01/31/2008

“finally, a truce has been made between kraftwerk and people from new jersey.”

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

First off, a quick update regarding No More Heroes.

Remember how I couldn’t even get passed the tutorial? Well, I figured out what was wrong: my lightsaber was out of juice. When you consider that there’s so much stuff to keep track off and remember, especially in the beginning, you’d think that they could have given some sort of audio cue. Yes, there’s an icon to the right, but with so much shit going on, it’s hard to miss (plus the color difference between filled and empty is pretty minimal). And that’s pretty gay.

But at least I was finally able to get into the game, though I haven’t played it all that much (I simply beat the first guy and just started collecting money so I can buy my ticket to face off boss number 2). So based on only what little I’ve played thus far, here are my impressions, starting with the good:

+ I fucking LOVE the presentation, especially the visuals. The art direction is kinda all over the place, and while not as tight and cohesive as Killer 7, still works splendidly. I especially love the use of pixel graphics (parts of it, as noted previously, does feel like Galaga), which by itself would have been boring (at least at this point, in which everyone is doing it to cash in on video game nostalgia), but mixed with all the other elements, it just works. The transitions from section to section are downright beautiful and the change in visuals when you go into berserker rage are also most excellent. Again, the interface could still use some work, due to the aforementioned problems, but otherwise, outstanding.
+ The music, from what I’ve heard is pretty catchy, and the audio effects are also nice (again, I just wish there was more of it to help the player along). The voice acting is cheesy, but to a tolerable, almost decent degree. It’s much better that what we all heard in the trailer. I even laughed at a few of the jokes. That’s rather rare in a video game.
+ The overall gameplay works for me. I don’t mind the free-roaming GTA vibe, since anything is better than the far too rigid on-rails bullshit of Killer 7. You can actually check out the cool scenery (which again is not as tight at Killer 7, another reason to hate that game).
+ I love the little touches during fights, like the slots that go off when you take out a bad guy. It adds to the chaos, but in a good way.
+ Man, that bit with the cell phone, near the end of the first level, before the boss fight, was AWESOME. FUCKING AWESOME. Such a nice set-up. Then again, given my penchant for cell phones, I might be a bit biased here.
+ Hey Katie, you get to play with a kitten in your character’s pad! And he’s cute. I also love how his place is filled with stupid figures and shit. Just like me!
+ I also like that he has a thing for pro-wrestling. In fact, the main character, Travis Touchdown is the first main character in a game that I’ve really liked in a very long time: seems to like animu, has decent tastes in shirts, just wants to get laid.

Though its been far from perfect:

- First off, I am not a fan of the controls thus far. I appreciate the need to do something different, as well as take advantage of the Wii-motes and nunchuck’s capabilities, and while some it is quite nice, such as spinning during face-offs, some of the other maneuvers feel totally tacked on and just too cumbersome, especially for a brawler-type game. Stunning your foe feels especially awkward and totally pointless. Meanwhile, recharging your sword is annoying, but you can tell that it was designed to be that way. Still don’t like it.
- The camera, especially indoors, is quite simply awful.
- I normally don’t complain about this, but I found the inconsistent frame rate a real distraction, and a total pain in the ass during the boss fight.
- I hope to God there isn’t much driving around in the game, or it gets better, because thus far, its super lame, and feels like a very transparent means of padding things out.

… But hey, I just started, so I guess I shouldn’t be saying this early. EDIT: And btw, I guess it might be a good time to pass along a link to the discussion going on about the game over at the forum, which is here. I’ll pass along more impressions and thoughts as I continue playing the game. Though unfortunately, given my hectic schedule, I’m afraid I won’t be able to dedicate as much time towards it as I’d like to. Plus, I have another title on my mind at the moment…

Rez HD finally game out today, and never before have I so desperately wanted a Xbox 360 and a huge HD set with a souped up audio set-up so very badly. Get this bullshit: when I asked Dave Mauro if he was getting in, I was shocked and horrified by his response: no. Why? Because he’s played it enough alright. Bullshit. That and how the Dreamcast version looks plenty good already. Well, yes, it’s beautiful, but… but… but…

Anyway, I refuse to let his wonderful set-up go to waste (the dude has like a 60 inch plasma screen from Samsung, the fucker is HOOGE AND BEE-UTIFUL), so Dave, if you’re reading this, I’m coming over this weekend to download and play the damn thing. Hell, I’ll pay for it. And I’m sure you can give Halo 3 a rest for just a few hours. Can’t wait for another five hour go with the game without blinking once!
________________________________________________________________________________

Anyway, time from some highlights from you know where

- EA passed along an email to me last week that effectively went “LOL, writer?s strike.” Which, I dunno, to me felt like kind of a dick move.

- Want a PS3? Are you confused as to what your options are? Don?t worry, you will be.

- Sorry, but count me as one of the folks who, for the most part, am not down with Penny Arcade. And that does not necessarily mean that I am in fact down with cancer. But hey, at least the art is very nice!

- Via the random video game videos thread: you folks do know that Charles Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden is out, right?

- Get this, aside from dicks in the mouth and dicks in the ass, porn stars love video games as well.

- Related: yet another naked girl playing the Wii.

- Want me know why I openly pirate video games? Here you go (warning: it?s apparently a bit long-winded).

- Am totally lovin the war torn Mushroom Kingdom stage from Smash Bros Brawl.

- Okay, maybe I?m biased, but I actually think the Iron Man game looks pretty decent!

- I myself am a proud member of the Figure 4 Weekly Empire~! Want to know why?

- Perhaps this has popped up elsewhere, but whatevers: in the vein of the I am 8-bit art show comes a tribute to Stan ?The Man? Lee

- This site is apparently 32% evil, 68% good.

- Hear me bitch about how animation today, primarily 3D animation, totally fucking blows! And again, I miss Liquid Television, and ESPECIALLY Night Flight.

- Yeah, I have to admit, after all was said and done, I find the MacBook Air to be kind of crappy. Maybe I?m just pissed that I never got my MacBook Pro Mini.

- Have you folks heard about the ultra obsessive and all around insane Star Wars Episode 4 re-edit and repair job? Well, the guy actually pulled it off, and I guess the most important things to know is A) Han shoots first and B) Chewie finally got his goddamn medal.

- The future of masturbation is finally here. And yes, you’re supposed to put your dick in this…

- If you think message boards where people bitch about being a gamer (like mine to a certain extent) is gay, then check out one for cops.

- You sometimes just gotta love diehard Christians and their attempts at “powerful” filmmaking.

- I can?t believe people complained enough about Oprah to the government to fill up over 100 fucking pages.

- The fonts of Brooklyn.

- Recent editions to the awesome random pictures thread include…

- I hate to say this, but I’m sometimes very glad that I don?t live in Brooklyn anymore, ESPECIALLY Park Slope.

- The scent of a woman, at least one with huge fake tits, in a bottle. Want one?

- Time for EXTREME MIDGET WRESTLING!!!

- It?s like Time Cube, but with ducks.

In this thread, we talk about teachers we wanted to have sex with.

- The animated gif thread now features the brand new greatest gif of all time, starring Spider Man (unfortunately, for whatever reason, Safari users will have to switch to Firefox to view it).

- And finally, via the random video tread comes hardcore Smurf sex (and speaking Spanish I believe), the awesomest ransom note ever, as well as the awesmoest response to some YouTube video blogger ever, even more reasons why I absolutely can’t wait to go back to Japan (part one and part two), and Flashkata!!!

Though my new absolute fave YouTube vid at the moment would have to be yet another wacky Japanese commercial remix, in the vein of that McDonald’s remix from before, this time featuring Werhter?s Original candy. Plus, for those that might be interested, here?s the mp3!

  • Sheep Herder

    Yeah, the cell phone moment in NMH had me marking out. That was a fantastic moment.

Previous post:

Next post: