01/20/2010

“Put THAT in your blog!” – ?BIG? Bill Young, Proffesional Wrestler

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

In this post, I go over the past couple of days, including:
1. Silent Hill for the Wii is kinda blowing me away!
2. Why Chase Bank totally blows.
3. Hey, an old game of mine is going to be in a gallery!
4. My two cents regarding the late night wars, as well as television in general.
5. Yet another trip to Mitsuwa.
6. And another installment of the World of Unpredictable Wrestling!
7. Ryu and Chun Li, selling viagra.
8. On the hunt for answers regarding No More Heroes 2.
9. And the Masters Of The Universe.

Well it’s been seven days since my last update, and they’ve been pretty eventful! I guess?

- First off, a few games that got lost in transit over the busy holiday season finally arrived, including Silent Hill: Shattered Memories, the SH1 “re-imaging” for the Wii. Sucks that the game didn’t arrive at the end of 09 as originally intended, because it would have easily made my year-end rundown for sure.

I’ve played plenty of “scary” titles for the Wii, all of which involves carrying around a flashlight for the bulk of the game, yet it?s the first and only one to not bore my face off. Actually, it’s a flat-out amazing game, with a degree of polish that is rarely seen from a third-party Wii title. It’s doesn’t scare the pants of you, nor does it try (thankfully, since virtually ever other attempt as been awkward at best, and lame at worst… that crappy Ju-On title immediately comes to mind… though I have yet to play Fatal Frame 4, which I hear is actually pretty decent). At the very least, it’s the first Silent Hill that has actually held my interest; every other entry, even the critically praised part 2, was not able to sustain my interest for long. I believe I’ve already mentioned some of its finer qualities when I first previewed the game a few months back, and at this point, it might be best to save the specifics for a review. But once again, any game that asks you a bunch of questions up front, like do you like people to have you ever cheated on a significant other, to then craft the following experience accordingly to fit your psychological profile demands a certain degree of recognition.

I should hopefully have that review up in the next week or so, over at Heavy. Though I do realize that I promised about a half dozen or so others on this end many moons ago. Sorry about that.

- It’s been a while since I bitched about something totally random and non-game or non-subway related: f*ck Chase Bank. Remember my trip to Trader Joe’s from the weekend prior? They accidentally charged me twice for the same amount, so I called Chase to clarify the situation and get the second charge reversed, which was a real pain in the ass because I couldn’t understand the woman on the phone and vice versa (not to be racist, but I’m pretty sure that we’re all sick and tired of dealing with customer service reps who both mindlessly reading from a script AND can’t gets all the words right). In the end, I was told the matter would be taken care of by the bank, and no follow-up was necessary. Yet an hour or so later, an email appeared from some party claiming to be my bank (yet it didn’t end with @chase.com like one would expect, so a red flag was immediately raised) that instructed me to go to a site to verify some information, which when clicked brought up that big, red DO NOT ENTER THIS URL, IT MIGHT BE MALICIOUS warning that some might be familiar with. So the next day, last Wednesday, I decided to go to a physical location and get some clarification, as well as pass along a head’s up.

Long story short, the woman running the customer service desk was a total idiot who had to speak with HQ to figure out what the deal was. But she couldn’t make the call right then and there at the info desk, so instead dragged me to a cubicle in the back. Forget the fact that she was flat-out rude, but at a certain point she had to go back and took my ID and bank cards with her, which she asked for earlier to verify my identify but wouldn’t give back for whatever reason. Upon returning, I noticed that she wasn’t holding onto my stuff anymore and asked where they were, which immediately brought about an “oh sh*t” look on her face. I then watched her run back to the info desk, which had been largely unmanned since she was the only one on duty, and perhaps it also bears mentioning that it was near the front door and this particular location was in the heart of Times Square, and almost anyone can assume that it?s the worst place on earth to leave behind personal items, especially anything financial in nature (actually, it was near Port Authority, and we all know how sketchy the folks who hang out in that area tend to be). The sight of her frantically looking all over the place for my extremely important but essentially shat upon property prompted me to lose my cool and scream: “OH GREAT, ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT THE BANK LOST MY FUCKING BANK CARD?!?!?!” Luckily, a coworker spotted the abandoned them almost immediately and put them away for safekeeping, but I was still livid, enough to demand to talk to the manger. And his only reaction to the entire thing was, I kid you not: “Yeah, that’s Mercy. She’s sort of an idiot.” Basically, stay the hell away from the Chase on 8th Ave and 40th Street.

- Thursday night was spent drinking with the boys from Babycastles. We went to some hidden shochu joint in the Lower East Side, whose name I forget…. not even sure if it had a name at all; you can always tell how authentic a Japanese bar or restaurant is by the number of actual Japanese people who are customers, so the fact that we were the only outsiders the entire time is a thumbs up all by itself. Ran into an old co-worker of mine at SVA, one of the cool Japanese kids that I used to supervise; his best friend, basically the other cool Japanese kid (there were two), I ran into a few months prior at a ramen shop near St. Marks, immediately after my Central Booking gallery opening festivities.

So speaking of, got an announcement: one of my games that I made way back in the day is going to be featured at the gallery! Needless to say, I’m pretty excited, even if it?s sorta… lol. Some might recall that I once designed a game in which you play a dude that cleans up after dudes who jerk off in booths to dancing girls. Well, that’s the one! Not only will it be made part of the gallery space’s indie arcade, but I’ll also be giving a presentation, I think? I’m pretty ecstatic and honored that Kunal and Syed believe it’s an exciting look at the state of web gaming and indie game development in NYC circa 2001, though it’s also a bit of payback as well, since I’m currently helping them out with their GAMMA 4 entry. Not to spoil their surprise, but as I write this, I’m currently uploading an 800 meg folder that is filled with over 2,000 animated gifs. Most of which are highlights from my days of hardcore NeoGAF surfing, which to be honest was simply recycled material from 4chan, though I’m pretty sure the one with Tetsuya Mizuguchi going “Herro Gaming Age!” is included, and might be part of a game!

UPDATE: And here it is, at least a very early, work in progress version!

- Time for another aside: I would imagine that most are probably sick and tired of hearing the Jay Leno/Conan O’Brien battle for late night supremacy by now, yet I still feel the need to throw in my two cents, mostly because I used to be such a hardcore late night talk show fanatic, so please bear with me: I started watching Late Night, no joke, in the first grade and it was a fairly vital component of my childhood and development as an adult, especially when it came to defining my comedic tastes. Whereas some young boys idolized [insert name of any famous athlete from the late 80s], I idolized David Letterman. Like many other kids, at least the ones who were equally not as socially or athletically gifted/inclined, I was fascinated with pop culture and entertainment as a whole, with my primary outlets being sketch comedy shows (primarily SNL, SCTV, and The Kids In The Hall a bit later down the road) and old Warner Bros and Disney cartoons to a certain extent (which dealt with entertainers from their era in a somewhat similar fashion), though late night talk shows (at first just Carson’s and Letterman’s, but eventually Allan Havey’s as well… sorry, never really cared for Arsenio Hall’s) would be what opened my eyes and ears to world at large.

Oh God, I could wax philosophical for hours on how television as a whole was just SO much better back then, but I’m sure most will either not care, let alone know what I’m talking about, or simply dismiss it as petty nostalgia, but I’m dead serious. Late 80s/early 90s TV, primarily on the cable side of things, was the perfect combination of rawness, with a genuine tinge of experimentation, coupled with all the sophistication, self-awareness, and tricks that had been learned over thirty years in broadcasting. Remember when MTV was actually innovative and interesting? I love a lot of what’s on Cartoon Network these days… okay, mostly just Venture Brothers and Tim & Eric…. but I still miss the early, more innocent times, when it was just 2 Stupid Dogs, G-Force, and Space Ghost: Coast To Coast. And Comedy Central is awesome and all, but I still have such fond memories of HA! (which later merged with The Comedy Channel to form Comedy Central), before everything was, again, way too slick and polished looking. And who can forget variety programs like Night Flight on late night USA and syndication, or Alive From Off Center/Alive TV PBS? Okay, now I’m just rambling, so moving on.

The height of my interest in the world of late night television from my youth was, naturally, the big war between Letterman and Leno, and I guess it’s fairly clear by now whom I was rooting for. Was not a big fan of Jay back in the day either, though I didn’t despise him on the same level as I do now. The months leading up to Dave leaving NBC were some of the best television ever, and nothing since has been nearly as exciting. I eagerly watched him on his new time and channel at first, but by this point I began acting like a normal high school kid, so sitting in front of a TV, especially on the weekends, took a backseat to hanging out with friends (it took me long enough, but I actually made some). Though I would still spend considerable amounts of time staring at a television set, but mostly to play assorted SNES and Genesis titles, so much so that I hardly gave the new Late Night host a thought. I eventually moved to NYC and began college, and somewhat rediscovered television, the wonders of Manhattan cable access to be precise. Otherwise, all the stuff I used to dig began to lose its sparkle for a variety of reasons; on the late night front, Leno continued to get worse and Letterman was losing his edge. Somewhere along the road he became a big teddy bear of sorts and it was lame, but at least that Conan guy was proving to be pretty damn entertaining. As time went on, I found myself less and less interested on what was on the TV set, mostly due to the internet. I did catch Conan’s debut on the Tonight Show, and hoped that he did well, but wondered how he would fare under the spotlight and in front of a Californian audience, as well as why that douchebag Leno wouldn?t just leave. I mostly kept up to date with NBC’s worsening fortunes via Howard Stern’s ranting and raving about the situation and also wondered when the plug would be pulled, along with what the after math will be. Guess everyone knows how that all played out, but for those of you who missed it, Chinese news is here to answer all questions!

It’s nice that the public is behind Conan, cuz he did get dicked over big time by his bosses (NBC never supported his Tonight Show from day one; there was hardly any advertising, at least compared to when Jay took over that same seat fifteen years prior, and especially when compared to all the hoopla the new 10pm show received, making Conan’s move a total after-thought, when it should always have been treated as the biggest thing). Plus Jay, of course, is such a gigantic douche (EDIT: for a far more detailed explanation as to why he’s such an a**hole, Patton Oswald explains all). On the positive side of things, this entire situation is still the most exciting thing to happen to late night in ages, along with network television as a whole. In fact, Letterman is back to his old self, since he’s once again able to bash NBC like the good old days, as well as is finally addressing Leno in a far more direct manner that he had ever done in the past, even during their height of their rivalry. The real silver lining is how more people are watching Conan now than ever before, myself included. So it’s just as well that Conan is leaving since the Tonight Show was damaged goods the instant NBC executives handed it over to Dave, not Jay, in the first place. I guess Conan’s going to Fox? The sad thing is, once Leno is back, he’ll be number one again, because his sh*t brand of comedy simply appeals to enough people at that time of night, enough to have carried him for so many years at the 11:30 timeslot in the first place. Hence why it’s so hard for me to get that worked up over television these days since it’s such crap across the board, and that?s basically what the majority wants at the end of the day. The rest of us have all found other outlets (again, the internet), hence why television has become a lifeless medium, save for occasional flashes of brilliance (like the aforementioned Tim & Eric, which I know is not everyone’s cup of tea… someone at my very own message board claimed that one has to be emotionally damaged to enjoy such a thing… lulz). Sorry, I wish I had something more to say; certainly didn’t intend to waste almost 1,000 words on my television viewing habits as a child, so once again, moving on!

- Saturday was yet another trip to Mitsuwa, which makes it three weekends in a row for Katie and I. What else needs to be said? We love going to New Jersey for Japanese food. Unfortunately, it was back to the shuttle bus for us; there was this jerk-off sitting behind us who complained about the copious amounts of “wapanese”. And of course, it was some white guy with his “hot” Asian girlfriend. But then again, here’s a picture of some animu dork, not from that weekend but the one prior that I forgot to pass along, dressed as a mudkip…

- Later that the evening was another World Of Unpredictable Wrestling event. at Gleason’s Gym in Brooklyn. It wasn’t just any ordinary Rumbo In Dumbo, but “Wrestlejam”! Or at least that’s what I figured; going by the name alone, I assumed that the vague allusion to Wrestlemania signified some super gigantic show where all the stars and angles converge. Unfortunately, that was hardly the case; upon arrival, the lady taking the tickets asked who I was there for (to see who exactly folks are plunking down $15 for, to then perhaps use a basis of whom to push and the like), and when I was told that both the Musketeer and Brooklyn Jeff would NOT be in action, I immediately knew the night was be a bit of a disappointment. The fact that it started almost an hour and fifteen minutes late also did not help either. Also pretty annoying is the loud-mouthed heckler that I normally like to sit nearby, because he’s so damn funny, was all the way on the other side. Instead I sat right next to someone similar but who was not the least bit funny, though that’s not exactly the WUW’s fault but just bad luck.

Hate to say this, but the novelty has worn thin. The biggest problem is how many of the amusing aspects that gave the proceedings so much charm, and greatly helped to cover up the rough edges, are now practically nonexistent. For example, Tristan Spade, the pimp character whom I normally dig quite a bit, at least personality-wise, didn’t have with him any ladies of the night nor gave a long-winded speech as to why he’s the best or any of that jazz. He just came out with a partner with little pomp or pageantry, and was essentially just another guy. Another big issue is how everyone looks EXACTLY the same; one tag match had a regular looking dude in black trunks and a masked wrestler, decked out in black with silver trim, versus another regular looking dude in black and a masked wrestler, decked out in black with silver trim. Perhaps if I had written this report the day off, the entire night would not be such a blur, or maybe not? All I know is that there was no Musketeer, no Zombie, no Uno & Dos (the hilariously bad luchadores who wear Mexican floor rugs as capes), no Horsepack (the parody stable that’s a cross between the Wolfpack and the Four Horsemen), basically none of the personalities that makes WUW was it is at its best.

Yet I clearly recall the first four or five matches going way too long, and some of the super sloppy work involved, to the point of it being legitimately heinous. At one point, this old guy in front of Mooney and I would occasionally turn back, after a very botched spot for example, and give me this look of “Can you believe this sh*t?” Pretty hilarious actually. I’m guessing that the first matches going so damn long, along with the show as a whole starting so late to begin with (in the wrestler’s defense, I’m almost certain it was the subway’s fault, which was worse than usual this past weekend), were the reasons why the following matches were cut way too short. Like the battle royale, which traditionally is nice and long, since it involves a large number of wrestlers all in the ring at once, because you want to soak in the action, to witness all the different interactions, with everyone fighting everyone. Not here; it went only three minutes. Having only ten grapplers involved also made the entire ordeal a major downer. At least there was one shining moment: the entire time, Mooney and I were transfixed in one corner, where three guys were duking it out… first dude reminded me of Kimbo Slice (he’s a fairly big name from the world of MMA), the second Zach Galifianakis, and the third was someone who was clearly slow.

Since I’m already going down the laundry list of things that need to get fixed, there’s also the overabundance of titles; you have way too many belts, none of which are discernible, and there’s even two trophies, with one essentially being a plaque. Huh? Then you had the band during intermission, which was not at all offensive, but not terribly exciting either; live musical acts never work at WWE events, so it’s hardly a shocked that it didn’t work at an indie event either. But what really killed the crowd, that despite all the issues was still red hot throughout, was the match immediately after the intermission, which was easily one of the worst executed that I have personally witness and stole much of the audience’s enthusiasm. It?s hard to be too judgmental since most are just learning the ropes, but good God. Thankfully, things began to turn around almost immediately afterward; first there was the match featuring Kevin’s pal Pedro, aka Reggaedones, and that was beyond excellent (he’s now easily one of the group’s top performers) to the point that it actually won back the bored crowd, which is no small feat in wrestling, both the major and indie leagues. Him acting the hell certainly helped, since he’s far better suited in such a role (at one point, he randomly grabbed some five year old kid’s hat and threw it back in his face, with his mom laughing her ass off the hardest), yet in the end he acted the face for another confusing ending. What stellar booking.

Then you had a match involving the aforementioned Zach Galifianakis, who was actually supposed to an Amish dude, versus the always entertaining Steven Person (though I?m much rather see the guy dress up as Spider Ham), with everyone?s favorite flamboyantly gay wrestler, Rich Cataldo, involved. But the best was saved for last: a bout featuring the tag team of “BAD” Billy Walker and “BIG” Bill Young. Mooney and I only cheer for the heels (provided they are entertaining awesome) and were the only two who celebrated Walker’s presence in the ring, which got him yelling at us, despite being on his side:

“Shut the hell up!”
“But we’re your fans!!!”
“I don’t need any garbage like you hootin? and hollerin? for me!”

Hey, he’s a bad guy, how else is he supposed to react? I?m fairly certain that he deep down he appreciated it. But then at one point, he looked directly at me and screamed “Put THAT in your blog!” On one hand, I guess I look like a blogger, if that makes any sense, though Mooney believes that some in the back are finally aware of the identity of that one guy who actually writes about the shows! Anyhow, it was a very good match (mostly due to Walker, who is unquestionably the best performer in the entire operation, period), and despite an extremely shaky first half (okay, more like 70%), the whole thing ended on a very high note.

- Sunday was mostly spent playing Metroid Prime 1; I had picked up the Trilogy set at Targets the day prior, which I wasn’t particularly interested in since I still have my purchased on day one GameCube copy, but hearing that the Wii release had been quietly discontinued prompted an impulse buy. Anyhow, I feel like a total dumbass for not including it in my top ten most important games of the decade list; I had completely forgotten how utterly mind-blowing the entire thing is. There’s good reason why some feel it’s the Citizen Kane of video games. But here’s the thing: I had also forgotten that one of the main reasons why I loved the original was how, despite it being a first person view game, I never got motion sickness, which is my main problem with 99% of all FPSs. And it was all because of the controls, which the update version obviously tossed aside for something that veteran FPS players find more natural… and which makes my head spin. Oh well. Perhaps I can mess around with the settings or something.

- On Monday, I went out to Hilary’s for what was supposed to be a work session; the plan was for her to slave away at her drafting table while I worked on stuff on her Mac. Since we’re both so busy these days, it was agreed that being productive would help alleviate any guilt from hanging out, but we ended up just ordering a pizza and watching a movie. And it was the MMORPG documentary Second Skin, which I’ve been meaning to review for GSW for quite a while now. Sorry! Hence why I needed a refresher, plus I figured that Hilary would find it amusing, and she did, as well as horrific and batsh*t insane. Again, it’s the best video game documentary ever, even superior to the already awesome King of Kong, which I will explain in my upcoming write-up! We also wasted a good amount of time watching clips of animu and assorted nonsense on YouTube, as usual; also introduced to Hilary an animated masterpiece that most have hopefully already viewed via my year end post, but once again, a bunch of Street Fighters acting all naughty and nasty (and once more, it’s totally NSFW).

Speaking of, another reason why I went over was to check out this sexual supplement that Hilary had spotted at the counter at her corner deli, which featured a drawing of Ryu and Chu Li f*cking, and that I absolutely had to take a picture of. Unfortunately it was nowhere to be found. Drat.

- And yesterday I emailed Ubi Soft to find out what the deal is with No More Heroes 2. Everyone knows that it comes out next week, right? Exactly. And so confused and perturbed by the lack of promotion or anything of the like that I’ve decided to go the source and figure out what the deal is. Thus far, emails have gone ignored, but friends and colleagues have been helping with one email address after another, and I finally got someone who is supposed at the top of the food chain, so hopefully by this time tomorrow I’ll have an answer!

- Finally, and just for the hell of it: it’s like i am 8bit, but instead of video games, it’s He Man!

  • annonymous

    You should have mentioned the masked dante guy and the referee(who was bad in his own match before) having an abortion of a spot. What the hell were they trying to do? I dont think anyone hesitated to laugh at that.

  • http://the-inbetween.com n0wak

    It’s nice to know that I wasn’t the only messed up nine/ten year old that grew up with, and had his tastes in comedy defined by, late night television of the early 90s. I used to watch SNL religiously at that age which, considering that it was its last good period (yes I’m going to be one of those people), probably explains a lot. But I could never get into the late night talk shows. Always found Leno too dull and boring, and Letterman too Tim Shafer-filled.

  • https://www.fort90.com fort90

    Yeah, the 86-95 cast is still the Silver Age so to speak, with the original 75-80 being the obvious Gold Standard. Though the early 80s ensemble cast, despite a very rocky start, turned out to be quite good, followed by that all-star cast (with folks like Martin Short and Billy Crystal), immediately followed by the younger all-star cast (with Robert Downey, Jr. and Joan Cusack).

    The diehard fans and apologists love to point out how everyone says that SNL sucks and that now is the time to retire the franchise, but seriously, its fucking BLOWS these days. I actually liked the post 95 cast, but slowly but surely it morphed into the largest collection of mediocrity imaginable. I think around 2001-02 is when I officially stopped giving a fuck about the show, and when I try to watch it these days, I can’t last than two minutes, despite some legit funny people being a part of it.

    It’s never been this bad, save that 80-81 incarnation, which I guess will never be topped in terms of pure awkwardness. Though it still perseveres, mostly since comedy as a whole, especially on television, is such a rotten wasteland that even pandering, overly cutesy shit that desperately tries so hard to be cutting edge is actually accepted as such. It’s still not as bad as Family Guy, but just barely.

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