01/28/2011

WARNING: May Be Erotic For Child

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

In this post:
1. The Nintendo 3DS vs The PSP2!
2. Saying goodbye to Babycastles Manhattan.
3. The must see wacky internet videos of the year, thus far.
4. My “reviews” of a couple of hentai games.
5. And another round-up of random game related words and pictures!

Been a while since I passed along my two cents as it regards to game related headlines. And now’s a good as time as any, right?

The Next Big Thing In Getting Your Mind Off Your Miserable Subway Ride

But before addressing the just revealed PSP2, or should I say the NGP (stands for Next Generation Portable, and not Neo Geo Pocket, which has been the source of confusion for many), how about that other new handheld, coming much sooner first?

Nintendo had their big 3DS unveil event for the US last week and I’m guessing that you’re all familiar with the basics, read ever hands on impressions, and have seen all the (2D) videos. If not, then you clearly need to frequent Tiny Cartridge more often! So in that case, here’s a good place to start catching up. Anyhow, my basic thoughts…

- The $250 price point for the hardware is not too much for me, but for everyone else out there, your average consumer basically, it might be a harder sell. Or maybe not? Perhaps the 3D effect will be so impressive that folks will fork over the necessary number of greens to have it for themselves; I’ve yet to play around with the system myself, but every person who has cannot stop gushing about how impressive it truly is. Though as Kyle Orland astutely points out, it’s the $40-50 price point of the software that might be the real deal killer.

Those of us in “da biz” love to reiterate how the realm of iOS gaming and DS/PSP gaming couldn’t be any more dissimilar. And while that’s basically the truth… with some extremely rare exceptions, the very best that Apple’s platforms can offer have yet to truly go toe to tow with the very best that Nintendo’s and Sony’s platforms can provide, sorry… the bottom-line is that the success of the iPhone, and especially the App Store, has changed the mobile gaming landscape forever. Believe it or not, you do get what you pay for: top of the line DS and PSP games are worth their $30-35 asking price, and top of the line iOS titles are usually worth their $5-10 cost of admission. But tell that to some kid who lives in the Midwest and just wants as much bang for his buck as possible.

- That being said, am I getting one on day one? Nope. Hardware is kinda fugly, much like how the original DS was. Funny how at one point, it looked far classier.

The overall look is somewhat of an eyesore, a bit all over the place and busy is how I’d best describe it. The fact that the top and bottom screen is not even with the bottom has been a source of quiet annoyance since day one (though I finally get it; the emphasis here is clearly on the top display, the bottom is truly just something ancillary). Still, will wait for the inevitable redesign of the hardware, and accompanying price drop.

- The software line-up is certainly interesting, if a bit inconsistent. I too am floored by the quality of the visuals demonstrated in both Resident Evil titles, whereas Ridge Racer (all the racing titles shown actually) look like complete ass.

I’ll get 3D Ocarina of Time, if only due to how I haven’t played it to death like many other Nintendo hits. Actually, the one title I was most excited for was the new Dead Or Alive. Despite how badly they handled Samus in Other M, they do know how to make a fun fighting game (which will be easier to play than SF4 on the go, imho), and the fact that Samus was maybe gonna be in it was the icing on the cake. But now it’s been revealed that she’ll only have a cameo appearance and not be playable… uh huh, sure. In the end, if I get it on day one, it’ll be cuz of Katie and her need to play Nintendogs and Cats!

- Am elated to hear that DSiWare purchased on one’s DSi can be transferred to the 3DS! That means I am not longer tied to my black DSi and can eventually upgraded to a white model! Though on the flip side, I’m actually nonplussed with the ability to purchase old Game Boy and Game Boy Color titles on the new handheld, mostly cuz that shit should have been enabled on the DSi already. Just the idea of finally being able to play old flat, black and green games circa 1989 on hardware specifically tailored for three dimensional graphics in the year 2011 seems kinda… I dunno… silly.

- Needless to say, I think it being region locked is pretty lame, and am also worried about the supposedly piss poor battery life (God do I LOVE the pic that accompanies this post covering that latter talking point).

- Final TC link on the subject would have to be how the 3DS was originally foretold about 26 years ago, via Doraemon

… Then you have the just unveiled, around 24 hours ago at this very moment (as I write this sentence, it’s exactly 1am, eastern standard time) second PSP. Again, what I think thus far…

- God it looks ugly, like a bad Photoshop one would expect to find on Kotaku or NeoGAF. Like, seriously.

- As for what it does, it’s aiming to do essentially everything, and is already trying too hard. The fact that it’s built upon Android is at least a convenient excuse for some of its tricks, because the ability is already there. But much of what it will do is pointless since it’s mostly best suited for a cell phone. If I were lost for example, why would I whip out a gaming device instead of using my phone to access a map or ping someone for assistance, a machine that’s already geared towards navigation and communication?

- The games listed thus far are hardly anything to get all that worked up over, with the exception of Uncharted. Which in the end will be like Peace Walker; the one and only game I have a reason to get the system for (at least thus far… Japan Studio will no doubt have some cool stuff in the works).

- Many are happy to hear that the dual sticks are making their long awaited portable debut, though them sticking out like that is kinda “huh” in book. Was never a huge fan of the analogue nub for the PSP1, but at least it was nice and low profile. Though it’s the touchscreen in the back that has generated the most chatter. And considering how I can barely deal with one touchscreen up front for iPhone games, I can’t say I’m super excited about this one, though the jury is clearly still out.

- The price was not revealed, which instantly makes me suspect that it’s going to be super pricey. I’m expecting it to be around the $350 mark. One main reason: 3G connectivity, which is such an integral part that it’ll be included in the final package. So not having to fuss with dealing with a wireless provider, plus getting crap here and there for your games, will be what Sony can point towards and state “you see, it’s actually a great deal with you think of it!”

- I’m actually far more excited with the whole PlayStation Suite initiative, i.e. the ability for “any” Android device to play PSone games. Though there’s two major issues here. First is the selection of games; if folks can get cool shit like Vib Ribbon, then awesome! But if it’s the same old, same old, like Tony Hawk 2… well, whatever. But also, given how fragmented Android is by itself, don’t expect but a select few handsets to be able to support the platform.

… One last thing, an image really, from John Ricciardi, circa 2004, which services as an excellent reminder of how no matter how safe a bet might seem, you can never truly tell…

All Good Things

So what’s been going on otherwise? Well…

You know what they say; all good things, blah, blah, blah. Well today was the very last of Babycastles Manhattan. Was a fairly wild and crazy ride, and I have much to say about the subject… which anyone who knows me personally is well aware… though all that really needs to be stated is as follows: it was proof positive that New York City is filled with people that are positively starving for a place to gather with like minded individuals, that being those who share a love for video games, and more specifically (as well as perhaps more importantly) video game culture.

The past few months have demonstrated that the basic notion of a video game arcade in the 21st Century is not such a crazy idea after-all, and the lasting legacy of Babycastles will be if it (hopefully) inspires others to take a stab at one themselves, which I’m confident will occur. And ideally, with their own spin on the formula. Before the Manhattan space officially opened, I personally spoke to a number of people across the country, even the world, as far as Japan and Australia, and each said how they would be closely monitoring how well the initiative does. I really hope those same individuals, after witnessing what succeed (as well as what did not), do indeed attempt their own indie arcades.

Anyhow, last Thursday was the opening for the final show, one centered on games that dealt with modification in one way or another. There was Tomb Raider with the nude patch, that one game in which you get to assassinate Kennedy, and a Super Mario Bros hack that was one of the very first things I wrote about in this blog back in 04 (but which I can’t find for some reason, and it doesn’t really matter, since everything I wrote then was really boring), among other things.

It was also the premier of a brand new game by Zach Gage and Ramsey Nasser; a Wolfenstein 3D clone in which you blast away soldiers with faces of real people that were captured with a PlayStation Eye as they entered the space. Here we have Syed and Dustin, right up front and about to…

… Actually, the soldiers don’t do anything, other than walk up and crowd in front of you. Both Zach and Ramsey knew that most of the fun was simply watching familiar faces pop up, so having them attack would have simply gotten in the way of things. The fact that it was entirely created in Unity was one thing, the fact that both pieced it together in only 18 hours was an entirely different, yet just as amazing feat. Here they are, basically in the glory of a deadline met and job well done! Also, quite drunk…

Unfortunately, the night was not quite perfect. I discovered much to horror and disgust and one of the two cabinets that I commissioned for my Attract Mode show had been vandalized. I won’t go into the details and will leave it entirely up to the artist whose work was pathetically defaced to spill the beans (it was argued by at least one person that I should show the damage, but that would be giving the douchebag responsible attention that he or she clearly does not deserve). All I will say is that the damage was thankfully fixed the very next day, but the entire situation was quite ugly as one might guess.

Some have asked what will be happening to those cabs, now that the Manhattan space is ceasing operation. Good question! The basic answer is: their future is very much in the air. Hopefully their next home will be a tad bit more hospitable… and maybe it’s yours? Yes, the cabinets are for sale, and I’ll have more info in my next blog post!

Video Games, Video Games… I Luv ‘Em

- As for what I’ve been playing, in the early states of an old school Treasure kick. Just wrapped up Gunstar Heroes and Guardian Heroes, now in the middle of Dynamite Heady and Alien Soldier. Would be nice if Mischief Makers was on the Virtual Console, but there’s about 80 others games whose absence makes even less sense. Am gonna give both Advance Guardian Heroes and Gunstar Super Heroes another shot (the former I simply couldn’t get into, but want to give a second chance, and the latter was simply acquired at a time in which I was playing about fifty new games at once).

- And as for what I’m not playing, it’s Red Dead Redemption. Why mention that game? No, not because it was Kotaku’s choice for game of 2010 (or was it Mass Effect 2? I honestly can’t remember), but due to it being Katie’s new jam; ever since Travis got himself an Xbox 360 for Christmas, they’re always going on raids online. Generally speaking, they join posses that are mostly filed with dorky 12 year olds, so whenever Katie plays, the room is either filled with their chatter or Katie laughing at said chatter. Often… due to players not being able to hurt each other online… Katie and Travis will get in shoving matches, sometimes in the midst of a crucial raid. Trust me, it’s the funniest thing ever.

- Moving onto other forms of media, Katie and I are giving SVU somewhat of a rest for the time being, mostly because the first three seasons of Kids In The Hall are now on Netflix Instant! Was definitely one of my favorite shows during my junior high school daze; God, comedy and television was so much better back then. And regarding what I’ve been listening to, I finally got a CD I’ve been eyeballing for practically years (finally found a copy for a decent price on eBay)…

… I won’t bother everyone with a big spiel about Jacob Ter Veldhuis, other than to say that anyone that’s actually curious can read all about him here. Pretty much every single mix tape I’ve ever creating for anyone has inevitable including his masterpiece Grab It.

- When it comes to television, as always, nothing but cable access! And thusly, my cable access Tumblr is alive and well…

… Been keeping the FORT90 photo dump nice and hoping as well, with plenty of old faves (like this bit of Select Button’s glory days).

BTW, did know that Katie has a Tumblr as well? My favorite recent piece would have to be…

- Hey, back to YouTube, been a while since I passed along a nice assortment of must see hits, right? So on that note, the ten best random videos for the month of January 2011! And in no particular order…

1. A must have around the kitchen for any serious ketchup user.

2. Double dream hands extreme.

3. Michel Montecrossa’s supposed dance hit, “Cybergeneration”.

4. Worst ride ever? More like THE BEST!

5. Sure you all know about the sequel to Charles Barkley Shut Up And Jam, but did you know that it had a dating sim mini-game?

6. This one has been blowin’ up online for the past 48 hours, and for good reason: Michael Bay ain’t got shit on Bollywood.

7. It’s like someone combined Dragon Ball Z and Liquid Television.

8. But seriously, sometimes I just want to give Japan a big hug.

9. Though I also totally want to go to Sweden and hang with this dude, plus have him cook for me.

10. Seriously, not only the best rap song ever about video game, but the best damn rapper in ages..

WET SOUND

So yeah, back to the topic of games; there are actually a few others I’ve also been playing. Well, trying to at least… a while ago, MangaGamer was kind enough to provide a number of their titles for review. And for the longest time I’ve been holding off on cracking them open, for a couple of reasons. Mostly I’ve been looking for an outlet that might be possible interested in reviews for hentai games, along with an examination of the world surrounding them. Alas, everyone I approached declined and figured, why the hell not, may as well just feature them here (along without any fear of any editorial interference). Except there’s been one reassuring issue…

Platform. The games are intended for Windows, and I’m on a Mac. Now, I won’t bore everyone with all my technical issues and the such, other than to say I’m currently using a MacBook Pro (the 13 inch, 2.4Ghz Intel Core 2 Duo model, 4 gigs of ram), one that has Windows 7 Ultimate Edition. And despite it handling many older, designed for XP games fairly well, that hasn’t been the case for these. Hence why I’ve bared scratched the surface of the two that I started playing, and which I’ve had to put on hold cuz I just reinstalled Windows for the umpteenth time. So while MangaGamer helps me iron out the problems, here’s what I have thus far…

EDELWEISS EIDEN FANTASIA: I actually played this one with Hilary the other week, since there’s no one else I personally know of who digs the animu (and therefore this kinda crap) as much as myself. Though the world “play” is somewhat of an exaggeration. See, as much as I assumed that MangaGamer’s offerings were interactive forms of fiction, based upon the second of the two words that makes up the company’s name, the emphasis is almost exclusively on that first one.

I was totally prepared to mostly just sit and read text, to accompany static imagery, but I also expected to make the occasional choice to dictate the narrative at least every once in a while. Well in Edelweiss Eiden Fantasia, I was asked for my opinion, for something very minor, and that was seriously it. The rest of the “game” was just me tapping the return key over and over and over again, to get to the next chunk of dialogue and hopefully some sex. Which btw, there was pretty much none off, which is the biggest crime here. Some steamy cartoon coitus could have made up for the lack of any semblance interactivity, but alas… Now, to be fair, after the opening scene in which your character and his pals introduced (I’ll get to those losers in a second), you also get to choice which episode to go through, and maybe Hilary and picked the one that isn’t supposed to have any fucking around at all, and instead is meant to emphasize the strong story plus wonderful characters (lulz). After all, if you go to that game’s page in MangaGamers.con, you’ll see some examples of hot animu pron, so that stuff has to be somewhere, right? Just not in option two apparently.

So how are the characters and the tale they weave? Lame. Your main character is a dude whose friends are three virginal losers, and they’re featured way too prominently. When the main reason to play a game is to gawk at hot anime babes, the last thing you want to see a bunch of dudes, let alone compete dorks, period. As for the fairer sex, you soon discover that you’re the new guy in a school of mostly girls that recently opened their doors to males. Sound good thus far, right? Oh, and they teach magic there or something. Sure, whatever! Early on, you get voted class president, despite no one knowing who the hell you are (which I can accept, since I’ve seen this in like countless other anime and manga), and a meek yet cute hot chick is made vice president, one who insists on doing stuff with you, both in and out of class. Now, as promising as that premise is, it’s immediately downhill from there. Cuz something happens… like a book falls on your head, I forget… and your penis is replaced by a wooden facsimile, one who talks to you and is wisecracking, naturally. From there, the story goes completely nowhere, and soon Hilary and I were just hitting enter as fast as possible, in hopes of any kind of hanky panky. By the time it had gotten to the point in which I had to be the pitcher in some softball game against guys in a competing school, who are demons btw, Hilary was falling asleep due to sheer boredom.

Upon resuming my game later on, I’d end up jamming the enter key for another solid 20 minutes. Good grief. In the end, something happens to cause the wooden cock to disappear and your actual one returns [spoiler alert: the wood dick actually comes back, but much bigger, and saves the school from some natural disaster, the end]. Cue the one and only sex scene…

… That there is the beginning of the action, and I must admit, the actual sex scene was nice and long, and fairly well depicted. The artwork in this part of the game is of much higher quality then the rest, same goes for the translation as well. Too bad so much ungodly nonsense has to be endured to get to this point, so I can’t say it was worthwhile. But the jury is still out on Edelweiss Eiden Fantasia, since I’ve yet to experience the first tale, which could be far more satisfying.

COSPLAY ALIEN: Barely got the chance to get into this one, due to the aforementioned need to reinstall Windows, but even early on, Cosplay Alien meet my expectations (not hard to due, considering the seemingly abysmal Edelweiss Eiden Fantasia). For starters, you’re introduced to some girl whose super shy, but you just know you’ll eventually be banging…

As in the first game, the translation is sorta wonky, but sometimes it enhances the overall experience (or maybe it’s just as screwy in its native language)…

Later on, as both of you are in class, some space ship shows up. Out comes some bubbly intergalactic chick that claims that you’re the man for her. Which of course confuses and flusters your character. Male leads who are clueless are par for the course, but your dude her is a tad bit too uptight for my tastes…

The overall situation causes your fragile lady friend to pass out, so you spring to her rescue by taking her back home and staring at her unconscious body. Like all good male friends do for their female pals. Eventually your alien bride to be shows up and throws herself upon you. Despite the realization that the hottie you’ve been pining for years in secret might also feel the same way, there’s a totally hot babe who totally wants it, so what’s a brotha to do?

… Again, unlike the first game, things get hot and heavy almost immediately. Careful, that one is especially NSFW! And what follows is extremely NSFW, but for those interested, it leads up to this, and then this.

Though much like in Edelweiss, hardly any choices are offered, save for one, but since it’s to determine how to please her exactly, that’s considerably better. And that’s where I left off! Once I get the game up and running again, look for the rest of my review, along with some other titles!

You Don’t Get To 6 Hundred Pokemons Without Making A Few Enemies

- Again, I have a ton of links from all sorts of great places that I feel the need to pass along, yet feel a bit silly doing so since I assume that everyone regularly reads Tiny Cartridge, GameSetWatch, and Eastern Mind. But alas, people are strange animals.

But I know of the three, it’s that last place that truly deserves all the love it can get. Thank God for Bruno’s coverage of PSone games that I seriously had zero idea existed, like Mizzurna Falls.

Then you have this hour and a half epic that simply defies proper description.

- Another swell place is 4 Color Rebellion, as evidence by their recent experiment in which they asked folks to draw Sonic without looking at the paper

- Most have no doubt seen this already, but in case not, some poor Australian fellow’s massive classic and import game collection that was recently wiped out by those massive floods that recently wrecked havoc across the nation

- For you MGS fanboys out there, there’s “The Art of Yoji Shinkawa” exhibition going on right now at the Konami Style store, which includes the man himself painting for a live audience! Here’s footage of Shinkawa in action, on day one.

I would also pay GOOD money for these production models…

- Then you have the Metal Gear Rex made entirely of Warhammer components

- Also courtesy of Kotaku comes a fairly startling revelation, one that few seem to have picked up on: Kojima didn’t create Metal Gear, but instead was asked to retool someone else’s idea? Seriously?!?!

- Yay, even more lame ass video game burlesque. Jesus f’n Christ.

- Hey, did you know that on the old Super Mario cartoon, instead of saving the princess from Bowser for the umpteenth time, they also rescued George Bush Sr and the American way of life?

- Speaking of Super Mario, did you know that there’s a HARDCORE contingency that absolutely adores the live action movie? Discovered that recently when one of the heads of some message board dedicated to discussion and dissection of the film reached out to say that he totally dug my GSW review on the subject from years past. Which in turn led to this.

And on a completely coincidental note, I get any email less than 24 hours later from some dude calling me a dickhead over my Scott Pilgrim movie review. lulz.

- Another day, another shump for the 360 announced. First is Eschatos, which not even National Console Support is able to able to make all that enticing. But the bonus items… specifically the inclusion of Judgment Silverworld (plus an updated version)… makes it an instant must play!

- Then there’s Bullet Soul: Tama Tamashii, in which there’s even less info available.

- Once again, it’s rather aggravating that all the shumps in Japan are coming out for the Xbox 360, instead of the region free PS3. Hopefully, reports like this will result in that changing soon enough!

- Oh, almost forgot; another one for the Dreamcast is quickly approaching, but at this point, could care less since it more than likely sucking is a foregone conclusion I’m afraid.

- Good God, this all black model of the ship from Silpheed is drop-dead gorgeous…

- In South Korea, Starcraft and video games in general, is a big God damn deal. So it’s hardly a shock to hear that game addition is also serious business, and thusly, so are the means of breaking those bad habits as well.

- Meanwhile in Japan, gamers there definitely have their own issues to work out.

- Haven’t had a chance to test drive it for myself, but, the arcade version of Arcana Heart 3 has been leaked to the internets! Though even if I can get it to work, will probably still pick up the PS3 version anyway.

- Man, do I love these gender bending Street Fighters

- Forget where I came across this totally sweet Street Fighter Zero/Alpha 3 related piece of artwork, featuring my fave character from the game no less!

- I have zero idea what is going on here…

- Found this on the modern miracle that is Tumblr…

- Speaking of which, courtesy of Mia’s

- BTW, if you’re reading this Mia, I now from this that you like Touhou, so fave game/character?

- From the always awesome FM Towns Marty Tumblr; I’m dying to know which game this animated gif stems from.

- Bonus FM Towns Marty offering, btw.

- Though my new fave would have to be The War Against G I Y G A S. A small sample…

… It’s also a great place for awesome moving pictures as well!

- No Moar Heroes ain’t no slouch either, as evidenced by this

And this

- Via cntrlsaltsdeletes is something super simple, yet super effective.

- Back to Pokemon, and courtesy of GameOvr

- Definitely one of the better game related shirts I’ve seen recently

Via Reddit

- Via Derek Yu’s Twitter, a pinball cabinet based upon Jim Woodring’s Frank!

- Along with a classic meme, revisited.

- Re: internet classics, we all know about the crazy, possibly drunken Japanese dude playing Super Mario Land, right? Well, he’s also done Super Ghouls ‘N Ghosts!

- Thanks to NeoGAF, I’m reminded that I really need to dust off my copy of Shenmue 2, cuz it has duck racing?

- Be sure to check out Gabe Swarr reminiscing about video games.

- Our country’s economic crisis, as illustrated via Tetris.

- One other Tetris related item; it’s kinda like Pac-Manhattan except… well… it’s about Tetris!

- Finally, in my previous post, I passed along a screenshot featuring iChat and recently remember something I’ve been meaning to also show…

… BTW, it’s in reference to this.

  • Isaac Quintana

    My greatest fond memory of Kids In The Hall was that I was watching with a cousin and friend. The skit of The Pit of Ultimate Darkness with Simon and Hecubus came out. Simon was showing the many evil ways that Hecubus was with one instance of Hecubus spoiling an ending of some book, I can’t remember which. Right when that happened, my friend screams out “Fuck! I had 30 more pages left in that book!” Laughed at the skit, but laughed harder when my friend’s book ending is now spoiled.

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