Once again, what was supposed to be a brief rundown of random bits and pieces in a semi-stream of consciousness fashion has grown into yet another lengthy entry due to my inability to post earlier in the week as planned, from both being too busy and being too easily distracted. So apologies in advance to all of those who think my updates are too long, but hey, I am trying.
At the very least, there?s something for everybody, me thinks: talk about beer, video games, strippers, cripples killing women, retards that kill snails, David Lynch, Star Wars, smells on a train, a Japanese punk rock festival, sexy nurses…
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- Guess I?ll start with this past weekend: Saturday was a pretty happening day, which was kicked off with some beer and some shmups at Nullsleep?s, along with Dave Mauro. Jeremiah had just gotten some new arcade boards and invited Dave and I to check ?em out. The highlight was Ketsui, a Cave shooter circa 2001-2002, with a mechanic that both encouraged one to get as close as possible to the enemy, as well as a lock-on mechanic, similar to Panzer Dragoon and Rez. So naturally I dug it a lot. Also, the music was very nice, very Do Apparently the game is set in that same universe, though I don?t think my pilot was a hot robot-idol. Speaking of music, I finally got to hear the track that Jeremiah did for some animu, based on a character whose figure I managed to get in a capsule machine during my brief stay (it?s a girl with two corn cobs sticking out of her ass, that was from some fictional anime from Densha Otoko, aka Train Man, that became real). We also watched YouTube videos on the Wii, including the now classic MAHVEL BAYBEE, along with yet another awesome vid of David Lynch dishing out the truth (though nothing beats his views on watching movies on an iPhone).
Then I went down to the MF Gallery with Dave for an opening which not only included a piece by a friend of Dave?s, but one from Joe Simko. While asking Joe if he had seen the also now legendary 2 Girls 1 Cup, some punk rock dude (who was either with or there for Dethrace, a punk band that was on-hand to perform) heard me and went ?DUDE!!! 2 GIRLS 1 CUP ROCKS!!!? and then explained that I should check out Chinese Delivery (which I tried doing, but it produced nothing, or least what I was supposed to see). I also voiced my concern about the screen actor’s guild strike to Joe, because it might mean the cancellation of the Oscars, which is basically our Super Bowl; a time for getting together to stuff our faces with pizza, getting loaded, placing bets, and cheering/booing/just plain yelling at the TV set.
Anyway, hung out there for a bit, but once things began to get super crowded, myself, Joe, June, and the rest of the Sweetrot crew went to a bar, and because I was hungry, we then ended up at a papaya hot dog stand, believe it or not. Hey, I really wanted a corn dog. I then got a call from Mooney, who then joined us, and we all went looking for another bar. But because it was cold, and late, plus Joe and the rest of the gang had plans the next morning, it was soon just Mooney and myself, so we decided to hit Kenka for the dirt cheap Japanese beer. On the way, I ran into Jeremeiah?s crew of all things, who were all at a karaoke bar, but I passed on joining in cuz it was super crowded inside. And once at Kenka, Mooney and I had Sapporo by the pitchers (I can?t emphasize how DIRT CHEAP it is to drink there) and kimchee till three in the morning.
- Next day was mostly spent recovering. Hilary came over in the evening and we watched The Humanoid, a film that Dave made a copy for a while back, and for good reason; its good old fashioned shitty Italian Star Wars rip-off, with a dash of Barbarella. Its starts off as a blatant Star Wars rip, right now to the shots of ship flying by in the space, desert planet, and very Darth Vader-esque bad guy. But then we are introduced to the star of the movie… Richard Kiel, whom some might recall is the super huge bad guy Jaws from the old Roger Moore 007 films. Basically, one second he?s a kindly 7-foot tall space captain that loves his robot dog, and who also has a beard…
… And the next thing you know, he crash lands on the aforementioned desert planet (or maybe another one… everything is pretty much the same locale, due to the obviously meager budget) AND gets hit by a rocket that turns him into a rampaging monster controlled by the bad guys, who also happens to lose his beard. And that?s when things get WACKY!!!
Basically, the Darth Vader guy enlists the help of some bad scientist type to develop a means of taking over the planet of Metropolis, aka Earth in the year whatever, by turning its denizens into a mindless army, and Jaws is the test case I guess. So immediately he is sent to the capital to take out the head honcho (and brother of the Vader wannabe, who is named General Graal). But then the mad scientist decides to go after some girl who I guess spurned him, who is the token hottie in the film. The woman, who basically is a mix between Princess Leia and Emanuel, for those who know what that name means, is the guardian of some Asian kid that spouts off philosophical bullshit, and can also read minds, calm a savage beast (which is how he subdues Jaws), and conjure up these folks in a tight spot that are basically Jawas, but are tall and weld… imagine light sabers, but smaller and as arrows shot by bows. They were by far Hilary?s favorite part of the movie. Mine was the robot dog, which of course, was barely in the movie.
Oh, and mad scientist has an evil woman hanging around him, who pretty much redefines the term ?hat hair? to the Nth degree. She also has a thing for the Graal btw, though the most important thing to know is that to retain her youthful features, she has to absorb the essence of other younger women, so we got one scene in which a naked girl is put into a tube to be drained, which got Hilary and I both excited! Though in the end, the whole draining was a bust, but I at least got extra assurance that Hilary would do a fine job with Harvest. And sadly, both of us hoped the main girl would get gratuitously naked, since this was an Italian production after-all, but alas, epic fail (though she did get slightly wet when she fell into a bath tub).
Other notable things: man, the ships designs were complete knock-offs of Star Wars vehicles, but the scale was all wrong, and what was presented as being super big ship, like a Star Wars star destroyer, ended up being really small. Which at least made their ability to turn on a dime while in space not as ridiculous. Certain scenes were also total rips, right down to the beats, such as when the Millennium Falcon-esque ship is surrounded and a dogfight ensues. Though it should be noted that this particular ship actually looked like what Samus Aran, from Metroid, pilots, so it was ahead of its time in at least one instance. The music was also a shameless reproduction, though done entire on a Casio. Badly. It also needs to be mentioned how the main bad dude, Graal, wasn?t all that evil, all things considered. If you worked for Vadar and fucked up, he kills you. This guy just becomes disappointed, and revokes your privileges for a few days; not sure what they might be… maybe the super sweet parking spot? Later on, he gets all concerned that he?s taking needless casualties, whereas Vadar never once gave a shit, and sent his men out to slaughter like cattle. As for the movie’s Luke, even though he spoke English, Hilary and I for the life of us could not understand a goddamn word that he said, not once.
And not to give the ending away, but honestly, I doubt anyone else will come across it (I have no idea how Dave got his copy, which was obviously a dub of a Japanese LaserDisc… of a shitty Italian production, dubbed in English), but there?s a scene in which Jaws (sorry, the Humanoid) swings a garter, knocking all the bad guy?s head off, all in row, which was quite simply the greatest thing ever, plus when he becomes normal at the end, he gets his beard back.
Two thumbs up! WAY UP. And if anyone is interested in more screencaps, let me know, and I’ll whip some more up.
- Another film I recently got my hands on, this past Friday to be exact, and which I have been dying to see, is Electroma, the Daft Punk movie (the live action one), though I?m waiting till Katie is in town again to check it out. We?re both still pissed that they only played it once in the city, on a weekend that was not good for us (plus it was in Willamsburg… nuff said).
Though it was also late Friday night, after Wild Record Collection (which wasn?t on the air the Friday night prior, along with Concrete TV, which naturally got me really pissed), that I saw an interview with Crispin Glover, and in which I discovered that I had missed the screening of the second installment of his ?It? trilogy, which was playing at the IFC Center the last week of December. Still no fucking idea how that I passed me by…
Some might recall my review of his first ?It? movie, ?What Is It?? which in a nutshell, was written by a man with severe cerebral palsy, and who is also featured naked, in a clam shell, along with Glover as God or the devil in a fur coat, all accompanied by racist redneck music playing, images of Shirley Temple as a Nazi (with a bullwhip sticking out of her vag), and topless women with gigantic tits wearing animal masks. Plus scenes of retarded children pouring salt on snails.
Well the second installment is called ?It is fine! EVERYTHING IS FINE.? and stars the same man with cerebral palsy from the previous film, Steven C. Stewart, who was also the person who wrote all three movies (though IMDB seems to have it listed otherwise, with only writing the second one). The long story short is, Steward was placed into a nursing home after his parents died when he was in his early twenties, and was thought be mentally retarded, so for years he languished in the hospital, effectively a prisoner, until someone was able to finally understand him. He then wrote a trio of screenplays that Glover somehow got his hands on, shortly after Back To The Future to be exact, and then made it his mission to film them. And all the money he makes from acting in ?legit? films have been spent on the ?It? trilogy, which has also become his primary source of income, which he tours around the country with as part of a show that also includes a slide show and Q&A afterwards (plus he also sells his books that are old novels heavily edited to made super bizarre and creepy). Steward stars in both movies, but instead of being in just a few scenes in the first movie, he actually stars in part two, and because his health had begun to fail once the movies got underway, the second movies was shot first.
Okay, onto the film itself: Steward stars as a guy who has women falling all over him. Either he is ?normal? in the film?s universe, and that they don?t notice is handicap, or they do and it turns them on, I don?t know since I haven?t seen it (sadly). So he fucks all these women… and remember, the dude has severe cerebral palsy… and there is apparently all these scenes of very graphic sex. And then he kills them. Which instantly reminded me of The Late Bloomer, which I had seen a few years ago, where it was the same thing: a handicapped, and seemingly harmless man, going on a murder spree. But in this instance, it?s simply hilarious; there?s this one scene in which Steward is chocking a woman to death, but he is so obviously weak, and the grip that he has around the girl?s neck is so clearly not strong or tight at all, let alone dangerous looking. Adding to the LOL-factor is the victim?s overacting.
Another thing I was able to gleam from just a few precious clips is how everything is lit with primary colors, much like that old Dick Tracy live-action flick, and all the exterior shots looked like those fake New York street shots from Eyes Wide Shut. Except much, MUCH more fake looking. So yeah… I fucking pissed that I missed the screenings; I?m sure it was mentioned in one of many what?s going on mailing lists I?m part of, but I?ve just been to busy to check them out as of late. Glover mentioned in his interview that he?ll be on tour with both movies for the next couple of years, and won?t be filming installment three for a while now, but when he does, David Lynch will be producing it. Which makes total sense, of course!
- So the other night, Monday night, I went over to Dave?s watch one of my favorite movies from 2007, I?m A Cyborg But That?s Okay. Again, best opening credit sequence, ever. Also, best random bits of violence in a romantic comedy, ever, as well. He also got the latest firmware on my PSP (though for some reason, many homebrew apps and the PSone games I had are now broken, plus I still can?t get the Xyanide sequel to run on it, so maybe my system just sucks) and I finally got the chance to try out Koronipa, which is pretty damn awesome, and some goofy Japanese-only RC copter game call Bi-Bi-Bopter or something, which kinda sucked.
Speaking of the Wii, I recently gave Twilight Princess for the system a go. And… it?s not going so well. Not only the ultra boring first part of the game even worse the second time around, I can?t do jack shit due to constantly making mistakes, all stemming from me being familiar with the Gamecube version. Meaning, I?m always getting things mixed up, and it?s pretty annoying. Might have to give up on it actually.
- Sticking with games, John recently released a brand new video of his still being worked on game Nearly Departed. Check it out!
And remember my trip to Japan, specifically the purpose behind it, which was to offer a hand at some big crazy punk rock festival? Well, here?s a recent story on it from a Japanese news program. Don’t ask me why a story was done on it so many months later (maybe it wasn’t, and it just took someone a while to get it on YouTube?).
Looks like so much fun doesn?t it? One would never know that there was so much drama behind the scenes… unless that person was familiar with my extensive travelogue, of course!
- Back to making games, and John real quick, some might recall that he was one the last dudes to try and help make Spready Bear happen, which I only mention cuz someone yesterday asked me what the hell was going on that. And the answer is nothing! Of course. Hey, everyone?s been busy; last I heard, the programmer had to tend to some personal emergency, and that was a while ago. And hey, these things happen.
So maybe I shouldn?t even say anything, but I have recently begun preliminary work on yet a totally separate game with a long-time collaborator. I don?t want to say anything since everything is so early, plus the idea is so good that I?m afraid that it?s going to be ripped off. Yes, it?s THAT good! Though I will mention that I will finally be enlisting the help of an intern for such an undertaking; in the past I?ve had offers for assistance, but had to say no because the timing was all off, but this time, the call for help came at just the right time! Or at least, by the time all the paperwork is finally taken care of, production will have finally begin (since it?s a foreign students, the paperwork is gonna take longer). Sadly, the student in question is not some young female hottie, like those in the past, but at least the dude comes with a ton of skill sets. Besides, I have a girlfriend and all.
- Speaking of girls, I ran into a familiar face on the train the other day. Not someone I went out with, or even a fresh-faced student of mine from my days working at SVA. Nope, it was a stripper that I had hired for a friend?s bachelor party, though the best part is how I got her; frustrated with all the services not having what I was looking for in the realm of ?nerdy? girls, I put an ad in Craigslist for someone that was ?Hermione Granger-like?, meaning the girl was more for me than anyone else, but hey, it worked! And when I was became single last year, guess who was the first person I decided to drop a line to? You got it! And I don?t think she was bullshitting me when she said that she would have loved to gone out with me… if not for the fact that I had already seen her naked already, which she thought would have been too weird to get over, especially on a first date.
Anyway, I was on my way to have dinner with a friend, and found myself on a crowded L train, when I looked to my right, and there she was! But we had a guy between us, and random conversations with strippers you vaguely know, subway train or not, so I didn?t attempt to engage in conversation. And then, at the last minute, she noticed me, went back to her book, and that?s when I saw the look of ?Hey, wait a minute.? Which was right when I had to get off. Oh well, but once again, I’ve got a girlfriend anyway!
Also, speaking of trains, one morning I was late for work, as usual. The entire train was again packed, since it was the morning rush, and also completely dead in the water (well between to stations and going absolutely no where). Once we finally got moving and rolled into the next station, the conductor explained the reason for the delay was due to the train ahead of us and a situation involving “a passenger’s hygiene.” That’s a new one!
- And back to girls… this time naked ones, covered in goo! Just wanted to pass along word that production on Harvest is finally under way! From what I hear, Katie has begun preliminary character designs, plus there is apparently going to be a prequel of sorts for Synthetic Visions #2, the follow-up to her art house/comic book explosion that was the hit of SPX! It’s going to star clones that are sex slaves, and may or may not be related to Harvest… whatever! Still sounds awesome! Though she has Nurse Nurse #2 to finish up first. And speaking of, Hilary, who also been working on Harvest over on her end, recently did this fab and ultra sexy Nurse Nurse pin-up:
- Well it’s the new year, and I have been knee deep in ICON-related business. The big show is only a few months away, and I’ve been busy signing up guests and figuring out what the topics of conversation will be. I haven’t even gotten a chance to think about my big one hour thing for this upcoming show, which to be honest, I was totally gonna pass on, simply because the reaction from last year’s was so huge, especially with the MTV coverage afterwards, that I have no idea how I’m going to top myself. I’ve done two top ten lists, so that’s played out already; I have a basic idea for this year, but I’m not sure if it’s all that strong, though it does play to what has worked thus far… making fun of nerds. But aside from the pressure to perform, I just know that I’m gonna be swamped by all behind the scenes stuff that I’m now involved in, hence the desire to just stop while I’m ahead. Though both Jason and Katie have convinced me to give it a shot anyway, plus if I do hit another home-run, I am supposed to get a championship belt…
BTW, anyone interested in following how things develop, there is a topic about in the forums.
Besides ICON, I also have the GDC to look forward to, and I’ll be busy this upcoming weekend with my judging duties. Everything is more or less set, except for one thing: I still have no idea where I’m gonna stay. I’ll be in San Francisco for a week, and considering how expensive hotels are in NYC, and that I keep hearing that things are more expensive in SF…. oh boy. So any helpful hints, or maybe even a couch to crash on, would be greatly appreciated.
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Lastly, since I haven’t done so for almost a month now, perhaps it?s a good time to take a look at some highlights from the fort9forums? It’s actually been a pretty crazy time, as far as message boards in general are concerned; in addition to the recent return of the Insert Credit forums, a brand new player has hit the stage of history, that being the all-new, totally free and totally wild (as in the wild, wild west) Forum Axe, headed by that crazy Sonic lovin’/hatin’ Brit, James Edwards. Anyhow, it’s a nice return to the good old days of what the Axe used to be, over at the old IC forums, before it was destroyed by kiddie porn (and itself to be honest), as well as a nice change of pace to what I have going on, and one could say that it even compliments it, which even James can agree upon. Basically another new alliance has been formed!
But home turf still has plenty to offer, which a lot of you new folks (courtesy of all the link-age that my Love Love Torokko overview has received, via GameSetWatch and Insert Credit, welcome btw!) probably know nothing about! So let’s see…
- I finally played that sequel to Vib Ribbon. And it ain’t the worst thing in the world, actually.
- My piece in Nick Mag confused some Smash Bros diehards. LOL.
- Bioware is doing a Sonic the Hedgehog RPG?!?! Where was I when this news first broke? Which was apparently a while ago. Also, LULZ.
- Perhaps the best gun solution for the Wii thus far. Plus, news about the ability to play PS2 games off a hard drive via that mod chip on a memory card (on the page before the gun post).
- Are JRPG characters gay? Yes.
- And why I can’t play RPGs, or at least JRPGs.
- For better or worse, there have been quite a few additions to the stupid game story thread.
- And why I simply do not find Zero Punctuation all that funny.
- eBay is often filled with awesome stuff.
- Something else that I believe has become a pretty big hit on the internet, Animal Soccer World.
- Fatal Farm + Garfield = pure, unadulterated joy.
- And the random YouTube thread keeps on delivering, with all sorts of wacky shit, like Santana as you’ve never heard him before and Ronald McDonald freaking out in Japan. Too bad the videos proving that the WWE’s Vince McMahon is the Reptiloid Illuminati Antichrist, and that Tom Cruise Scientology vid were both taken down…
- Me bitching about Spider Man.
- Hey look! A retard tiger.
- Behold The Giant White Glove (and back when Michael Jackson still kicked ass).
- There was a Ewok Holocaust?
- What was sexy in the 80′s? This was. Again, slightly NSFW.
- I finally saw Resident Evil Extinction, at least the part that mattered. Verdict: it’s awesome… the link is a tiny bit NSFW btw.
- The shitty comics thread keeps on truckin’.
- I’ve mentioned her work around here before, but once again, it’s time to give it up for Milk.
- Another awesome female illustrator that I’m a fan of is Nadeshico Rin.
- The bitching about crazy bosses/co-workers thread is also still pretty happening.
- What do AMVs and 9/11 have to do with each? A lot apparently.
- Since its kinda been a while, another installment of LOL furries.
- Conjoined porn. NSWF, obviously.
- And defending yourself, with just a pack of cards. And believe it or not, NSFW.
One last thing, for those who don’t know already: if you registered for the forums and want to know why you haven’t been approved, please email me and I’ll get you all set up!
