April 2005

04/19/2005

My 28h Birthday: The Report / My Dead Dog: The Game

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

Yesterday was my birthday. I am now 28. Yay!

So to celebrate, I threw a party at my new place this past Saturday in Brooklyn. For the past two years I’ve brought together all my friends from my various circles for dinner and drinks, but instead of dealing with the headache of picking a place to eat that everyone would like (and afford), as well as the ever increasing crowd at Revival (which is my fave bar near Union Square that’s unfortunately becoming extremely popular, and is therefore always crowded no matter the time or day), I figured it would also be a good chance to show off my sweet new pad, which is the first place I’ve been in years that I’m actually proud to show off (and not in some horror show sort of way).

And, it was a blast. I’ve wanted to throw a proper party for years, and it was, for the most part, a success (at least, I’d like to think that everyone had a good time.) Besides the gratification that comes with filling one’s home with all your friends, it was just nice to see everyone so impressed with my new home since, once again, everyone knows how shitty my previous place of residence. Unfortunately, the weather was a bit cold, so the spacious backyard went unused, but otherwise it was perfect conditions for a BBQ.

Like I said, I have friends that hail from many different circles, so I always look forward to my birthday gatherings as a good chance to have them all together and to witness the interactions. I mean, where-else can you find the biggest nerd from WIllamsburg, two punk rockers from Queens, an ex NYPD detective, a hippie that makes robots, plus various folks from the world of comics and web design all hanging out under one roof for one reason?

And no, I did not get pissed drunk (for the most part). It was my duty to say sober enough at least to be a proper host.

As for presents, I did score some pretty sweet stuff. Highlights include the Incredibles on DVD from Robin, Masters of Doom from Jason (which I really want to read now since there’s a Showtime movie in the works), and Flight Volume 2 (plus another comic which he promises will be “the best comic I read all year” and coming from Dave, its a guarantee). I also got $100+ worth of gift certificates for game stores (everyone’s afraid to get me any games since most assume I have everything… not necessarily true, but its understandable) and a few cook books… almost everyone knows how I wasn’t able to cook in my last couple of apartments and how much I’ve been looking forward to having a real kitchen.

And all that is in addition to the stuff I treated myself to from Play Asia, including the Sega Saturn PS2 controller I mentioned once before (I can finally play Virtua Fighter Evo properly), some assorted Nintendo and Sega Gashapon, and I finally got that Mega Drive encyclopedia that Chaz introduced me to a long whiles back.

Anyway, the party went well into the next morning, with me boring the few folks still hanging around with stories from back home regarding my supposed hatred for the handicapped (I swear, you beat up one crippled kid, and you’re instantly judged), as well as an in-depth discussion on furries.

I finally got the chance to sleep in the next day, which I’ve been wanting to do for weeks now. Robin and Jenny Gonzalez stayed the night, so they helped MK and I clean the place up, plus we all went out for lunch at my new fave diner near the heart of Park Slope. After they left, we continued with the cleaning and soon discovered that there was just too much beer left over (a lot of folks brought their own to the party), so I packed them all in a bag and we went door to door around my block in an attempt to give them away (plus we figured it would be a good chance to meet the neighbors). But much to our shock, we were not able to give away a single bottle. Everyone either refused the free brew or most folks weren’t home (or at least pretended to be). The one person we were most disappointed to not have met was someone who had a ton of comic book related boxes crushed in front of his or her place. I still have to figure out who this person is, and if he or she is actually involved in comics or not. Anyway, when some teenager in the back of the ice cream truck laughed at us, I knew it was time to give up.

And the highlight of that evening was playing around with a Samsung e715, which I’m still obsessed with belonged to one of Stephy’s friends who came over.

As for yesterday, my actual date of birth, I spent it at home; John Mac was nice enough to give me the day off. So I again slept in, got all caught up on the web, and finally filled up my iPod with my music collection (I really wanted to have that done by the party, but maybe its for the best that I didn’t subjugate my friends to video game tunes). Then I went into the city to meet up with Joe and Jay; the plan was for MK to pick us up and head to Callahan’s for some birthday hot dogs.

But like a total retard, I never clarified where she was going to pick us up; I had assumed that she was going to drive into Manhattan, but we were actually supposed to meet in Hoboken, so then it was a hurried trek to the PATH station. And once more, I was reminded why I left Jersey City to begin with; first off, some jack-off wouldn’t move out of the way for me to enter the turnstile (he was waiting to get a PATH card. I repeatedly said “excuse me” but he had his fucking headphones on and was totally oblivious, so I literally had to push him out of the way, which got him pissed and the dude gave me attitude. The thing about people when they make snarky remarks is that they never expect an actual response, but I was more than happy to get into his face and state my case.

That’s not all! On Jay’s end, as he was trying to insert money at his turnstile, some dumb dimwitted woman, who was busy digging in her purse, totally cut in front of him. When Jay mentioned to her that he was first, she stated “Don’t worry, I’m just looking for my ticket.” Just when he finally got all his cash in, that’s when she conveniently slips through the turnstile and steal’s Jay’s ride. What a fucking cunt!!! So for everyone who wants to know why there’s always a bottleneck at the PATH stations, it cuz of retards like those two. But hey, what birthday, let alone any day, is complete without me loosing my tempter with dumb asses, right?

Thankfully, it was smooth sailing from that point on; MK picked us up, we went to Callahan’s, and enjoyed our hot dogs. All in all, a perfect birthday celebration.

And yet there’s more! Tomorrow at work, I’m getting a cupcake party, which should be awesome (my boss always goes the distance with gourmet cupcakes, the ones that are like $5 a pop). Plus I have one of the gift certificate handy, one from Best Buy, and haven’t decided if I want to put it towards Zelda: the Minish Cap or Gran Turismo 4.

As for pics from the party, I have several, but I haven’t gone through all of them, plus I know others like Dave took a few and I’m waiting for to see those. Once I have everything, I’ll probably post them here. Till then, here’s a pic of both MK and myself, which I really dig cuz not only are we smiling, but we’re both smiling at you.

Also, you can go to Steve’s site for a camera phone shot; I’m not drunk in the pic, just blind.
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May as well pass some game related news…

- In addition to yesterday’s big news of Adobe buying Macromedia, Gamestop also bought EB Games, their primary competitor, making Gamestop the biggest and most powerful retail source for games in the country.

I myself hated both outfits equally, but lack of choice is always a bad thing.

- I really wish I was in LA today. Why? Cuz of the opening of the i am 8 bit art show. Check out some of these pieces…

That last one is easily my favorite.

Oh well, at least I have the Takashi Murakami show at Japan Society to look forward to (I’ll probably be checking that out later this week or the weekend).

- So according to an upcoming issue of Play, the aforementioned Super Gunstar Heroes is actually going to be a GBA game. Interesting. Well Advance Guardian Heroes was a real disappointment, yet their Astroboy title was easily the best GBA game of last year, so I have high hopes. And yes, I am relieved that its not a DS title.

- Sticking to the subject of Sega, Jason and I have long entertained the notion of writing a book on what was one of the most powerful and influential forces in games. While that has a while’s to go before actually happening, here’s an excellent resource that someone on the GAF pointed towards that’s for anyone wanting to further familiarize themselves with what once was.

- And speaking of the past, want to find out how much you know about video games? Then take one of these quizzes. Some of them are quite tricky.

- Click-Stick is now offering an awesome shirt for sale. The reason why its so cool is cuz its not like every other video game related shirt out there that’s so obvious; for 99% of the folks out there, they won’t know what it means, while the 1% is sure to appreciate it.

- Sticking to the subject of clothing, I know this is sorta old maybe, but you can now pre-order the Pac Man Hat. Neat, but I still much prefer the Katamari hat.

That and the Moai head from Gradius.

- Again, more old news, but I’ve been checking out these screen shots for Namco X Capcom on this page practically everyday since I first came across it. Wouldn’t you know the one Capcom Vs game I actually want to play won’t be making it to stateside. Damn…

- Time for even more chip tunes: here’s a duo which is getting well deserved buzz due to a recent television appearance. They’re called 8-Bit Weapon. Check ‘em out.

Plus I just found out that there used to be a radio show in Sweden that was all about game music, Unfortunately its no longer being produced, but its still available for downloading. Granted, if you can’t understand Swedish, you are missing out (or at least I’m assuming so), but there’s still some really cool stuff covered that’s worth listening to.

- I finally checked the front page of insert credit for the first time in weeks; I keep forgetting that regular updates are back. Even though it’s one again, old news, this one still deserves some attention: here’s some guy who decided to put the ashes of his dead dog in a Neo Geo cart.

- And courtesy of IC, here’s the official Senko no Ronde page from G Rev. So it seems that pic of that anime chick from this post is actually a dude. Jesus Christ…

- Finally, what happens when you combine Punch Out and breakfast? This game. Yeah, it’s a total rip-off, but at least its a very well done rip-off. Love that music.

4 comments

04/14/2005

“Shooting Love… is not just a bluff at all.”

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

Thanks to the seemingly never-ending flow of work and general shit to do, not only is it next to impossible to find any time for this site, I’m also now constantly exhausted, hence why I’ve also become rather lazy about doing updates. But, in an effort to avoid yet another backlog of announcements, news, links and random bitching…

- I believe I’ve mentioned this before, but here’s the official announcement: this coming May, I will be participating in a game design debate called Hi-Res vs. Low-Res. that’s being produced on the behalf of the IGDA and GIGGRAPH. For the specifics, just check out the news page.

- On a completely different note, I’m not sure if I’ve made myself clear on the subject thus far, but just to clarify: I CANNOT FUCKING STAND THE NEW YORK CITY SUBWAY SYSTEM.

The most recent subway debacle took place on late Tuesday afternoon, during rush hour. MK has just flown back in from San Fran and I was coming from my place in Brooklyn, having spent the day at home working, to meet her in the city for dinner before her evening class. I took the R train near my place to DeKalb Ave to transfer to an express D train, which would take me right to where we’re meeting. After waiting a few minutes, I hear some garbled (of course) message over the intercom regarding debris on the tracks or something that was disrupting service on the D and Q trains. The weird thing is that the stations that were affected, at least from what I could make out, where ones in Queens, so why the hell would trains have to be re-routed off Manhattan Bridge, which is all the way in Brooklyn? Another R shows up, so I get in that one… and then witness a D roll into the station on the express track. Ugh.

Anyway, the ride is going fine, especially since I have plenty of comics to read, but then the train comes to a dead stop. Apparently a person fell onto the tracks at a station (the Whitehall stop, the first one in Manhattan, where we were literally three feet away from) Since it was rush hour, it took forever for medical assistance to arrive, and to avoid the guy getting zapped, they killed electricity to the line, which lead to no power on the train, so most of the lights and the AC was cut.

So there I am, in the dark, unable to read comics, and starting to sweat like crazy, and above all else pissed that I’m gonna be late to meet my girlfriend whom I hadn’t seen in a while for dinner in an already tight time frame. Did I mentioned that I was fucking starving since I hadn’t eaten a single thing all day? And the last thing I needed was to witness the train operator and conductor joke around and say “It’s 7 already? Hehehe…” And of course, everyone on the trains eventually became all restless, like some old woman who was pissed that she couldn’t read her book, the ten or so folks rushing to the first car to see what the fuck was going on, and some nit-wit Euro-trash super model-type who decides to show off her “free sprit” by swinging around the car via the bars, then goes on t kick everyone in the knees and comes close to knocking herself out as her head swings around violently (with her Euro-trash boyfriend taking pictures of the whole spectacle).

It took an hour to get the guy off the tracks. So you’d think we’d be on our way then, right? Wrong, because then they had trouble restarting the subway train. In the end, it took collectively an hour and forty minutes to get to arrive at my destination in the city, and of course, it was too late for me to have dinner (MK’s class was just about to start). And all because they can’t decent fucking speakers in the stations…

And then last night, it took MK an hour to meet me in Brooklyn after her class! And again, it was at a place to eat and the wait was pure torture since I hadn’t eaten anything all day yet again. I’m going to start living life like a pro wrester from now on; many wrestlers, the ones who are into body conditioning, will eat very small meals every two or three hours of the day. Though if I really want to go the full nine yards, I’ll also have to start watching tons of wrestling matches from Mexico and Japan. That’s not such a bad thing…

- But yeah, MK returned from APE with a gift: the Cherrypepper collection. That’s right folks, my girlfriend came back from her trip with the gift of porn. And just any regular porn, the kind I like: cute nerdy chicks in glasses (and none of that overly pierced/tattoo shit that’s really popular in the counter culture porn scene). If that doesn’t cement MK as the best girlfriend I’ve ever had, nothing will.

- Like I’ve said before numerous times, I’ve been reading a lot more comics thanks to MK. I just got done with the first Blue Monday collection, which is one of here fave’s, and I have to say, its one of mine now too. Plus I read the second Hopeless Savages collection, and I’m also becoming a pretty big Bryan Lee O’Malley fanboy.

- Also last night was class. In addition to playing the board-game which they had created the week prior, I also brought in a PSone to show off some games which most people have never played, but should, including Vib Ribbon. This time it was Rez, which thankfully, managed to entrance all the students. Once again, Sega really dropped the fucking ball for failing to re-release the game last winter.

And I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit this publicly, but what they hell… one student brought in memory card that had a Tekken 5 save with every character, except one, unlocked, and he let me make a copy of it. Sorry, but I just don’t have the time or the patience to deal with such inconsistent and cheap-ass A.I. Like I said, not every character is unlocked, so I have the burden of getting Devil Jin myself.

As for “real” class work, I just had everyone create the ultimate mascot character, and for homework they have to design a game for one of these specific audiences:

1. terminally ill children

2. people with the fear of heights

3. the elderly

4. deaf people

5. garbage men

6. poor people

Can’t wait to see what they come up with!
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- As for general gaming news, things are a pretty quiet. With E3 around the corner, everyone’s keeping their cards close to their chest. Microsoft and Sony was in a recent pissing contest in regards to who’s showing off their new toy first, which is now going to be on the same exact day, just three hours apart.

Anyway, remember Sega Fantasy VI from before? Well here it is again, but in English.

- Here’s a site for Electroplankton, a crazy new music making game for the DS. Despite the ever present burning desire to get a PSP (well, the ever present desire to play Ridge Racers and Lumines only, actually), I’m still interested in the DS.

- Another reason? Puppy Times of course! Check out these cool plushies:

- Here’s one person who at least has an excuse for acting like a four year old on Xbox Live: its Lil Poison, who’s billed as “the youngest ‘Pro Gamer’ in the world” Yeah, I feel a bit disgust by this as well.

This whole pro gaming bullshit has to end sooner or later. So what tennis shoes are you gonna wear? The one Tiger Woods wears while winning yet another gold tournament, or what some douchebag with a l33t nickname wears while he’s “pwning” “noobs” at Halo 2?

- Time for some awesome chiptune music: 8-Bit Construction Set. Like the New York Times said, its “…a testimony to nerdiness.”

- Normally, I totally despise licensed games, but there’s been one that I’ve been waiting forever for, and its almost finally here. A game based on the classic film, the Warriors! Its been a while… so long that many, including myself, were afraid that it was cancelled… but some news screens have finally surfaced.

- Meanwhile, the one big screen to game adaptation that made major headlines at the beginning of this year, the Godfather game, is getting trashed by the man behind the original film. For the IMDB:

“Francis Ford Coppola is up in arms over Paramount’s decision to produce (with videogame makers Electronic Arts) a videogame based on his The Godfather movies. In a taped interview due to air on AMC’s Sunday Morning ShootOut this Sunday, Coppola said that the studio had never mentioned its plans to release a Godfather videogame. “I knew nothing about it. They never asked me if I thought it was a good idea,” Coppola said. Calling Coppola’s movie, “one of history’s most revered masterpieces,” Electronic Arts says on it website that the game, due to be released in the fall, “serves as inspiration for the game as gamers will join the Corleone family and earn respect through loyalty and fear.” Coppola says that he was able to get a preview of the game. “They use the characters everyone knows … and then for the next hour they shoot and kill each other. I had absolutely nothing to do with the game and I disapprove.”

- So potentially the “very last” Dreamcast game came out in Japan. It’s a shooter (surprise!) and it’s called Trizeal. You can check out the game in motion here.

Now the game has gotten a bit of notoriety due to an “SOS” that the developers gave out in which they explained the rocky history of the game. Its seriously a compelling, almost sad, account of one person’s goal to create the games that he wants to play, and possible others, in the face of so many difficulties. You can check out the English version here. And that game that never was, “Project LAMBDA” doesn’t look half bad.

I now have to get this game. I’m still kicking myself for not getting Border Down when I had the chance. As for it being the last Dreamcast game ever, well I always assumed that Senkou no Ronde (another shooter, this one a shooter/fighter) will eventually be making its way.
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- As for non-gaming, but movie/television/music video news, word on the street is that the new Hitchhikers Guide To The Universe flick is really bad. Its been said that those unfamiliar with the book will be confused, and those who are will be pissed.

Fuck. And it was my most anticipated film this summer too. I’ll still see it of course, and I’m sure Mos Def will still rock. I guess there’s still the new Batman flick, which for some reason, I’m not so excited about, despite Christopher Nolan’s involvement.

- The Tribeca Film Fest is opening up next week and headlining the event is 2046, the recent Wong Kar Wai flick that I’ve been waiting to see for year, despite all the mediocre reviews.

I’ve still yet to see Stephen Chow’s Kung Fu Hustle; most people think I’m on crack when I say that Shoalin Soccer wasn’t the greatest thing ever. Sorry, but nothing yet has come close to touching his masterpiece, God of Cookery. Though I might be biased since I’m such an Iron Chef fan.

- Oh, and here’s a trailer for trailer for the latest flick from Teruo Ishii, called Screwed. Oh, as they say in the biz, it’s NSFW. I’m sure I don’t have to explain that it stands for Not Safe For Work, but to be on the safe side…

- Chris Cunnigham, better known as “that other dude” from the Director’s Label series, is set to finally release Rubber Johnny (the teaser trailer is on his DVD). You can check out the official site here, and find out more info, plus read an interview, here.

- Spike Jonze, one of the other guys on the Directors Label, has a new television commercial. You’ve all probably seen it by now (I’m not sure if its one the air since I can’t check; I haven’t watched TV in close to a month!), but even if you have, perhaps maybe its worth seeing again; his totally awesome Adidas ad.

- Speaking of commercials, the creator of this site really likes that new Burger King chicken sandwich.

- Again, I don’t have cable, so maybe this is all over the airwaves, but here’s the video for the Chemical Brothers.

- Here’s another robot vid, with dinosaurs!

- And here’s yet another robot vid, this one with chickens. And the internet?

- I’m not a huge fan of cute things bleeding and killing each other, but this vid is really well animated, plus I dig the music. The fact that it looks like a really nice Super Nintendo game also helps.

3 comments

04/12/2005

Not Enough Claire Redfields

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

I honestly can’t tell you why I get so excited for ICON each year. I’ve been going for, I think five, maybe six, years now, and it’s never gotten old for me. Its not like its the fanciest, polished, most star studded convention out there. It just has the charm of a small, quaint sci-fi/fantasy con, but on a much bigger scale. And I simply enjoy rubbing shoulders with good old-fashioned nerds, not the “cool” variant that you see in films and TV shows today; the ones that still get goofed on for liking Star Wars a little “too much” or simply opt to stay holed up somewhere (most likely in a basement apartment with no windows), away from potential ridicule. Its their own time out of year to be proud of their obsession, to dress like their favorite anime character or a member of some D&D race if they want, and to meet others, face to face, who are in the same boat.

- This time around, Jason and I decided to begin our trip extra early. For some reason, it took about 8 hours to get to the con last year, but this time around there was relatively no problems and took far less time. Make no mistake, we did get lost on the way; no matter how many times you’ve gone to the same place, and no matter how “prepared” you might be with maps and directions, you will get lost, it’s guaranteed. The roads are quite simply, a total fucking horror show.

So we got to the hotel early and had some time to kill, and there was a Dave & Busters near by, so we went there. We all know how disappointing the arcade scene is these days, but thankfully there was a few decent Sega games to be found. Plus much to my surprise, the D&B card that Dave’s cousin Lisa gave me from my trip to San Diego from three years ago still worked, and it had like $30 worth of credit on them!

Jason had never played Ferrari F355 Challenge, so we gave that for a spin. Virtua Cop 3 was present, and it was my first encounter with the game; for some reason, I had a real hard time using both the foot pedal and shooting off screen to reload (I kept thinking it had Time Crisis’ foot petal for reloading and ducking mechanics). There was also Maze of the King, another light gun shooter which I had previously seen back home at Chuckie Cheese’s. Its like House of the Dead but with an Egyptian motif with randomized level segments. And there was a eight player linked Daytona USA which, of course, is a required play for me.

Plus there was a non Sega game called Tokyo Super Cop which Carmen, my editor at Nick Mag, had mentioned playing a while ago that I finally got to try out. Its like a 3D version of APB with a slight futuristic anime tinge. The game sported a sweet moving seat, and the game’s handling and physics was simply fantastic, but the game was just too fucking hard! After multiple attempts, neither Jason or I could even touch our target’s vehicle, and we were on the easiest setting. That stuff might work at home, but certainly not in the arcade.

Anyway, we got something to eat afterwards and went to the con. Even on a Friday evening, which is traditionally the slowest, the place was packed. I had one panel that night, which went okay. Met up with Dave afterwards, and we all headed back to the hotel for dinner, which was Applebee’s, an ICON tradition.

- The next day was the bulk of my panels, and for the most part, they all went well except for one: Girl Gamers. I still can’t believe that I was given shit for wanting more and better games for women.

My argument was that games today not only fail to appeal to the female quotient, but many titles insult their intelligence and scare them away from the very idea that video games might possibly offer something for them. There are numerous studies out there that show that more women would be into gaming if what was out there wasn’t so overtly misogynistic. On the panel with me were two women, who quite frankly were just there to offer a female voice (both admitted to only playing a few games), which is fine and all, but neither had much opinion on the subject.

But like I said, I got flack for my beliefs, primarily from two people: one guy tried acting smart by going: “I find it so ironic that you’re a guy who thinks there should be better games for girls, yet those two are girls and they don’t care.” Well, I couldn’t help it if the two girls aren’t into gaming enough to think about such things (though the very reason that they aren’t more into gaming could be due to the “boy’s only” stigma). And I didn’t want to come off as a dick by going into a “Well, I’m a working professional” spiel, but I am, and I happen to care about the direction of video games, and want to see as many people enjoy them as possible without any perceived associations of sex getting in the way. Anyone who’s passionate about anything tends to be concerned over such kind of “tivial” matters. But then he made the fatal error of saying “Hey, it’s obviously a guy’s market. If it’s selling, it’s working”, which is such bullshit, since it basically says that if it something is popular, it must be good. That’s like saying every top ten movie, record, or TV show is good. But my notion that if there were better games for girls might create a larger contingency of female gamers was lost on some folks it seemed (though not everyone, thank God).

Then there was this other girl who gave me grief for pointing out how annoying it is that being a nerd is now socially “acceptable”, thanks to blessing of retail America (well, I guess I should expect my singling out of Hot Topic… and how the kind of people who wear those video game themed t shirts today were the same types of folks to laugh at actual gamers back in the day… would not go well with a teenage audience). This girl was, what you would call, the typical vocal gamer chick, the one’s that are constantly barking “Yeah, I’m a girl, and I’m fucking hot, and I fucking play video games, and all the guys wanna fuck me, but I’m so good that I kick all their asses!!!” There’s one every year, and I finally had to deal with one head on. And of course, all she wanted to really do is hog the spotlight by talking about herself and get into arguments with everyone else; at one point she literally said to one guy “I just PWNED you!” and I totally wanted to just punch her in the face.

- My later panels relating to internet behavior was, as expected, quite lively. For the flamewars and trolls topic, I referred to some recent highlights on the GAF, including how one member sold naked pics of his girlfriend for money towards a PSP. And speaking of the GAF, I finally met another member in real life, which was a pleasant surprise, and thankfully it was another person who was already a cool person in my head, just by going what he said on the board. Plus another GAF colleague made an appearance, someone I’ve know for some time; this person took my class and I never even realized that he was from the board till afterwards! Both instances simply reinforced my mantra of never getting involved in flamewars if at all possible since there’s a good chance that you will meet those online personas in real life eventually.

Though I did mention in the panel that even real life encounters haven’t stopped me from giving a certain quotient a hard time: furries. I have nothing against what they do, but as I’ve said countless times before, if you’re a grown man who chooses to dress like a sexy raccoon, and wants the whole world to know, expect some fucking flack. And thank God, the whole audience seemed to feel the same exact way: they’re just as fucking annoyed by their goddamn antics, which is rather holier than though and elitist (word has it that all of the furry events required folks to know some secret password that was circulated on furry forums beforehand). There’s actually a strong contingency of furries online who seriously hate my guts for the things I’ve said, so it was nice to be with like minded people. One of the folks, which was actually one of my fellow panelists in the Girl Gamers topic, is in the same boat. She’s a mod at the Something Awful forums, who also have a war with them.

- Another strange moment: in the internet addiction topic, I mentioned how its a combination of a very good and a very bad. Its immediacy and ease of use is easily one of its greatest assets, but its permanence can be quite damaging. Say a friend told me I was an asshole. it would hurt, but I could just brush it off. But if a friend emailed me that I was an asshole, it would hurt ten times as much since it was in writing. And as time went, I would be prone to dwell on the words written, and would even go so far as to imagine what the words would sound like being said, in various different tones. And I’d like to think others would feel the same way.

Not some of my fellow panelists. One just looked at me and said, in a combination of disgust and pity, “My God, now that’s internet addiction.”

- But by far the most popular panel was one called “How To Pick Up Chicks”. It was sort of a pseudo-sequel to “Gamer Sex” which Dave and I still talk about; it was a panel from years back that was conducted by some girls who gave out advice to other girls on how to get their boyfriends to stop playing D&D and to have sex with them. One suggestion was to have the game board tattooed on their back, so the bf can play the game while doing doggie style.

It was supposed to be tongue-in-check, but it was somewhat unclear if the audience was in on the joke. Its like every nerd from every high school, the ones who lie about having a girl friend in Canada, all agreeing in unison that having “a babe” when your a dungeon master, is not indeed not all that’s cracked up to be. Yeah, the true highlight was the audience, and so long as I live, I will never get the image of that creepy fat guy with the oafish smile, who was so fat that he could barely fit into the college style, half-desk chairs. In between the bottom of his belly and his genitalia was a towel, which I saw him remove and put behind his head to act as pillow as he leaned against the wall. The towel, even from a distance, looked damp. Another thing I’ll never forget: the smell.

Anyway, what was presented this year was simply a straightforward hour of actual advice on how to approach women. The girl behind it was someone whom I shared a panel with last year, one on magic and technology, which was also with “Lockane”, some crazy goth pirate who went on a tirade for the most part, which included a proclamation that he could shoot fireballs from his mind and even fly, but everyone’s “close-mindedness” was what was stopping him. Like I said, real advice was given this time around, and while folks still found the whole topic funny, you could tell that everyone was doing their best to take note of every single little thing said.

The advice itself, while being rather obvious in most cases, was quite revelatory to almost everyone in the audience (especially when it came to the personal hygiene component, which they desperate need help with), and extremely sound. Everything was covered, from personal grooming, to approaching women, and even how to deal with the dreaded “friend zone” which every guy has had to deal with. And the way she laid things out was still extremely enlightening, and even I learned a thing or two. Guess it helps that she’s bi, so playing on both sides of the team would offer extra insight I suppose.

- No trip to ICON is complete without a visit to the dealer’s room, where you can find all the stuff one would expect at a con: toys, comics, DVDs, art books, autographed pics of character from Star Wars that you don’t recognize but other sure as hell do, hentai, swords. Back in the day, I would spend hours checking out all the cool stuff, and would blow a ton of money on just a fraction of it. But not these days. Blame in on the internet, which has made nothing new, and everything a whole lot cheaper in some cases.

This marks the very first year where I did not buy a single video game soundtrack. The only I did get for myself is an Akira artbook that I’ve wanted for literally years. It’s slightly banged up, but hey its old and rare, so the $60 seemed fair to me. Course, I get home and fine the same thing on eBay for $25, mint….

Plus I got a small Steel Battalion toy, one of those that’s sealed in a box but you don’t know what you’re getting (which I believe was a concept that those Transformers PVC introduced and made popular) which I can’t stand. At least all the possible mechs looks cool. Speaking of, there were about a dozen different variants of the same thing with Transformers, but I’d have to spend about $150 to get the three figures I’d really want, so I passed.

The one oddball item which I always debate on getting on this year was a universal remote that resembles an old Famicom controller, but I have a tough time programming those in English, so I knew the Japanese instructions would be a real hassle.

I actually started getting a bit pissed when I couldn’t find something for MK. There were a few shirts, but all they had were XXL (well, folks had to stock up on the sizes that most people would want). One guy had a really cute stuffed toy, but it had obviously been handled quite a bit and was dirty, so I asked if he had another, fresh one. He was instantly annoyed and went digging, eventually pulling out another, equally dirty plush. When I then changed my mind, he got all pissed by stating “Well, you handled it.” What a fucktard, but those type of sellers at ICON (or any con really) are not exactly uncommon. I’m just glad the worst offender, who was this dude that sold 9th generation VHS tapes of Japanese only episodes of Tranformers and Sailor Moon is long out of business (for obvious reasons).

- Another tradition that is not be missed is a stroll through the art show, which is where fans, inspired by what they love, create art to show their devotion and display it for the world to enjoy. It sounds like a really mean thing to do, but Dave and I just love going around and checking out (and laughing at) all the cheesily drawn colored pencil drawings of Captain Picard or whatever else sci-fi icon as a buxom furry. A personal fave has to be one that depicts a huge assortments of science fiction and fantasy figureheads all together for the first time, those that are in the B range: a guy from Babylon 5, the evil salt and shaker looking robots from Dr Who, the chick Star Trek captain I think, Angel, etc. Though my new personal fave has to be a rendition of that classic scene in Gremlins where the one flashes Phoebe Cates.

- This year I finally got to see the Bloody Ape, a Super 8 flick that was the center piece of a topic on independent film making that I checked out many years ago. I distinctly recall my question to the creators of the film, which was something along the lines of “What do you guys think of snuff films” Getting a strong “We really don’t deal with such things. We feel that it is not art.” This from a guy who made a movie about some ape that goes around raping and killing women.

So yeah, I finally saw the movie, and its awesome! The titular character doesn’t kill just women, but men too, plus he just doesn’t strangle them and eat the victim’s guts, he can even drive and run over people. And like good exploitation flicks, it plenty racists, with plenty of demeaning depictions of blacks and jews. Two thumbs up!

- Id be lying if I didn’t admit to ogling cute girls in cosplay as another definite highlight. Naruto seemed to be the popular thing this year (no surprise there). I have an affinity of for chicks who dress up as Claire Redfield (from Resident Evil 2/Code Veronica), and there was one or two, but the most popular RE character was Mila Jovovich’s Alice from the movies. Lame.

- The last ICON introduced me to Mugen, the open source fighting game which allows for every single fighting character from every game (and then some) to face off against each other, and I was dying to see more this year. And again, the game room proved to be the most frustrating aspect of the con. First off, why the hell weren’t everyone in the room going ape shit over this thing?! Am I that out of the loop that its such “old news”? Personally speaking, seeing Super Mario vs Sonic, Mega Man vs Sub Zero, or Ms. Pac Man vs the block from Pong will never get old. But everyone there just cares about the same old, same old fighting games. Yeah, Super Smash Bros and Marvel vs. Capcom 2 is great and all, but why can’t fighting aficionados at least something new a chance, and possible risk losing a round or two just for the fun of it? It also doesn’t help that whoever’s playing it never wants to try the 1,000+ wacky characters available, but just still to the four same Street Fighter Alpha characters. Super lame.

Plus there was a DDR machine, and its always fun to see people who really know how to play (plus those who really shouldn’t even try). And the game room easily took the title for smelliest room, by a long shot (and that’s say a lot).

- As much fun it was talk about games, it got really tiring by the end. Plus, as much as I enjoy public speaking, I’m really not that sharp when it comes to dealing with some of the folks that ICON brings together. It requires a great deal of patience, and during the Art of Gaming panel, the last one after a grueling speaking schedule, I was too tired to be skillfully deal with this one kid who is, to put it bluntly, was totally brain-dead. For example, when talking about the thinking that went into designing Sonic the Hedgehog, which was meant to be a counterpoint to Mario, he let us all know that “I really like Halo” or when discussing the problem with game technology becoming too advanced for designers, he chimed in with “I have a Nintendo SP.” And his proclamation that “Graphics is the most important thing in a game.” really went over well with the rest of the audience as one might imagine.

- By the end of Sunday, there was that feeling in the air. All the cute cosplay chicks and World of Warcraft elves get a little quieter and start thinking about getting back to the real world. Plus when that nerd B.O. smell starts permeating all over the place (hey, have you guess by now that nerds have a tendency to smell bad?), you just know that its time to go. But it was a real blast, and the first time that I got to see and check out pretty much everything. Hell, at one point, Jason and I were so bored that we saw some hentai with messed up audio, which resulted in a Mystery Science Theater 3000 kind of reaction from the audience. Was it funny? Of course not. About the only thing I missed was seeing some poor guy dressed as the Crow getting yelled at my some drunk groomsmen from a wedding party at the same hotel, 1 in the morning, but oh well.

Can’t wait for next year!

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