The Looking Glass

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

So here’s a brief email exchange between myself and the gf that just occurred:

Katie: “Just took an eye test. I have astigmatism in my right eye. And I need glasses.”

me: “Hawt.”

Katie: “Maybe I’ll be able to look through fog and see demons with them!


… For those who play Persona 4, you know what’s up. But seriously, this is fantastic news. Here’s the deal, and most folks who know me are aware of this already: I have a thing for girls with glasses, makes them uber cute. And many feel the same way, since it’s part of the whole nerd chic thing (more on that in a second). But when Katie brought up the idea of getting glasses in the past, for purely cosmetic reasons, I was less than impressed. Because as wonderful as they might be as fashion accessories, at the end of the day, glasses are ultimately tools for those of us that have poor eyesight.

And I hate to quote the same stand-up comic for the ten thousandth time (whose name I forget; all I know is I saw some guy say this on Evening At The Improv, sometime in the early 90s), but it’s like wearing a hearing aid because you think it looks cool, even if you have perfect hearing. Seem a tad bit insulting. Though Katie’s reasons are now totally legit, and not that she wasn’t already hella cute, but… you get my point.

BTW, no offense to any of my real life female friends out there that wear glasses but do not have bad vision! At the end of the day, we’re all entitled to do whatever the hell we want, Just my two cents, that’s all.

I’m often reminded of another conversation with a friend from many years ago, back during my school daze, when I had the hots for this one blonde, who happened to have glasses, and I tried explaining how I have a thing for “nerdy chicks” and he told me what the real deal was. I’m still friends with this person, and have a feeling that maybe he doesn’t want to be quoted as saying as such, so I’m keeping his identity a secret:

me: “So I have a thing for nerdy chicks.”

X: “No you don’t.”

me: “Huh?”

X: “You have a glasses fetish. You like cute girls that also happen to wear glasses, because you think they look even cuter. Because real nerdy chicks are something you do NOT want…”

me: “Ummm”

X: “REAL nerdy chicks are just like real nerdy guys; they’re either chunky or sickly skinny, plus have poor hygiene, so they usually smell and often have way too much hair in all the wrong places. They’re usually super socially awkward, and not in a good way. Just f’n strange all over. Would you want to make out with a female version of me?”

me: “What…”

X: “You just want a nice normal girl who also happens to have eye wear.”

… Needless to say, such a characterization is more than a little unfair, especially when it comes to body type, which really has nothing to do if one is a “nerd chick” or not. But the exchange still makes me laugh when I think about it!

I was going to point out the date I had with this one so-called nerdy girl in college, who also happened to be the sole female cartooning major at the time. Long story short, we only saw each other once, and it was for the very best because she was certifiably insane. We almost immediately ended up in her bedroom, which sounds great on paper, plus she had a Genesis, and I was a big Sega fan in the day. Though less than five minutes in, she revealed that she still sleeps in the same bed with her dad when back home, plus the only game she had was Bubsy. Though that has less to do with the nature of nerdy females in general and more of a reflection of the student body at the time, so no offense to anyone of the fairer sex that?s currently studying cartooning at SVA or have done so recently; I absolutely love pointing out to Hilary, who attended a number of years after me, that things were just different back then!

I also feel the need to point out that my fetishism of glasses, and interest in so called nerdy girls, has been around forever, way before the current “craze”. And in the end, looks aside, its basically being interested in someone who has common interests and backgrounds, which is a basic rule of any relationship. Hence why current girlfriend! And for the record, Katie LOVES it when I talk about women in general, though mostly my tales of the various wacky dames I’ve been with. Once again, please stop by the store and pick up issue #2 of UNLUCKY, in which I chronicle the time I had my nipple bitten off! For reals.

Here?s another exchange from two years ago, at GDC 08. Remember that after-party in which me and some pals had staked out a nice little corner of the bar that was super packed, and this annoying broad showed up (who I remember was some local AM radio personality), expecting to easily steal our seats by sweet talking us. Because in many people’s eyes, being a nerd equals being slow:

Annoying Woman: “Guess what, I love men with glasses!”

me: “Oh yeah? You like men who can’t see? That’s splendid.”

Annoying Woman: “But I love nerd sh*t, like Star Trek! Isn’t that awesome?!”

me: “Um, it’s a billion dollar franchise, enjoyed by countless globally. It’s not exactly out there, if you’re thinking that’s the case.”

Annoying Woman: “Yeah, well I like to F*CK nerds!!!”

me: “Oh really? So you’re telling us this because we’re desperate and stupid enough to believe that you’ll bang us if we let you and your friends take our spot? First off, we all have girlfriends and wives, and second, seriously just get lost.”

… If her friends were around, I might have gotten a punch in the face, plus I was really drunk and really surly at the time. I blame the midgets dressed as Ghostbusters with proton packs filled with blue booze. Anyhow, the above was supposed to illustrate how meaningless the word nerd has become, since everyone these days (yes even women) obsesses over stupid crap, love goofy sci fi and fantasy flicks, has read Harry Potter, knows behind the scenes junk, watches cartoons despite being an adult, plays video games, etc. It’s an attachment to a classification that doesn’t exist anymore, since the war is over, the geeks and dweebs have effectively won. Or so I like to believe, because it’s easy for me to forget that not everywhere is as progressive as it is in New York City. So in the end, I mostly just question why many are perhaps needlessly gung-ho around here, but hey, we all have our things. Perhaps my main issue are those that claim to hardcore into, say anime, and they look at me like I’m a freak when I go on to describe Strike Witches. Which btw, is finally getting a second season! Though ultimately, dames who are work the “I’m a gamer grrrlll!” angle get under my skin, no matter what, and no matter how well meaning they might be. Sorry.

But back to glasses, as well as anime, I guess that’s why I ultimately am not offended by that new Evangelion hottie, as completely pandering as she might be. In the end, all my rambling at this point might only be an excuse to post this picture, of a recently unveiled statue that makes me want to seriously go back on my no more plastic animu girls rule…

… Be sure to go to the source for additional pics, especially of her ass.

So, what else is new since yesterday? Well, the trip to Arby’s with Colleen was super successful, and the two of us plus Katie had a great time playing Rock Band the rest of the of the evening. Despite having to endure that crappy Mighty Mighty Bosstones song, which I absolutely loathe, but Katie loves to watch me squirm while playing it. Oh, and for those who missed the updated version of yesterday’s post (which btw, I’ve had to edit like twenty times, due to stupid spelling errors and broken links; sorry, but I guess I was so excited for roast beef yesterday that I was super sloppy), a copy of No More Heroes 2 showed up in the mail this morning, courtesy of Ubi Soft. Ha! Which has already been given away.

For a while there, I thought about maybe using it as the prize for another art contest; the one for Persona 4 turned out quite nice, and Jason has been suggesting that I do another one for some time now. And one featuring NMH might be awesome, since there’s plenty of awesome ladies from the games to render, though I’ll definitely need a stronger prize. What do you folks think?

Another idea I’ve been entertaining is starting up a supplemental, image only blog. Since aside from dorky gals, Tumblr’s all the rage these days, mostly to deposit all the wacky images I’ve posted recently, as well as dip into the past five years, along with stuff that gets tossed in the message board. Let me think about it, but in the meantime, here’s something I spotted over at Peter Berkman’s, of Anamanaguchi fame, not too long ago…

… Seriously the funniest thing ever. And once again, any of the Tim Burton Batman flicks >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> The Dark Knight Returns.

  • http://www.vitaminsteve.com Steve Flack

    God, I hate the Dark Knight Two-Face design.

    My buddy is wrestling a show at the Brooklyn Lyceum in Park Slope on Saturday night. Interested?

  • ken

    “Annoying Woman: ?But I love nerd sh*t, like Star Trek! Isn?t that awesome?!?”

    I really, really hope she said this verbatim.

  • http://www.fort90.com fort90

    I swear to God Ken that she did indeed.

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