12/22/2005

God I Hate Computers & The Internet, But Boy Do I Ever Love Christmas!!!

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

So day one of my vacation has, thus far, been pretty unproductive. Despite being free of all my SVA responsibilities for the time being, I still have plenty of personal projects to attend to. Yet all I’ve really done is putz around the internet (mostly just checking out Hard Gay videos).

I also accidentally deleted a file that was important earlier this morning. Hey, have I ever mentioned how fucking annoying I find OS X? Guess what, there is no easy means to recover a trashed file, and I’m talking about one that was deleted via the regular Empty Trash method and not Secure Empty Trash. WTF? I find it impossible to believe that for such a supposedly high-end, user-friendly, and modern OS that such a recovery feature is not built-in. There are ways to rescue trashed files, but its via slow as hell third party programs that are not only often ineffective and always expensive, but may also damage your system. Such bullshit.

Today was also the day I simply had it without my slow as fuck internet connection. I’m connected via an Airport Express and Extreme card, and even though the network is secured (I set it up myself when moving in), its still slow as fuck. I believe its leechers, but there’s not means to tell how many people are connected onto a network, at least that I know of (again, a pretty basic as hell thing not doable in OS X). Thankfully Jason stopped by and helped to secure things even further, so only my eMac and my roommate’s iBook can see the network, but who knows how long that will last… fucking annoying hacker types always seem to find a work-around.

… Let me also just add that, in all seriousness, there is no scum lower on earth that some douchebag that steals internet from common everyday folks. That’s just fucking wrong, and if you’re one of them, grow a spine and fork the bill for your own damn internet connection. Besides, if you’re smart, you’ll get all that money back with all the movies and music you can download…

And all this proves is that it is so vitally important to have a friend who knows what the fuck DNS servers, WPA2, and port mapping is. Granted, I’m the Mac guy to several of my friends and can figure out why there’s a software conflict or solve assorted hardware issues, but when it comes to networking, I don’t know jack.

Lord knows it next to impossible to find any real help online. It seems every other day, I encounter someone who says, to the effect: “The internet is such an amazing thing! It allows for so much wonderful information sharing and brings together people!” And to that, I have to laugh. Don’t get me wrong, the internet is chock full of crazy awesome shit, but in terms of strengthening communication, while I admit that I have talked with and even met some super cool folks because of it, I have to wonder if its worth the damaging effects, such as how it manages to make folks even more selfish and infantile and all around stoopider than they already are. Yeah, it brings loads of people together, like fucking furries….

I’m especially annoyed at people using internet slang in real life: the other day a person I knew used the word “meme” in a conversation. Never-mind how that word existed before the internet, the fact is, this person only used it because she’s a hardcore LiveJournal-type, as well as the belief that it would show to everyone how “leet” she is and all that jazz. Again, its what I’ve talked about before, this re-appropriation of a joke or fad or info found on the internet by a person who then goes around to evangelize it, as if they have some sense of ownership, but in 99.99999% of time, its not the case. I find it absolutely amazing how folks keep going on and on about how freeing the internet is, yet the medium manages to turn everyone into bigger cattle near the end. And as someone said earlier this week, I liked the word meme better when it was called the in-joke (granted, this was said on a message-board, but I digress).

Speaking of message boards, don’t even get me started. Maybe the reason I’m pissed is that once again, I went to one in hopes of finding answers for my computer dilemma, and all I got in return were sarcastic and nasty remarks. At this point I go to just two message boards, both video game related. I used to go to another that was heavily focused on graphic design and art, but… time for a quiz. Which of the two places do you think has the most annoying “regulars”, meaning one’s who care less about discussion and more about shouting out “zingers” and insults: the message board that has a bunch of 13 year olds that like to sit around in their bedrooms playing video games and watching Anime all day and night, or which has mostly 2o-somethings that work in Willamsburg as web and graphic designers? If you guessed option number 2, you get a cigar. I remember when I asked about a problem relating to my eMac 17 of the 20 people that responded basically said: “Get a G5 dumbass.” (actual quote) It finally took the 20th guy to say “Hey, maybe the reason why he has a eMac is because he’s fucking poor?”… which happens to be 100% correct btw.

Of the two game related message boards I go to, I only visit and post at one with any real frequency; once it started to become almost a job to keep up with the GAF, I knew it was time to cut it down. As for Insert Credit, as much as I post, I still try hard not to be “that guy”; you know, the one person who has to say something about everything.

Back to being pissed, I guess I’m also mad at message boards right now because I just discovered that I’ve been rejected for membership at the Abe Vigoda Fan Club

Enough bitching, time to talk about something awesome. Namely, Christmas!!!

First off, if you haven’t gotten a Christmas tree yet, or unable to get a real one, check out this special holiday themed version of Grow.

And check out another of Bryan Green’s totally wacky Flash toons, this one about a “TOTALLY RAD” Huffy Vortex Bike he wanted one Christmas. As usual, its the audio that makes 08′s stuff so awesome.

Speaking of presents, last night Stephy gave me mine, and its her Early Faggot Acupuncture piece! It was given because out of everyone, I seem to be the only one who truly “gets it.”

The one things I really love about Xmas is the whole searching for the perfect gift, and each year I find that one perfect thing for someone, to the point that I’m pretty proud of myself. And this year it was Stephy, who really digs folk art, as well as crosses, so when I came across this, I knew it was made just for her (yes those are images of Jesus and Mary painted on bottle-caps)…

As mentioned previously, Jason stopped by my place today, to exchange gifts. And here’s what he got me… movies starring masked Mexican wrestlers!

This year I’ll be spending the holiday with MK and her family. And this here is a pic of the bag that’s chock full of the presents that I’ll be bringing along…

Finally, and I know this is rather old, but I’m still proud of the card that I made a few years back, and here it is again…

Merry Xmas everyone!

  • http://jasonsawtelle.com Jason

    The internet IS awesome … [whip crack] … y-y-yes Mr. Page, [whip crack] sorry, Googlelord.

  • http://www.yaytime.realmsend.com dave roman

    Dude it’s not a good idea to dis the internet ON the internet. It can hear you. And it gets angry.
    It might not let you on anymore!

  • http://www.yaytime.realmsend.com dave roman

    Oh crap…now it’s gonna come after me!

    Sorry Great Internet!

    I’m DOOMED.

  • http://www.vitaminsteve.com Steve!

    Santo movies! We need to get together and watch these, I’ve had a desire to see these ever since I found out they existed, back when I was working at a movie memorabilia shop, and we had a regular retarded customer who would come in and buy 8x10s from them.

    The best part is that he wears an awesome leisure suit while solving ghost related crimes, keeping his mask on all the time!

    -Steve!

  • http://www.gamebunker.com Arluss

    So… What if I use “there in 30 minutes or it’s free is an annoying cultural meme, to me as a pizza delivery driver” am I evil or something? HUH?

    *cries*

  • J

    Hey Matt,

    Merry Xmas!
    Just wanted to say that I picked up my preorder for Chaos Field.
    Still haven’t had time to even open it yet.

    You get it yet? Any impressions?
    If not.. count this as a reminder that it actually made it to the shelves this week.

    ttyl,
    j

  • https://www.fort90.com Matt

    Holy hell, with everything going on, I totally forgot about it!

    I wonder if stores have any additional copies, at least ones that aren’t gutted. Probably not… :(

  • phooky

    Jesus on a stick. Wow, that really is the perfect Christmas gift for Stephie. I am not going to ask from whence it came, for fear of losing my wiggly little soul.

    What you do with your bandwidth’s your business, but I’ve left my wireless node open from day one, and many is the time that my ass has been saved in turn by the kindness of strangers. I think it’s pretty unlikely that leechers are sucking up a significant proportion of your bandwidth, but if you like I can check it out next time I come by.

  • http://dhex.org/htbr dhex

    “like does”

    ?

    i pretty much only have an internet connection to talk about memetics.

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