May 2009

05/22/2009

Hardcore Feelings

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

Today marks the two year anniversary of my trip to Japan. I know this is going to sound pretty silly, but as much I roll my eyes at dorks around these parts for constantly professing their love for the land of the rising sun, primarily when they act as if it’s this grand paradise for all lovers of comics, cartoons, toys, and video games, I must admit that such a point of view is not completely unfounded and I do miss it quite dearly.

Not going to go as far as to say that my soul belongs there, or how the Japanese are vastly superior to us in every single way (I’m not that much of a raging Japanophile, thank goodness), but it was indeed a magical time and place. I believe I easily speak for my travel companions at the time, Joe and June, when saying that we all still hold very powerful and dear memories of our eastern adventure. Once you get a taste, you’ll simply want to go back, especially when one sees something like this…

… That?s a life-sized scale version of a Gundam mecha under construction. I guess I’m a tad bit bummed about Japan since there’s been talk about a return trip later this year, which as time goes on, appears to be less and less of a possibility, for reasons I really don’t need to get into at the moment. Oh well. I’ll return eventually (though I kinda want to hit a few other places first, like the motherland, Korea, plus Katie and I have discussed a trip to England and France, after she finishes grad school). In the meanwhile, I will more likely be joining Joe and June later this evening, to reminisce over the good times (and the not so good, but still quite hilarious, looking back) times later this evening, just as we did on the one year mark.

BTW, the above pictures are from Danny Choo. I don’t believe I’ve ever mentioned the guy before, but long story short, he’s the dude I secretly aspire and wish to be. Just some uber geek in Japan that basically blogs about his stomping grounds as a whole, as well it’s primary exports, mostly toys (though I will admit, he’s now totally ga-ga for dolls, which ain’t my cup of tea. Plus, he’s mostly known as dressing up as a Storm Trooper and dancing around downtown Tokyo, though I try not to hold it against him. But anyhow, he’s a really good source for the more slice of life type stuff, like this recent post about the Japanese are less than pleased about the notion of jury duty, and the efforts being employed to convince the masses, plus his pictures are always excellent, mostly because he has a super dope camera, as evidenced by his always entertaining “a week in Tokyo” posts.

EDIT: one more BTW: what’s the absolute one single thing I miss about Japan? Easily the food, without a doubt. So on that note, I should perhaps mention that my very first review for AmeriCurry is finally live!

Back to traveling, I’ve also been depressed by the fact that, once again, I’d be missing out in E3, coming up just in two weeks. Well mostly annoyed actually, by the constant reminders of this fact by the now steady barrage of PR people calling to set-up appointments. Until I realized that if I went, there would be no way I could ever prepare for my Conneticut Film Festival appearance and the MoCCA Art Fest the following weekend. Plus, apparently most of the cool folks (from Japan) aren’t even bothering, due to the swine flu. Oh well. And hey, I guess I just causally threw out one of the bigger highlights of the week: Katie got accepted to grad school! Yay!

Anyhow, it’s Friday, and in honor of the land of totally bat-shit insanity, how about a dip into the random pictures thread from the forums?

And because it’s been a while, the very best of random videos as well…

- To kick things off, I’m sure everyone by now has seen the already classic Japanese school kids vs. zombies clip, what about the translated version?

- And here’s further proof that when it comes to television commercials, they pretty much do it better than no one else.

- As anyone else out there heard of the film Cat Shit One?

- Yet as much as I love Japan, I will still admit, it clearly is destroying the youth of America.

- Related: here’s one angry Asian dude. Fun-fact: most Asians are super racist, but mostly towards each other.

- His name is 1/2 Price, and he’s half a rapper. (maybe slightly NSFW)

- One of the better attempts at cashing in on internet superstardom. I guess?

- Meanwhile, here we have the internet’s latest superstar!

- The secret to great looking calves!

- Dr. Shine and Dee-Dee, God’s Top Gun of Deliverance.

- Somewhat related: THE VAGINA IS FULL OF AIDS. (I really wish I knew if that dude was serious or not)

- When a mother promises a squirrel sandwich, she should always deliver.

- What appears to be another routine skateboarding vid slowly becomes comedy gold. BTW, here we have the remix.

- Also somewhat related, and for you fans of the The Room out there, here’s the rap.

- Now here’s a tour guide who clearly loves his job.

- And here we have a totally retarded clip that is totally enhanced by the somewhat bizarre choice of music. (a tad bit NSFW)

- Again, the audio makes the video. That and “longing for a donging.”

- Hey, you know keyboard cat, right? This one might be my favorite, found from here. Plus now now you can make your own!

Yet now that it’s officially hit the mainstream, all I can say is the joke was funny while it lasted!

- Who the hell needs CNN or Fox News when we have the Auto-Tune the News folks?

- And forget all this summer’s blockbusters, because it’s all about Shark vs Octopus, starring Debbie Gibson.

- I had absolutely zero idea that Gary Oldman played a midget in a movie a few years back. Huh.

- When exactly is it the right moment to become physical with a woman? The answer is simple: date number three.

- Without a shadow of a doubt, the one YouTube hack to rule them all.

- And here’s one I whipped up myself.

- Though this one might be the best of them all.

- Finally, we have the new greatest YouTube vid of all time, at least for this week: how to survive edged weapons.

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05/21/2009

Hayao Miyazaki Hates Video Games

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

Well I’ve slowly been getting back in the groove of things….

Mac People, lulz

Still way behind on numerous fronts, so apologies to everyone out there to whom I owe something. But I really need to take it easy at the moment, to collect myself and perhaps indulge in some overdue rest. Especially since things are gonna get real hectic in the next couple of weeks. Kinda not looking forward to speaking at a film festival in Connecticut AND doing the MoCCA Art Fest in the same weekend, yet at the same time, I am! But before that, there’s some stuff going on at Funspot in New Hampshire next weekend, and Jason insists I attend with him. Hopefully I’ll have most of what I need for MoCCA done by then. Though I highly doubt it!

Nothing terribly exciting to report since my return. There was yet another beer and animu fest with Hilary the other night, which was just what the doctor ordered after a long, grueling trip back home. PBR and pantsu animu is a fine mix, but I totally f’d up and brought way too much Strike Witches and not enough Sky Girls. Damn. I also fixed her internet; Hilary’s sister’s ex-boyfriend set the wireless network up, some dude who works at the Apple Store. Which I guess is all one needs to know regarding his technical abilities. I still fondly remember that one stretch of time in which I was fixing one Mac after another, from all these people who had just gotten their machines back from Tekserve, supposedly fixed but much worse after than before it was taken to the shop. I naturally had to bore Hilary to death about the time I went there looking to nab the repair person slot that was available, but wasn’t hired because I didn’t have to the look, according to the head douche in charge. Which I’m clearly still hung up on! Point is, whether the person is at Tekserve or the Apple Store (around here at least), he or she more than likely doesn’t know jack about Macs. Period.

Hey, It’s A FPS For The Wii That Doesn’t Suck

Though yesterday, I did get a chance to check out The Conduit, the new Sega FPS coming out in a few weeks. Long story short, I’ve had plenty of chances to check it out at Sega press events past, but never bothered since A) I generally like FPSs and B) you don’t have to be a fan of the genre to know that they usually suck hard on the Wii (Metroid Prime 3 not withstanding). But then I began to hear a lot about the game at places like NeoGAF… some bad (like the totally Genesis-tastic box art), though mostly good (like the awesome graphics). So when I heard that Sega was coming back to NYC to specifically pimp this one game, I figured something was up!

So I spend a good amount of time with the practically finished game, running around the first two levels, and… the verdict? I was seriously impressed. I know Phil Fish made mentioned of how ultra generic looking the main character is on Twitter, a stance that I honestly can’t argue against. But then again, I find pretty much everything in FPSs these days to be ultra generic, plus I guess that there is one benefit of a first person perspective, not being able to see how dumb your character looks! Besides, I’m so sick of those types of games taking place in the Vietcong or Mars, so contemporary DC is a nice change of pace. The first level takes place in the Metro, which I’m a huge fan of, architecturally speaking.

I don’t know too much about the story, other than some alien threat that was kinda under the control of a super clandestine government organization that’s now out of control. Apparently the plot will be filled to the brim with all sorts of conspiracy stuff, everything from Area 51 to the Kennedy Assassination. For all you trufers out there, no, didn’t ask about 9/11. lol. Anyhow, I guess it’s perfect timing, since Angles and Demons comes out real soon as well (I still can’t believe The Da Vinci Code made so much damn money… though I wonder how the video game sold). Moving on, the graphics were indeed quite splendid. Some of the outdoor environments were downright stunning. The Conduit certainly pushes the system, and then some; the folks at High Voltage Software, who created the engine the game is built upon, has good reason to be proud (and members of the team who were on-hand were clearly beaming). But it’s the controls that sucked me in; it’s pretty sad how the Wii is so custom built for FPS gaming, yet hardly anyone does anything with it, at least anything worth talking about (again, Metroid Prime 3 not withstanding). Everything just felt so spot-on, with tons of customizable options.

Can’t really say much about the AI, since I only played a tiny bit of the game, and the very beginning, but it certainly kept me on my toes. Apparently, it’ll adjust on the fly, to suit a player’s skill-level, which can even be tweeked further via the options. All in all, The Conduit is most definitely a Wii game of the year candidate already. It’s sure to be a success…. provided that hardcore gamers don’t immediately write it off like they did with MadWorld and No More Heroes. Time will tell I suppose.

Curry + Ramen = WIN

Afterwards I had lunch at Curry-Ya, this pretty fab Japanese-style curry joint in the East Village… for the second day in a row. It’s just that good. But I’ll have to save the details for my review! It’ll be my first for Americurry, so be on the look out for it sometime later today or tomorrow, I hope! It’s been a long time coming; been meaning to file a report for them for seemingly ages, but stuff just kept coming up, like last week’s trip. Actually, my first review was originally supposed to be for Rai Rai Ken’s awesome curry, hence my visit there a while ago with Katie when she had the day off. Much to my shock and dismay, I was told that they stopped serving the dish during late winter (it had been a little while since I’d been there). Though I’d discover that it wasn’t totally gone forever; they had recently opened up a new shop, dedicated entirely to curry, right next door. AKA Curry-Ra! But since Katie really wanted ramen, and cuz it had been a while since my last bowl of their heavenly curry raman…. also because the folks at Americurry are only interested in reviews on curry, and no off-shoots… here’s a pic of lunch that day…

Blast From The Past

Back to my trip, one last time. It’s been quite flattering to hear that all the Twittering I did during my stay was quite the hit back home! There’s nothing like infantile bitching and moaning on the internet to help make an unbearable situation slightly more amusing. I guess those that missed out and might be interested can go here, but you’ll have to dig a bit, since it’s since been replaced with me bitching about these two idiots at Curry-Ya on Monday, plus assorted chit-chat about games and links to random YouTube vids, as is usually the case.

On a related note, I really wish Twitter had a way to go through old “tweets” (God I hate using that term). I’d love to go through that time I live-blogged being in traffic court in NJ.

BTW, one additional pic related to home; whenever I go back, I generally try to bring back a bit of childhood with me. Over the past thirteen years, I’ve managed to reclaim most of my comics and game magazines, at least the ones worth holding on to. This was the first time I brought back old toys, mostly because all my Transformers and everything else related had been tossed out ages ago. Needless to say, I was both shocked and elated to see the following, which might actually be the oldest possessions of my period…

… Wind up Pac Man toys, right when Pac Man Fever was actually happening. Those are from, I’d say, circa 1982. Picked up at a toy store on the military base I lived at when my folks were stationed in South Korea. And they’re in phenomenal shape! I wonder if they’re worth anything? Anyway, when Pac Man is wound up, he walks while opening his mouth, to reveal….

… And when the ghost moves, it’s eyes dart back and forth! They’re now resting comfortably on the shelf where I have all my little game related toys and figures, right next to my Sonic and Nights mini statues!

“They plan on taping three gamecubes together.”

Well a lot’s been going on in the world of games as of late, with E3 just a couple of weeks away, plus with all the stuff I wasn’t around to report due to being back in Washington, I don’t even know where to begin. Despite not being a proper video game news blog, I do know at least a few people out there that rely upon me to keep them current to a certain degree (again, not everyone has the patience to sift through Kotaku or Gaming Age Forums), but instead of writing another long as post of epic proportions, I’m just gonna pass a few things along for the next couple of days. Cool? Let’s see…

- The biggest headline from the past couple of week is easily… no, not how Duke Nukem Forever might actually be, once and for all, something that none of us will ever get to play (I still say that Take-Two will try to recover their loss and hand the assets to another developer to finish the game, and that developer being Bob of Bob’s Game fame)… but how Tatsunoko vs. Capcom! I honestly thought it was a joke at first, but apparently, it’s for real!

When I last spoke with Seth Killian, it just seemed like an impossibility given how so many different people holds the copyrights to all the different Tatsunoko characters, here in America. Well, I’m guessing that everyone’s asking price was far lower than expected. The fact that virtually no one on this side of the ocean is familiar with most of those faces must have played a big part; maybe all the copyright holders figured it’d be in their best interest to just let their assets loose, to gain some recognition for better rewards later down the road?

Well with that goes my primary reason to look into solutions for importing Wii software. All that’s left is Captain Rainbow and Illmatic Envelope.

- The latest “leak” from the big show is this footage of Project Trico, from the folks behind Ico and Shadow of the Colossus. AKA, the one game that will get me to purchase a PS3 when all is said and done.

And it looks awesome! Though that’s hardly a shock; somewhat of a combination of SOTC, the person plus animal dynamic, but a bit more Panzer Dragoon Zweii-ish, with that animal being some powerful, otherworldly creature and all.

- The fact that there’s a tiny realm of possibility that this might be the PS3 slim…

… simply blows my mind.

- In case anyone’s wondering, the one thing I’m looking forward to most at E3 is the possible new game console from Apple. That and this supposed iPhone and PSP killer from MS, which I guess is supposed to be a guzzied up Zune. lol.

Plus I’m hoping that there’s finally some new word regarding Tetsuya Mizuguchi’s upcoming Atari backed Wii title, especially since things have been a bit rough on his end. Should be well worth the wait, I hope.

- You know, I’m just so sick and tired off Activision. Virtually every single move they make these days gives me serious douche chills. For starters, word on the street is how music games aren’t doing so hot these days. Which is pretty disconcerting, since I’m such a big fan of the genre. And not just because I’m actually in the process of making one!

There’s many possible reasons for this, such as the crap economy, which really hurts the fact that stuff like Guitar Hero and Rock Band are inherently expensive, given those fake instruments and all. But more so than anything else, it?s over saturation of the marketplace, and that’s primarily one party’s fault: Activision, for their piss-poor handling of the Guitar Hero franchise. Things were going great for a while, but it’s evident that the party is over and tough times are ahead, so there’s two ways of handling the situation: either proceeding with caution, to help ensure the long-term health of the genre, and that would mean scaling back and making smarter creative decisions, or going full steam ahead, to beat that dead horse into the ground with as much gusto as possible, to make as some quick and easy cash while the going’s good. The fact that there’s seriously like seven different Guitar Hero franchises in the works should clue anyone in as to their current stratagem.

Seriously, Guitar Hero Van Halen? You’ve got to be sh*tting me. And a television show, as well as a tour? A tour of what, dorks playing the game in concert? Originally I thought Lego Rock Band was the most shameless attempt at pandering to the family friendly market one could ever come up with. Wrong! That crown now goes to Band Hero, which thus far sounds like all those crappy Guitar Hero clones for kids that folks like Disney else came up with years ago. Meanwhile, the folks behind Rock Band are playing it cool, with a far stronger and daring creative vision of the future, which might be in jeopardy thanks to their former creation screwing it up for everyone. It must be killing the folks at Harmonix inside to see their baby being suffocated by the same folks that killed the Tony Hawk franchise. Unfortunately, no matter how much more critical praise and overall respect Rock Band gets, the masses still prefer Guitar Hero. If the Beatles game doesn’t revive the genre, then nothing will. And for the record, I don’t blame Wii Music for helping to sour things as some like to believe. Yet it certainly didn’t help matters either. Though I will say, I’m morbidly interested in how Guitar Hero 5′s ability to support four of the same instruments at the same time will turn out, as well as this change in art direction as well (which is sorely needed).

Next, and I know people are gonna laugh at me for being genuinely bothered by this, is this whole Science Papa nonsense. I mean come on Activision, can you be any less original than that? At least Majesco is taking it in stride. But now more than ever, it’s crystal clear why Activision is the new EA (and man, did that company ever redeem itself or what). Anyhow, enough about Activision bitching for now…

EDIT: Alright, I’m willing to admit that the new Tony Hawk does looking promising. Which of course is primarily thanks to the new hands its in, and I guess the only way Guitar Hero is actually going to develop is when it’s officially a lame duck. But it shouldn’t have to be that way. As for DJ Hero… the jury is out till I can get my hands on that goofy looking turntable controller.

- Hey, Critter Crunch is coming to PSN! And as wonderful as it looked on the iPhone, on the PS3, it’s practically jaw-dropping…

… I can only imagine how amazing the actual thing will animate. EDIT: Actually, Oddworld (naturally) has a trailer for the game, and it does indeed move beautifully.

- As some folks already know, Contra ReBirth recently came out in Japan on WiiWare. Many, myself included, assumed it was going to be like Gradius ReBirth, with a bunch of old stages from assorted games, all thrown together with new bells and whistles. Apparently we were all wrong, it’s an entirely new game.

Though according to this very decent write-up, it does share certain qualities with Gradius ReBirth, in the sense that it too has somewhat of a Genesis-like vibe, at least with the music. Then again, there was already a Contra on that system (whereas Gradius never made an appearance, hence the appeal for it’s ReBirth for me), and this new title looks nowhere near as interesting as Hard Corps. Now that’s a game that’s just begging for a Virtual Console release…. along with Ranger X, Thunder Force 4, Rocket Knight Adventures, Panorama Cotton, Yoshi’s Island, Starfox, Pock & Rocky, UN Squardron, about six hundred others.

- Though the only WiiWare game I really care about is Muscle March!

- Remember that Leve-5/Studio Ghibli collaboration that was announced some time ago? Not a peep has been heard since, but it’s supposedly still on target for a release (in Japan) later this year:

Ghibli’s involvement with Ninokuni was a surprise to some in the game industry because the studio — in particular Hayao Miyazaki, director of most of its greatest work — has a reputation for hating video games. The last time Ghibli crossed paths with the game business was in the mid-1980s, when a set of disastrously bad titles based off Nausica? of the Valley of the Wind was released on Japanese computers. In the interview, Suzuki admits that his studio has been approached many times in the ensuing years with game-related work, but has turned it all down — until now. “Normally we wouldn’t have done it, but Ponyo was just about to debut in theaters, and our heads were still running full tilt. He caught us right when we were at our weakest!”, he said with a laugh.

“I think [Level-5 head Akihiro] Hino really has luck on his side,” added Fujimaki. “The entirety of Ghibli was free of work at just that moment. Miyazaki may say that he hates games, but being a businessman, Suzuki isn’t going to just let his staff play around all day.

- And on the Sega end of things, Jambo! Safari is FINALLY coming to a home system. On the Wii, as well as the DS. At first I was gonna say about damn time, since it so should have been released for the Dreamcast ages ago, but based on the following screenshot, it appears that Sega is actually bothering to update the visuals…

… A bit of a shock, considering that they didn’t touch the looks of Virtual On for XBLA (one of quite a few problems with that game). Sega’s also coming out with a Hatsune Miku PSP game, and one of the outfits that a player can adorn their vocaloid with is this Ulala from Space Channel 5 get-up…

… I love how Sega waits almost ten years to shamelessly pimp their cast of characters. Has anyone unlocked the Gun Valkyrie chick in Valkyria Chronicles yet?

- The upcoming American release of King of Fighter XII is generating a certain degree of fuss. Primarily the box art: folks weren’t too happy with the originally proposed design and demanded that the Japanese versions, mostly on the Xbox 360 side of things. Here’s a closer look…

But it would seem that not everyone agrees! Though I’m somewhat more interested in the PS3 side of things; the Japanese version here is clearly the superior…

- Sticking with the subject of SNK, guess what import DS title I’m looking forward to the most this summer? Why the third installment of Doki Doki Majo Shinpan of course! You know, that game where you have to rub the bodies of young girls to see if they’re a witch or not. Well JC Fletcher over at Tiny Cartridge recently pointed out how there’s a blog being maintained by one of the characters you’ll be molesting, and how she re-writes SNK’s history of Psycho Soldier ports. That’s… kinda neat!

- And on the subject of pervy gaming, you know that Japanese styled dating sim made in America, the one where you try to pick up crippled girls, right? Yup, Katawa Shoujo! If you’re a fan, or simply curious, here’s a fairly decent Q&A featuring one of it’s chief architects. Nice to see that the work is indeed progressing on the full game… and that it will be far more salacious than the demo! What can I say? I like what I like. And sticking with the theme at hand…

- One of my more recent favorite things to play on the PSP Ikki Tousen: Eloquent Fist, which I forget if I’ve mentioned here before. Basically, imagine Final Fight except with Japanese schoolgirls, with lots of skin. Well, I had no idea that there was a PS2 game, and it was apparently due out here in America! The key word here being was. Time to hit eBay I guess. And speaking off…

- Check out these TOTALLY awesome Tron Bonne in her Gustaff mecha & Giga Servbot cosplay outfits for sale!

And here’s a pair of custom Mega Man and Protoman figures, based upon some random GI Joe figures, with Protoman one still up for sale, and at a fairly reasonable price (at least at the moment)

… I guess Mega Man’s been sold already? I’m dying to know how much it fetched in the end. EDIT: Man, lots of updates to today’s post! Check out Fire Man and Guts Man by the same artist!

- Though I’d MUCH rather have this totally hawt Solid Snake, thank you very much…

There’s also a new Virtual On figure on the horizon

… I’m still more of a Raiden fan, but still pretty hawt nonetheless.

- Remember when the Konami code did magical things to ESPN’s website a few weeks ago? Well apparently, it does stuff all over the place, and here’s a handy list of said sites!

- Going back even further, and I mean way back further, does anyone remember when the makers of DJ Max announced that they were working on a shooter? Anyone know what happened to that?

- I was also playing some old-school shumps on the PSone yesterday, and was reminded of Cosmic Race! Any former readers of Game Players magazine out there? Still kicking myself in the ass for not picking up a copy, which was on sale for just $25 at J&L a few years back, as part of some big sale.

- Been meaning to pass this one along for sometime now: via the always awesome Sankaku Complex, here’s a decent piece of fan art featuring the pretty damn obscure Fighting Vipers…

- Going back to the topic of pervy games, those of you who caught my talk radio appearance from this past weekend might recall that the subject of Rapelay was not really touched upon… and thank goodness.

Still, the heat is on for it’s associated sub-genre of gaming in Japan (for the record, as much as I’m fascinated by eroge, RapeLay is far too uncreative and crude to be my cup of tea, thank you very much… yet I still don’t believe it should have been banned), with the most recent example being the formation of something called ?Project Team for Creating a Protective Rearing Environment for Children.” Interesting.

I guess you can add folks within Japan to the increasingly growling list of those outside that want to see h-games obliterated from the face of this earth, including Equality Now, along with UNICEFF, and even the Philippines!

On a semi-related note, and something I love talking about with friends like Mooney, how there’s this misconception that Japan is this wonderful kingdom ruled by gaming and animu dorks, but at the end of the day, the word otaku is still a very dirty word. So all this unwanted attention certainly doesn’t not help their case whatsoever (which has been pretty shaky as of late, ever sine that one crazy 2channer went on a killing rampage in Akihabara last year). Still, its not like nerds there have no friends at all, and at least the man in charge feels that they’re the key to it’s nation’s survival.

- Sankaku Complex is also where I first came to learn about Queen’s Blade, which for the uninformed is this insanely wacky hentai series that I can’t believe is actually airing on Japanese television at the moment. I’ve got four words for you: nipples that shoot acid.

Anyhow, it’s getting a PSP game, and I’m saddened my the fact that it’s not some ultra cheesecake fighter. Though at the very least it looks to be an extremely competent Super Robot Wars clone!

- And as I might have already mentioned at least once or twice by now, I’m putting together the second edition of the fort90zine for the upcoming MoCCA Art Fest! And it’s gonna be killer, I can just feel it. Mostly due to the two fine artists who are lending their talents; I’ve got Mia Schwartz handing the pin-up this time around (you all know her, she’s the girl who nabbed the grand prize in the Persona 4 fan art contest) and Lamar Abrams, aka Neo Rama, taking care of the cover.

Not to give anything away, but the cover will strongly appeal to those who enjoy shumps! So to help make it happen, for the past couple of days now, I’ve been scouring the web for reference material for Lamar. And along the way, I’ve come across some pretty neat things. Like this old (I think) Japanese fan site dedicated to Thunder Force 4!

Then there’s this…

… from this, and if you scroll down, you’ll find footage from some based Thunder Force doujin tile called Thunder Future!

At the end of the day, it’s all about the Rynex, and my search for decent pics took me all over the place, including Flickr of course, like this one dude who loves to recreate assorted shmup ships in Legos. Including you know what…

But all that stuff pales in comparison to this guy’s work. I believe they’re based upon starships from Homeworld, right? Plus for whatever reason he had this, which really takes me back…

… Anyway, that’s it for right now. More to come.

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05/18/2009

Seven Random Things From Back Home

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

Hey now.

Well, I’m back in NYC. Not going to bore everything with all my personal business, though I will state that, as far as trips back home goes, which are never that much fun to begin with on my end, this past one was easily the most emotionally draining. The old saying “You can’t go home again” was never been so perfectly illustrated like it has this past week.

I grew up in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, in the city of Lakewood, which is a suburb of Tacoma, just south of Seattle, in Washington State. My childhood was… a unique one. And I’m not just talking about all the stuff that goes down when you live less than a mile away from a mental institution, one where they let the crazies go out and mingle with the rest of the populous. There were loads of other wacky things as well, and all I can say is how I do believe David Lynch didn’t chose a state at random when deciding upon the location of Twin Peals. Anyhow, I’ve shared plenty of the more light-hearted anecdotes to assorted friends and colleagues, some of which have become fodder for comics. Though if you ask those closest to me, the ones that have heard the darker, not so funny stuff, most might be inclined to say that my childhood was in fact fairly rough, even flat-out horrible. F’d up is the term I hear the most, and to be honest, when folks state amazement that I’m exceptionally well adjusted, given all the insane things I had to endure while growing up, I consider that a real compliment. But at the end of the day, I honestly believe that I didn’t have it all that bad. Which is why I have absolutely zero tolerance for those that bitch and moan about their supposed bad childhoods, primarily those that are hung up on it to this very day, and most especially when past events are used to justify horrible personality traits in the present.

On a semi-related note, it also happens to be why I’m not such a fan of the world of indie comics these days; either it?s about telling the whole world why they can’t get laid or find love, because when it comes to the opposite sex they are either total creeps or total a**holes (and how detailing such things in the form of graphic novel isn’t so much a means to confess and repent, but simply validate said asinine behavior), or being hopelessly hung-up on one?s supposedly crappy high school experiences (usually when it’s many years after the fact, which is often the case). I’m sorry, but I don’t want to hear how bleak and depressing your ultra bland and conservative school in the suburbs was, because I’m pretty sure some kid in some third-world, war-torn nation who can’t even get an education in the first place, let alone have parents, and might also be missing a limb, wouldn’t mind being stuffed into a locker and called stupid names as an alternative. I know that’s somewhat of a silly exaggeration, but my point is, no matter how bad you may think you may have gotten it, someone else out there had it much worse. My attitude is, unless you were sexually abused, you’re childhood was probably just fine. Note: I fully realize that not all of indie comics are about people in arrested development spinning tales of narcissistic woe. And even those who chose to tap into their past can be exceptionally entertaining, with none of the trappings I’ve just described. Take Miss Lasko-Gross for example; she had a genuinely insane upbringing, but manages to look back without a hint of self-pity in either of her tomes. It also helps I suppose that she’s an insanely talented writer and artist. Why I am I even bringing comic books up in the first place? I guess because MoCCA is just a few weeks away. Yeesh. Hopefully Bear Bear #2 will be on-hand. But moving on…

On my way back home, I ran into another pal, Marianne Ways, at Sea-Tac Airport. She had just spent a month in Seattle, scoping out the comedy scene, which is her primary background, and trying to figure out if the Emerald City would make a suitable new home. Back to my formative daze; despite those very rocky years, which was a primary reason why I chose New York City when selecting a location to attend college, to get as far away as possible while I took a breather, the plan was always to move back to Washington and settle in Seattle proper. Each year I would go back home to spend time with the family for the holidays, but I mostly looked forward to the few days I’d be able to spend up north with old high school chums that had migrated there. Yet as each year passed, the visits became less exciting and increasingly pointless. It eventually became clear that Seattle, and Washington as a whole, was no place for me. Don’t get me wrong; it’s a really nice environment, especially Seattle, which is exceptionally pretty and extremely clean, especially for such a big city. The people are also quite friendly for the most part; despite the city’s vast size, it still feels like a small town… for better or worse.

Though when I asked Marianne if she could ever consider Seattle a new place to live, the answer was an unsurprising “no”, especially given what she’s interested in. Humor and Washingtonians do not mix, I’m afraid. One of many major issues with its people is how everyone is so stiflingly politically correct, as well as exceptionally passive aggressive. Here’s a more recent tale from my hometown of Lakewood: according to my father, there was a local Chevron station owner whose prices was, for whatever reason, a couple cents higher than all the other stations in the area. And there were quite a few, including other Chevrons. People were pretty pissed about this, so what did they do? Instead of just not doing business with the man, and letting him learn his lesson, or even telling him directly how they felt, they all wrote angry letters to Chevron HQ, who then revoked his license, or something to that effect. Note: my father also recently told me that my old high school was shut down for two weeks due to swine flu hysteria, which turned out to be only one whole day, plus he has a tendency to exaggerate quite a bit. Still, I do believe this particular example, and the point is this: as much as New Yorkers drive me nuts, at least you know exactly where they are coming from, there is no bullsh*tting around here. Also, as much as New York City as a whole drives me nuts, there’s just so much culture here, diversity, things to do, etc. No other place on earth quite seriously has it all. It is quite literally impossible to be bored here, and if it ever happens, all I can say is that you?re doing it wrong. Oh, also, you don’t need a car here, which honestly can’t be said for practically every one major U.S. city, and both Marianne and I do not want to bother with automobiles. I hate the subway with a burning passion, but at least the stupid thing exists, and generally works. So yeah, I’m here to stay, because I’m just flat-out spoiled by the Big Apple.

Yet, despite how traumatic this past excursion was, I will continue to go back home, since it offers a nice little break from the norm. Since once again, Washington is just a silly and strange place. Here are a few recent examples…

- My first day back, while driving around my old neighborhood, I passed the house of an old high school pal of mine. Though I certainly didn’t recognize the dude who was on the front lawn, taking a huge dump. Might have been said friend’s sibling or something. He was too old to be a child. Not related to the subject at hand, but I do love how EVERYONE I used to go to school with now has like at least three kids. Kinda scary.

- There’s honestly nothing much ever going on. Case in point: one of the biggest stories on the news while I was there was of some big food fight that took place at a local high school. No one was seriously injured or anything like that. In fact, via the camera phone footage, it looked to be hella fun. But in the end, 14 kids were expelled, and the future of the prom is as of yet “undecided.”

- Want to know the biggest issue facing teens in Washington State? Believe it or not, gambling. I guess that somewhat makes sense with all the casinos in the state? Though given how Nintendo and Microsoft are located there as well, you’d think it would be video game addiction, or something else a bit more topical. At any rate, the PSAs were a nice break from all the retarded anti-smoking ones that litters the airwaves around here, featuring this woman from the Bronx with missing fingers, from supposedly too many cigarettes, that even the most ardent anti-smoking people I know think are total b.s.

- Local media as a whole is a pretty interesting thing. Never-mind that everyone spends way too much time obsessing over the weather, especially when everyone knows that it rains a lot. Apparently everyone except those who lives in Washington, naturally. But take the traffic reporter on the local big AM news radio station for example, who explains how every traffic slow-down is thanks to people just transfixed by nonsense on the side of the road, and then goes far as to scold individuals like they’re misbehaving students in the second grade, by calling out specific offenders via their cars.

- Then there’s advertising; you have this one homegrown chicken joint that calls themselves Winger’s that uses classic 80s rock to push their food and name. So what band’s catalogue do they utilize? Winger obviously, right? Wrong. Journey is the correct answer. And something that most local businesses in NYC are well aware of is how names that are easily confused with a sexual euphemism are usually a pretty retarded idea. Meanwhile in Washington… the new hot family restaurant is a joint called BJ’s.

- A new thrift store opened near me, and they sell just expired bread tossed out by the local super market. And here we have the only picture from my entire trip:

- And finally there’s my father, who is somewhat of an enigma to all my friends back in NYC, who love to hear about his wacky character traits and the kooky antics that, despite all the frustration and embarrassment he causes, is fairly entertaining I must admit. One of this more nonsensical hobbies it collecting state quarters, which I suppose many people do, but instead of filling up some goofy map with coins, he’s been tossing every state quarter that’s come his way since they first began circulating. This past trip I came to discover that he’s accumulated about 8,000 of said coins. That’s like two grand’s worth, right?

… That’s honestly about it. Each and every trip, I go out less and less, due to fears of running into people from back school, since that’s become such a thoroughly depressing affair. Still, I’d love to know how my old junior high cohort John, whom I last ran into on a bus a couple of years ago, who at the time had just dropped out of plumbing school to take college classes to learn how to organize and run a commune… this is the same guy btw that my other old pal Steve ran into at a gas station, doing some grocery shopping for him and his family that consisted of five kids, each of whom were conceived at different Phish concerts each… is doing. This was the same John who?s referenced in UNLUCKY #4, for those who might be curious. Pretty much the only person I still keep in contact with is Suzanne, and the highlight of our last get-together was hearing how her make out sessions with now husband Mark used to be interrupted by a next door neighbor’s exceptionally crappy Rock Band drumming, which was so bad that they couldn’t help but bust out laughing. Speaking off, no local bus rides for me this time around either, which also meant no visit to that gigantic ghetto arcade that I try to hit at least once per trip. Who knows if that almost broken down Virtua Racing deluxe cabinet is still operational; for the first time in almost twenty years, they finally changed all the bus schedules.

Even my numerous trips to assorted hot-spots to scope up hard to find games, and on the cheap, produced nothing of any real importance, unlike every other year. Other than finally nabbing Major Minor (I’ve been waiting for a copy from Majesco for weeks now, and am pretty sure that either it got lost in the mail or was simply never sent out) and Battle Fantasia (which I’ve been interested in ever since spotting it at an arcade in Japan two years ago), there’s the sealed platinum Wavebird, which is like a hot commodity, right? Oh, and both of those games totally suck; I’ll go into Major Minor next time, and how the very first version I played, which was like a 70% build, had controls that weren’t frustrating difficult. On the cable television front, didn’t even get a chance to watch any G4, so Ninja Warrior for me, and on Game Show Network, only caught Match Game once. So yeah… it was a trip that I’m glad to finally have behind me.

Not much else to say otherwise. Just starting to play catch-up. My plate was pretty full to being with, but after effectively losing five whole days, it’s even worse. At least my appearance on that talk radio thing yesterday afternoon relatively went well. Hope some of you were able to catch it, and if not, simply go here and select the Sex, Lies, and Videogames episode (try using the iTunes option, it works best for me).

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