California, Here I Come!

by Matthew Hawkins

Well it’s that time once again, in which I must say goodbye for a short while, as I head west to spend “quality time” with my family. And that means zero internet, and zero updates. Which I know that might not mean much these days, given that my posting schedule is only about once a week, but still, NO INTERNET, FOR OVER A WEEK! HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

Like I said previously, I’m bringing in the heavy artillery; both a DS and my PSP. But still… I hope to God my dad didn’t disconnect the digital cable. Because, without Game Show Network, and specifically Match Game, to tide me over, I have no idea how I’m going to fully weather the storm.

Anyhow, I guess what I’ll miss most is, naturally, my very own little slice of the internet pie, for me and all my e-friends, as well as real deal buds, the forums. And for those who haven’t been keeping up, well…

- First off, Katie has started a thread that will keep everyone up to date as to how Harvest is coming along. But even before the first real page has been penciled, there’s already talk of… The Annotated Harvest? Could it possible be, in the words of Dave Mauro, “the most important work of the new millennium”?

- For those who haven’t heard, Rodney Greenblat (the guy who created the character PaRappa the Rapper) and Masayya Matsuura (the dude that designed the game, as well as Vib Ribbon) are getting back together to make a new game for the Wii!

- Another thing whose time has finally come: there’s finally gonna be a video game starring Takeru Kobayashi! I sometimes get miffed if someone beats me to the punch when it comes to a game idea, but in this case, I don’t mind not being the guy who created the first hot dog eating contest simulation. So long as its good, of course.

Now, if someone else manages to come up with a game in which you spread little tiny psychotic bears made out of ja… okay, I’ve already said too much.

- It’s a mix of Super Mario World and… quantum physics?

- A head’s up: you can now get Alien Hominid for just $10!

- Via the hacking thread, I want this phone…

- Folks who know me are well aware of my hatred for Maxim. Why? Because they fucking whore-up and flat out ruin cute girls. For example, Alyson Hannigan.

Before Maxim:

After Maxim:

I rest my case. Oh, and some talk about Rachel Ray.

- Remember folks, if you don’t eat meat, you are a perversion of nature.

- When advertising is more creepy than effective.

- Call me crazy, but the idea of autism in a pill sounds pretty spiffy!

- Yet even more reasons why Russia + the internet = awesome.

- And the latest addition to the shit-tastic comics thread is a little something called Stardust the Super Wizard…

- If you live in the UK, beware the decapitator!

- Stop on by the random videos thread for a masturbating cat, awesome fan-fic fully realized, and the only anime you will ever need to see.

- If you live in New York, then you absolutely HAVE to check this out.

- BTW, I hate dolls.

- “11:51 a.m. – A caller from the 300 block of Broad Street reported an individual dancing like a robot in a parking lot. Police were unable to locate the dancer.”

- Do you like… ponies?

- If you said yes to above, just don’t be like this guy.

… Okay, I guess that’s it for now. So yeah, gonna be in Washington State for the next week and a few days, then fly down to California for the Game Developers Conference! Plus, soak in some of San Fran with Slonie, who’s gonna (hopefully) show me a good time. At the very least, I know I’m finally going to have a worthy opponent when it comes to Daytona USA!

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