Happy day before Thanksgiving everyone! Or I guess the night before at this point. Things have been relatively calm these past couple of pre-holiday days. Though I’ve been busy as always, or at least trying to be, but because most people I deal with have either been on auto pilot or already left for Thanksgiving, not much has actually gotten done. So I’ve decided to throw in the towel as well and indulge in some sorely needed r&r for the next couple of days.
- Anything exciting to report since last time? Let’s see… this past Saturday was Allan’s birthday shindig in Queens, which was loads of fun. Mostly hung with the Comics Bakery crew, plus dined on a most excellent spread, though sadly, no Korean cuisine was represented; the party went down at his parents’ place, which is pretty close to Koreatown, in Flushing. Then again, despite how popular K-culture has become in recent years, kimchee is still a pretty tough sell on white folks. At least Allan promises to take me on a tour of his favorite Korean joints, I’m assuming once him and Alyssa have found a new place (I know all too well the hell that is apartment hunting), which will hopefully be somewhere in same neighborhood, or just Queens in general. I’ve actually grown quite fond of that part of the city in recent months, though if they end up in Brooklyn, I’m not going to hold it against them either (unless its Willamsburg, then I might not be so eager to visit). And immediately I hooked up with the Sweet Rot posse, to join in on yet another horror night. Arrived just in time to catch the third movie of the night, Beyond Re-Animator. It was okay I guess. But fourth up was Return of the Living Dead, and holy crap, I had completely forgotten how flat-out amazing that movie is. Seriously. Come to think of it, I honestly believe that every zombie flick that’s come after simply cannot compare. It really helped to illustrate how abysmal horror films are these days, with their crappy CGI effects, lack of humor, insistence on being all post modern, plus the absolute lack of any creativity or original ideas. Needless to say, I didn’t bother with the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, and all remakes since, nor will I give a rat’s ass about Nightmare on Elm Street remake either. But yeah, they don’t make em like they used to, and I could go on and on and on about all the brilliant little nuances of Return of the Living Dead, as well as its more prominent qualities, like the amazing script, the genuinely good acting, its compelling characters, how everything simply makes sense, the totally creepy cuz it?s actually there and not some bullsh*t special effect zombies, etc. Anyone out there who even remotely enjoys horror films, especially zombie flicks, as well as fine 80s filmmaking in general needs to add it to their Netflix que ASAP. Also, screw 28 Days Later, or people who think that was what birthed the running zombie. BTW, never say it; rented it once and couldn’t make out a thing because everything was too dark.
- Back to the upcoming holiday; Katie went back home today. She’s spending Thanksgiving with her family, as I am with mine (with the Dave Roman clan, as I have for the past, gosh, eleven years I think). Though we celebrated a bit early, like Christmas, on Sunday, with a pre-Turkey Day meal. Which were basically turkey sandwiches, with cranberry sauce as the spread, with a side of fries (sorry, but we don’t know to make mashed potatoes, plus we’re lazy). And pumpkin pie… store bought of course! And as most people do after a holiday meal, we enjoyed a movie: Team American. Like Return of the Living Dead, I had completely forgotten how awesome that movie is as well.
Anyhow, I’m hoping that the Peanuts Thanksgiving special is on, which is easily up there with the Halloween and the seminal Christmas special, IMHO. And speaking of television, I don’t know why, but I feel compelled to mention that I’ve finally watched an episode of 30 Rock recently, upon the insistence of Vitamin Steve. The reason? My favorite sitcom from the 80s, Night Court, was a primary element, and I must say, I didn’t completely hate the show like I thought I would! Don’t get me wrong, I’m no card-carrying fan, and I still have the same opinion of Tina Fey that I’ve always had, more or less. Which is, I can’t stand her, but she wasn’t so annoying that I wanted to kick my monitor in. Oh, because I found out about the Night Court angle after the fact, I missed the show the first time around, which meant BitTorrenting it, and I can’t blame it or network television in general for my completely nonexistent attention span, which meant me watching the twenty two minute episode over the course of a week, two minutes here, two minutes there. I blame the internet. But yeah, during lunch with Jason, while talking about the show, I had to explain to him that Amy Poehler is actually pretty awesome, if you?ve seen her live or her work in the Upright Citizens Brigade; his only exposure to her was on SNL, doing weekend update with Fey, whose bad mojo kinda rubbed onto Poehler, and yeah, her talents in general on that show is completely wasted. But hey, at least Fey was/is much better that that jerk-off Jimmy Fallon. Is he even around anymore? If that other no-talent hack Ashton Kutcher can still manage to scrounge up work, then I would have to assume Fallon is sucking the big one on some television or film set, somewhere out there.
- Christ, why I am I talking about mediocre film and television talent? Time to move onto what 91.7% of you out there come here to read: video games! Back to the topic of renting… Despite the fact that I’m currently drowning in games (The Last Remanent was the very last thing to arrive before the UPS guy could finally go on holiday, which I’ve barely put a dent in, let alone Infinite Undiscovery, and its also like 900 hours long as well if I’m not mistaken… sorry Square-Enix!), I’m still trying to go through my Gamefly que in an effort to get some value out of it. I hope to be done and over with them by next month. Unlike Netflix, it takes forever for anything I want to arrive; I’ve long since given up hope to ever give any of the PS2 Colin McRae rally racers a spin. I recently got my hands on Guitar Hero 3 for the Xbox 360, despite not having any compatible instruments (it would be neat if either Harmonix or Neversoft would release a patch to allow Rock Band guitar controllers to work, as they do in GH World Tour, but alas, the world is full of disappointments) simply to see if the singer and especially the drummer was just as heinous as they are in the PS2 version. And they are. Good God, how in the hell could anyone let that slide?
Though onto more current fare: there’s so many holiday games I should be focusing on, but only one is getting my undivided attention, the lone title I can’t get out of my mind, and which I am looking forward to spending all of my holiday free time on, especially since the lady out of the house (though Katie has been having an absolute blast by simply watching me play). And that game is Persona 4. You wouldn’t believe how happy I was when I got confirmation that the demo I was playing was indeed the full game (I was wondering when it was going to come to an end). And because I’ve already talked about it, and there is an embargo in place, I guess I’ll hold any further words back, till my full review, which I’m hoping to have ready by December 9th, which is when it hits store. And trust me everyone, you NEED THIS GAME. Perhaps its foolish to say since I haven’t beaten it yet, but it’s already up there for my game of the year candidate.
So let’s move onto games that I can talk about. Even though I might not want to…
Review: Castlevania Judgement (Wii)
The set-up goes something like this: you choose a character from the Castlevania universe (as most fans already know, most games in the series are separated by about a hundred years or so, because that’s when Dracula’s castle appears, or at least that used to be the case, till Konami ran out of time I guess) and face others, friend or foe (mostly friends though), as well as regardless of their time of origin, due to some shady individual that can bend the space/time continuum. The end result is a King Of FIghter 98-style “dream match” pitting the main dude from Castlevania 2 against Castlevania 3, something that many diehards I have come to discover in the course of doing research for this review was something were dying to see (via all the annotated fanfiction at various Castlevania wikis). As far as concepts goes, gotta say, I totally dig it. Helping quite a bit is the genuinely interesting choices, such as the bit characters from the aforementioned NES games, a face from lone Genesis installment, and even the lead from one of the Nintendo 64 entries to the series. Even a Golem is playable character, as weird as that sounds (he’s basically this game’s Daytona USA car, a la Fighter’s Megamix). A few extra faces would have been nice, such as more folks from the DS titles, though we at least get Shanoa, straight from the latest portable title, Order of Ecclesia… literally! To unlock her, you have to connect your Wii to a DS that has the game.
It sorta plays like Power Stone (a fave of mine from the Dreamcast era), but not really. It’s no traditional fighting game; there’s a power meter and super meter that fills up to unleash a super attack, plus combos and all that jazz, but you run around in a 360 degree fashion and kinda interact with the environment. Actually, you mostly just brake creates or candlesticks to reveal sub-weapons and hearts that act as ammo for said sub-weapons, just like in Castlevania proper. As the Konami rep explained to me when I first demoed the game, series producer Iga is determined to bring the series to third dimension, and after having the basic format that it somewhat invented aped by Devil May Cry, why the hell not a brawler? So kudos for trying something new; the one thing that current Castlevania fans always bitch about his how the series has become too stale and safe. One additional positive before I go down the negatives: the soundtrack is mostly awesome and yet more fan service for long-time fans, with re-arrangements of classic tunes, some you haven’t heard in a long while. Everyone’s heard that PC Engine score remade over and over again, so I’m glad the criminally underrated Genesis score gets some life breathed into it.
Okay, time for the negatives: most folks have been turned off by the character designs, and while I also appreciated Iga for getting the artist behind Death Note to give the familiar cast a new coat of paint, for the most part, they do kinda bite. Many are simply garish, with the worst make over going to Maria, who used to have an air of sophistication and class (at least her Symphony of the Night iteration), and is now just another leathered up Harajuku girl from the school of Tetsuya Nomura character design.
Meanwhile Eric Lecarde (from Bloodlines) is now the new Bridget (from Guilty Gears, i.e. he looks like a she now). Though to be honest, they don’t all totally bite: the werewolf dude from Legacy of Darkness looks pretty bad-ass for instance. Plus, there’s the graphics in general, which are as good as its going to get on the Wii, I suppose, though I’ve never been a fan of the Castlevania esthetic in three dimensions in the first place. Though the most important thing is how it plays, and that’s where the legitimate gripes come into play: as noted, it tried to be all Power Stone-like, with an emphasis on the filed of play, but the first major issue is how each environment is pretty barren and bland. There’s really nowhere to go, nothing to play around with. The second major issue here is how, instead of pulling back to show the action at an optimal angle when both characters are far moving around each other, Judgment’s camera is whips around, all over the place, making tactics all but impossible to determine, let along execute. In the end, the game boils down into just another button masher, because that’s all you can do.
What else? Well, in addition to an arcade mode, each character has his or her own story mode, with the tale being on par with Soul Calibur or Dead Or Alive. Meaning, there’s really not much, but it’s not all that important to begin with, yet diehard Castlevania fans will definitely get a kick out of the nonsense. Most important thing here is, it’s not absolutely wretched. Okay, this is indeed pretty bad. Otherwise… you can battle online, which to be honest, I didn’t even bother with, given how much of a pain that generally is on the Wii. Anyway, bottom line is that it’s an okay game, nothing amazing, that only devoted followers of the series should check out, though they will have the most to complain about. Still… I hope to does well because, given enough polish, and on a different platform perhaps, a Castlevania brawler could actually be something very neat. Besides, it’s rather clear that none of us are ever going to get a high-res 2D installment on home consoles anytime soon.
Review: Sonic Unleashed (Xbox 360)
Generally speaking, I only review a game if I’ve either beaten it at least once, on the default difficulty setting, or simply a lot. But in the case of Sonic Unleashed, for the Xbox 360, I’ve gone through, maybe, 5% of it? Why only that little? Because it honestly doesn’t deserve any more of my time, let alone anyone else’s. I’ll cut to the chase, and this isn’t the opinion of some once upon a time loyal Sega devotee/diehard Sega nut, though I used to be both of those as well: Sonic Unleashed is complete garbage, one of the worst I have played in recent memory. It’s been said so many time before, and must once again be repeated: here again is more proof positive that Sega just don’t get it, nor do they appear to care.
You’d think by know that Sega would know what the fans want, since you don’t have to troll message boards or the like to figure out why everyone who used to like Sonic games no longer do: they don’t want the bullsh*t, they just want the good old stuff, the running from left to right very, very fast back and nothing but. Period. No talking to people, no melee combat, no stupid storylines. All that nonsense was barely acceptable back almost ten years ago, for Sonic Adventure 1, simply because it was nice to finally get a Sonic game after mostly nothing during the Saturn era (though there Sonic R, which I dug at the time, if only because I was keeping the flame alive you could say, plus the soundtrack was, and still is, pretty kicking), plus everything was just so nice and new with the Dreamcast that everything was cool. I knew going in that Sonic Unleashed would have what people wanted, saddled with some lame crap, as usual, but I had absolutely no idea how bad, let along how much, of the crap there would be.
Things kick off with an obscenely polished opening video to set the game up, in which the entire world is literally ripped apart, plus while in outer space, Sonic gets zapped with some electricity that turns him into a “werehog” with absolutely no accompanying explanation whatsoever. He then lands back on Earth, in some small villa in Greece it would appear, which instead of being completely wrecked, due to the planet literally being broken into pieces, is actually quite serene. At the very least, the old Jewish guy and jovial ice cream seller doesn’t seem to mind what the hell is going on one iota. Oh, and you’re introduced to yet another fine addition to the colorful cast of nauseatingly annoying anthropomorphic characters that Sonic games have basically become over the past ten years (once again, the only reason why the series is even still alive is the stupid furries that still ear this sh*t up like cotton candy). After walking around town and talking to some of the aforementioned human characters that have absolutely nothing worthwhile to say, the action finally begins. As Sonic, you have to run very, VERY fast, while also collecting rings, destroying bad guys, and jumping over pits. Despite the fact the controls are less than stellar, mostly due to its inability to cope with the extreme speeds that you’re going at (which is pretty damn fast, so I’m willing to let it slide), for the most parts, it’s lots of fun. There’s two basic viewpoints, behind the back and to the side, depending on how the level is laid out, and it goes without saying that the side view, which is exactly how it use to be, is the absolute best and most fun. If the whole game was like that, I’m pretty sure a parade would be thrown for Sega, no joke.
But of course, it’s not. The other part of the game is when you’re in werehog mode, which from top to bottom, is the most pathetic wannabe God of War one can possibly imagine. From the stretchy arm that’s supposed to mimic Kratos’ far reaching blades, to jamming on buttons as tests of strength, even walking across narrow beams while maintaining one’s balance. Oh, there’s also QTEs (Quick Time Events), though whereas in GoW they were for something really cool, like to avoid being swallowed by a sea serpent, which in turn leads to a quick turning of the tables, in Sonic Unleashed…. they’re simply not. In fact, everything in general blows; I can’t tell you how many much time was wasted towards collecting floating in the air, just out of reach icons due to the sheer impossibility of determining where Sonic was in relation to it, thanks to the completely inconsistent shadows, which is the traditional means of establishing where things are in a 3D platforming space since Mario 64. Not helping is the double jump, which I find the very notion of dumb in general; instead of jumping twice, why not just make the first jump twice as long? But here it totally takes the cake in terms of frustrating to use and execute. Also inconsistent is the environments; some stuff you can break, others you can’t arbitrarily. The aforementioned stupid new animal friend will bore you to tears about how to do the most basic, logical maneuvers, yet won’t bother to explain half the crap you have to collect. Which makes one believe that its totally not important, but they’re totally not. As for the “Unleashed” part, in case anyone was wondering (I’m pretty sure no one was), it?s a reference to Sonic’s super attack whenever enough of “something” is collected. Which does absolutely nothing btw; Sonic is neither faster nor stronger, just covered blue flames for just a few moments. Yay. Have I mentioned yet how annoying the music is? It’s basically like hearing the same commercial jingle for what’s next on TBS, over and over again. Not helping is how the earlier, run Sonic run level felt like it was over in a heartbeat, while piss-poor GoW wannabe stage that immediately follows just goes on and on and on.
Here’s when it dawned on me how broken this game truly was: the first boss battle takes place at the end of this aforementioned chore of a brawling stage. You enter a room where the main guy, your target, is quite big and surrounded by tons of little guys, his henchmen. It took too lives for me to realize that getting rid of the reinforcements was a complete waste of time and effort because as the big boss moves around and does his stuff, he more or less kills all those little guys for you. Okay… Onto the job at hand. He swings this big club and also emits a wave of destruction, both of which must be avoided, naturally. That second attack, the wave, was what made me die time and time again, thanks to both the sh*tty camera, in which I literally never saw it coming half the time, and Sonic’s ultra slow delay between button press and his jump actually happening. Also, the slowdown. Worst of all is how, at certain points whenever I got close, I was given a prompt to hit the X button. All right, time for some GoW-style QTE boss interaction, right? Wrong. Instead, I’d get knocked back and half the boss?s energy would be restored. WTF? Was a trick or something, or a bug? It’s pretty clear as day that this entire game was either rushed to make its release window, or the powers behind the game simply couldn’t give a damn. I’m betting both.
But I continued on, life after life after life. It took literally eight lives to take this first boss down. Remember folks: Sonic is supposed to be a kid?s game! Though I was relentless, simply because I absolutely had to have yet another awesome run Sonic run stage. And after I had accomplished the seemingly impossible and gotten my stupid letter grade, and also talked with its stale human cast yet again, what happened next? A flying stage, something I was totally not expecting (perhaps others know about it… I guess I haven’t been paying to this game too much). Okay, kinda like in Sonic 2 and Sonic Adventure. It was a fun little aside back then, but now? Pure hell. Ships come at you at all angles, but instead of aiming at them directly, it’s a very long and very crappy GTE; underneath each ship is an icon that corresponds to button. Press them in time, before they get you. Problem here is that literally 50% of the time, my button presses did not register. I have to wonder if I had to hit them in any specific order, but since all the ships come out of the blue and crisscross all over the place… After over five minutes of this nonsense, its finally boss battle time, and again, its the same retarded mode of combat. Then I died and had to start all the way in the beginning. That’s when I had no choice to say “f*ck this sh*t”.
The bottom-line here is that Sonic Unleashed is an absolute embarrassment. Again, Sega completely misses the point and it would seem that they enjoy teasing their, I would have to imagine at this point, damn near non-existent fan-base, with something potentially awesome, only to frustrate them and everyone else with yet another idiotic switcheroo. I hate to be all foaming in the mouth (again, I’m the number one advocate against the now tired angry Nintendo nerd shtick), but sorry, this game literally did boil my blood. Once again, I used to love you Sega, but now, you’re seriously getting on my nerves. Please go away.
… Anyway, it’s now almost nine and I don’t see that Thanksgiving Peants special anywhere. But at least some ridiculous looking magicians’ award ceremony is on, and it looks… interesting. Oh well, there’s always more Persona 4! Have a good Thanksgiving everyone.
