched screams, which was uber effective against the creepy fat Italian guy who is always in the audience (that all the other wrestlers can’t stand, from what I’ve heard) tried to act all cutesy with him. And yes, the really old Jewish looking man and the Spanish girl with the lazy eyes were both sitting next to him, as usual, in the front row.

Here’s the clown from before!

… Not a bad wrestler, that guy. He was part of some tag team tournament, partnered with Steven Person, another face that I was happy to see stick around. Of course, after doing all the hard, Steven turned on him. What a heel!

The final match had the Unknown Masks as they were called coming back to the ring for the second part of the tag team tournament (or something like that), with the aforementioned hottie…

She explained that they were not from “parts unknown” as the ring announcer had said, but from Peru. And she was not their secretary but their caseworker. Anyhow, they were fucking horrible; most of their offense consisted of comical looking judo chops. Though they weren’t as bad as Uptown Bad Boy from last time… now that was terrible. It was at this point, Mooney thought about leaving with his pal Gavin, but I said I was staying, cuz at this point, you never know if a legit injury was about to go down. Then, no less than 30 seconds after saying that, one of the masked Peruvian ninjas took his caseworker?s clipboard and smashed it against his opponents skull, nice and HARD, with one half of the clipboard flying into the audience, right into the face of a women sitting front row!

Overall, a great show, even if it was a bit uneven and not as strong as Rumbo In Dumbos past. Apparently the card got all mixed up at the last minute when Tim Arson, aka the Zombie from ECW, pulled a muscle the night prior (Musteteer was supposed to fight Reggaedones, Mooney’s HS pal who plays a Puerto Rican heel, but that got switched to Minion, a dude who basically wears scary face makeup). And the crowd was good… kinda small this time around, but totally devoid of hipsters (thank God) and filled with only with diehards. Katie noted that she never knew there was white trash in NYC, but not in a bad way. And I’d much rather sit next to some fat dude wearing a Stone Cold Steve Austin shirt cuz he really like wrasslin’, hence why he’s there in the first place, and loving every moment about it, instead of some skinny ass douchebag from NYU also wearing a Stone Cold Austin shirt, but because its “ironic” or some nonsense, and is only there so he has something else to write (I’m sorry, “live-blog”) about via Twitter via his iPhone 3G.

Nope, Haven’t Seen Wall-E Yet!

And yesterday I saw Sakuran with Hilary…

Based on a manga, it tells the tale of a young girl who is sold to a brothel and the trials and tribulations she goes through as she becomes the head mistress, as well as all that comes with such a position. She is given given the name Kiyoha by her new caretakers and immediately makes it known that she does not want to become a courtesan, as evidenced by her freaking out while taking a bath with all the older, fully developed women in employment there (which leads to a series of rapid-fire shots of all their breasts and nipples) and an attempt at escape, which is less than successful. In return, Kiyoha is tied down and beaten, and it’s something that would happen time and time again as she grows up and learns the tricks of the trade. Despite the fact that she loathes her role and yearns for freedom, by the time Kiyoha becomes of age, she’s easily the hottest girl the brothel has to offer as well as a master manipulator of men, making her not only extremely popular among the clientele, but an immediate thread to Takao, the number one mistress, or head oiran as they were called back then.

Early on Kiyoha falls in love with a customer, who doesn’t seem like the rest of them and comes to see her on a regular basis, which naturally pisses off her superiors. When Kiyoha is ordered to attend to a major client, a lord, but instead brushes him off to make time with her true love, the lord goes nuts and starts storming the place, and catches his date in the act, then immediately brushes the dude off to slap Kiyoha around. The scuffle doesn’t last long at all, but just when Kiyoha thinks her man is going to comfort her, he simply runs off, and she learns a true hard lesson in life: all men are scum. Kiyoha then continues along, angry at the world and unwilling to bow down to anyone rules, which again gets her in a ton of hot water, especially with Takao. In the world of the oiran, women are supposed to be graceful, cultured, and most importantly obedient, which Kiyoha fails on all accounts, not only getting into fights with customers, but with the other girls she works with.

Then wouldn’t you know… Takao is accidentally killed, during an attempt to kill her lover, whom she is pissed is fascinated with Kiyoha. Whilte struggling, the dude accidentally slashes her neck. Oops! The brothel then asks Kiyoha to take her place, which she doesn’t want to do, but again, she has the skills to drive men wild, and reluctantly agrees, if only to prove to herself and all her doubters that she can be a far better head mistress than that bitch Takao ever was. And she does succeed, again, breaking all the rules along the way. Eventually, a samurai falls in love with her, and offers his hand in marriage. But then we discover that Kiyoha is pregnant! Obviously no one knows who the father is, and she flat out refused to give it up, despite the fact that she pretty much has to if she’s going to enter the life of nobility….

Sakuran is simply a feast for the senses; it was directed by a photographer, and clearly shows, with vibrant colors in every single shot, and everything is just so beautifully composed. Think Dicky Tracy, but in Japan, and with prostitutes… also a billion times better. The acting was phenomenal, not just the actress portraying Kiyoha, but the one playing the part of Takao, which is actually the girl that wowed me in Fine, Totally Fine (Yoshino Kimura). Also worth noting is the totally fantastic, genre-bending soundtrack, which features elements of jazz, big band orchestra, techno, and even hard rock. Can’t wait to grab the soundtrack, as well as read the original manga.

… Next I went up to the Bronx to check out Jason’s newest bundle of joy, and to also finally get an AC for the living room, where I do all my work. Here’s a fun fact: most everything you’ve read from me these past couple of weeks, I’ve been either mostly or entirely nude! So needless to say, it?s nice to not sweat while writing (it’s hard work writing about games… okay, not really, and most definitely not THAT hard). I also got to check out Jason’s iPhone 3G (which is indeed very nice… which makes me all the angrier at AT&T) and also hear about all the hijinks that went down while waiting in line for it (he didn’t wait in line for a week like the morons in all the major cities… he just went up to a mall upstate and got there around six the day of). It can basically be summed with: no matter how much of Apple diehard you are, mall cops are not going to put up with any amount of shit. Also, the amount of money you spend on shit doesn’t make you any more important than the rest of us.

After installing the AC, I wanted to head out to Alex from Rocketship’s birthday bash (and possibly hit Raina Lee’s karaoke book launch party afterwards), but I just wasn’t up for it. Gotta say, I’m not some young college kid anymore, and the consecutive nights of staying out late and drinking is starting to take its toll on me. Oh, and sitting around the house all day to write as well (whereas as before at least I had to do some moving around to get to the place I was writing) isn’t doing me any good. At least I finally have Wii Fit on the way! I guess those Wii Alerts do work after-all.

EDIT: Okay, not after getting my “thanks for ordering!” email, I just got a “sorry, but product is no longer available, sorry!” notification. Just awesome.

But yeah, I’ll be taking about games, as well as the interesting news that was revealed just today alone, a bit later tonight!

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