February 2006

02/22/2006

Pretty Machines

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

So I’m still sick. Actually, it’s getting worse. I took Monday off, when I was still relatively okay, but now I’m at work, because I don’t want to blow all my sick days in one shot (though I might take Friday off since it’ll give me a chance to rest up before Friday’s show).

I’m trying to prep up a new preview mini of my anthology for this weekend. So how’s that going anyway? Well, unfortunately, I’ve been so busy (plus I’m so easily distracted these days) that I’ve hardly had the chance to write and send any of the stories I’ve promised to folks. And as time goes by, the window of availability keeps on closing as they get other things to do instead. At least I have enough for another preview mini, and I’m aiming to get assembled by this weekend. It’ll feature K. Thor’s story, which I shown a tiny bit of around here a while back, plus one from MK, who I believe is just finishing hers up.

Also, MK somewhat eluded to in her recent LJ post (I’m glad she’s loving the Amber Spyglass btw!), I’m still not 100% sold on the name Unlucky, especially after one evening while hanging out with Dave in which I explained to him that I never learned how to ride a bike, despite the fact that I one one. It had training wheels, but they were not applied correctly; one was higher than the other, which prevented me from learning balance, which is the whole point of training wheels in the first place. Dave thought this was the saddest thing ever, and suggest I call my collection of stores Never Learned How To Ride A Bike. And I’m pretty tempted…

Last night I tried doing the cover to the latest mini, but its just not coming together. A question that almost everyone I know seems to ask is why I don’t draw that often, and basic answer is that its very hard for me. Its a nasty combo of being rusty, yet still being a perfectionist (which I know is dumb, since my stuff is far from perfect), and this latest thing, which is one tiny pic, is taking forever. I also spent last night writing something up for Nerdiquette, but like a total retard, I accidentally erased it when in the midst of reinstalling OS X (10.3). I think being sick also didn’t help my drawing or writing efforts last night.

But yeah, I’ve decided to give Tiger the big F.U. and go back to Panther on my eMac. I’ll miss spotlight and the revamped Mail client, but I seriously cannot take anymore of this shit. The widgets are cool for about three seconds till you realize that most are absolutely worthless, and hog up your system, even when they aren’t being used. I’ll be losing the RSS functionality of Safari, but as most people know, it never really worked in the first place. As for Automator, don’t even get me started. I seriously cannot think of single good thing about Tiger since I first installed it; its been a fucking pain in the ass since day one, and everytime I think I have things under control, something fucking goes haywire.

And it’s not just me. Yesterday, Jason’s PowerBook was also crippled due to the 10.4.5 update (which I’ve tried my best to warn everyone about), though his problem has turned out far worse; for whatever reason, the hard drive in his machine just flat out died shortly after the upgrade. And Jason, much like myself, is also obsessive about the condition of his Mac, hence why the update is the main culprit in my mind. Though aside from fucking up my machine and Jason’s, I’ve discovered that its also had a nasty effect on many other people’s systems. And the one thing that seems consistent is the age of the machines. Again, Apple is fucking people over with computers that are over 18 months old (as I’ve stated many times before, it used to be that if you bought a Mac, it would last you literally 4 to 5 years… no more). And once again, Apple has released a debilitating update right before they’re set to unveil new products (next week will possibly see the rumored iBook Lite and the new all touch-screen iPod Video… yup, that new shiny video enabled iPod is already obsolete it would seem). I also suspect that with so many damn versions of the OS to keep track of (one for PowerPCs, one for servers, and now one for Intel Macs), that the bug testing is getting more and more lax. Once again, fucking Apple….

So Jason stopped by SVA yesterday afternoon (well before he had to show up for the Flash class that he teaches in the evening), and I tried to see if I might be able to extract the info on the HD, but to no avail. Once again, another major annoyance when dealing with Mac issues is that lack of resources online. Yeah, PCs suck, and they break down all the time, but its so easy to find helpful info for whatever situation. We tried to boot the machine up via utility discs, the network, and even from another Mac via Firewire target mode, but to no avail. And with no options left, Jason reluctantly went to Tekserve.

Jason tried calling beforehand, but they refused to give him a quote over the phone, since they know that their outrageous prices are enough to scare anyone away (thankfully Jason has a portable and not a desktop). As stated before, the place is run by an army emo-hipster fags; am I still bitter than I didn’t get hired when I applied to be a tech a few years back, not because of any technical shortcomings (and there were none, btw) but simply because I didn’t look trendy or “cool” enough? I guess you could say that. But what’s more frustrating are the folks who go there, because aside from normal, sensible folks like you and me, there’s a lot of annoying eccentric artist types that frequent the place, many of whom that use really old and obsolete systems and software, and who return over and over again, because they don’t know even the basics of computer maintenance and therefore must rely on constant help. Many of these folks are also very rich, so not only can they afford the bill, but totally buy into Apple’s iLife bullshit, like this one guy who overheard me bitching about the place with Jason while waiting for help. I forget what he said exactly, other than how he had to point out to me that you just have to find the right person to help, which is a totally asinine attitude to have. If you pay a shitload of money for a computer, and then go to a repair-shop to have an extended warranty contract fulfilled (one which also cost quite a bit of $$$), the last thing you need is to then hope you get a nice person who will want to help you out, instead of not really wanting to do anything or coping an attitude. And can I talk? Yes I can, because I’ve worked in retail and customer service, and there’s is no fucking excuse for people to treat customers like that. It just so incredibly easy to act nice and courteous, and this is coming from a guy who used to work in a retail shop in the middle of Time Square, selling swords and other stupid shit to the rudest tourists imaginable!!! The guy also had the gall to give me the old “Well, at least it’s not a Pee-Cee!” wrap.

Back to AppleCare real quick: its pointless waste of money. Seriously. Most people are conned into buying it due to false pretenses. How does it work exactly? It covers the cost of hardware problems over the course of three years. And that’s it. Many believe that if “something” happens, like if you have a laptop and if it drops, then starts developing problems, but that’s considered a flaw brought on by the user and Apple is not liable. And maybe that makes sense on paper, but in the real world, laptops get tossed around, so something will happen, and couldn’t that $300 piece of mind maybe? And its a bigger problem that Apple’s own folks doesn’t know this; either that or the Apple Store person who sold my roommate her iBook was simply lying to her face when saying “You’re a teacher, and you never know if a student is going to drop your computer, right? Well get AppleCare and no matter what what happens, it’ll take care of it” And then when an issue came up and she returned to get it taken care off, they all played dumb.

On a related note while waiting, one of the guys who worked there came up to me and with a smile asked if he knew who I was, and said yes, I was the guy’s who roommate came to Tekserve to have a issue resolved, and it was guaranteed to be fixed in a week (time was a serious issues since Steph is a teacher and it was the grading period), and when she came to pick it up, all the sales guy wanted to do was hit on her, to perhaps lessen the blow that they had “accidently replaced” the hard drive when the issue was something totally different, so it was going to take another two days to actually fix the original issue. So I had come in one of those days, since I work around the corner, to find out if things were on pace, since my roommate was freaking out at this point, and the person whom I spoke to (being this person) wouldn’t give me a clear answer for the fuck up, let alone his whole name (like I was some investigative reporter for News Channel 4 or something).

Anyway, Jason eventually got somebody to look at his system (and without asking us much for info, like all the steps that had been taken to tackle the problems ourselves, cuz you know, that’s not important and not actually pretty fucking important info when diagnosing any problem), and this person later determined that it was indeed a hard drive issue. I tried asking her questions about the possible cause, but when she responded to one with “Software cannot cause hardware issues, ever” (umm, right) I knew any further probing would be total waste of time. Plus I was distracted by the scene of some repair folks behind her that were looking through some pictures and having a big laugh (if those are private pics from someone’s computer that they’re supposed to be fixing… then that’s really fucked up).

The final bill for Jason was $600, half for data recovery, half for a new hard drive, which he’s going to bite the bullet and pay for. Then he’s going to sell his PowerBook and get the fuck away from Macs. Can’t say I blame him…. And one last thing about Tekserve; I know folks who write for the Village Voice and the New York Press, and mentioned the bullshit that takes place there, while both were shocked to hear of this, each said that no one would dare write a bad thing about them since they pay so much in ad revenue…

So all last night, I wiped out my HD and installed Panther back on. I haven’t had much chance to mess around with things, but lets just say, whereas before I could barely surf the web on my own network, I was able to go online with zero hassles on some other person’s network, from like two houses door down.
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And because my computer was in traction at the time, I wasn’t able to mentioned that The Legend of Zelda celebrated its 20th anniversary yesterday. So Happy belated birthday Link!

I also wanted to mention that on my lunch break yesterday, I stopped by Best Buy and saw the new Fight Night for the 360, and I gotta say, its looked fucking insane. And its the first game in a long time in which better graphics actually makes a better game; right next to it was the PS2 version, and it just wasn’t the same.

But at least I was able to scope out some new on streets pics of the new DS Lite. I know I already have a DS, and as much I’m against collecting portables… A handheld shouldn’t just sit there on a shelf, its meant to be played! And if it is, the system’s going to get scratched or banged up, no matter how careful you are. Plus, there really is a thing as having too many Game Boys, I’m sorry… I’m have to get this…

For more pics, click here.

3 comments

02/20/2006

Make Believe

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

Some highlights from the past week (at least those that are fit for public consumption)…

TUESDAY
… Which was Valentine’s Day, of course. I celebrated with MK in a rather low-key fashion this time around; after dinner at Zen Palette, the plan was to check out a few shows at the UCB (which I hadn’t been in a long-ass time), but we decided to see a movie instead. Walk the Line was pretty decent… good performances, and great music, of course. I’ve always enjoyed Johnny Cash’s music, but I’m not going to lie and claim that I’m an expert on his life, nor of anyone else from his time, thought I do want to say that the scene where Elvis is hiding in the rafters eating chili fries seemed a bit, I dunno, contrived and b.s.

WEDNESDAY
… Which was movie night, and the feature was Tombstone. I’ve never been a fan of westerns, but there are a few excellent ones out there, and Tombstone is near the top of the list, mostly due to Val Kilmer’s amazing Doc Holiday (I’m actually a pretty big fan of his, ever since Top Secret, and even thought he was a really good Batman). Afterwards, we watched the last couple of episodes of Arrested Development. One featured Rob Riggle, and that was pretty awesome; its a shame he was hardly utilized on SNL last season (hence another reason why I’m so annoyed by the show).

Afterwards, I ended up getting stuck in the subway system for over an hour. As many will recall, NY and NJ got a ton of snow the previous weekend, which is an excellent excuse for the MTA to run things like complete shit, even well after the snow had melted. This time, no local trains were running, but there were no notices or announcements anywhere. I ended up asking a couple of conductors of express trains, and they were all “I don’t know, nor do I give a shit.” Again, these are the assholes who have the same exact rights as school teachers and cops. As someone noted, the reason why they have such protection is everyone wants to kill them, and my reaction to that is, if they only did their goddamn jobs, maybe everyone wouldn’t hate their guts. Anyway, this all culminated with me asking to the booth person at the Pacific Street/Atlantic Ave station if there were any local trains due, and since the answer is no, my suggestion of making an announcement to the 40+ people down there who have been waiting for a local train, and letting one express train after another pass them by (like I too had been doing for the past hour). And her response? “Its not my job to make announcements.” And not once did she look me in the eyes. I guess she was far too engrossed in her Oprah book of the month to give a shit.

THURSDAY
My SCTV volume 3 DVD set which I order from Amazon finally arrived. Now here’s the thing… usually when you order from Amazon, there’s zero hassles. Aside from the fact that whatever you buy is at a great price, they ship it nice and neat, and the item ends up at your door in a heartbeat and in great condition. But that’s provided your order from Amazon directly, because on the site you can also buy stuff from affiliate stores, and from them, you never know what you’re going to get. And it turns out, the fuckwad geniuses who I ordered from, in an effort to save me even more money I guess, decided that a box might just be a bit overkill for a deluxe 5 disc DVD set that retails for $80, and instead just dropped it in a manila envelope with zero padding. So what I got was a clump of crushed plastic and broken discs, and needless to say, I was pissed. Granted, it was only $40, and was totally covered by a gift certificate I got for Christmas, but still…. So I asked the seller for explanation for such a piss-poor transaction, and got this in return:

“man your a hard case im shure you will be judged just as hard as you judge others i have seent hundreds of packages out? all the same way this is the only one that ive got such a rood reply back on
?
just think for a moment do you think i had anything to do with how it was handled during shipping and how would you sentance me,? am i quilty in any way,? maby the one you should be angry with is the shipping company”

God I hate doing business with rednecks. At least Amazon proper came through, and there was no problems with my copy of Electroplankton which also arrived the same day.

I also considered placing an order through Play-Asia, which is online retailer that I have never had problems with, nor has anyone else, or as far I can tell. I was going to purchase Radilgy, a just released Dreamcast shooter which I have mentioned a whiles back, which had the moniker of being “the last Dreamcast game ever” for about three days. But after playing Chaos Field, which is from the same folks, I think I’m going to sit and wait. While I like the cel-shaded thing that Radilgy has going on, I’m afraid of how poorly it might play, especially since Chaos Field turned out to be a really bad Radiant Silvergun wanna-be.

But since the game is going to become super hard to acquire, like all recent Dreamcast shooters (Border Down anyone?) I maybe just say fuck it when I finally get around to picking up Ouendan. Though I just heard that a GameCube port might be happening, though I highly doubt that it would ever get passed along here in the States, and I’d much rather have another DC import than a Cube import (for perhaps obvious reasons).

Though I did do some game shopping in the real world that day (yes, I bought some more games, despite already have like 70 games which I haven’t even touched yet). I’ve mentioned a secret little treasure trove of games in the past, and I may as well give up the goods: the spot that I speak of is the Fulton Street Mall in downtown Brooklyn. There you’ll find a number of small mom and pop shops, mostly ghetto jewelry, DVD, and cell phone shops, but many also sell games. One in particular (I forget the name… though I really don’t think any of them have a real name actually) has a huge selection of old, hard to find games, all brand new, and at cheap prices. It really reminds me of the old Game Express shop which was near Penn Station in Manhattan, which used to be the go to spot, till it got shut down due to ever increasing rent (which is the reason why all the small indie game shops closed down… now all we have are shitty ass Gamestops and EBs).

I finally picked up Klonoa 2 for GBA for just $20 (it was actually $30, but I managed to talk the shop keeper down… now when was the last time anyone was able to do that at a Gamestop, eh?) at said store, and tracked down a boxed copy of Super Mario Advance 1 (SMB 2 USA) which I had never gotten and have always been looking for. I almost picked it up till I noticed something a tad bit funny with the box… same with the copy of Super Mario Advance 4 (SMB 3) right next to it…. the box art looked a bit dithered and pixelated. Closer inspection of the box revealed a muddy looking official Nintendo seal on the back, and as suspected, they were pirated games. Damn. And I was almost fooled. Plus I also hear that bootleg GBA carts are being sold at J&L in Chinatown. If there’s another reason why everyone should go to that place, there’s another one…

FRIDAY
After lunch with Dave, who passed along Graffiti Kingdom, which I received in exchange for the GameCube WarioWare game that I picked up during Toys R Us’ big $10 sale a few months back, I checked out a new game called HoopWorld, the first original game from Streamline Studios. Its an Xbox 360 Live Arcade game, and while is still quite early, it looked pretty neat. As much as I’ve bitched about the broken promises which the 360 seems to be all about, I really do like the Live Arcade and love how its opening doors for independent developers. Plus the game featured an Aztec robot, and I’m a sucker for such stuff (its the main reason why I sill play Darkstalkers), and when I mentioned it to the guys behind the games, we had a nice little chat about the Mysterious Cities of Gold.

Then in the evening, Joe treated me to dinner to celebrate my recent book deal (which I know isn’t that recent at this point, but since we’ve both so busy the past few weeks, with trips to out of state for each of us, plus a ton of things waiting for us when we each returned). June and Jay also joined us for fried chicken, and afterwards we went to Blockbuster, then to the deli for some beer, and finally back to Joe’s to watch a shitty flick and get drunk. MK had picked out Funky Monkey while at Blockbuster, which we almost got, but in the end, it was Satan’s Little Helper.

Basically, its about this dweeby kid from a sleepy little town who’s a obsessed with a video game in which the player goes killing folks for points (the game itself is this hilariously bad Flash animation, the stuff you see at Newgrounds in the lowest rated section). Its also Halloween and the kid’s, older sister is back from acting school, along with her new boyfriend, also an aspiring actor. And needless to say, like all aspiring actors, both are pretty annoying. Along for the ride is the mother, played by Amanda Plumber (doing the “sorta big star who’s in a shitty no budget horror flick cuz they need the money badly” bit) who seems drunk the entire time (she’s constantly drinking “cider”, and also always encouraging others to do so as well) and when the opportunity arises, touches her daughter inappropriately.

The action really starts up when the boyfriend decides to get a costume for the evening and takes the boy along with him. The plan is to get a devil costume, but instead decided to dress up like his abusive father, who happens to be a noted toupee salesman (who pops up in one of the many meandering subplots later on in the flick). While the guy is lost in his head, going through some issues, the kid comes across a guy dressed in a costume killing somebody (which no one pays heed to because its Halloween… wow, that’s so clever, isn’t it?!) whom he thinks is Satan. BTW, there’s tons of time when you think the word “devil” is most applicable, but everyone insists on saying “satan”. Its just one of things that just doesn’t make a damn bit of sense about the flick. Did I already mention the mom’s tendency to constantly touch her daughter’s breasts and ass for no good reason? Also, at one point the kid stumbles across his sister getting felt up by her boyfriend and gets all excited by someone touching his sister’s boobs, which he calls “boombies”.

Anyway the costumed guy, who also never says a thing, goes on a killing spree, and the kid thinks its cool (he yells out “How many points is that?” after each murder). The means of death is often pretty lame, like how he kills all the town’s cops by basically wrapping their heads up in saran wrap to suffocate them, or adding liquid plumber to the punch bowl at some party. Later on, when the costumed guy kills the kid’s dad right in front of his eyes (which features the lamest internal organs ripped from a person’s chest scene ever), the kid goes nuts and prays to God for salvation. And in a wacky turn of events, the costumed guy drops the “satan” garb and then goes around as Jesus Christ, becoming the kid’s hero once more, and then goes on another killing spree. And trust me… the film is not nearly half as cool as I’ve made it out to be. But hey, it was fun to watch and good on. Though the Heinekens certainly helped.

SATURDAY
MK & I stopped by Rocket Ship to check out some books. Got #1 and #2 of Tales Designed To Thrizzle by Michael Kupperman. Afterwards we headed to John & Marion’s. Last time we were over, they made us dinner, so this time we did the cooking. Well actually, MK did all the cooking (she made chicken marsala, which as expected was uber delicious) and I mostly just sat around and blabbed on and on. Among the many topic discussed was the various wondrous things we have both witnesses during our many treks to ICON (which as mentioned previously, I will again be speaking at on the behalf of the electronic game program… plus MK will be appearing as well for the comics side of things). John brought up the time I brushed shoulders with well noted, and extremely temperamental, science fiction author, Harlan Ellison one year while getting sandwiches in the hospitality room, and how he thought he was going to punch me in the face. Then there’s now legendary “gamer sex” panel which Dave, John, and myself attended in which girls dressed in leather gave a tongue-in-cheek advice to a packed room of guys on how they can get their girlfriend off their cases about getting sexually satisfied for just ten minutes so they can get on with their pen and paper role playing games (I don’t even know where to begin with that one). I also talked about the time I had to do a panel about the mixing of magic and technology with a angry both pirate named Locaine who was angry how no one would believe that he could shoot fireballs with his mind (he had the power, but can’t, because no one believed him, and doubt is what kills magic, or so said Locaine). And friends of mine wonder why I get so fucking jazzed for this show every year.

This of course led to a discussion about furries, which as everyone knows, is a group I do not exactly hold in the highest of regard. And I know that, at least according to some folks at Gaming Age, the feeling is mutual…

Instead of talking about them, I suggest everyone take in this BBC documentary that does an excellent job at exploring the lifestyle. I know its 30 minutes long, but trust me, its completely worth watching. The word “fascinating” doesn’t even begin to properly describe it.

SUNDAY
Like last time, MK & I spent the night at John & Marion, and also as before, they graced us with some of the best waffles know to this God’s green earth (the key it seems is turkey bacon!). Afterwards, we played Mario Tennis, some round-robin with Soul Calibur 2, plus a few races and battles in Mario Kart Double Dash.

Afterwards MK dropped me off and headed back to Jersey. Later on, Jason stopped by and helped me upgrade this site. Not sure if you’ve noticed, but this site had a new section, one for reviews. I’ve been meaning to have a more formalized section for reviews for a while now, and I guess its finally time. I’ll be concentrating on game reviews for the most part (or course) but I guess I’ll do the occasional film write up (I guess I could have kicked things off with Satan’s Little Helper, but that would be, I dunno…).

Later on, I tried to get some work done. I try to reserve Sunday evening as the time to get work done, but unfortunately, I end up spending each one trying to fix my fucking Mac. This time, updating to 10.4.5 turned my already slow system in a deadweight, which prompted me to re-install Tiger yet again (I think that officially marked my tenth reinstall). But it seems to have done little good, since my system is still uber sluggish. For the longest time I’ve been meaning to make a long, raving and ranting post entitled: Fuck Apple, but I’m going to still wait a bit, till I’ve exhausted every avenue. One major problem is with slow and unresponsive internet, but any problems related to web surfing is always tricky to diagnosis: is it my system? Or is it the site? Or is it my service provider? Or are people leeching off me? Ugh….

MONDAY
Since I woke up feeling less than hot this morning, I called out sick. I was originally going to have that “painted conversation” after work (in which I talk and the other person doesn’t respond verbally, but by painting) , but it seems that Mark, the person behind the project, also has the same thing, so its been postponed. Instead, I spent the whole day catching up on a few things, but my computer issues haven’t helped at all. But at least I responded to the 20 or emails I’ve been meaning to for a while now, plus wrote a bit for Nerdiquette, and even sketched something for the next preview mini of Unlucky, which I hope to have ready for the NYC comic con this upcoming weekend (which seems to be becoming a bigger deal with each passing days…. though there’s still a 50/50 chance that it’ll either rock or totally suck, at least IMHO).

I’ve also tried catching up on game related happenings online, but again, it hasn’t been easy with all the computer issues and all. Fucking Konami Week wrapped up on the IC just recently, and it turned out to be pretty damn awesome. Aside from getting my hands on some info on things I’ve long wondered about, mostly on Kukeiha Club, plus getting the chance to hear one of their harder to find albums, watching an impressive super play vid of Contra Hard Corps, and also catching a a Metal Gear Solid 2 commercial starring Gakt, I ended up playing a pair of bizarro titles that I had never heard of before, including one based on that shitty King Kong sequel from the 80′s, and some platformer involving a baby in a world that composed entirely of candy and baked sweets, and where you make enemies puff up when you hit them with your rattle. Its called Bio Miracle Bokutte Upa or something…

As for some stuff not related to Konami…

- Pixel, the folks behind Cave Story are working on a shooter.

- So it seems that Under Defeat really isn’t “the last Dreamcast game” after-all.

- Plus a long forgotten Dreamcast series, Power Stone, is finally getting the long overdue revival. Hopefully we’ll see a return of Tech Romancer or Rival Schools/Project Justice soon.

- Here’s a few nice new screenshot of Virtua Fighter 5 (very nice indeed)…

- There’s a new movie coming out, starring Frankie Muniz, which has been described as Speed crossed with video games.

- The military has been targeting gamers for a while now, but the Marines are trying really hard over at GameFAQs with stuff like this poll…

- By now, everyone has seen the new “edgier” look that Bomberman is featurng for his 360 debut. Well, maybe its a response of some sort, or maybe the guy behind the previous geratic Mega Man art just does this kind of thing all the time, but here’s his version of Bomberman as spotted at the GAF…

- And finally, there’s now a Flash version of Katamari Damacy.

… That’s pretty much all I could get up to. I guess maybe its finally time to get a new computer…

5 comments

02/14/2006

Hooray For V-Day

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

Thanks to Katie for pointed me towards Brandon Bird’s latest creations!

3 comments